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  • T Chaotic Harmony

    A new friend teaches the girls what true chaos is
    186,877 words · 6,321 views  ·  588  ·  73
  • T Children of Chaos

    Razor Wind and his friends are sent through time to a much darker Equestria
    29,712 words · 589 views  ·  113  ·  16 · sex
  • E An Unexpected Visit

    A man's life is interupted
    1,017 words · 925 views  ·  43  ·  6

Blog Posts59

  • 3w, 1d
    It's official (kinda)

    16 comments · 123 views
  • 3w, 4d
    Rainbow Rocks: My first review

    So, I finally watched the new Equestria girls, and thought I'd try my hand at a review. If you guys like it enough, I might do more. Obviously, this will contain spoilers, so if you haven't seen it yet, check it out here: Equestria Girls: Rainbow Rocks

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    Finished? Good. Now, first thing I'd like to address is the plot. It's a kids movie, so they were clothed all the time but... wait... Wrong plot. Anyway, Once again, we find that Equestria's garbage was thrown out through the mirror, this time by Starswirl The Bearded... Maybe he really was Celestia's teacher. Anyway, these three sirens just hang around for over  thousand years, not doing much of anything. One day, after a meal at a diner (which I thought was a cleverly subtle joke) they saw the Rainbow Friendship Canon that defeated Sunset Shimmer in the first movie. So now that they know Equestrian magic is on Earth, they decide to take it for themselves. A pretty simple, straight forward plot. Not the most original, but a classic so it's fine.

    Now, the characters, starting with the villains. I honestly loved these three. Their personalities just complimented each other so well. I especially loved Sonata. Every trio, evil or otherwise, needs the ditzy one, and she fills out the role so well. She's delightfully clueless and naive, but not incompetent. The only thing I'm kind of disappointed with is that their character designs during the final showdown failed to live up to the awesome Demon Shimmer from the first. Their music is the best in the movie. It's fittingly sinister and beautiful, just how a siren's song should be.

    Rainbow Dash. What is there to say. She's a bitch, but at the same time it just fits her character. Remember, Twilight was the one that brought them together, for the most part, and helped them become better ponies. In this, Twilight still lives in the city, likely going to a private school, if not college, so everyone is more like their season 1 selves. You guys remember how much more arrogant and full of herself Rainbow was them, right?

    Flash Sentry was, thankfully, barely in the movie. Gladly moving on.

    Vinyl Scratch is best deus ex machina. She saves the day just by being herself. Also... I WANT HER CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Lyra and Bon Bon sang a love song, giving each other bedroom eyes. LyraBon confirmed.

    Octavia doesn't have a British accent.

    Derpy plays a saw

    Brony favorites for days.

    Finally, we come to the hero of the story. That powerful pony taught by Princess Celestia herself... Sunset Shimmer. She is the reason this movie was great. She's not like Discord, only being good so she doesn't lose her friends or get punished more, nor is she bitter about her plans being thwarted. She genuinely regrets her actions, and is honestly ashamed by it. You can see the guilt every time someone glares at her, or reminds her of her mistake. She out Fluttershy's Fluttershy! But the whole time, she's just looking for a way to make up for it. This movie is less about the Mane6 saving the day and more about Sunset finding her redemption. At the end, during the last battle when she picks up the mic and starts singing, was an awesome scene. I kinda hope they bring her into the show. Of course, if they do, Dashie and Sparkle-Butt might find them selves knocked from the best ponies pedestal.

    My final verdict, the characters were great, Sunset Shimmer's character development was amazing, the music was catchy, Derpy played a saw, Vinyl exuded awesome, and Flash was reduced to a background character. All in all, a great movie.

    8/10

    8 comments · 67 views
  • 4w, 6d
    Chaosverse story

    So, in case you haven't noticed, work on Children of Chaos has ground to a halt. I know where I want it to go, but I just can't get it there. That being said, I did have an idea for a more episodic story that would take place between Chaotic Harmony and Children of Chaos. It's loosely inspired by The Sweetie Chronicles and would feature Shiro and Jynx traveling the multiverse for a reason I have yet to really decide on (but ultimately is just an excuse to send them to other story universes :trollestia:). So, would you rather just wait until I get out of this rut I'm in with Children, or would you like some inter-dimentional hijinks to hold you over until then?

    8 comments · 49 views
  • 10w, 34m
    Destiny and A Question About the ItB Bonus Chapters

    So, I've been on a major Destiny binge. Anyone have it on PS3? I'm looking for people for raid teams.

    Also, does anyone have an idea for a 'what if' chapter for Into the Black? If so, write it out and I'll post it. This can be an opportunity to get recognition and readers of your own. Obviously, I'll give credit and a link to your user page.

    22 comments · 141 views
  • 13w, 4d
    The most epic movie scene edit ever!


    I want to see all three movies redone like this

    1 comments · 112 views
  • ...
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It had been one year since Twilight Sparkle vanished in the battle against the evil unicorn Xander, and her friends were still trying to overcome the grief of losing her. On the anniversary of her presumed death, her friends gather at her memorial. What was suppose to be a day of remembrance was shattered by a strange metal object that landed right beside them. Their anger quickly turns to shock as a familiar unicorn emerges... and boy does she have a story to tell.

Rated Teen for violence, language, and sexual content. Rating and tags may change in future chapters.

This is not a Halo fic. It IS however loosely inspired by Halo as well as Star Wars, Mass Effect and several other sci-fi movies, books, and games.

Edited by Jack-Pony, HuskSummers, Coldwall, and sadron

Cover art by Sonic Rain

First Published
30th Nov 2012
Last Modified
6th Oct 2014

I'M GOING TO READ THE SH:yay:T OUT OF THIS!

Moar required...for SCIENCE

I JUST READ THE SH:yay:T OUT OF THIS! And I like where this is going:ajsmug:

GREAT! oops caps.. lol :derpytongue2: Now i have more stuff in my favorites! :pinkiehappy:

Seal of approval.

I am pretty sure that this exact concept is already being made.

Seriously the exact same.

Twilight dissappearing, everyon-....

Oh.

Well if you approve it.

>>1713652 Yeah, Gyvon has a very similar story. His is based on the Halo universe, though, while mine is an original universe. The beginnings are similar, but they diverge greatly after a few chapters.

>>1713462>>1713470>>1713479>>1713489 Thanks for the support

Reminds me of On the Wings of Angels. Favving and tracking! :pinkiehappy:

Dammit now i feel even worse for putting OHoaT on hiatus, now that you've posted this :fluttercry:

Quite good, but I noticed a few grammar mistakes (which isn't good, considering that I am dyspraxic so I should be unable to notice them in the first place).

Firstly, theres a couple of sentances in there which should end in question marks, not full stops.

The second thing is quite big.

When you write dialogue, you tend to end the sentance with a full stop. This is wrong, you are supposed to end it in a comma.

for example:

“I'm home.” She said

“I'm home,” she said

You can learn more here.

Heck, just read the whole document. Helped me out loads.

Otherwise, great story, can't wait to see more.

>>1713869 Thanks for the advice. I'll check that out.

>>1713698 That's my reaction to how well it's doing already

>>1713825 You should feel bad. Shame on you, you made Fluttershy cry:fluttercry:

>>1713897 I feel bad enough as it is, no need to put me down more man:fluttershbad:

>>1713952 I'm sorry:ajsleepy: have a happyshy:yay:

>>1714034 :twilightsmile: It's all good. Kinda annoying though, I really want to write for the fic, but I can never get motivated enough. It sucks.

>>1713652 As one of Shirotora's proof-readers, and a fan of Gyvon's story too, I can say that this very swiftly diverges into something unique...

>>1713652

I actually pre-read the first few chapters.

I like it so far. :rainbowdetermined2:

Just a friendly tip, when you write something like this:

“In memory of Twilight Sparkle, Faithful friend, loving sister, devoted student and a courageous protector. She gave her life so Equestria could live”.

Put it in italics and start a new line so that it reads something like this:

“In memory of Twilight Sparkle, Faithful friend, loving sister, devoted student and a courageous protector. She gave her life so Equestria could live”.

Makes the imagery of the scene pop out more at the reader.

Keep it up! :yay:

is there a story i have to read before i read this one to get some things? or is that evil unicorn part of the story and will be explained later in this story?

I really love this story, and I can't wait for the next few chapters to go up. I'll enjoy reading them...again...

:pinkiehappy:

I like the story so far; I'm a total sucker for this sort of thing.

But... the punctuation errors made my brain cry. :fluttershbad:

So is this a side story to Chaotic Harmony?

>>1714258 More on him later.

>>1714656 No. This is a different story

>>1714890

just figured it out. your reply came just after i finished the chapter, and i must say, im really looking forward to the next chapter, and the one after that, and the one after that, and the one after that and the on- *two days later* -that, and the one after that. it looks liem this story is going to be fucking amazing

rarity and celestia: molten, language!

me: sorry you two.

Pretty good so far, reminds me of On the Wings of Angels.

I actually enjoyed this quite a bit.  However, there is one thing nagging at me, and it just might be me, but your pacing is ever so slightly off.  I just felt that you could have gone into a bit more detail in certain areas.  Kinda like when Twilight arrives, that moment felt a bit rushed.  It's not bad per say, but it would really benefit the story if you took a bit more time on slow paced scenes like that.

Great start, but it feels rushed. Nevertheless, I'm tracking this story!

does it look like a cross between the Normandy SR-2 and a real battleaxe?

>>1716270>>1716390 Yeah, I thought so to, but every other way I tried it felt too drawn out.

>>1716556 I'm having cover art done that features thr ship.

This is my favorite way of introducing ponies to humans. Twilight gets ripped from Equestria and ends up with some cantankerous soldiers.

>>1714890, what I meant was, has this Twi met Shiro.

>>1718668 No, this is a totally different universe, and completely unrelated to Chaotic Harmony.

Okay,>>1718706, just needed to be sure. Will you make a sequel to Chaotic Harmony?

>>1718721 Yes. I have this and one more story planned before that, but I will make it.

>>1718726, blog post for the followers? So they know it will happen.

:fluttershysad:If that's okay with you.

>>1718740 I mentioned it in one of the chapters, but I'll also post a preview when I get the prelude finished.

This... is... AMAZING!

“Oh god, that's adorable.” Fawned Curt.
after hearing this, I knew from now to the end, Curt will be my favourite.

Sounds alot like On the Wings of Angels. Oh well. Beggars can't be choosers. Giving it a read.

"Equish", is it? Clever jump from Equestrian.

meh

same general thing as on the wings of angels but still good. just hope this gets updated slightly more often than it does tho...

just a little tip, the conversation when twilight is first found by the humans sounds a bit mechanical and rushed.

aka. if ur pinned down in a firefight you normally wouldn't get into a long conversation like that.

I haven't read it yet, but is this like a sequel of something?

>>1718988 Thanks:twilightsmile:

>>1719012 I kinda like Curt, too:yay:

>>1719032 That changes quickly:pinkiehappy:

>>1719137 They weren't in a fire fight. The sniper turret surprised them.

>>1719207 Nope.

Excellent stuff my good man, please proceed to create moar.

I really like this, I really do but- GAH!  You are still doing it!  Your spacing is still off!  And right of the bat too!

When her sight returned she found herself in some kind of ruins. It looked like it was once a city like Manehattan. As she groggily examined her surroundings, she saw a strange looking object.

See this?  This is your setting.  You need to describe it.  Saying it was like Manehattan doesn't cut it.  It gives us a general idea of what it may look like, but some of us haven't really been to a city like New York to really make the connection.  You need to describe the city itself; the buildings, the streets, the conditions they are in.  So they are a ruin, but what kind of ruin?  Does it look abandoned and eroded?  Or does it look purposely destroyed?  As I've said before to other people, you are painting a picture with words, you cannot afford to color the characters and leave the background blank.

Another thing you could work on is on the conversations.  As it stands right now Twilight, Seth and Court are standing in the middle of a battlefield just talking.  As someone above me mentioned, it feels mechanical at times.  It also screams info dump.  You could really make them a lot better by better describing their actions, their expressions.  Right now they just stand there, have Curt pace around, look around.  They are in an active battlefield, it's only normal that they'd be skittish.  Also, some of the information could really be left out for further a later point.  You don't have to drop the entire lore on us in a few paragraphs, or even one chapter.  You'd be better off by dropping tidbits as the story progresses.

Last but not least is your grammar.  It's not bad; you still end quotes with periods where commas should be, but at least you are improving.  Also,

“AHHH! IT HURTS, SWEET CELESTIA IT HURTS!!!” She wailed.

Don't do that.  It's poor form.  Refrain from using caps lock at all if possible.  And you are supposed to use one exclamation mark at a time.  I understand that she's in pain and being loud about it, but the "wailed" part is supposed to clue us in.

Other than that, this story is rather solid with lots of potential.  If I may, I would like to offer you my help.  I can help you with the pacing, as well as those little grammar things.  I really want to see this story accomplish its true potential, and I feel like you only need a bit of help with that.

Best regards,

Coldwall.

>>1719329 Sure. I can send you what I have If you'd like.

>>1719360

Sure.  I'd love to help.

Do you have a Gdocs account?  Because they have some pretty neat editing features.

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