Clayton Carmine, the last of the Carmines, a fine soldier, a true Gear. Ever since he was old enough to understand the basics of the world he wanted to be a soldier, to serve a cause greater than himself. To protect the ones he loved. But what happens when the cause dissipates and there are no more loved ones? The Locust War took everything from Clayton. His home, his friends, his mother, his father, his brothers, his aunts, his uncles, his cousins, his nieces, and nephews. His entire family gone. But still he made that a cause, to avenge them. To fix everything that happened to them. But what happens, when he completed that goal?
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This is my first time, so please, be gentle. Heheh, anyway, constructive criticism, and feedback that can improve my writings is truly appreciated. Also, if you do downvote the story please leave a comment saying why so I can learn from my mistakes.
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This is a Gears of War 3 crossover.
All characters belong to their respective owners.
Takes place after the events of Gears of War 3 and after The Crystal Kingdom Episode.
not bad so far
Good job for a first story so far, looking forward to more chapters
Um, if you guise think it needs improvement, could you please elaborate and I will take it into consideration.
Well as far as first stories go, I was happy with the lack of horrible grammar and spelling errors. At least, nothing I noticed on a casual read. I might suggest you add vertical space between your paragraphs, by which I mean an extra carriage return. IMO it makes it easier to read, and it's not like you're wasting paper or anything.
Curious if you have plans for this, i.e. do you have a story arc and ending?
1990865 TBH, I am really fucking new to writing stuff. So... I understood one thing out of that. Yes I do have an idea for the ending.
MOAAAR
1991069 Oh, you will get moar... you will get moar...
I'm so happy that Clayton lived at the ending of the game. Can't wait to read more
This looks like its going to be good
Fluttershy, you're screwed c: Carmine still has his Lancer, Gnasher, gun and grenades.
1994198 Correction! He has his Longshot! I gave him my favorite loadout!
1994457
Seems Legit.
She is still fucked, anyways
1994782 True dat!
Gotta love Carmine man. Faved gear in my books. I'm hoping Clay won't become the new public enemy #1 for the ponies...
1998646 He won't... for some of the ponies anyways.... HAHAHHAHAHAHAH!!!!
pretty good but one key thing i noticed, you need to create a new paragraph whenever you change speakers that can really ruin a stories smoothness and make it bulky and hard to read.
2005019 Alright, man thanks for the feed back. I'll be sure to take that into consideration.
Carmine best pony?
This is my only response to this chapter,
31.media.tumblr.com/5d563860da728baecb4990615df21d34/tumblr_n5kedoyk641r7ho7so3_r1_1280.jpg
Pretty good bro.
But whered he get the lancer?
4744181 he's had the weapons since the 1st chapter. But if there are some continuity errors I do apologies it has been a year or more, I will fix any thing like that, thanks for pointing it out! I appreciate it!
I really like this!
I commend you, MintMetal!