Paul's Thursday Reviews CCXXXIV · 9:30pm Jan 7th, 2021
Ah, the first blog of the new year. I’m back to doing my regular job and trying to write. It’s proving slow going. Frustratingly so. I’ll probably spend much of this month just trying to force myself back into the game. My crippling video game addiction is the first thing that needs to be tackled, as it reared its ugly head with a vengeance over the break.
Eh, it’s nothing I haven’t beaten back before. Just gotta crank the ol’ willpower switch a few times before the engine can start again. Fingers crossed on getting the next BPH released this year. For all intents and purposes, it should have been released last year. I am displeased with myself over that failure.
Still, new year, new hopes. Let’s try to maintain our optimism, shall we? To the reviews.
Stories for This Week:
The Celestia Code by iisaw
Prismatic by FloydienSlip
Vice Principal Luna Has Pretty Eyes by Quillamore
Searching For Starlight by NeverEatTheLemonsAlone
Dazzle's Poor Career Choice by Eyeswirl the Weirded
The Two with Good Taste by taterforlife
The Phoenix Festival by Trick Question
Power Ponies: The Storm Unleashed by Darksonickiller
"The Great and Powerful Trixie does not cuddle!" by The Bricklayer
A Glimmer of Hope in the Black by Flashgen
Total Word Count: 147,185
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 4
Worth It: 5
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
The Celestia Code
69,855 Words
By iisaw
When Twilight discovers a hidden treasure trove of historical literature in Canterlot Castle, she comes upon the writings of rebel and archaeologist Sharphoof. The research therein features hints of a secret related to Celestia from ancient times, secrets of a less-than-noble nature. Obsessed with an opportunity for new knowledge, she takes on an assistant named Jigsaw and goes on a Royal Vacation to the Badlands in search of a ruin lost to history. It would be so much easier if the area didn’t happen to be in changeling territory…
At last, I can see what all the fuss is about. I’d heard of this story before, but wasn’t really aware of it until the Bronycon Bookstore in 2019, where I was amazed to watch copies of it fly off the shelves (I imagine iisaw was equally startled). It was then I concluded I had to add it to my RiL and see why it was such a big deal.
What we get is a fully realized adventure with all the best elements one could ask for in a story. It’s got Twilight being adorkable; I could stop this review now, because what more does a story need? Oh, how about a second Twilight in the form of Jigsaw, who is also adorkable and delightfully endearing. I love that she’s no slouch in her field despite having gotten into Canterlot Academy on an athletics scholarship, and it is a testament to iisaw’s ability to connect seemingly disparate things together that this little tidbit proves very important near the end of the story.
We’ve got a total revision of changeling history into something compelling, which manages to make Chrysalis a sympathetic creature without sacrificing her threatening presence. There are new monsters to fight and escape, magical theory, and even a cypher and historical puzzle to put together. We’ve got Luna being awesome – again, I could stop this review right now if I wanted – and Celestia not incompetent for a change. There’s the secret origins of King Sombra and an evil demigod in the making. Add in hints of romance, both real and unrequited, and Twilight’s related and regular social stumbles.
And all of this is wrapped up neatly by a conversational, light tone of narrative that doesn’t suppress the seriousness of what’s happening, but also knows how to keep the story fun at all times. Truly, The Celestia Code is the full package.
I can see why this story is so popular. I have every intention of reading the sequel. If you haven’t read this for some reason, get to it as soon as you can.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Hooves of Clay (Story deleted… apparently) — Pretty Good!
Prismatic
2,032 Words
By FloydienSlip
It’s Rarity’s birthday, and she’s drunk. Which is fine. Ponies can get drunk on their birthday. What’s not fine is a drunk Rarity hanging off of a not-at-all-drunk Rainbow Dash in front of dozens of ponies during a party at Sugarcube Corner.
This simultaneously is and isn’t what you’re probably thinking. Yes, Rainbow and Rarity are hiding an interest in one another that alcohol is threatening to let out. No, it does not end in fluffy snuggles and cuddles. This story seems to be about capturing the start of a potential romance instead of the romance itself. Or perhaps Floydien Slip wanted to scare Rainbow into trying an indoors Sonic Rainboom.
Either way, the story is alternate times entertaining and endearing, even with its unexpectedly anticlimactic conclusion. If some light shipping and Rarity being drunk-affectionate towards Rainbow sounds like something that may appeal to you, there’s no reason not to give this a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Chill — Pretty Good!
Look on Down From the Bridge — Pretty Good
The Division Bell — Worth It
Vice Principal Luna Has Pretty Eyes
2,992 Words
By Quillamore
It’s Final’s Week, and that means a lot of nonsensical shenanigans from overstressed students trying desperately not to fail. This is all derailed when Sunset Shimmer realizes that her vice principal has the most beautiful eyes ever. To make things even stranger, it turns out that pretty much every other student in school agrees.
This is a strange one. As far as I can tell, it serves no purpose other than to be weird. Which I’m fine with. It’s a little bit of goofiness to pass the time, with topics ranging from dangerous theme parks to singing snowmen in bathrooms. ...that makes it sound even weirder than it actually is, and I have to question where the heck Quillamore went to school to think that’s just a normal Finals Week experience.
I think my point is made. This is a silly story for silliness’s sake. If that’s what you’re after, then by all means give this a go.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
If You Give a Little Love... — Worth It
If You Need a Little Faith... — Worth It
Searching For Starlight
2,374 Words
By NeverEatTheLemonsAlone
She was born in the heat of Creation, at a time when Time itself was new and spry. Her one and only goal: to find the Sun.
NeverEatTheLemondsAlone is apparently fixated on Celestia’s history, origins, and death. Every story I’ve read by them so far is related to the subject in some way. In this instance, we learn that Celestia is literally the soul of a star, who exists purely for the sake of being one with that star. Not told in chronological order – and I am clueless as to why – it relates her long journey through the cosmos to find her other half, what happens when she finally does, and how her life ends.
I think this is the best of the author’s works so far. It isn’t flowery, but neither is it boring. It’s just descriptive enough to entice the imagination but vague enough to let us do most of the work on our own. Best of all, it provides a delightful concept behind Celestia as a creature beyond the ken of mortal beings such as the ponies she ruled over for thousands of years.
An interesting piece. Definitely give it a go.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Shine Once More, Before The End — Pretty Good
Gravestones — Worth It
Pages in the Notebook — Needs Work
Dazzle's Poor Career Choice
13,173 Words
By Eyeswirl the Weirded
Sunset learns from Rarity that Adagio Dazzle has taken on a job as night security at the crummy pizza joint Flippy Fatbear’s. Which is bad: stories say that the animatronic mascots there tend to be… violently territorial at night. Fearing for her former foe’s safety, she grabs her gun and heads out to intervene in Adagio’s first shift.
When I first saw this story, I rolled my eyes and skipped it. This isn’t due to any dislike for the Five Nights at Freddy’s franchise. On the contrary, while I’ve only played one game in it (the first), I’m very interested in the surprisingly complex lore surrounding the games. But even then, you have to admit that the concept of FNAF is so silly on its face that trying to make a serious story of it crossed over with MLP is, while not impossible, absolutely certain to fail horrendously when handled by most authors.
Buuut it turns out that this is the first in a series of stories, and one of those caught my eye. I wanted to read it, but not without knowing the prior events first. Which meant I had to grit my teeth and take this on.
Let’s be clear: the concept behind this is still stupid. We’ve got a restaurant that is well known for having dangerous mascots that tend to get murdery at night – so well known that people not associated with it at all believe this to be fact. Yet somehow this restaurant chain isn’t out of business and people are still willing to work there. And how is it the local gossip Rarity, who knows everything about everything because of her wide range of connections, isn’t aware of this issue… but Sunset is? There are so many holes in this story.
All that being said, Starswirl the Weirded still managed to create an interesting and fun piece. How? By turning away from horror entirely and making this into a comedy piece with light SunDagio shipping. Tons of things are poked fun at, from the story’s own ridiculous premise to our two protagonists. There’s even some nice relationship growth in there, enough to make the potential relationship believable. I particularly love how Adagio’s floof renders her immune from being targeted by the animatronics – because they’re looking for human-like forms and her hair makes her look like something completely different in low-res. I don’t know why, but that tickled me pink.
If you can get past the fact that this whole story is meant to be a spoof of FNAFs while still having some decent character interaction going on, then you should enjoy this. Best of all, no actual knowledge of FNAF is required. The barest concept of the games’ premises will be enough. So read this if you feel like a bit of comedy in a nonsensical setting. I look forward to seeing what the later entries involve.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Sucker for a Cute Face — WHYRTY?
Blueblood Takes Over Equestria — Worth It
The Two with Good Taste
8,927 Words
By taterforlife
Requested by taterforlife
Everywhere she goes, Fluttershy always hears the same thing: Discord is ugly, Discord is indecent, Discord has no place standing next to a pretty mare like her. It keeps her up at night. Don’t their words hurt him? Doesn’t he feel shame? Surely he’s just putting on a brave face. But Discord isn’t ugly. If only she could get them to realize that…
In short: Fluttershy thinks Discord is quite handsome, and he knows it.
This is a FlutterCord fic, so those who don’t ship it may not be all that interested. But it works in how taterforlife treats the characters. Discord knows there is romance budding between them but, because acknowledging that is too easy and not any fun, wants to let Fluttershy recognize her feelings on her own. It feels like a very… Discord way of going about it, and I wholeheartedly approve. Make no mistake, Discord being Discord is the selling point of this story. If you’re a fan of his antics, this will be right up your ally.
I think my only concern is that the hecklers arguing with Shy and her friends felt a little… plastic. Like their meanness wasn’t real, but an act put on for the sake of the event. I don’t know, maybe it’s just that I’ve never met anyone that legitimately and openly mean. I get why the author had to have these things happen, but I don’t feel like they approached it properly. What makes this worse is that I’m not exactly sure how “properly” is defined in this case. Fluttershy and her friends were fine, it was the ponies calling Discord ugly who felt off.
Even so, this is a pleasant little bit of Fluttercord that will surely please the fans of that particular ship, or romance fans in general. I’d also recommend it for any fans of either character. It’s on the razor’s edge of two of my ratings, but I think I’ll be kind and give it that extra boost, so...
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
The Phoenix Festival
9,579 Words
By Trick Question
Requested by Trick Question
Shining Armor wakes up one morning to find that over a century has passed since he last closed his eyes. It turns out that, somehow, Cadance and the Crystal Heart have managed to bring him back to life as a young stallion after his death. Cadance herself has no idea how or why this happens, but this is apparently the fourth time it has. As he prepares to start a new life and rediscover his world, however, Shining begins to wonder if things are as they seem…
I’ll admit, this isn’t at all what I was expecting. Which is a good thing, of course. I won’t spoil the big reveal, of course, but I will say that this story at least indirectly plays with the whole “immortality sucks” trope. As usual, Trick Question demonstrates a talent for twists and providing the unexpected.
The problem for me is that I never felt much of the atmosphere of the story. That’s entirely because the author avoided putting on any direct display of it. Whenever events happen, you are clearly intended to react to the “what” on your own. Some of the things happening here, which are clearly intended to be viewed as horrible, had zero effect on me. This is partially because I’m an old hand at reading and reviewing stories with disturbing events and, having become accustomed to such things, am not so easily affected. The other is that Trick Question simply says “this is what happened”, and leaves it up to us to determine how to feel about it.
Is this a flaw? To be wholly honest: no, I don’t think so. It does require a certain type of reader to really get into the events, though. Particularly, the kind of who can see events happening without any emotional input and still get emotional over it. I’ve seen stories written like this that can be very effective – heck, I even tried my hand at doing it one or twice. So I can’t fault Trick Question’s intentions. It may be that there’s something else missing that would have helped me grow attached to this one, but at the moment I’m unsure what that could have been.
Regardless, this is a story with some heavy moral conundrums. The most curious thing to me is how TQ ended it on a quiet, even anticlimactic note. It almost feels like the author is intentionally leaving things open so that the audience can decide for themselves what the proper course of action should be. Which, considering the topic at hand, makes perfect sense.
Overall, I must approve. I’m not fond of how this is written, but I like the subject matter, the overarching mystery, and the indecisiveness of the conclusion. Give it a read if you feel like facing some moral quandaries.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
The Price of a Smile — WHYRTY?
The Clarity of Darkness — WHYRTY?
Broken Symmetry — WHYRTY?
Familiar — WHYRTY?
Winter Heat — WHYRTY?
Power Ponies: The Storm Unleashed
29,894 Words
By EdgelordDarksonickiller
In collaboration with Word Worthy
Requested by Darksonickiller
In an event that shocks all of Maretropolis, the Mane-iac not only defeats the Power Ponies amidst a museum heist, but uses the opportunity to coldly murder their esteemed member, Zapp. Except that Zapp’s body is nowhere to be found. The search is on to find out what happened to Zapp and defeat the Mane-iac. What the remaining Power Ponies don’t know, however, is that there are other dangers out there…
I’ve never done anything in relation to the Power Ponies canon, and to date I think I’ve only ever read one story that specifically involves them. After some research, it looks to me like the authors decided to take the concept of these characters in their own direction rather than taking any queues from existing Power Pony lore. Since there doesn’t seem to be a lot of lore to be found, I’m perfectly fine with this.
I find the entire tone of the story… questionable. Sometimes it reads like a mature story, complete with dying characters and significant dangers and, in one case, extended torture. But then it goes to a lot of humor-centric methods that are not only stereotypical of comic books, but stereotypical in all the wrong ways. It’s as if Darksonickiller and Word Worthy had never read a real comic in their lives and based the entire depiction on what the media and maybe their parents told them they were like. The end result is a head-scratching mixture of over-the-top “justice will prevail, you fiend!” type silliness and an actual, bonafide story for mature audiences.
And I’m not sure how to take that. I like the serious bits. I don’t like the exaggerated superhero bits. Yet at the same time, I can’t tell if it was a bad decision. It’s entirely possible that the authors intended for this strange dichotomy, and if so I’d be willing to let it go as a part of their overarching, if nebulous, goals. But I don’t know that. All I know is that there are two entirely different and opposite atmospheres fighting for dominance in this story, and it feels like the balance wasn’t well maintained.
Even so, I do like the overarching story. It’s a little slow, the first half serving mostly as a who’s who gallery of villains for the surviving Power Ponies to deal with rather than any real advancement of the plot. Once you get past all that, though, we end up with an interesting, if shallow, look at a family rivalry, an OP villain, and a hero’s sacrifice. Nothing amazing, but certainly worth my time.
Of the overarching story, I only had two complaints. The first is the Mane-iac, who starts the story as the Villain to Beat after she manages to get hold of an artifact that apparently makes her current powers significantly stronger… only for her to go down like a wimp in the next encounter. It makes the entire opening scene feel wasted.
The second is the fight against the real villain. A villain who happens to be overpowered for no reason at all. The stallion proves perfectly capable of fighting all the Power Ponies and defeating them with a yawn and a shrug. How? Why? Where does this strength come from, what are his abilities, why is he capable of using them in ways that perfectly match each of his opponents’ powers? I’m especially annoyed by his ability to defeat Fili-Second, who of all of them had more than enough ability to defeat him but somehow, miraculously, not only fails to use her powers to do so but witnesses him match them. It’s like suggesting The Flash is too slow to defeat your above-average person.
But aside from those odd decisions, I enjoyed the story overall. It could have had a much better grasp on its atmosphere – both in terms of choosing one and portraying it in the narrative – and the overarching plot is far simpler than it could be, but it is still a fun little superhero tale that is sure to please anyone looking to explore more stories about the Power Ponies. I especially liked the hints to some of the characters’ pasts. It would be nice to see this expanded into something larger, but I guess I’m willing to settle for this.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
No More Magic — Worth It
"The Great and Powerful Trixie does not cuddle!"
2,070 Words
By The Bricklayer
Sequel to Trixie's Confession, Twilight's Shock
Marefriends Twilight and Trixie are enjoying a book together when the princess gets the idea to start cuddling. Imagine her surprise when Trixie says no.
I read the previous story solely because I wanted to read this one. That story was… in need of a lot of work. Even so, I’m now glad I read it. Although there’s only around 5-6 months separating the two, this one demonstrates a vast improvement.
Bricklayer’s writing here is still entirely too direct and telly to get any proper emotions across and there is still improvement to be had in terms of setting and atmosphere. However, the overarching writing style is significantly less convoluted and repetitive, the behavior of the characters makes sense (the biggest issue with the last story by far), and I get an impression that this is a conversation Trixie and Twilight could actually have together.
This story is more or less exactly what you’d expect, following all the tired, traditional tropes of Orphan Trixie. I’m willing to let that image slide in light of what I’ve seen. Some improvements are still needed, but the fact that there have already been a few in such a short time gives me hope for this author.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Trixie's Confession, Twilight's Shock — Needs Work
A Glimmer of Hope in the Black
7,236 Words
By Flashgen
Sequel to A FLEet|ng LIght |n thE DArknEsS
In the previous story, Twilight Sparkle left a journal behind detailing the mysterious events behind the disappearance of the entire citizenry of Ponyville. An investigation into the area has brought forth another journal of these events, one buried underground and apparently written by Applejack.
Like its predecessor, potential readers have to go into this one with the right mindset in order for what it is saying to evoke any fear. That being the mindset of a person who can hear “the dog died” and start blubbering from those three words alone. I am not that kind of person though, and I did not enter this story with the proper mindset, having apparently not learned my lesson from the prior story. A pity.
Once again, the story is written in journal format. And while FlashGen again manages to avoid the worst and most common pitfalls of this style, their direct, to-the-point manner fails to really capture Applejack’s mindset. Every scene read more or less the same to me, which is a big problem. Again, had I gone into it wanting to be scared, it may not have been an issue. Still, I would have appreciated a more… “experimental” approach to the writing to better get into Applejack’s head.
Still, I’m very interested in seeing how this all plays out. The atmosphere might have failed for me, but the plot did not. What’s going on? Why? Where did these things come from? What made them think Ponyville would be a good place to haunt? How do they travel? What is their goal? Who wrote that cypher at the end? And yes, I did take the time to decode it. I won’t say what it translates to, but I will say it makes me want to read the next story.
The story lacks in the emotive department for me, but it wins in a lot of other ways. I have every intention of continuing this series.
Bookshelf: Worth It
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
No Foals — Pretty Good!
A FLEet|ng LIght |n thE DArknEsS — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
My True Self by _Undefined_
“Where Is My Daughter?” by The Sleepless Beholder
Far From the Limelight by Some Leech
Hole In The Wall by jmj
Crystal Waters by SparkBrony
Tiger Bloom by Tundara
King's Puzzle by FerociousCreation
According to Plan! by The Buck It Bros
Risk Aware Consensual Pony by Neon Czolgosz
Highs and Lows by Soufriere
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*snicker*
Thanks for the review and yeah the thing about me is I pick up shit fast. The more I work at stuff the more I improve. You're still in the 'could do better' era but glad you're noticing improvement.
Appreciate the review. I will say the last two parts take a sudden change in formatting, though I can't promise if the emotional impact improves. I feel I delivered a bit on the explanations, without completely unmasking the terror, but I know readers will always see things potentially differently.
Haven't read any of these, but a few comments.
TQ's story does ring a bell a bit, but it's not marked as read for me. I might have read it if it was a write-off entry from years ago, but I'm not sure, and I don't recall any details about it.
iisaw features an OC named Jigsaw? Hmmmmmm. Ahh, I kid. iisaw's a good writer and wouldn't create a stupid self-insert.
I have had to read several FNAF crossovers, but thankfully none in years now. That fad passed quickly. I never read one that was any good, but I haven't seen this one before. Maybe comedy is the way to keep it fresh?
Thank you for the very kind review!
5431001
If I had it to do over, I probably would change her name because of the Saw movies (which I've never seen). Several people asked me if it was a reference or connection to the bad guy in those films!
I can't believe I never noticed that before!
Thanks for the review of “Prismatic,” Paul. It was originally intended to be a more “traditional” shipfic, but I ended up severely truncating it for various reasons. It was not the story I was going to write, but I’m happy with what’s there.
5431017
You can always edit a fix in, unless it's published and you don't want to do another printing.
I rather frequently fix up my stories. I can't help it.
I'll probably edit this comment four more times.
5438512
I do the same thing! I don't know what my record is for number of edits to a single comment, but it's a lot.
I don't think the name's a big deal, and I've sold hundreds of copies of the printed story, and wouldn't want to mess with it now.