Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy have known each other since they were little fillies, and they share a close bond that will become even stronger as the years go by.
Note: After several weeks of being on Hiatus, I have decided I will make this story my official Flutterdash fanfiction. I like it, I like where it's going. It will still be technically a project since I will be playing with the characters and the world a bit. All the same though, I hope you enjoy!
Also, the art is mine! I drew it myself.
Chapters (5)
@HyperBlossom7...
1. Overall, I give it a relatively positive "not bad" for quality; no glaring or major technical writing errors (such careless technical writing always earn an automatic Dislike from me, regardless of how much I may like the story premise), and a healthy chapter length (shows you put time + effort into writing out). On the (moderately) negative, it did not particularly impress me for emotional response as the reader audience.
2. It was definitely the correct call to do a "practice" fan-fiction to work towards what you truly want for your "official" Fluttershy & Rainbow Dash [portmanteau'x make my eyes twitch] romance fan-fiction, so kudos on that
.
3. You may want to refine the emotional feels to be more in-depth, since (to me, at least) it gives the impression that their romantic feelings towards each other get shoved on to the literary stage rather suddenly. Childhood-friends-turned-romances' are generally slow-paced in the beginning third of the overall story, with a noticeably fast(er) pace during the middle portion, and then a moderate-slow pace in the conclusion as things wind down (after the story-climax of the story, of course).
4. You may also want to refine the speech patterns & personas to the cast more, source-accuracy is always an important factor in any good fan-fiction (an excuse to go re-watch the series too, I suppose
).
Hope this helps.
Ok so i would say this story is good so far of what ive read, admittedly it doesnt quite make readers sympathise with the characters feelins and problems like you might hope but then this is just a test to findnout things lile that in the first place, overall i would say it will be interesting to see how it will turn out after a couple of chapters
I really like this story i cant wait tosee where this goes and how it ends up. Not reallybig on the flutter dash bit but i reallyapprovw of it in this story with how youset it up /) brohoof
I'll give it an upvote as its a fun read and its Flutterdash. However, I see minimal conflict coming up in any form. I don't see that there will be much stopping them from becoming a couple so it makes me wonder if there is something else coming up that will add to the story.
@Flutterdash7
I did say in the description that this was a project, meaning this is just something I'm using so I can try and come up with a new and unique idea. There really isn't a conflict yet.
Guys, chapter 2 is not done yet. I hadn't even realized I pressed the publish button. Please do not read chapter 2, I will let you know when it is finished.
3474850
I did say it was a project, so there obviously won't be any conflict yet.
3474879 Thats cool then
My story 'A Date over the Rainbow' is like that too in that it lacks conflict (although as I like the angel of them being together already, thats where I approached from... I think there are more than enough stories already about them getting together.)
CHAPTER 2 IS COMPLETE
Cool chapter
Nice, simple, cute and Flutterdash
Just wondering... but did any of the ideas in the chapter come from my story Fall of the Rising? I see several similarities emerging here
not that I have any problems, Im rather interested in where you will go with it.
3508748
To be honest, yes. But it's only Gilda. I intend to make the main villan in this story be Queen Chrysalis and the changelings. Gilda was just an opening, and also a good tool to use towards Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. I have no intention on stealing your plot or anything, so no worries there.
3508861 Hey, thats all good. Its flattering that my story has been good enough to give ideas.
It would be a bit hard for you to steal plot at the moment as most of the really jucy/impactful things are yet to happen.
I wish you luck with this story and if you ever feel like you need a helping hand on anything, just let me know.
3508882
Thanks
I am still eagerly awaiting your next chapter. Fall of the Rising is one of my favorite fanfics so far haha.
3508890 I actually have the next few chapters nearly ready. But I have something else in the works that I want to get released first.
3508919
YAY
@HyperBlossom7...
Never apologize, or be regretful, for putting out a high word-count chapter. Never.
~ a. Hearty word-count chapters show the readers that the Author has put in the time + effort towards the fan-fiction, giving them something to invest their time + interest in.
~ b. A large word-count also generally means the Author has taken to writing out a descriptive & detailed story, not just putting out short lines of "Rainbow did this. Fluttershy said that. And then they kissed."
~ c. Healthy word-count chapters also act as a literary "buffer" for the Author as well. While not everyone may particularly "like" the story itself, all but the worst of internet trolls will respect that the time + effort into the work through the word-count.
3641031
Thank you
Nice cute chapter there.
Its not too long and not to short.
Aside from perhaps adding a little more detail to some of the areas around the scene jumps, I found it an easy and fun read.
Having lived in the Seattle area for most of my life, I regret to inform you that in fifteen years of living there, I have never seen two sunny days in a row.
Hello! I’m Plebeian, and I’m here to review your story on behalf of WRITE.
Shipping isn’t easy, and the reasoning is simple. Since the show depicts very few characters in love, authors are already writing out-of-character portrayals. Very few are able to realistically portray characters sensibly when love is thrown in the mix. Not only do they have to understand the characters to portray them individually. They have to be able to figure out where love fits into their personage. On request of the author, I’m going to focus primarily on the romantic characterization he provides, and how it can be improved.
One of the key limiting factors of this piece is the shallow sort of love dynamic going on between Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy. Whereas the show lends complexity to both characters, this piece seems to lend them only caricatures. Rainbow Dash is bold and defensive, Fluttershy is timid and fragile, and we don’t end up seeing much else. Even though this piece depicts a homosexual couple, it’s a bit disappointing that it still resembles a marriage stereotype that feminism has fought for over a century: the protector and the damsel. While this sort of relationship can certainly be a part of a good love story, it should not be the entirety of their bond. There’s more to any realistic love than a single trait or interaction, and this story really only develops that single weakling-savior relationship. It makes their love seem rather shallow and underdeveloped. The author needs to develop a bit more dynamic interaction between the two, something that shows there’s more than a simple deficiency-fulfillment sort of bridge between them.
The particular take on their relationship also flattened the characters a lot. There’s a lot more conflict and insecurity in Rainbow Dash that the show addresses, but in the story, we only get her bolder side. Likewise, with Fluttershy, we’re only getting her shy side, not the thoughts or emotions behind it. Rainbow is never really threatened by any sort of conflict in the story, and the fact that anything opposing her is immediately rendered as incapable, immoral, or ineffectual, actually brings out the fact that Rainbow is a Mary Sue character. Meanwhile, Fluttershy takes the other end of the spectrum, unable to face anything. She is wholly dependent on Rainbow Dash for reassurance and support and unable to face the world on her own – hardly the Fluttershy the show’s spent nearly four seasons developing. Fluttershy may be shy, but she isn’t weak. Likewise, Rainbow Dash may be excessively confident, but she isn’t invincible. Understanding and writing the characters as the show portrays them will be crucial to establishing a more meaningful bond between them. Otherwise, they’ll never reach the characteristic mutual dependence that love entails. As-is, Rainbow Dash is a clear and dominant protagonist, while Fluttershy is essentially dragged behind by weakness. Ideally, a story like this would depict them as equally complex and powerful co-protagonists.
Under that blueprint, none of the conflict of the story really pans out as gripping or convincing. Because each conflict is overcome so easily, the story doesn’t keep the readers interested or invested. The events of the story don’t seem persistent or tailored-together, with the only overarching plot being focused on a love that the author already seems to have deemed flawless. To put it bluntly, flawless love does not happen because people are flawed. No two fit together perfectly and seamlessly, because they are constantly changing, learning, and growing. Until some conflict is added to that relationship, it just won’t feel complex, and the story will feel like a stitched-together collection of irrelevant other stories. There has to be something, some independent growth in both characters that actually makes their love feel real and tangible. Right now, the relationship is just a static ecstasy, which is not at all effective in fiction. The relationship should be as complex as the characters themselves.
The story overall suffers from an overwhelming shallowness, and until a bit more complexity is thrown into the characters, the relationships, and the conflicts, the story will not feel real or tangible. With every confidence comes an insecurity, and with every insecurity a hope and determination. Take the time to understand the characters and how they interact, then make sure love is an addition to that, not a subtraction. Thank you.
- Plebeian, WRITE’s Dark Lord General Flour Sack
Everyone thinks that flutter shy is more weak and helpless than she is!
flutter shy is braver than in the show!
you gots the characters all wrong!