In an accident by Twilight, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash are teleported to a distant island that is far from Equestria. As they try to survive, other inhabitants begin to wake.
Edited by Uber_Shy
Chapters (7)
yoshiXII
Joined 18th Oct, 2012 ·
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Here are my two cents:
Twilight screwing up on an experiment? Pretty cliche opening; could have been more creative. Plenty of stories follow this route, and this might deter people with low tolerance levels.
Try double spacing. Your current formatting gives a wall of text impression and is very claustrophobic. Another thing is don't add thoughts when other people are speaking or during narration. It's pretty sloppy
Other than that, my interest has been piqued. These types of stories always has potential to be full of mischief and humor. Plus, you're writing ability is pretty good. Very descriptive and you got the characters down correctly. Keep it up
The dialogue is spot-on. The writing, however - is very mediocre.
This is awesome
Look like these ponies are.. LOST!
I never watched that show 
Wut? Has the Doctor messed up time again?
Twilight would never try an illegal speel, let alone mess it up
This is a weird story. The characters are OCC and you acknowledge it in the story.
There's this weird disconnect between what they are doing and the results they get. I guess I'll try another chapter though.
"The impatient Pegasus never got why Fluttershy would waste her time living in animals." It is sad to find a typo like this and not be able to come up with a good line.
Well it's certainly improving per chapter. I'll keep reading.
[youtube=D1gl46hh3sQ]
I found this to be quite a nice Flutterdash story.
Although there were several mistakes and some awkward wording, it still turned out to be a good read. I thought it was very cute in this last chapter when Rainbow Dash returned to spend the night with Fluttershy.
2338325
Thanks for the feedback.
So far this story is BOSS!
My fave ship EVER, stuck on an island somewhere... just the two of them... alone... hmm... I like where this is going. (hopefuly some incoming sunggles and kisses while they wait to be rescued.)
Just a tiny nitpick... i would have thought that RD wasn't toooo bothered by the nature/animals thing, not sure if you slightly overdid it or not, but meh. .... and I assume they are already best friends.
this would be epic to see continued. It really would. Its rare to find such wonderful stories. I dont mind how rough it was in spots, it was a fun read that kinda has left room for more to come.
Please
Tribe: Awww you two look sooo cute together. We're really sorry we have to kill you two now nothing personal you know just bad omens and stuff.
if i thought RD was kind of out of character in the first chapter now im sure, out of that the story is interesting and once i start reading i go all the way till the end so... to th next chapter /)
........really? newton and black....