The fourth great ninja war was over. With Sasuke's help, Naruto vanquished Madara and defeated the Juubi. However, when all was said and done, the two were betrayed by those they trusted most. Fearing the outcome of the toad elder's prophecy, The survivng kages threw Naruto and Sasuke into time and space with the hopes of banishing the two forever. The two however, manage to end up in an entirely new world, giving the two a possible fresh start. Their arrival however, changes the outcome of upcoming events in this world in ways that should never have happened.
It was an ordinary day in Equestria. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and princess Celestia had some free time from her royal duties. Then the explosions started, explosions originating from the Everfree Forest.
Cover art supplied by RainbowDashVegetaFan123
Have a mustache
Edit: O_O i just realized i got first post :D 30 weeks late but eh.
seoenquirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/firstpost.jpg
Any hints we can get on the couples we'll be seeing in this story?
Ohhhh lordy lordy I found another Naruto in equestria fic and this one looks like its going to be a good one!!!!
Moar. Now.
Please.
Moar. Now.
Please.
Let's get this shit on the road!
This sounds really interesting. One question, is Naruto over in Japan? Currently we(USA) are still in the great ninja war but a way off from being close to the end. Or did you make that ending up?
2550752 I just made the ending up. The most current episode in japan atm is Madara's revival via Edo Tensei
2549940Glad you like it.
2549442 While I don't want to spoil anything, I'll give you this. Naruto will have three mares, while Sasuke has two, and both will only have one of the mane 6. Who these mares are is up to you, but lets just say all of them have pasts steeped in darkness.
Hmmm... For Mane 6 Naruto parallels... Fluttershy = Hinata?
well i hope this fic has frequent updates all the other good naruto cross fics have very slow updates >< and this would be the first that sasuke is in any of the naruto cross mlp fics that ive seen o.0
well ALMOST anyway friendship contract is the only exeption and it was damn good >> too bad it stopped updateing as far as i could tell
as for the story itself i enjoyed it :D the obvious grammar issues here and there but overall not bad so upvote and ill be watching this :)
2551110 hmm, so Naruto gets 3 mares and Sasuke gets 2...I like it! I've always had a soft spot for harem's, especially if their done right. Large harem's are okay and all, but they tend to become too big and jumbled up and just become a mess in the end, so kudos on going with a smaller number, good choice.
I don't know if your going to go with our choices or if you've already picked but I'm gonna put down who I think would make good couples for both Naruto and Sasuke.
For Sasuke, my first choice would be to give him Princess Luna. Both have dark past'a that have been redeemed, yet they both still hold regret for what they did. For his second choice and the one that would be one of the main 6, I would give him Pinkie Pie, only cause as they say "opposites attract." If not Pinkie, then my other choice would be Fluttershy, only cause if anyone could break through his cold exterior, Fluttershy could.
As for Naruto, my first choice and the one main 6 of his group, I would probably go with Twilight, only cause I have read a lot of stories where Naruto has ended up in Equestria and in most of them, he ends up with Twilight and it does seem to be a cute couple. If not Twilight then I would either go with Fluttershy or Rarity. Both haven't been shown that often but I honestly think they might work. My second choice would probably be Princess Celestia...don't know why, just wanna see it. My third choice would most likely be Lyra. She has this obsession with humans and now she can finally have one.
These are just my choices I would pick...so...yeah. Can't wait to see the next chapter.
this...I like it, Another!
2551110 Ok phew. Still farther ahead though.
2551652Yeah, last update was like... July of 2012 I think. But there was another Naruto fic with Sasuke in it. Can't remember the name, but I do remember I read it like two Saturdays ago.
And a Naruto fic that gets featured after 177 views?
I call shenanigans... anywaaaaays, I'm going to be tracking this. Can't read right now (can in about 20-30 minutes), but if it got featured then it must be good.
2551652The one Nightmare Knight's talking about is Visual Prowess, which has a wonderful update record of a chapter every three days.
2551888 Hey, I'm just as shocked as you. Not complaining though.
Okay, so I finally finished reading this.
I must say, this story is marvellous. You have spacing set up decently well, so that you're not jumping around all over the timeline. I didn't see any spelling mistakes; maybe a grammar mistake here or there, but nothing to worry about. And your characterization was pretty spot on. Though I have to wonder something. You say it's been 3 weeks since Luna came back. Around what season/episode would that put this in?
2552008I get what you mean. I just dislike how inconsistent the criteria for featuring is. Also, Visual Prowess is not the fic I'm talking about, since I haven't seen it update in over a week. Then again, maybe it didn't register my favorite. I was on a phone.
Was it the one where child Naruto/Sasuke get sent to Equestria?
2552010 The day after Gilda.
Cool Premise, I'd really like to see where this is headed, and while you didn't ponify Naruto and Sasuke, I think it's better that way, but the thing I'm looking forward to is the reaction of our ninjas to the ponies
2552091 And it will be hilarious, at least on Naruto's part anyway. Sasuke's too logical for any real hilarity to ensue from his end.
Why were there 3 explosions/earthquakes and what caused them? Was it the veil (best word I could think of) between worlds ripping?
Other than that, another please.
2551110 So this is a harem fic then? If so, they're insanely hard to get done right and most just come out as annoying in the end. Hope you know what you're doing.
2552127
Ya know, even the stoic and logical beings manage to crack me up sometimes, by virtue of being stoic in fact
2552423 True, most harem fics fall apart at the seams rather easily. The reason being everyone tries to give the protagonist practically every mare in Equestria. I've written harem fics for other fanbases, and all of them were extremely successful, simply because I limited how many girls were in said harem.
Fairly interesting. I write a similar story. I'll be watching this, I think.
For the sake of improvement though, here's some criticism
I noticed some spelling errors and grammar issues, but it wasn't too bad. Still, try to keep them down.
Also, one thing you really need to do is break up your paragraphs a bit more. It's not too bad and I can deal with it, but other people won't be so forgiving. You should probably edit this chapter a bit more and the others that you put up, before you submit them, from now on.
Other than that, though, it doesn't look too bad, and I'll be favoriting it.
It appears some of my readers are already reading it, too. That's good.
2552517 Maybe so. I'm not a fan of harem fics in particular (probably because all harem fics I've seen up until now has been shait and I don't fancy the concept itself too much) but not giving yours a chance when we're not even at that point yet wouldn't be very rational. Besides, it's not what the entire plot revolve around, no?
.........why do i feel this chapter was rushed?
Sasuke and Luna should set up a 'Vengeance Annonymous' support group.
I'm a little tedious about this story. There are a few things that stand out right away and kinda shed a negative light on the whole story.
First off, in general, the whole chapter felt rushed. Lots of stuff going on and a bit too much information to process for a first chapter. It's kinda like you have so many great ideas bouncing around in your head and you want to shoot them all off at once. This is never good and bogs down some of the better story lines you have with filler. A good example is the wall of text conversation between Twilight and Celestia. I understand why this is here, and yes it would work for the characters presented, but not in the first chapter. The situation would have worked better farther along the story, somewhere along the lines of Naruto and Sasuke trying to discover more information about the history of Equestria. This is just a suggestion, but the way it is written now seems very forced.
Second, and I know this gonna sound elitist, but there are a lot of cliche details in this story that are so overly used in MLP that there is almost no originality to it. From prick Blueblood, to Medieval Griffins, to overly sensitive Pinkie Pie. I know it's up to the Author, but still it's nice to see some sort of creativity and not a copy n' paste character.
Third, please for the love of God do not include bold words to describe onomatopoeia. This a problem a lot of Fanfic authors have, and it bugs the crap out of me. Let the scene describe itself, not forced special lettering.
Those are the three big things that stand out, the first being incredibly important. Other then that, it is a story that has potential. It just needs some originality.
2553534 I'll take your suggestions to heart good sir. Looking back on the first chapter, I realize I did rush it a bit, especially where you pointed it out. As for the cliche characters, I don't exactly agree, but I do see your point. I might have made blueblood a bit over the top there, but to me it feels that how I portray him here is exactly how he would act in off screen canon, but that's just me and I could very well be biased about it even when I'm trying not to be. The personality of the griffon ambassadors is not the universal template for every griffon personality, it's just those specific griffons who were sexist. I also fail to see how I made Pinkie overly sensitive. I merely gave her a phobia, and had her act on it judging by her canon personality. We're all scared of something, and how we react to it is dependant upon our personalities. If I screwed up with Pinkie, then I apologize, though she needs to be like this for certain areas of story progression.
Now, I forgot to mention this in the first chapter, which was pretty stupid of me, but all ninjutsu and genjutsu used in this story will be in bold. If you don't like this, I deeply apologize but I will not change this, though I assure you it will be for ninja techniques only.
Once again good sir, thank you for your appreciation and constructive critisism. I deeply appreciate both.
2551888>>2552008 thank you for another story :P hopefully Its good :3
Characterization seems pretty good.
Some of the slang terms I am not familiar with.
I did read the manga up to the fight with Pain, but I don't recall some of those terms.
Some typos like not capitalizing " Blueblood", and common mistakes. Nothing big.
I'll wait for some more chapters and character interaction to decide on faving or not. Thumbs up for now.
While you do have the Crossover tag on this story, isn't there suppose to have the Other Character tag as well? Or do I simply have no idea of how such things work?
Grammar and formatting work are in order, but this is a damn promising concept. I'll have to see how it goes.
2554243
No. He's got it right.
2553995Visual Prowess is a pretty damn good read. I can't remember the other Naruto fic I've read. I do remember it was about child Naruto/Sasuke in Equestria though.
2554398 im reading it right now :P and that one where your talking about the child naruto coming to equestria thats frienship contract i believe when he first arrived he was just a kid :P
2554730No, that was just Naruto. I know what Friendship Contract is. The one I'm talking about is where both Sasuke and Naruto get sent to Equestria when they're kids.
sort of rushed. Also I think it would been funnier to have the ponies find them awake and naruto complaining maybe about porcupine needles in his but. but still good faving and have my up thumb
your concept is interesting and you right equestria fair enough but to be frank, your kages and general knowledge seems lacking.
A. where is B? if naruto is a danger B sure as hell is one too. by seperating killer B your claiming that the hokages as a group are able to be that partial which experince has shown there not. and even if they did leave B out not only would he know about this, the 8 tails would actively oppose the seal and likely destroy it.
B. neither tusnade nor the raikage would be part of this infact they would actively oppose it. how are the other kage keeping two of the most powerful ninja in this world at bay?
C. what is keeping naruto from simply chakra balling the seal? he can control them nw and if orochimaru's three demon gates where anilated by one that he couldn't control, there is nothing to say the seal would hold up to it.
you have a great story here but you don't cover naruto's strengths or allies at all. the begininh needs more detail.
Do you have a regular update schedule? I would love to see more of this.
Hooo Shit's going to get Crazy HERE!
Not bad. Some grammar work needed in a few spots, taking the large paragraphs and divvying them up into smaller ones, and an explanation on how the three surviving Kages knew a prophecy made by the toads told only to Naruto and Jiraiya.
Honestly I want to read this but I can't... I just can't stand sasuke becoming good for no reason. If naruto has xchanged him somehow earlier I'm ok. But a story like this I won't be able to read without constantly wanting to rip sasuke's head off.
2556712 Now who ever said Sasuke is good? Sasuke is still as dark, violent, and dangerous as ever. He's like a trained guard dog. Don't give him a reason to maul you, and you have no reason to fear him. His leash is currently being held by Naruto, who will keep him from outright attacking anypony, but don't make the assumption that Sasuke's all goody goody. Now there will be points in the story where Sasuke gets lighter, but he'll never be 'good' in the sense you're thinking. As I call it, he walks a long dark road to a distant dawn, moving to the light, but never leaving the darkness. Hope this clears things up.
2556809 I still doubt I will enjoy it really. I usually either want him dead or good. With the way he is being in the manga (reviving orochimaru and all) I really think he just needs to die. Yet again with a little extra help has done a good job of making me like him, but from shippuden's start he is unsaveable to me. I give you props on the feature but if sasuke gets a mare (or 2 like you say, especially one of the six) then I won't enjoy it. Mainly it's because he's not kind,generous,honest,loyal, or even genuinely laugh. So he would be against their main points. Sorry for my rant its just kishimoto has made me hate sasuke and he naruto anime/manga with a passion. Still can't believe he made obito the big bad.
Hmmmmm. Good, good. You've got my attention.
I like this story so far. Keep it up.
Dragon
profalbrecht.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/meh-graphic-buckle.jpg As long as you don't introduce any random romance element, aaand you got a romance tag, wonderful, at least keep it real and don't involve the royal sisters, that would be pretty horrible, so far so good by the way. I don't like Sasuke much , since he's a bit of a douche but I can look past it. I'm betting a thousand internets that Naruto ends up with Celestia, Sasuke with Luna (or viceversa) , maybe Twilight is gay for her mentor, thats a possibility too. Anyway I guarrantee that there will be lesbian couples galore because pretty much every story goes that way, its like a plague and I just wanted you to know I called it first. I'll withhold a final verdict until I see proof of either.
2555197
im sorry, but what? I actually reread the chapter to see what your point was. I think you are confused.
A. Why would B in Hidden Leaf now? How would B know anythimg about this plot? Why are you talking about B when the reason behind the Kages actions are Naruto specific?
B. Tsunade is dead first of all. Second A is willing to kill B if necessary. Why would he not go through with this plot to save the ninja world? He respects Naruto, really theres no reason hed let him live in the stories context.
C. Get your facts straight first. It doesnt matter what happened in that fight, that was Kurama. The bijudama was perfectly controlled just not by naruto. Second, youre asking why Naruto doesnt essentially detonate an atomic bomb in his own face. Bijudamas blow away moutains like card houses.