Rainbow Dash is gone.
Two Years ago she performed a trick to eclipse all others, and vanished without a trace. Everypony has started to get over it, although for five ponies the loss is to great even now. In respect the Wonderbolts do a performance for her at the site of her death. However, a certain Cyan mare is hard to kill, and is loyal to the ends of the universe, she can say that with certainty now, she’s been, and now she’s back. But what is she wearing, and where did she go for two years? Buckle up, for in Equestria there may be peace, but in the 41st Millennium, there is only war.
Now with a sequel: The Descent into Madness
Featured: 06/05/2014. Thanks so much to you guys.
Rated Teen for Violence and Grim dark references
This story is similar in ideas to Into the Black: A mares tale, Diamond of the Capital Wasteland and Halo: On the wings of Angels
New cover art done by Reapers Inc
WARNING: Comments contain spoilers. Proceed into that section at your own risk.
Nice to know I'm inspiring folks. First things first, though. In the description
should be
Okay, now I've read it. It seems a little rushed in places. There are instances of incorrect or missing grammar, and a few missed capitalisations. Nothing glaring, just noticeable. And did you copy me with the cake thing?
I can see why you chose Eldar, what with WH40K's humans being all "Burn the heretic. Kill the mutant. Purge the unclean", and their reaction to what is clearly a Xeno would not end well for Dash. Unfortunately, I don't know much more in terms of WH40K's lore.
Thumbs up and a follow for now. Keep it up.
Is that a Swooping Hawk?
Hmm... The Eldar are renowned for their arrogance and self-importance, despite said faults directly causing the birth of Slaanesh so I wonder how Dashie's gonna cope? Regardless, I like the idea of 40K/FIM crossovers. Gonna start reading now.
2005783
Yes I did get the cake thing from you, I thought is was a good idea, and does seem to be something Pinkie would do.
2006220
Yes it is a Swooping Hawk.
Wait, Tyranids? All the races in the Warhammer universe and the planet's threatened by the only one that cannot be negotiated with? The one what's sudden appearance forged an alliance between Space Marines and Necrons?
If it wasn't predetermined, I'd honestly be concerned for Dashies wellbeing. Eager to see how she ends up finding a place among the arrogant space Elves.
This is a great story ya have here mate. Hope to see more soon.
2008002
I refuse to acknowlege the thing that Matt Ward calls fluff when it comes to the Necrons. In my eyes they are still soulless machine, just the way they are meant to be.
You spelled "A character swapped version of" wrong.
Have I mentioned how damn good this story is today?
Not Guardian armour hey?
Unfamiliar with Eldar in general, curious what it isBrain blank. I also find it hard to believe she'd lend said armour to someone else, even a friend, so readily. Then again, Element of Loyalty I suppose.Probably wrong, but guessing those eyes belong to either a Lictor or an advanced type of genestealer.
Seriously though mate, great work so far. Seems like the fic questions typical Eldar arrogance/species-wide superiority complex while simultaneously saying 'Yep, they're obnoxious a-holes' from what I can gather. May easily be misinterperating though.
2020965
huh?
wouldn't the comma go after the and?
otherwise, dark gods approve!
ELDAR WITCHES, BURN THEM ALL!
epic!
we seeth what thou hath performed there.
great work, can you perhaps, continue?
1
2
i mean no offense, but are you a tad bit dyslexic or something? i kinda noticed a lot of the "your"s said in this story are pronounced: you, :\ if you need a proof reader, im up.
YELLOW EYES!!!!
love this character already.
tho you did miss a quotation.
LOVE
THIS
STORY
So now what hap- oh wait nevermind.
anyways, PROOFREADER FOR HIRE,
contact me if you wish.
Holy fuck niblets. Pre-read message. I never comment before I read stuff.
Spelling seems to be okay, try writing out numbers and okay, no short hand. None at all. And try reading it under your breath, see if it makes sense. And if possible, find an editor. This has potential.
nice to see a non-spezz marene/ pony story...
I shall read this...
does anyone find this ironic?
looking good so far...
this should probably be "and what is that...thing your wearing?"
also consider doing a bit of a edit, or possibly getting a proof reader.
part from that, this looks interesting
humanity may be trying to kill the elder, but I'm willing to bet that the space elves drew first blood...
should be 'our'
also, in reference to the previous chapter, humanity may be bad, but at least they did't have a orgy big enough to summon a chaos god.
this story would properly make more sense if rainbow was found by he tau. the elder are just as xenophobic as all the other race, they just manipulate them in stead of hitting them in the face with a chainsword.
probably suppose to be couldn't, bu the whole sentence is a bit weird. I'm guessing that the gun was a fusion gun. in reality, the lictor would have killed rainbow instantly, tyranids don't hunt for pleasure. that said, if you did that, then there would be no story...
also: [youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=KojB4Q4AoKM#t=138s]
2074200 I might be wrong, but I think Lictors are significantly more inteligent than most Tyranid creatures. If Deathleaper was smart enough to break the mind of a planets spiritual leader without killing him, who's to say different lictors can't do something else? (Probably looking at it the wrong way, but still.)
Damnit, I missed this chapter. So her first kill was a Lictor? That's... that's damned impressive. (Holy crap, this hasn't recieved a single dislike yet? If that doesn't say something, I honestly don't know what does.)
2074129
Tau were actually the other race I had debated writing about, but I've never personally liked their story that much, Exodites are slightly more accepting than other Eldar, who Rainbow hasn't met yet anyway though. Also, Lictors don't hunt for pleasure when it could jepordise their mission, but it didn't percieve a blue pegasus as a threat. Little far fetched but whose counting?
The story here's decent enough, if a bit familiar, but there's a large amount of technical problems which hold it back.
If you'd like me (or anyone else in WRITE) to give this thing a quickie review, just drop me a PM
also, could you have some human/rainbow dash interaction?
I implore you, please write out numbers. It is more professional that way, or at least I believe so.
Defiantly means 'rebelliously: in a rebellious manner'. The word you (and many other writers on this site) are looking for is 'definitely'.
2185404 What numbers if I may inquire. If you are indicating 41st it is actually considered proper to put the number and in this case very much cannon to the source material.
2187717
I'm talking about smaller numbers like two. And cannon refers to weapon, canon is the prop per term to use here.
An interesting read. Definitely gonna keep an eye on this one!
Been thinking about doing something similar except with the Tau.
2187900
I think I got all of them, if you find anymore, let me know
2188785
Will do.
Please don't make Humanity the bad guys, I know.. Burn the Heretic, Kill the Xeno and all that jazz, but they are just trying to survive in a crumbling empire. Seriously, without the EMPRAH! the empire went to shit. When I think warhammer, I think:
Humans, Eldar, Tau = Good guys that hate each other, Chaos, Dark Eldar, Orks, Nids' = badguys that hate everything/want to OM NOM NOM everything.
2074129
The eldar have and always will be giant dicks in my opinion
Interesting. I prefer the Dark kin myself, but a non SPEHHS MAHREEN story is a welcome change (guilty as charged for writing my own) and the added touch of Ponies in the 41st millennium is also a nice touch.
So, I want Moar. Bitte Schon?
i immediately liked and favorited because of the title. I play eldar and love swooping hawks
2191042
I like DE more as well, but I really don't think they would take very well to a bright pony. I may try and include them later, but no promises.
2189836 You forgot the Necrons
2198806 Indeed I did, thank you Commissar! What? why are you pointing that bolt pistol at *BLAM* Heresy!
WHAT FUCKING GENDER IS TALVAN? YOU'VE REFERED TO TALVAN AS BOT HE AND HER WHICH IS IT?
we gonna have some spess mehreens drop in and create some awkwardness/uneasy alliance?
2210542
3.bp.blogspot.com/-OXamh0T_srY/UI1cgRsPQpI/AAAAAAAAA_I/dAjM1fdTkQo/s1600/Emperor.jpg
2209292
)
Talvan is Female, where have a called her a man? (God I suck sometimes.
2211335 Hey I would probably do the same thing on every chapter if I wrote something so don't feel bad.
Interesting. Not sure if that's quite enough to down a Carnifex, but since she's still alive she must've come close at the very least.
Good to see an update from ya mate. I can't say more than that without it sounding like arse-kissery.
Where are the gargoyles? And Dash should try a sonic rainboom on the 'nids, pretty much a WMD with a different kind of shiny lights.