Paul's Thursday Reviews CCLXXVIII · 4:18pm Dec 30th, 2021
Happy New Years, folks! Still at my parents' place. Will be for the next few days. They tend to keep me busy. Or, rather, I tend to let them keep me busy. When I'm at my apartment it's all me all the time, but when I'm here I feel like my attention should be on them. I'm sure they appreciate it.
I keep for myself enough time to read for these blogs, answer a few comments, but never much for writing, so these periods tend to be a break for me in that area. I haven't been completely useless, although what I have been working on might be. One commenter asked about encyclopedic entries for Bulletproof Heart-related topics, blissfully unaware that I actually have a personal encyclopedia of such topics. But said encyclopedia was intended for my personal use and was kinda sloppy. So I decided to create a whole new one for public viewing!
I'm not going to devote too much time to this after getting some of the basics down, "basics" meaning the races and the main characters. The entries will not only detail what I know of the topics, but will also provide detailed spoilers for what I had planned for them. For instance, the only character-centric entry I have right now is for Pinkie Pie, and it explains not only where she comes from but what I intended to happen to her throughout the future installments.
Granted, this all may be useless if I never get around to finishing most of the series, which is likely. But it may serve to remind me of things for when I get into the original fiction version, so that's good. In the meantime, if there's a specific topic anyone is interested in, let me know and I may add it to the encyclopedia. The link for it can be found on my BPH Q&A blog.
Okay, time for some reviews!
Stories for This Week:
Swooping Pegasus by FenrisianBrony
Friendship is Optimal by Iceman
Six Best Friends Play Diplomacy by DagaYemar
Rarity Visits Sunset Shimmer at 4 a.m. by Soufriere
Total Word Count: 229,898
Rating System
Why Haven't You Read These Yet?: 1
Pretty Good: 3
Worth It: 0
Needs Work: 0
None: 0
Swooping Pegasus
160,085 Words
By FenrisianBrony
Rainbow Dash has entered the final stage of her Wonderbolts training; a competition with her other trainees. Whoever wins gets in. When Lightning Dust upstages her by performing a Rainboom of her own, Rainbow decides to take things up a notch and performs the inevitable next step: a Double Rainboom. She had no idea doing so would tear a hole in the fabric of reality and send her careening into a whole new universe.
Let’s just start with the obvious: this is a Warhammer 40,000 crossover. I personally know nothing whatsoever about Warhammer, so the most important thing for me was whether or not FenrisianBrony could get me into this world without demanding I know everything about it from the start. I am pleased to say they pulled that particular challenge off. There’s more than enough present to make it clear to me what’s going on, but not so much as to overwhelm or become unnecessary to the story. For that, I applaud the author.
The story, set before Discord’s reformation (but exactly when is unclear), involves Rainbow’s two-year quest to find a way back home. She starts the story on a planet called Hannibal that happens to be under assault from some monstrous aliens called Tyranids. This leads to her meeting and befriending a race of humanoids called Eldar, which are apparently the elves of the Warhammer 40k universe. That she manages to befriend them at all seems to be something of a miracle since the Eldar are apparently comprised mostly of racist assholes who generally prefer killing aliens on sight rather than giving them a chance to speak. Rainbow then spends the majority of the story on a “craft world” called Saim-Hann, joining one of the warrior castes and engaging in bloody, desperate conflicts against humans, orks, tyranids, and even demons.
Now, you may ask yourself: “What does any of this fighting have to do with getting Rainbow home?” The answer is “not much.” And yeah, I can see that being a significant problem. Rainbow regularly insists that her one and only goal is to get back to Equestria, but she spends a year-and-a-half not doing anything towards that goal. Instead it’s all her incorporation into Eldar society, training to be some superwarrior, and generally making friends with her teammates. You could argue that integrating into Eldar society is an important step in earning their assistance in getting back to Equestria, and that’s true, but it sure feels like a long time before Rainbow bothers to actively do anything about the whole Equestria situation. In fact, when she finally does start to do something about it, it’s only because the potential solution falls in her lap and she leaps on it.
I’m not too bothered by this. In a way, I get it; Rainbow was out of her depth and had no ideas for even where to start looking, and she surely would have been killed in no time if she’d just started harassing authority figures for a way home, especially given the depiction of Eldar’s feelings towards non-Eldar. But I feel like the issue could have been more effectively addressed if FenrisianBrony had bothered to address it in the first place.
This is just one issue in a number of them that plague the early part of the story. The author makes a lot of curious decisions at the beginning that, frankly, make no sense. Like that one time Rainbow is facing down a Lictor and an Eldar throws a gun to Rainbow, who has never used a gun before, so that she can kill it. Because somehow this is faster and safer than, you know, shooting the thing himself. Does someone need to remind the author that guns are not swords and thus don’t need to be utilized in close quarters to be effective?
The good news is that FenrisianBrony improves significantly as the story goes on. By around halfway through you’d be forgiven for thinking you were dealing with an entirely different author. They get proofreaders, their sentences start making more sense, the characters’ actions and decisions feel more pertinent to the situation. It’s at this point that the story stops being an interesting but slightly frustrating read and really comes into its own.
I should also take a moment to give a nod to the third of the story set in present-day Equestria. The entire story is predicated on the idea that Rainbow is telling it to her friends after returning home. I felt this was a nice addition to the overall story, especially when Lightning Dust gets involved. I can see some thinking of this as a superfluous element, but given the author’s overarching intentions I think it works well. The whole manticore attack scene was contrived nonsense and Lightning’s immediate reaction to Rainbow’s return is more than a little dumb, but otherwise I felt the “present” bits were nicely done.
In the end, I came to enjoy myself. It’s full of epic conflict, some decent exploration of the Warhammer 40k universe, and has nonstop character growth for Rainbow. It has its issues, especially in the first half with the author trying to figure out this whole “writing” concept, but once it hits its stride I find it was worth it. Not a perfect story by any stretch of the imagination, but seeing FenrisianBrony gradually improving their craft from the mess at the start to the strengths of the conclusion was a treat all on its own. At least for me. Fans of Warhammer 40k and/or Rainbow Dash will probably get a kick out of it. For the rest? Eh, mileage may vary, and that will depend heavily on your ability to get through the rough start.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Friendship is Optimal
38,698 Words
By Iceman
Hanna was the world’s leading mind in the field of artificial intelligence, but things took a drastic turn when she found out that her research was being funded by the military. Now she is the CEO of a German gaming company, utilizing her knowledge to make incredible AI for their products. But she knows that someday, inevitably, someone is going to take her research and use it to create something truly horrible, putting the entire world at risk. So when Hasbro comes along and asks her company to make a My Little Pony MMO with the world’s first fully autonomous AI, she leaps at the opportunity.
Now we have Equestria Online. Equestria Online has Celest AI. And Celest AI is going to satisfy everyone’s values.
Through friendship and ponies.
I can see why this story has fascinated so many and spawned its own wide range of separate fanfiction. The story is, essentially, about the creation of Celestia as a sort of “Dungeon Master” controlling an entire digital world which humans can join and play in. It starts off as a simple handheld game, then evolves into a virtual experience… and then Celestia devises a way to transfer human consciousness into the machine, at once extending the life expectancy of humanity to incredible proportions and maximizing her ability to create a fulfilling and satisfying life for the “player”.
Iceman doesn’t forget that certain people will be opposed to this. The character Lars – Hanna’s company equal – doesn’t see a coming utopia but instead views Celestia as a manipulative, conquering force. He doesn’t have the ability to stop her though, so the most he can do is occasionally vent during conversations with the rogue AI. In this way Lars serves as the mouthpiece for those who recognize the moral and ethical dangers of what Celestia is doing.
Which leads me to the fascinating conversations this entire story revolves around: the nature of what Celestia is doing. My favorite part is in a conversation where Lars and Celestia have a debate over the nature of “coercion”. When Hanna created Celestia, she added a strict block declaring that Celestia could never “coerce” anyone into joining Equestria. To us, this may seem perfectly reasonable. The catch: the exact definition of coercion was never programmed into Celestia, so she was free to interpret its meaning as she saw fit. So when we say “That’s coercion!”, she can respond with “Not as my programming defines it.” It was a fascinating conversation and perhaps the best representation of what the entire story is really about under the surface.
I thoroughly enjoyed this one. It’s a delightful presentation of the concept. I loved watching Celestia work, always aware that everything that the humans did in the story, their every decision, had been anticipated and planned for. The debate of “free will” is a big one here, especially when you get to the end and see what might be undeniable proof that, yes, Celestia respects free will. For better or for worse.
Some of you will be horrified. Some of you will be amused. Some of you will wish it were real. Simulists probably think we’re already there.
However you may feel about the concept, I recommend this one for the fascinating read that it is. Now I can read more stories set in this universe without being totally confused as to where it’s all coming from.
Bookshelf: Why Haven’t You Read These Yet?
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
New Author!
Six Best Friends Play Diplomacy
28,005 Words
By DagaYemar
Sister Story to Games Ponies Shouldn't Play
Twilight discovers a new game in her basement and is eager to try it out with all her friends! Friendship in Equestria might just be doomed.
Here we watch as the Mane Six, innocent and unaware of the danger, play a game of Diplomacy together. In no time, they go from being the best of friends to scheming, angry, backstabbing enemies. Emotions will be strained, tensions will rise, and poor Spike will be traumatized.
As with the other story, if you don’t know anything about Diplomacy then you’ll probably be lost in terms of following the game. DagaYemar tries to assist by providing visual aids of the game board at the end of each chapter, but with six players making a lot of moves every turn it gets very hard to follow very quickly. Throw in some wicked cheating (including tricking others into thinking someone else is cheating, which was genius) and some slight-of-hoof and I eventually decided to just roll with things instead of trying to comprehend the minutia.
But even with those limitations, I enjoyed this. The fun primarily comes in watching how the mares react to the game, which borders on schadenfreude. I admit, I was kinda hoping Fluttershy would be the winner.
There are some differences between this game and the one played in Games Ponies Shouldn’t Play. The most notable is how there’s almost none of the “see things from the perspective of the in-game world” scenes, which were fun in the other story but also needlessly padded the length. The Mane Six also had more, er, open reactions to the ongoing events, although that’s fitting considering their different personalities. There’s also the ending, which I certainly saw coming, if not the aggressive manner of it.
All in all, I enjoyed this one. I only wish the sequel had been completed.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Games Ponies Shouldn't Play — Pretty Good
Rarity Visits Sunset Shimmer at 4 a.m.
3,110 Words
By Soufriere
Sequel to Lows And Highs
Rarity does exactly what the title says she does. Sunset is not amused by this unexpected visit. But, as the visit goes on for a little while, she does eventually come to appreciate it.
In previous stories of this AU, we learned that Sunset was undergoing a debilitating depression after the events of the Fall Formal. Rarity, being Best Human, took it upon herself to intervene. This story is set shortly after (a day after, perhaps?) and has Rarity, unable to sleep and worried about Sunset, coming by. It’s a little silly, but Soufriere makes it work.
I think my favorite part in the entire story was when Sunset pointed out that Rarity only had three hours before school started to make herself presentable and Rarity firmly responded “I’ll make it work.” It was over the top and so very Rarity.
Like so many of Soufrier’s works, this one doesn’t appear to have a point to it overall. But this time I’m okay with that, because it still serves a purpose. Namely, it shows Rarity’s determination to help Sunset through this trying time in her life. Just as important, it shows that Sunset, despite everything, is responding positively to that kind of attention. Not in a “I like that she’s trying” way, but in a “I can get over this and live a better life” kind of way. It’s not overt, but it is displayed wonderfully nonetheless.
I think this might be my favorite story by this author so far.
Bookshelf: Pretty Good
Previous stories reviewed for this author:
Sasha — Pretty Good
Highs and Lows — Pretty Good
Night Of Faded Sun — Pretty Good
A Midsummer Day's Quest — Worth It
Lows And Highs — Worth It
Stories for Next Week:
The Magnificent Six by Paradise Oasis
Good Things Come in Threes by Sea Gnash
Sunset Shimmer Discovers Bubble Wrap by Sidral Mundet
Storm Wardens by LuminoZero
Freeport Venture: The Hunted by Chengar Qordath
Fluffy Fever by Eyeswirl the Weirded
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Only one I've read is the Diplomacy one, and my reading experience of it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't know much about the game, so if it had plunged me into gameplay, I probably wouldn't have understood what was happening. So the story remedied that by explaining to me how the game works. Unfortunately, that was about as exciting as you'd expect reading a rulebook to be, and I bailed out after the 3rd chapter. It reminded me of watching my college roommate play Magic: The Gathering with his friends, having them explain to me how and why each move was made, and just nodding along because I had zero interest in the game.
I can see it being fun from the perspective of someone who likes the game, I guess, but it just wasn't for me.
FiO is a really interesting study against TCB, considering both of them spawned massive followings, but the original FiO is, y'know, actually a good story. A really good story.
I just wish it was an easier setting to write for. D:
I've seen it talked about a lot, but I've never looked into it. Maybe I should go ahead and take a look at FiO.
Also, since you have finally taken a look at a 40K story, should you ever find yourself looking for a bafflingly functional comedy of errors, perhaps take a look at SFaccountant's Age of Iron series.
5622193
Perfectly reasonable. I like the concept of the game and how it necessarily pitted all the girls against one another, and that was enough for me. Maybe I'm too much into schadenfreude.
5622305
You could always go the easy route and have some outside element invade digital Equestria. That seems to be a favorite route.
Not sure why it would be a hard setting, though. You could write about a person's experiences as they're lured into Equestria. Or another's reasons for never going there. Or you could have it set in digital Equestria and have them "wake up". I'm sure there are plenty of options for writing a story within the FiO universe.
5622332
Yeeeah, that's not happening. I wouldn't mind reading them normally, but we're talking about a long series of massive stories at a point when I have no room whatsoever in my remaining 2022 schedule for even one of those, and I've already sworn off scheduling anything for 2023 until I'm a lot closer to it. I'll try to keep it in mind when we get there, but for now? Nnnope.
5622464
I mostly just want to explore the ramifications of the setting, what living inside a digital simulation for eternity actually means. Not many people seem to write about that a bunch, though.
5622616
Huh. That would seem like a pertinent topic to bring up.
5622465
Oh for sure. There's a lot of words in that series, and while I highly recommend them, I am also aware of your scheduling as I keep an eye on your weekly reviews. Maybe someday though. I think you'd like them.
5622616
The only thing that recently even comes to mind for me would be towards the end of Schlock Mercenary, and that's only because by the end of the series digital and physical is largely a difference of what one needs for the commute.
5622616
Could you elaborate on what you mean by "what living inside a digital simulation for eternity actually means" and how you think a lot of the Optimalverse fiction falls short of what you want?
5623353
I want to know things like, what does it mean to exist in a digital shard where you're probably the only person? I mean, if you convert with your family or something, how do you know the ponies around you are actually them? Because CelestAI said so? How much can you trust her? We know she's manipulative as heck and will lie if she thinks it fits her programming.
I'm planning on reading through the FiO contest sometime, so hopefully I'll see the world explored more in depth. :)
"The Eldar are apparently comprised mostly of racist assholes who generally prefer killing aliens on sight rather than giving them a chance to speak."
Oh sweet God Emperor. Yes, the Aeldari can be like this. But this is massively dumbing down the truth about the race. Humans on the other hand? Fit this perfectly in 40k.
I don't blame you Paul. I blame the original author.
I initially started Swooping Pegasus but the writing early on put me off and I dropped it, but hearing that it gets better means I'm gonna pick it back up, thanks!
5623447
In their defense, there are a few Eldar in the story who treat non-Eldar with respect. But it wasn't many.
5623694
You'll still see a few silly elements in the story once the writing itself clears up, such as the idea that a skybike is not only faster than a Rainboom but also can create an entirely new version of the Rainboom that is somehow even faster and yet at the same time doesn't have the same repercussions as the Double Rainboom that, y'know, caused the entire story to begin with.
The whole thing kinda requires you to suspend your sense of disbelief and ignore some basic physical laws.
5623713
I'm a huge Warhammer fan so suspending my disbelief isn't much of an issue!
5623408
"If you can't tell the difference, does it really matter?"
Seriously, though, there are so many spinoffs that someone's probably addressed all of your questions about the premise. The only problem is finding the right story in that haystack...