The betrayal. Curse or blessing
The Betrayal: Curse or Blessing
'So it's finally over.' Thought Naruto, a small, bittersweet smile on his face. They had won. Madara and Obito's sick plan for world domination had been destroyed, and the Juubi had been fractured back into the seven other Biju. The fight however had required Naruto to be hospitalized for severe chakra exhaustion, torn muscles, broken bones, and other injuries. Naruto could care less about that though, he was too ecstatic over the fact that Sasuke had finally come home. The blonde had been shocked out of all train of thought when Sasuke arrived on the battlefield, on their side, with Orochimaru and the four past hokages in tow. With Sasuke's help, Naruto was able to defeat Madara, while Hashirama Senju and Minato Namikaze dealt with the Juubi. It was a hard and heavy fight, but in the end, victory went to the allied forces. Though Naruto's mood was bright, there was still an ache in his heart. Many lives were lost in the war, including Neji, Kakashi, and Tsunade. Tsunade's death had hit Naruto especially hard, as she had been like a grandmother to the blonde boy. It was like losing the pervy sage all over again. Finally though, after five days in the hospital, Naruto and Sasuke were discharged with a clean bill of health, and were currently on route to the Daimyo's palace to be personally rewarded in their efforts in the war. With the two were an entourage of three Anbu, acting as guards and escorts. As the group of ninjas jumped through the treetops, Naruto started to get impatient. He wanted to get that award as quickly as possible dammit. Once he got it he'd be a shoe-in for the Hokage position for sure. His impatience getting the better of him, Naruto picked up speed, passing by Sasuke and their guard.
"Come on guys, pick up the pace. I want to get that award so I can get back to Konoha and become Hokage, dattebayo." Shouted the blonde as he sped away from the group.
"Dammit dobe, slow down. Do you even know where you're going? Slow down!" Sasuke hollered after the blonde, and sped after him. the two caught up to each other in a large clearing, leaping into the center side by side. Suddenly, a large seal flared to life underneath them, trapping them within the interior of it.
"Hey! Who put this seal here? Let me out, dattebayo!" Hollered Naruto.
"Now why would we want to do that?" Asked an elderly voice. Naruto and Sasuke spun around to the direction of the voice, and came face to face with the Mizukage, Raikage, and Tsuchikage.
"What is the meaning of this you three?" Demanded Sasuke, his Sharingan blazing. Onoki just chuckled.
"You're in no position to be making demands, Uchiha, but since I'm in a good mood I'll explain. We're eliminating you two." The statement shocked the two boys, especially Naruto.
"E-eliminate us? Why the hell are you eliminating us? Sasuke I can somewhat get, what with his criminal record and all, but what the hell did I do?" This time it was A who responded.
"It's not what you have done, but rather, what you can potentially do that demands your elimination."
"What do you mean by that?" Asked Sasuke, his eyes narrowing dangerously.
"Simple, we mean the prophecy that surrounds Naruto. Either he destroys the shinobi world, or revolutionizes it, both outcomes must be stopped."
"The hell! I would never destroy our world! In case you guys haven't realized it, I saved the world."
"And that's where you're wrong boy. Already you're bringing ruin to the shinobi world, and you're doing it through peace."
"And how is peace killing this world?" Asked Sasuke. Mei answered.
"Not the world, the shinobi way of life. Conflict is an absolute necessity in our line of work, and with true worldwide peace on the horizon, our way of life will become obsolete. Furthermore, If Naruto does revolutionize the ninja way, it will start in Konoha, which could allow the village to take down one of the other major villages before we can be brought up to speed. These outcomes must be stopped, and the best way to do that is destroy the danger before it cannot be stopped."
"Grr, just wait until our Anbu get here." Snarled Naruto, but Sasuke shook his head.
"Not happening dobe or they would have been here by now. Either they were dealt with by the kages or they were the Anbu."
"Dammit! Rasengan!" A ball of pure chakra whirled to life in Naruto's hand, and smashed into the barrier imprisoning them. The Rasengan shrieked and groaned, but the barrier held resolute. Finally, Naruto dispelled the technique.
"That's not going to help you get out. Nothing short of a Bijudama can damage that barrier, and that's out of the question seeing as you're much too confined." Chuckled Onoki.
"Dammit, my Mangekyou techniques are out for the same reason." Naruto was still wasting chakra by futilely slamming Rasengan after Rasengan into the barrier, and getting absolutely nowhere. Sasuke finally had enough. "Would you quit it dobe. If all this seal does is trap us, then we just have to wait for them to shut it down so they can attack us. Then we take them down, dust ourselves off, and go home. Simple as that, so stop wasting chakra." Growling, Naruto glared at Sasuke for a bit, then relented. A let out a chuckle.
"Normally you'd be right, Uchiha. However, the purpose of that barrier is not to trap you, it's to contain what that seal does. Obviously we can't fight you directly, you two took down Madara after all, it would be suicidal on our part to directly engage you. So, we're going to use a method that will guarantee that you'll never be a threat. This seal was something Kumo took from Uzushio when we and Iwa razed it. The seal is designed to transport whoever is in it into other dimensions. However, it's incomplete as the Uzumaki clan never had time to finish it, meaning only one end gets opened. So either this kills you, or you're trapped between dimension for eternity. Either option is fine with us, now let's get started." With that, the three kages pulsed their chakra and began to activate the seal. Sasuke and Naruto were frantically trying to come up with a means of escape, but nothing they could use would work, and nothing that worked could be used. As the seal brightened, Sasuke realized that he could do nothing, and with that realization, Sasuke felt lighter, like a great weight had been lifted off of him. Gently he placed a hand on his friend, no, best friend's shoulder. Naruto glanced at Sasuke, and saw the message he was being given, and as much as Naruto didn't want to admit it, Sasuke was right. He ceased his struggles, and let loose a shuddering sigh.
"Naruto." Said Sasuke, causing said blonde to glance at him, resignation and despair in his cerulean eyes. Undeterred, Sasuke continued. "Thank you, for sticking with me to the very end. I was very lucky to have a friend like you." The seal's intensity rapidly grew, and with the sound of extremely powerful suction, everything within the seal's range imploded into the center of the design and with a mighty explosion, Naruto and Sasuke were no more.
Princess Celestia was having a bad day. First, the castle's water main had burst, causing all water having to be shut off for the entire morning, denying her her bubble bath and morning tea. Then she had to deal with those thrice damned chauvanistic griffon ambassadors, who believed that any sort of ruler had to be male if they wanted respect. Celestia had to put up with those buzzards until lunch, where she had to deal with Blueblood's ranting on how his entire day is ruined simply because the servant stirred his tea counter clockwise instead of clockwise, and finally, she had to spend the next four hours dealing with the bane of every ruler's existence, paperwork. Finally, everything was done. The paperwork was finished, the water was back, and blueblood and the ambassadors were gone for the moment. Finally, she could relax. Pouring herself a cup of peppermint tea, she savored the aroma and gently took a sip. Ah, bliss.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!!!
The explosion rocked the entire city of Canterlot. Celestia's tea set went flying, shattering when it hit the ground. Celestia was thrown out of her seat from the force of the rocking, tables were overturned, busts and statuettes hit the floor and shattered, maids were screaming in the halls, and guards were furiously scurrying about trying to keep order. Finally the tremors stopped, much to Celestia's immense relief. Regaining her balance, she hauled herself back onto her hooves.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOMMM!!!
Again Canterlot was rocked to it's foundations. Celestia was thrown off her hooves once more and crashed into a bookcase, which fell on top of her, pinning her to the floor and burying her in books. All Celestia could do was wait until everything stopped shaking. Finally, after five minutes, everything was still once more, though the halls were filled with even more pandemonium. Magically levitating the bookcase off of herself, and freeing herself from the pile of books, Celestia hurried to the window to see just what had caused such a massive explosion.
KRAKAKABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!
She saw it before she heard it. A large obsidian ball with a streak of amethyst impaling it literally shattered a hole in the sky over the Everfree Forest, like the vast expanse of blue was a window pane. A void of absolute darkness laid upon the other side of the jagged hole. then the strange ball impacted the ground, and a second later the sound and shock hit. It first sounded like every brittle substance in the world shattered at the same time. Glass, crystal, even stone, then with a colossal roar, the shockwave hit. The power was larger than the first two explosions combined, every window in Canterlot shattered, and the power of the shockwave literally threw Celestia across the room. She slammed back-first hard into the wall, and upon impact heard a snapping sound along with a burning pain in her right wing, which had been undoubtedly broken. Celestia could feel the entirety of the mountain tremble, as if cowed into humility by the sheer power of the blast. Finally, after five minutes of terrifying tremors, everything went still with the final roar of ripping cloth. Glancing back outside, she could see that the jagged hole in the sky had vanished like it had never been there in the first place. Then the screams of mass panic filled the halls and streets. Moving as quickly as she could, Celestia staggered out the door of her study, and into the chaos of the halls. Screaming maids and panicked guardsponies were everywhere, and the cacophany was too loud for Celestia to get any sort of word in to restore order. Finally, she had enough.
"Quiet!" Screamed Celestia in the Traditional Royal Canterlot Voice. The noise ended abruptly, allowing Celestia to take a deep breath and continue in a normal tone of voice. "All maids and servants not injured please return to your quarters immediately. All uninjured guardsponies will assist all injured to the medical wing for treatment. Once done you are to head into the city and assist the town guard in evacuating all citizens to the shelters and performing any required rescue mission." With nods of acknowledgment, order was restored. The guards helped and escorted any injured pony they found to the medical wing. Thankfully, there weren't that many injured. Their jobs within the castle done, the guardsponies immediately headed out into the city. Celestia sighed as she listened to the panic outside the city.
"Sister!" Shouted a voice. Celestia looked behind her and was greeted with the sight of princess Luna. The alicorn mare looked as if she had been caught in a cyclone. "Art thou alright sister? We came as soon as the tremors ceased. What hath happened sister?" Asked Luna frantically, and Celestia only just managed to calm her sibling.
"Lulu, I'm fine, don't worry."
"Fine? In case thou hast not noticed, thine wing hast been broken. Thou must be in terrible pain."
"Luna, I am fine. It's nothing a simple healing spell won't fix. I have bigger things to worry about right now, like the state of the surrounding towns." With that, Celestia strode to her day court office, bracing herself to deal with the aftermath of this sudden calamaty.
Twilight Sparkle was in a panic. Three huge explosions had detonated within the Everfree Forest, and the shockwaves had caused significant damage to Ponyville. After it had ended, the town was in a state of mass panic. Thankfully Twilight took immediate charge of the situation, organizing rescue teams and getting other townsfolk sheltered in town hall. Currently, Twilight was heading to Sweet Apple Acres to check on Applejack and her family seeing as they weren't in town at the time of the explosions. When she got to the farm, the place was a mess. Apples were all over the place, along with broken branches, and even a few broken trees here and there. the barn had suffered some damage, the doors had been wrenched off, and a few sections of the roof had been damaged. The farm house was mostly intact, the only things damaged were the front porch and all the windows. Twilight was puzzling on how to get to the door with the porch totalled, when suddenly a trapdoor in front of the barn flipped open. To Twilight's immense relief, the Apple family were hauling themselves out.
"Applejack," Twilight called out in relief, "thank Celestia you and your family are all right. How did you guys react so fast? Those explosions weren't something that could be warned in advance against."
"Well yah see Twi," Replied Applejack as she grabbed Applebloom from Big Mac, "me 'n mah family were relaxin' after all the apple buckin' we'd been doin' today, when outta nowhere Granny Smith leaps outta her rockin' chair with ah wild look in 'er eye and starts screamin 'Mah leg's gone numb! Get to the storm cellar!' O' course when Granny's leg goes numb, it means somethin bad's gonna happen. Applebloom was questionin' it, but ah snatched her up while Big Mac got Granny, n' we hightailed it into our storm cellar. Just as Big Mac closed the door, them explosions started. Once again Granny's leg is right."
'Eeyup." Said Big Mac as he helped Granny out of the cellar. Normally Twilight would have questioned the fact of a numb leg predicting disasters, but her friend's safety currently overruled scientific thought.
"I'm just glad you and your family's okay Applejack." Said Twilight, catching her friend in a hug.
"Aw shoot Twi, there's no need fer that. As you can see, me and mah family are as right as rain." Responded Applejack, returning the embrace.
"Incoming!" Screamed a familiar voice, and a rainbow streak collided into the two mares.
"Tarnation. Rainbow Dash!" Hollered Applejack, who was not in any way happy of being slammed into the dirt.
"Twilight, AJ, thank goodness I found you two. It's an emergency. Those explosions collapsed Fluttershy's cottage." As soon as Rainbow Dash said that, the three mares were untangled in an instant.
"Well what in tarnation are we standin' around here for? Let's get goin'!" With that, the three mares galloped as fast as the could to Fluttershy's. Upon reaching her cottage, Twilight and AppleJack lost control of there jaws. The cottage was in ruins, the roof had literally been torn off and was thrown across the clearing, the west side of the cottage had been smashed inwards, and the whole thing had begun to collapse inward.
"Come on girls," Said Twilight, her voice serious, "let's get Fluttershy out of there." Approaching the wreckage, the three girls saw Fluttershy's pet bunny Angel desperately thumping against the door, trying to get it open.
"Stand back there, little bunny." Said Applejack, and the earth pony slammed her hind hooves into the door as hard as she could, causing the doorway to shatter into bits of wood. The inside was just as bad as the outside. The entire second floor had collapsed, leaving timbers and debris everywhere. The three mares dug through the wreckage, Finally after a few minutes, they found the yellow pegasus unconscious under a support beam. Twilight ignited her horn and levitated the beam off of the poor mare, while AppleJack and Rainbow Dash fished Fluttershy out from the wreckage. After two minutes, Fluttershy was free.
Alright," Said Rainbow Dash, "I'll take Fluttershy over to the hospital while you two find out what happened to Rarity and Pinkie Pie. I haven't seen them all day and that worries me."
"You heard her sugarcube, I'll head over tah the Boutique to see if Rarity's there. You head over tah Sugar Cube Corner and see if you can find Pinkie Pie. If she ain't there, meet me in the market square." Nodding, Twilight headed over to Sugar Cube Corner. Upon reaching the bakery, Twilight cautiously entered.
"Pinkie Pie, you in here?" Twilight called, but recieved no answer, Twilight cautiously made her way to the stairs, avoiding broken glass and dishes. Finally reaching and ascending the stairs, Twilight knocked on Pinkie's door.
"Pinkie, you in there? It's me, Twilight." After a small stretch of silence, light shuffling could be heard behind the door. then the knob turned and the door swung outwards, revealing a trembling and frightened Pinkie Pie.
"I-is it over?" She asked in a timid voice, and Twilight nodded. The lavender unicorn was not expecting Pinkie to catch her in a tight hug, while sobbing into her shoulder.
"Pinkie, what's wrong?" Pinkie continued to cry for a bit, then replied.
"I was so scared. When everything started shaking it reminded me of that day, and I couldn't stop thinking that my friends could get really really hurt, but I didn't leave because I was scared that I might get really hurt, and then I was thinking what would happen if one of my friend's got really hurt and I wasn't there to help, but I couldn't leave because I was too scared of getting hurt and nopony coming to help me, and, and, oh Twilight." Pinkie broke down on Twilight's shoulder once more, the unicorn mare doing everything she could to comfort her distraught friend. Finally, Pinkies sobs quietened, and her trembling stilled. Twilight noted with slight curiosity that Pinkie's mane was not bright and spoofy as usual, but had darkened a bit, and fell straight.
"Shh, It's okay Pinkie, it's okay. Nopony was seriously hurt, there's no reason to be afraid." Soon, the two broke their embrace, and silence fell between the two, though Pinkie would occasionally sniffle. The silence was broken when the shop door opened.
"Dear heavens, look at this mess. I do hope the poor mare's alright." Said a familiar voice.
"Twi, Pinkie, you two in here? Ah didn't see yah in th' market so I headed over here with Rarity." Called Applejack from downstairs.
"We're upstairs." Answered Twilight. "Pinkie was pretty shaken up by the explosions, so I've been comforting her."
"Oh how dreadful. Bring the poor dear down Twilight, it should do her good to be close to friends." Replied Rarity. With a bit of coaxing, Twilight managed to get Pinky downstairs, where they met with Rarity and AppleJack. The two captured Pinky in a warm hug after assuring her everpony was okay. Finally, The four left Sugar Cube Corner and headed to the hospital to meet up with Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Soon, the group of six were all together, surrounding Fluttershy's bed.
"She's not hurt is she?" Twilight asked Rainbow Dash.
"Nah, the beam didn't have all it's weight on her, so she's perfectly fine. She was knocked unconscious by a hit to the head, so the doctors want to keep her in observation in case of a concussion."
"Still, I must ask just what was it that caused those explosions? They nearly tore the whole town to pieces." Remarked Rarity.
"I honestly have no idea. I haven't heard nor read of any monster in the Everfree being able to do that. I'll ask the princess in a letter, perhaps she may know more." Replied Twilight.
" I say we go into the Everfree forest ourselves and find what did this, then we pound it flat." Said Rainbow Dash, punching the air for emphasis.
"Easy sugarcube, I don't think we should try tah tassle with somethin' like that. Way too dangerous." Said AppleJack, yanking Rainbow back onto the ground.
"Alright everypony. I'll send a letter to the princess detailing the current state of Ponyville and I'll ask for instructions concerning the explosions. Sound good?" The four others agreed, and Twilight headed for the library.
Princess Celestia rubbed her temples with her hooves in an effort to quell her raging headache. The explosions from earlier had not caused any deaths, but had caused a lot of property damage. Fortunately, it was all small things like statues and windows, no buildings had been knocked down, and the mountain slopes were still stable and in no danger of crumbling. All in all, it could have been a lot worse. However, there were still injured despite the good news. Fortunately nopony was severely injured, the worst was a few ponies with broken legs due to something heavy falling on them. Still, having to deal with Blueblood for half an hour would give anyone a headache, and the reports were not helping. Canterlot was a complete mess, Manehatten was not as bad, but was still hit pretty hard. Cloudsdale was the only neighbouring city that wasn't affected, seeing as one couldn't get earthquakes in the sky. Dismissing Shining Armour after his final report, Celestia was about to summon four pegasi guards to head down to Ponyville to assess the damage there, when a stream of ash flew through the broken window and coalesced in front of her, becoming a rolled letter. Grasping it with her magic, Celestia unrolled the letter and began to read.
Princess Celestia
No doubt you know about the series of explosions that happened earlier within the Everfree Forest. Due to it's proximity to the blast, Ponyville was hit rather hard. many of the town's homes and buildings have been damaged, and a couple have been completely demolished. Sweet apple acres and Fluttershy's animal grounds were hit hardest due to their close proximity to the Everfree. Sweet apple Acres' orchards are a mess right now, and a moderate scattering of trees have been broken or uprooted entirely. Fluttershy's cottage was completely demolished, though thankfully she herself is fine, and her animal grounds have been torn apart. other than this, all other property damage is at a minimum, the worst being everyponies windows being broken. No deaths or severe inuries have been reported, the worst injury so far being Fluttershy with a mild head injury. Now that that's out of the way, I was wondering about your plans concerning the explosions themselves. If nothing has been planned as of yet, we, the elements of harmony, can be sent to investigate. Hopefully Canterlot is doing okay after all that, and I hope my BBBFF wasn't hurt.
Sincerely, your faithful student: Twilight Sparkle
The princess let out a groan. It seemed Ponyville had been hit the hardest out of everypony. She was also worried for her faithful student, something that was able to create an explosion of such magnitude was definately dangerous. thinking it over, an idea came to her.
"Guards." she called, and two unicorn guards trotted into the room and bowed. "Could you please bring me Shining Armour." The two bowed once more and left to retrieve their captain.
"C'mon Twi, there's probably a good reason why the princess hasn't written back yet." Said Spike as he continued to help Twilight re-organize the library.
"That's just it Spike, who knows what happened in Canterlot due to the explosions. It could be in an even bigger mess than Ponyville." It had been half an hour since Twilight had sent the letter, and in order to take her mind off the length of time passed, she was cleaning the mess of books that the explosions had knocked off the shelves. It wasn't working.
"Urgh, that's it, I can't take it anymore! Spike, take a message."
"That won't be necessary my faithful student." said a voice that Twilight was definately not expecting.
"Princess Celestia!" Twilight called out joyously, running over to her mentor.
"Good to see you Twilight." said Celestia, wrapping her student in a brief hug.
"Not that I'm unhappy to see you, but why are you here?" Asked Twilight.
"I'm here to investigate the cause of the explosions, and after reading your letter I figured I could use your magical expertise to help." The two stepped out of the library and into the streets of Ponyville, where Twilight saw was a regiment of ten guards.
"Twiley!" The lavender unicorn blinked at the voice and nickname, and was suddenly swept up into a bear hug from a large white unicorn stallion.
"Shiney! I missed you BBBFF." Replied Twilight, returning the hug in full. Princess Celestia let the two siblings have a moment with each other, then got things back on track.
"If you two are quite done, we have work to do." She quietly snickered at the looks of mild embarrassment on the two siblings faces when they quickly separated. "Now then, Captain, we march into Everfree."
"Yes your highness." Saluted Shining Armour, and with that, the ten soldiers trotted into the forest, Celestia and Twilight behind them. After thirty minutes of the constant pace, they came to the origin of the explosions. The crater was huge, easily able to hold Ponyville within it. Wisps of smoke curled from the blackened ground and scorched trees, and the air was dead silent and filled with tension. As the guards were checking out the crater, Twilight and Celestia were having a conversation.
"So how's Luna adjusting to her newfound freedom?" Asked Twilight.
"Well, so far so good, However, three weeks is barely any time at all, and old traditions die hard."
"How does it feel to have your family back after so long?"
"That's a bit of a personal question my faithful student." Twilight glanced away embarrassed. "To be honest Twilight, it feels wonderful, like a void in my heart has finally been filled, yet at the same time the pain of my regret is still fresh, and I don't believe there will ever come a time when I can be free of it."
"Regret, princess?" Celestia sighed, perhaps she should tell her student.
"Yes my faithful student. I am willing to tell you of it, but you must promise me to never speak of it to anypony else. Not your brother, not your friends, and definately not to Luna." Upon Twilight's immediate promise, Celestia continued. "The truth is Twilight, as a ruler, you all see me as fair and just, but as a sister, I have been cruel beyond imagining. As you know, my day was greatly favored over Luna's night, and this is what caused my sister to succumb to darkness. I saw this Twilight, I saw the pain in my sister's eyes every day, how hurt she was that I was loved, and she shunned. The truth is, I did nothing to stop it, neigh, I encouraged it. I loved how I was favored more, and I reveled in the praise and superiority I had over my sister. The story claims I had tried to reason with my sister, I did nothing of the sort. I didn't question why she kept the moon raised, I didn't question her defiance, 'Lower the moon' I said, as if what she was doing was but a trivial nuisance. When she became Nightmare Moon, I did what I feel was my absolute lowest blow to my sister. The elements of harmony work on your deepest desires Twilight. When you defeated Nightmare Moon with them you simply desired to stop her. I could have done that as well, but I didn't. No, instead of wishing my sister to be purged of the negativity consuming her, I desired her to be out of the way, and the elements reacted to my desire by banishing her to the moon. Funny, how after my first century of her abscense that I truly felt regret for what I had done. Immortality is a horrible thing Twilight, watching all those you have bonded with wither and fade while you remain. By banishing my sister I threw away the only friend I could have that would stay beside me through my eternal life. Now that I have her back, I feel there is nothing I can do to make up for the suffering I caused my sister." Twilight for her part, was shocked to her core. Never had she thought the princess to be capable of such cruelty, to cast aside a sibling like that. Her first instinct was to be disgusted with her mentor, but then she remembered a little something she had been taught.
"If I was Luna, I'd forgive you." Said Twilight, much to Celestia's shock and interest.
"Why?"
"Because of what you taught me. Forgiveness should always be given to those who strive their hardest to recieve it. You really want your sister's forgiveness, so I know if you try your hardest to make your sister happy, you'll earn her forgiveness." Celestia could only be amazed with her faithful student.
"It's an odd thing, here I am, one of the oldest beings in this world, and yet I have been beaten in wisdom. You are an amazing pony Twilight." Before Twilight could respond, Shining Armour rushed out of the crater towards the two.
"Your highness, we found something that requires your immediate attention." Said Shining Armour with a salute. Princess celestia and Twilight followed the guard captain down to the bottom of the crater, and what was within caused both Celestia's and Twilight's eyes to widen considerably. in the center of the crater lay two beings that Celestia had no idea of. They both looked like some kind of pale hairless monkey of some kind. They were wearing what looked to be clothing of some sort, though it was badly damaged, and were also armed. Celestia could also feel powerful energy radiating off the two, possibly magic of some sort. One of the monkey things had a black mane, while the other had a bright yellow mane. Both were unconscious and badly injured.
"Princess, what are those things?" Asked Twilight, a bit frightened by the new strange beings.
"I'm not sure Twilight, but that is the least of our worries. They are obviously injured and we have no idea how to treat them."
"I have an idea princess, maybe Fluttershy can help us. Seeing as she takes care of animals, she might be able to help treat these two."
"It's worth a shot. Captain, prepare medical transport for these two creatures and bring them back to Ponyville." Doing as he was told, Shining Armour and his stallions set up two medical stretchers, and placed the creatures on them as gently as he could. He winced when he saw some of the wounds on the two.
"Hope this Fluttershy mare is good Twiley, these two are in pretty bad condition." Shining remarked. Once the two beings were secured to the stretchers and hoisted up, the group swiftly cantered to Ponyville as fast as they could without injuring the wounded cargo further, heedless of the massive changes these two would bring to future events.
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Have a mustache
Edit: O_O i just realized i got first post :D 30 weeks late but eh.
seoenquirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/firstpost.jpg
Any hints we can get on the couples we'll be seeing in this story?
Ohhhh lordy lordy I found another Naruto in equestria fic and this one looks like its going to be a good one!!!!
Moar. Now.
Please.
Moar. Now.
Please.
Let's get this shit on the road!
This sounds really interesting. One question, is Naruto over in Japan? Currently we(USA) are still in the great ninja war but a way off from being close to the end. Or did you make that ending up?
2550752 I just made the ending up. The most current episode in japan atm is Madara's revival via Edo Tensei
2549940Glad you like it.
2549442 While I don't want to spoil anything, I'll give you this. Naruto will have three mares, while Sasuke has two, and both will only have one of the mane 6. Who these mares are is up to you, but lets just say all of them have pasts steeped in darkness.
Hmmm... For Mane 6 Naruto parallels... Fluttershy = Hinata?
well i hope this fic has frequent updates all the other good naruto cross fics have very slow updates >< and this would be the first that sasuke is in any of the naruto cross mlp fics that ive seen o.0
well ALMOST anyway friendship contract is the only exeption and it was damn good >> too bad it stopped updateing as far as i could tell
as for the story itself i enjoyed it :D the obvious grammar issues here and there but overall not bad so upvote and ill be watching this :)
2551110 hmm, so Naruto gets 3 mares and Sasuke gets 2...I like it! I've always had a soft spot for harem's, especially if their done right. Large harem's are okay and all, but they tend to become too big and jumbled up and just become a mess in the end, so kudos on going with a smaller number, good choice.
I don't know if your going to go with our choices or if you've already picked but I'm gonna put down who I think would make good couples for both Naruto and Sasuke.
For Sasuke, my first choice would be to give him Princess Luna. Both have dark past'a that have been redeemed, yet they both still hold regret for what they did. For his second choice and the one that would be one of the main 6, I would give him Pinkie Pie, only cause as they say "opposites attract." If not Pinkie, then my other choice would be Fluttershy, only cause if anyone could break through his cold exterior, Fluttershy could.
As for Naruto, my first choice and the one main 6 of his group, I would probably go with Twilight, only cause I have read a lot of stories where Naruto has ended up in Equestria and in most of them, he ends up with Twilight and it does seem to be a cute couple. If not Twilight then I would either go with Fluttershy or Rarity. Both haven't been shown that often but I honestly think they might work. My second choice would probably be Princess Celestia...don't know why, just wanna see it. My third choice would most likely be Lyra. She has this obsession with humans and now she can finally have one.
These are just my choices I would pick...so...yeah. Can't wait to see the next chapter.
this...I like it, Another!
2551110 Ok phew. Still farther ahead though.
2551652Yeah, last update was like... July of 2012 I think. But there was another Naruto fic with Sasuke in it. Can't remember the name, but I do remember I read it like two Saturdays ago.
And a Naruto fic that gets featured after 177 views?
I call shenanigans... anywaaaaays, I'm going to be tracking this. Can't read right now (can in about 20-30 minutes), but if it got featured then it must be good.
2551652The one Nightmare Knight's talking about is Visual Prowess, which has a wonderful update record of a chapter every three days.
2551888 Hey, I'm just as shocked as you. Not complaining though.
Okay, so I finally finished reading this.
I must say, this story is marvellous. You have spacing set up decently well, so that you're not jumping around all over the timeline. I didn't see any spelling mistakes; maybe a grammar mistake here or there, but nothing to worry about. And your characterization was pretty spot on. Though I have to wonder something. You say it's been 3 weeks since Luna came back. Around what season/episode would that put this in?
2552008I get what you mean. I just dislike how inconsistent the criteria for featuring is. Also, Visual Prowess is not the fic I'm talking about, since I haven't seen it update in over a week. Then again, maybe it didn't register my favorite. I was on a phone.
Was it the one where child Naruto/Sasuke get sent to Equestria?
2552010 The day after Gilda.
Cool Premise, I'd really like to see where this is headed, and while you didn't ponify Naruto and Sasuke, I think it's better that way, but the thing I'm looking forward to is the reaction of our ninjas to the ponies
2552091 And it will be hilarious, at least on Naruto's part anyway. Sasuke's too logical for any real hilarity to ensue from his end.
Why were there 3 explosions/earthquakes and what caused them? Was it the veil (best word I could think of) between worlds ripping?
Other than that, another please.
2551110 So this is a harem fic then? If so, they're insanely hard to get done right and most just come out as annoying in the end. Hope you know what you're doing.
2552127
Ya know, even the stoic and logical beings manage to crack me up sometimes, by virtue of being stoic in fact
2552423 True, most harem fics fall apart at the seams rather easily. The reason being everyone tries to give the protagonist practically every mare in Equestria. I've written harem fics for other fanbases, and all of them were extremely successful, simply because I limited how many girls were in said harem.
Fairly interesting. I write a similar story. I'll be watching this, I think.
For the sake of improvement though, here's some criticism
I noticed some spelling errors and grammar issues, but it wasn't too bad. Still, try to keep them down.
Also, one thing you really need to do is break up your paragraphs a bit more. It's not too bad and I can deal with it, but other people won't be so forgiving. You should probably edit this chapter a bit more and the others that you put up, before you submit them, from now on.
Other than that, though, it doesn't look too bad, and I'll be favoriting it.
It appears some of my readers are already reading it, too. That's good.
2552517 Maybe so. I'm not a fan of harem fics in particular (probably because all harem fics I've seen up until now has been shait and I don't fancy the concept itself too much) but not giving yours a chance when we're not even at that point yet wouldn't be very rational. Besides, it's not what the entire plot revolve around, no?
.........why do i feel this chapter was rushed?
Sasuke and Luna should set up a 'Vengeance Annonymous' support group.
I'm a little tedious about this story. There are a few things that stand out right away and kinda shed a negative light on the whole story.
First off, in general, the whole chapter felt rushed. Lots of stuff going on and a bit too much information to process for a first chapter. It's kinda like you have so many great ideas bouncing around in your head and you want to shoot them all off at once. This is never good and bogs down some of the better story lines you have with filler. A good example is the wall of text conversation between Twilight and Celestia. I understand why this is here, and yes it would work for the characters presented, but not in the first chapter. The situation would have worked better farther along the story, somewhere along the lines of Naruto and Sasuke trying to discover more information about the history of Equestria. This is just a suggestion, but the way it is written now seems very forced.
Second, and I know this gonna sound elitist, but there are a lot of cliche details in this story that are so overly used in MLP that there is almost no originality to it. From prick Blueblood, to Medieval Griffins, to overly sensitive Pinkie Pie. I know it's up to the Author, but still it's nice to see some sort of creativity and not a copy n' paste character.
Third, please for the love of God do not include bold words to describe onomatopoeia. This a problem a lot of Fanfic authors have, and it bugs the crap out of me. Let the scene describe itself, not forced special lettering.
Those are the three big things that stand out, the first being incredibly important. Other then that, it is a story that has potential. It just needs some originality.
2553534 I'll take your suggestions to heart good sir. Looking back on the first chapter, I realize I did rush it a bit, especially where you pointed it out. As for the cliche characters, I don't exactly agree, but I do see your point. I might have made blueblood a bit over the top there, but to me it feels that how I portray him here is exactly how he would act in off screen canon, but that's just me and I could very well be biased about it even when I'm trying not to be. The personality of the griffon ambassadors is not the universal template for every griffon personality, it's just those specific griffons who were sexist. I also fail to see how I made Pinkie overly sensitive. I merely gave her a phobia, and had her act on it judging by her canon personality. We're all scared of something, and how we react to it is dependant upon our personalities. If I screwed up with Pinkie, then I apologize, though she needs to be like this for certain areas of story progression.
Now, I forgot to mention this in the first chapter, which was pretty stupid of me, but all ninjutsu and genjutsu used in this story will be in bold. If you don't like this, I deeply apologize but I will not change this, though I assure you it will be for ninja techniques only.
Once again good sir, thank you for your appreciation and constructive critisism. I deeply appreciate both.
2551888>>2552008 thank you for another story :P hopefully Its good :3
Characterization seems pretty good.
Some of the slang terms I am not familiar with.
I did read the manga up to the fight with Pain, but I don't recall some of those terms.
Some typos like not capitalizing " Blueblood", and common mistakes. Nothing big.
I'll wait for some more chapters and character interaction to decide on faving or not. Thumbs up for now.
While you do have the Crossover tag on this story, isn't there suppose to have the Other Character tag as well? Or do I simply have no idea of how such things work?
Grammar and formatting work are in order, but this is a damn promising concept. I'll have to see how it goes.
2554243
No. He's got it right.
2553995Visual Prowess is a pretty damn good read. I can't remember the other Naruto fic I've read. I do remember it was about child Naruto/Sasuke in Equestria though.
2554398 im reading it right now :P and that one where your talking about the child naruto coming to equestria thats frienship contract i believe when he first arrived he was just a kid :P
2554730No, that was just Naruto. I know what Friendship Contract is. The one I'm talking about is where both Sasuke and Naruto get sent to Equestria when they're kids.
sort of rushed. Also I think it would been funnier to have the ponies find them awake and naruto complaining maybe about porcupine needles in his but. but still good faving and have my up thumb
your concept is interesting and you right equestria fair enough but to be frank, your kages and general knowledge seems lacking.
A. where is B? if naruto is a danger B sure as hell is one too. by seperating killer B your claiming that the hokages as a group are able to be that partial which experince has shown there not. and even if they did leave B out not only would he know about this, the 8 tails would actively oppose the seal and likely destroy it.
B. neither tusnade nor the raikage would be part of this infact they would actively oppose it. how are the other kage keeping two of the most powerful ninja in this world at bay?
C. what is keeping naruto from simply chakra balling the seal? he can control them nw and if orochimaru's three demon gates where anilated by one that he couldn't control, there is nothing to say the seal would hold up to it.
you have a great story here but you don't cover naruto's strengths or allies at all. the begininh needs more detail.
Do you have a regular update schedule? I would love to see more of this.
Hooo Shit's going to get Crazy HERE!
Not bad. Some grammar work needed in a few spots, taking the large paragraphs and divvying them up into smaller ones, and an explanation on how the three surviving Kages knew a prophecy made by the toads told only to Naruto and Jiraiya.
Honestly I want to read this but I can't... I just can't stand sasuke becoming good for no reason. If naruto has xchanged him somehow earlier I'm ok. But a story like this I won't be able to read without constantly wanting to rip sasuke's head off.
2556712 Now who ever said Sasuke is good? Sasuke is still as dark, violent, and dangerous as ever. He's like a trained guard dog. Don't give him a reason to maul you, and you have no reason to fear him. His leash is currently being held by Naruto, who will keep him from outright attacking anypony, but don't make the assumption that Sasuke's all goody goody. Now there will be points in the story where Sasuke gets lighter, but he'll never be 'good' in the sense you're thinking. As I call it, he walks a long dark road to a distant dawn, moving to the light, but never leaving the darkness. Hope this clears things up.
2556809 I still doubt I will enjoy it really. I usually either want him dead or good. With the way he is being in the manga (reviving orochimaru and all) I really think he just needs to die. Yet again with a little extra help has done a good job of making me like him, but from shippuden's start he is unsaveable to me. I give you props on the feature but if sasuke gets a mare (or 2 like you say, especially one of the six) then I won't enjoy it. Mainly it's because he's not kind,generous,honest,loyal, or even genuinely laugh. So he would be against their main points. Sorry for my rant its just kishimoto has made me hate sasuke and he naruto anime/manga with a passion. Still can't believe he made obito the big bad.
Hmmmmm. Good, good. You've got my attention.
I like this story so far. Keep it up.
Dragon
profalbrecht.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/meh-graphic-buckle.jpg As long as you don't introduce any random romance element, aaand you got a romance tag, wonderful, at least keep it real and don't involve the royal sisters, that would be pretty horrible, so far so good by the way. I don't like Sasuke much , since he's a bit of a douche but I can look past it. I'm betting a thousand internets that Naruto ends up with Celestia, Sasuke with Luna (or viceversa) , maybe Twilight is gay for her mentor, thats a possibility too. Anyway I guarrantee that there will be lesbian couples galore because pretty much every story goes that way, its like a plague and I just wanted you to know I called it first. I'll withhold a final verdict until I see proof of either.
2555197
im sorry, but what? I actually reread the chapter to see what your point was. I think you are confused.
A. Why would B in Hidden Leaf now? How would B know anythimg about this plot? Why are you talking about B when the reason behind the Kages actions are Naruto specific?
B. Tsunade is dead first of all. Second A is willing to kill B if necessary. Why would he not go through with this plot to save the ninja world? He respects Naruto, really theres no reason hed let him live in the stories context.
C. Get your facts straight first. It doesnt matter what happened in that fight, that was Kurama. The bijudama was perfectly controlled just not by naruto. Second, youre asking why Naruto doesnt essentially detonate an atomic bomb in his own face. Bijudamas blow away moutains like card houses.