- Member Since 10th Jul, 2011
- offline last seen 9 hours ago
Flashgen
Struggling to edit and write, and starting to read.
Flashgen
Joined 10th Jul, 2011 ·
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This was really well written, good job.
Rainbow Dash brought up some good points there. Unfournately the problems she mentions have always been around in society and it's highly unlikely that they'll change.
Mountain Goats reference I assume.
Most excellent. Really moving. I could just feel the tension and Rainbow's selfishness. If you didn't want to be tied down, you shouldn't have gotten married to a farmer.
2336483
I'm a little surprised someone got it so soon.
A good read - it just feels somewhat depressing. I know the tone at the end is a happy end, but... the impression throughout doesn't really sell the love between the two, even the flashbacks. It's just... missing something to really show that.
And that end came rather abruptly. The discussion happens in a few paragraphs, then bam, an end. I had been expecting more - more before the actual subject of foals appeared, and more after.
Not saying i don't like it. It gets an upvote and a favorite, for sure. Just... feels like there could be a fair bit more, is all :)
I liked this. Its an interesting take on the relationship, and I've never seen it done quite this way before. Its nice to see realistic relationship hiccups in a fiction sometimes as opposed to the more dramatic stuff - which can be great as well, its just better to have variety, if that makes sense. Overall, I quite enjoyed this and it was really well written. Thanks for sharing
I get what you're writing, and while there's plenty of genuine emotion here perhaps you could have improved this a bit. 2336857 said basically all of it first, but I really want to second the thought that the ending could have been longer to give readers more resolution. The ending shows the the two are starting to open up about the problem they've been dodging, but as a reader I only saw this, I didn't feel it.
Hey, it's this old thing!
This did seem like it would clean up nicely.
It was well-written, but a lot of it just went over my head. Maybe it's because I'm trying to read it at midnight, or because I've never been in a relationship myself, but I think I missed something... Still, gave a thumbs up because there was nothing wrong with your writing that I noticed, so... GOOD NIGHT
I was surprised when I noticed it was gay love.
It's okay though
2336710 I've actually considered writing a story with that title myself, but I never got farther than the idea for the title. I'm glad you've done something interesting with it.
I had some issues with how short this was. It might have been 9k words, but it was still too short for this story. I agree with Tchernobog, things just seemed rushed at the end. Like you just wanted to finish writing it and didn't know how to transition smoothly to an ending. It just kind of stopped. I got confused because I knew that it had the "completed" tag to it, but didn't notice more than one chapter. So I tried to look for the next chapter but there isn't one. The ending just doesn't work for this, too rushed, too short, and throughout the whole story it seemed that there were too many issues for it to get resolved that way.
I basically agree with Tcher, but I also found myself utterly displeased with Dash's portrayal in this fic, so I'm gonna have to throw a dislike, sorry.
2337081>>2337755
I think it needs a bit more balance - some flashback to happy moments, or even some more happy moments in the present. Something to show that love was there, or is still there, vs the existing problems. And as mentioned, an extension of the final scene!
2338038 what exactly did you not like about her character? She seesm, to me at least, to be acting how she would.
2338502
I just don't see how the conflict would really lead Dash to all her compulsive lying and evasion. It fits her character to do that on some level yes, but I don't feel like it was very well justified in this fic. I think tcher's elaboration also is part of it; her insistence that she's happy feels 100% baseless, even by the ending, because we see nothing really noting happiness of any kind.
2338234
Yeah. This didn't seem like there was a relationship there at all honestly. I just couldn't feel it.
Interesting idea but it bounced around so much I found it really hard to follow the thread so it fell flat for me.
2336421
Oh, so this is posted finally? And on EQD, and the Featured Box. Ah. That's pretty cool. I guess.
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/224467__safe_animated_sweetie-belle_spoiler-s03e11_51047c0c7f123b11530008a8.gif.gif
eeeeeeeeee~
Nah, but really, loved it back then, loved it now. While I'm a sucker for "happily ever after", life's rarely that simple. Tracking things down years after the marriage, seeing that everything isn't sunshine and rainbows, and painting a bleak outlook on things, it all lands pretty powerfully.
This was awesome. Can't wait for more
2337457
Why wouldn't it be?
Lemme start by saying Apple/Dash is amongst my favorite shipping combos ^^
The story was quite enjoyable, though the ending did seem a tad rushed (to be honest, I feel like there could be a bit more for a coda, though it says complete). However, I totally dig and hope for IRL Ponyville's attitude towards gay relations
Unfortunately I called it just from the chapter title early on. It wasn't apparent at first what the problem was, and it was neat to be left guessing. I could understand Dash's inner struggles, and IRL they're pretty common making them more believable. However, between being stuck in a rut with one's relationship and not being able to have kids... it just seems like she wants to run the treadmill as opposed to finding peace within herself (which every other pony seems to have found). Kids (or foals, in this case) which are had to get out of a rut generally just take said rut away for a certain amount of time. It's a finite solution and the problem is likely to come back, if not immediately then years down the lane when its even more devastating. It seemed like there was -more- going on than just that and it was just an element of the problem. It seemed like a part of Dash's personality needed to be realized and explored, and that was part of what was generating this issue. However, I got the feeling Apple Jack *will* be there for her and it was nice to see believable incompatibilities in the Apple/Dash relationship archetype.
All in all, good story.
2336857
I agree and disagree.
The execution was terrible.
The story resolves with Rainbow still blaming everyone but herself, still shutting herself out, about to bring a foal into the world despite obviously having a ton of issues with that regard...
They don't seem happy. At all. Nothing said or done in this fic seems like they've done anything but settle, all the more ironic because of Rainbow Dash's endless denial of that particular point... And then her doubt about that.
I'm sorry, but for a 'happy' ending, it just seems to me that now they're going to self-destruct spectacularly, hurt each other even more and simply put drag a child into that shit.
Great writing, terrible execution of a mediocre idea. Each individual segment was very well written, unfortunately it did not work as a cohesive whole.
2344574 I read it differently. I don't think it's a happy ending necessarily. What I like about this story is that RD holds the conviction throughout that marriage is honesty in its purest form, even when it hurts (and what a coincidence, the mare she married is the Element of Honesty). Neither AJ nor RD outwardly states, during the story, that either has the impression of leaving the other pony, but the implication that the relationship could end is there. In the end, are the two on solid ground? Maybe not much more than they were before, and interestingly we hear very little from AJ towards the end of the scene; all we know is that RD's convictions towards fixing things are strong. I think the ending is wonderfully ambiguous, and the story as a whole is complicated and sad. Really nice work.
It is weird not to see Regidar's comments on sonething.
I read up to the page break and decided I didn't give a shit. not saying it's poorly written but... it bored me pretty quickly.
I'm not sorry
Story was good but fell apart a bit at the end. I think it would have been better if the story had a sad tag and the ending was longer and less of a positive turn-around for the sake of being so.
That said if it had the sad tag I probably would have been far less likely to read it :w
In the end, Rainbow Dash is still unhappy with married life. Nothing is resolved.
And you were doing so well, too.
That was very well written. It hooked me almost at once. I'm a sucker for a happy ending, but this still had weight.
That ending didn't seem to follow.
I mean, the foal thing is an issue, but it's a pretty minor one compared to the other huge gaping problems they have. Dash is in deep denial, she lies to AJ pretty much constantly, and now she's apparently losing her mental stability. At no point does she even accept that there is a problem.
The question of foals is nothing but a distraction when the entire relationship is on the verge of falling apart. It's not a happy ending, but it's not a sad ending either. It's not an ending at all. It's halfway through the intro. We haven't even hit the inciting incident yet.
P.S. This is the sort of thing you want to find out via dating.
Hmm... it was okay. Writing was very solid, and I like the general concept, but there were definite problems. As Tchernobog said, there wasn't much of a feeling of love between them. I got the impression that they pretty much just tolerated one another, and their life. The ending was also very abrupt, with nothing resolved and (most likely) a huge mistake being planned. I would've liked to have seen the story continue for a while. It felt like there was a lot left to say. So I guess this gets a 3/5, and no thumb. I didn't like it enough for a thumbs-up, or dislike it enough for a thumbs-down.
Way too much analyzing, not enough story.
fo you plan on writing a sequel or something? like many of the comments say, the end was a bit abrupt. again if you dont decide to make sequel it is fine. i was just curious really, as to story wise it felt solid and again like some other people pointed out not much love was felt from appledash. but then again maybe you were just trying to show how things weren't good, and to your defense you did show some nice flashbacks. wish you had ended this in a more solid way but still it was good.
They don't really seem to love each other that much but I didn't really finish it. But I get where your coming from but it was really confusing.
This was unsatisfying. It wasn't so much how abrupt the resolution is and how jarringly it contradicts the negative tone of the rest of the fic, it was that nothing changed. Rainbow Dash hasn't come to terms with any of her problems or the problems with their relationship, much less taken any steps towards trying to fix them. There's no growth or development of character, no greater understanding, her perspective remains unchanged. They end in the same situation they began in. Sure, now she's open to the idea of raising a child, but that feels like such a minor problem in the face of everything else, it's inconsequential. This all felt numb and static.
A deconstruction fic?
Oh my...
I get it. RD came from a broken up family and is trying her hardest not to turn out like her parents but is anyway
I felt that this started out good but didn't really end at all.
It stopped but it had no ending.
That was disappointing cuz I thought that you had something interesting started.
I'm crying so hard right you don't even get how much this touched me.
Pleased to see this is still as good as I remember it. :)
6148967
But it's not. It's horrible and awful and I hate myself.
Thank you.
You can has review!