Trial of the left arm
The room was silent, the stunning beauty of the artifact and room were momentarily forgotten at the sound of the voice that boldly took initiative. It was...
Fluttershy.
"W-w-what!?" The entire group said. Celestia's eyes wear slightly widened, but other than that she didn't seem surprised. Fluttershy retreated into her mane.
"W-w-well...even though it sounds dangerous going into his mind...I want to help..." Fluttershy looked to the human, her face became downtrodden.
"Look at him..." She said. The group looked at him...
His body was spread, the same result comes from being chained to a wall.
The humans face was down, a dark shadow was cast over his face due to that, so nopony could see the humans face. The hands that Lyra so coveted were limp and hanging down while his arms were straight and stiff...
His unnatural tail hanging limply in the air, swinging a little bit from the sudden movement the crystal forced upon his prone body.
The bandages on the humans body were unchanged due to the urgency of the situation. Dry blood could be seen from the bandages.
The seven dull orbs surrounding his body were a ghost of their former selves. The once shining radiant orbs lost their luster because of the human's foreign body.
Many words can describe the humans current state... dismal, grim, melancholic, just to name a few. But the word that described the human's current condition was...
Trapped.
Chained like a criminal who committed the highest treason, a rabid animal who must be contained...
But he was innocent...
Fluttershy began to talk in a slow, sad voice.
"He has no control over himself, he is a prisoner of his own mind. Everything that he stands for, all his dreams...hopes... and feelings could be taken away from him. He saved me from timberwolves, and even himself...but most importantly..."
Fluttershy paused and took a minute to recollect herself. She turned to the group, tears were threatening to spill from those expressive cyan eyes of hers.
"He...did this to himself to save me... the pain he felt, and the thing that is plaguing his mind was a b-becuase of m-me... I...I..." Fluttershy couldn't hold in her tears anymore.
A waterfall of pent up emotion started to run down her golden cheeks, the sound of her many tears hitting the crystal floor echoing across the room, reaching the ears of her friends.
"J-just want to help h-him..." She started to voice her sadness in a series of almost mute sobs. Her crying was quite, but the effect her weeping had on her friends was powerful, unbearable. Not just because of their friends tears, but because of the fact that they to have lost their own minds at the hands of Discords magic, so they can relate to the humans affliction.
Rainbow looked away from the group and wiped any any droplets of saltwater that dared think of forming in her eyes.
'Big fillies DON'T cry...Darn it! They...don't...'
Applejack hid her face with her hat. She felt a bit sour for thinking that hog tying a helpless being would help, and for being proud of the fact she tied him up the first time. She vowed to herself that if this works and the human is set free that she would treat the being to a jug of cider.
'If this works is tha problem...'
Rarity put a hoof over her mouth and let tears freely spill from her face upon hearing this sad revelation from her fragile friend. Her eyes pried away from the dazzling crystal to address her friends cries.
'How positively dreadful... losing your mind to a foreign evil. That's... horrible...'
Pinkie's Mane started to droop a little, she started to shed a river of tears. She wailed like a banshee giving birth to a spiked brick.
'Being controlled by some meany mcmeanypants monster thingy... that's no fun at all!...'
Twilight had a tear in her eye, and her image of the human was changed at that point. He wasn't a exciting, foreign and possibly dangerous science project...
He was a being who saved her friend at the cost of extreme pain and his own freedom... both physically AND mentally.
But what Twilight also saw was a friend in need of a shoulder to cry on, so she started to trot towards her to comfort her friend. This caused a chain reaction and rest of the mane six came to comfort their crying friend.
"It's alright sugercube... if it makes yah feel better, ah feel like a sour apple for being proud af tying that there hooman up... and when ah suggested we do it again. Be sure as shoot that ah will do mah best tha help." Applejack said.
"I'll do my best to help him when it's my turn! I'll be done in 10- no 5 seconds flat!" Rainbow said proudly.
"Be absolutely sure that I will do my best also! No uncouth vagabond will burglarize this gentlecolts mind on my watch!" Rarity exclaimed.
"I'll make sure to do my besty bestest to help Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop when it's my turn!" Pinkie said.
"We're all going to help this being. He might be from another world, but let's show that reflection what the magic of friendship can do!" Twilight said. (UGH, can't believe I wrote that...)
Celestia was moved by the touching moment, but it was time to get to work.
"My apologies for interrupting this moment, but we must start. Fluttershy before you go into his mind I must tell the group some things." Twilight raised her hoof up like she was still a school filly.
"Yes, Twilight?" Celestia asked. Twilight put her hoof down.
"This crystal doesn't run on magic, and if I can take a guess this artifact can be used by just voice command. Why didn't you just use that on Discord, before he was reformed, and on Sombra? It seems much more practical." Twilight asked, after a second, Celestia sighed.
"These crystals comes with conditions my dear student. One is that when someone wants to use this crystal...they have to actually go inside the mind of the person or pony they want to purify." Celestia said
"Wait, it's not just a mental link?" Twilight asked. Celestia shook her head.
"Your body, when the crystal is activated, will be turned into energy. That energy will be sent into the mind of the being you are using the crystal on. You literally go inside the mind of the afflicted being. Also, I have never actually had to use this, so there might be some side affects on the human. More so because of his foreign body." Twilight had a confused look on her face.
"But.. isn't that what were trying to avoid? Feeding magical energy into the human?" Celestia shook her head.
"Fluttershy, just like the crystal, would be a catalyst. Meaning the humans body would not absorb the energy, but be changed by it." Celestia's face grew dark.
"But.. if you were to receive too much damage inside the mind... your connection with the crystal would be severed... and you would be absorbed...corrupted by the evil inside him...and your own consciousness would be destroyed..."
Fluttershy looked a little discouraged by the new information, but she still held firm.
"I'll do it... if nopony minds of course..." Fluttershy whispered. Celestia nodded. But then her tone became dead serious all of a sudden.
"Fluttershy, you cannot return from his mind until you place the node...and if you are taken by the reflection... this evil will be unstoppable...not even I can best this beast in battle. All you girls have to succeed, for the sake of Equestria and for the humans sake as well."
The girls nodded. Celestia turned towards Fluttershy and motioned her to follow her. They both went closer to the human floating form. Celestia turned to Fluttershy when they were next to him.
"When you are inside his mind, you probably will have to pass some sort of test or overcome some obstacle before you can place the node. So don't be shocked if something tries to stop you.
"Are you ready?" Asked Celestia. Fluttershy shook a little bit, but after a second she nodded. Celestia put her horn on Fluttershy's forehead. A spark left her horn and went inside Fluttershy's head.
"That is the node Fluttershy, all you have to do is find the correct place to put it." Fluttershy nodded.
"Cover your ears, and stand back a little." Celestia said. Fluttershy obeyed. Celestia inhaled a big gulp of air, having not used the royal canterlot voice in over one thousand years makes a mare a bit rusty.
"CRISTALLO MISERICORDIAM, INTEGRARE!"
The yellow crystal suddenly left its post from the humans left arm and went above Fluttershy. Fluttershy's body began to glow, and bit by bit pieces of her body began to move into the crystal.
"Good luck Fluttershy..." The group said, right before her entire body was inside the crystal.
The crystal regained the shine it had when it was part of the main crystal, and returned to its post next to the left hand of the human.
Then the energy inside the crystal began to beam into the humans head. And the crystal lost its luster once again...
It had begun.
...
...
...
...
Mentem
A bright beam of golden energy that made up Fluttershy's body was heading straight to a dull yellow floor, and when it touched down it collected on the floor and quick molded itself into the shape of the timid mare.
"Wow...that felt...weird." Fluttershy said as she looked at her surroundings...
The entire floor seemed to be made of a hard, white substance and there were lines of a break yellow color going thought the floor itself. It looked pretty dull but what she saw when she looked up from the floor was an...improvement.
There was a shining...space in the far end of the room she was in, and giant obelisks were dotting everywhere around that space. There was a open field right before that space that was illuminated. Fluttershy was knocked out of her sightseeing when she felt a familiar presence in her head.
'Fluttershy... can you hear me?' A familiar voice rang out.
'Princess Celestia?' Fluttershy asked.
'Yes, It is me Fluttershy. I am glad you made it safely inside his mind. Now what your inside you will have to find the correct spot to put the node, all you have to do is make contact. You will know the correct spot when you see it...and remember, you cannot receive too much damage...good luck' Fluttershy gulped.
'Thank you....Princess...' The presence she felt was gone. Fluttershy took a deep breath to get...
READY.
Fluttershy began to walk though the forest of pillars and started to become paranoid. This was almost too easy.
'Princess Celestia said that something might try to stop me...oh dear...I hope nothing comes out...' Fluttershy thought...
You could almost hear Murphy say 'NOPE!'
A familiar voice rang though the forest. It sounded evil, primal, and hateful... but most of all... it sounded...
HUNGRY
"...Well, well, well... look who came to my neck of the woods..." Fluttershy gasped...Fear...it's delicious...
"N-n-not you again!" Fluttershy screamed, and started to move away from a small ball of red energy that started to form in front of her. She did not forget what transpired the last time this thing took control, and now she was in his territory.
"Hey, meat, do you know what happens when you are spawned from a mind?" Fluttershy was to busy running. But in her fear she pulled a derpy and tripped on her own hooves...so easy.
'I have to do this fast... I'm already risking the work I did with this fools mind by being here...'
"I'll take that as a no, so, i'll tell you... you also receive all the memories of the being you hail from...and since your in my pathetic slaves mind...well i'll just let actions speak for me."
The red ball started to form into a shape, it's dark red body seemed to be in the shape of a birds mid section, a strange symbol was in the center of its chest...
Red talons started to started to form and blood red wings started to spawn from the darkest reaches of your imagination...the wings feathers were like blades, the tips being a cold silver...
A narrow head started to form with red eyes, and a serrated dull yellow beak started to form and yellow blades started to grow from the sides of its head... The beast was giant... perfect.
If you were there to see this beast, you would have recognized it immediately. It was the main villain from one of your favorite video games it was...
...
...
...
...
"Say hello to...Falzar"
'This being cost a lot of my energy to make... I must use this body to the fullest and not lose myself...'
" Like the new look? Because I certainly like yours. Fear, hopelessness, about to piss yourself, these are all pleasing to me... now...lets have some fun..."
Insane laughing filled the space Fluttershy was in. As the giant bird started to ascend.
"RUN, MEAT!"
A ear piercing screech filled the air.
"SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Fluttershy started to run, since she had years of dealing with animals she knew that running in a line spelled certain doom. She zig-zagged though the obelisk forest and started to see a shadow form under her... and suddenly an obelisk pushed into Fluttershy's body and moved her just in time to a avoid a wing going though her body...
The obelisk that saved her was not so lucky.
It was sliced in half like a knife though butter, and the towering pillar came down. The angle that it was cut made it so that it was falling towards Fluttershy. She got away from the falling pillar due to the slight lag the obelisk had before it was in a position to fall. The obelisk landed with a deafing-
"BOOM!"
The evil bird started to laugh.
"HAVING FUN YET!? SCRAAAAAAAAA!"
The demon bird was just getting started. Soon multiple blade feathers started to be ejected from it's body and were heading straight towards Fluttershy. She hid behind a conveniently placed obelisk and managed to avoid many of the razor sharp feathers, but she ran away from the cover of the obelisk too soon, and was struck a clean cut though her long tail. She didn't even notice.
The wind created by the Falzar impersonator's giant wing flaps reminded Fluttershy that she to could fly. Her spread her wings and opted to only use them to hover over the ground. That beast had full control of the air, and she would not risk it. Two rows of obelisks, which were slightly different in color than the other ones, made a path to the clearing.
She remembered her commitment, and started to fly towards the shining space in the open field...bad move.
"FOOL!"
The Falzar doppelganger then opened its gaping beak and fired a TORNADO from it. Poor Fluttershy was caught in it, but luckily she ended up in the eye of the tornado, but she was still blown back from the open field.
The tornado dissipated, and Fluttershy was about to slow down...
Until her back slammed into an obelisk.
"AHHHH!" She screamed in pain. Her body began Flashing red, before dissipating. She didn't think anything of it, because she was still running away from this evil phoenix bird thing. She took a quick glance behind the obelisk that stopped her while she was running
... And was met with the fallen obelisk...
If the obelisk that stopped her wasn't there...she would have been impaled on the fallen pillar.
"OH COME ON! THAT WAS JUST A LITTLE WIND! LIVE A LITTLE!"
The bird then Flew close to the ground and primed its talons to grab her... but then the evil phoenix started pounding on the surrounding obelisks. The copies claws were shooting at random, and were wild. But couldn't reach Fluttershy due to the obelisks... PESKY SLABS!!
'Looks like he still has some influence...'
Like rain, one by one, the obelisks started to drop in random places, Fluttershy almost got squashed by 3 of them and the sound of the obelisks crashing onto the floor was drowning out all thought in her head.
She took a right to get to the field, and now since the obelisks stopped dropping, she could think straight.
'THINK FLUTTERSHY, I-I-I Have to-" She hatched an amazing idea. Necessity is the mother of invention, so she start to look around, and sure enough she found what she was looking for, actually, many of what she was looking for.
Many obelisks that were cut down were leaning on other towers that didn't share their fate. So Fluttershy started running towards them, hoping that the bird would crash into them, the bird picked up on her plan... Some obelisks were moving out they way, so her path wouldn't be blocked..
"THIS IS GETTING ANNOYING!!!!"
The bird stopped in it's tracks, and proceeded to breath in...
*POM!* *POM!* *POM!*
Three giant fireballs were blasted out of this evil fire-birds mouth, heading straight towards Fluttershy...there was no avoiding those...
Fluttershy looked back when she felt a growing heat on her body... The fireballs were getting closer, she tried so hard to get faster... but it was too late...
...
...
...
...
"No..." A voice says... it was you.
Suddenly, three blue obelisks sprouted out of the ground behind Fluttershy. To the surprise of both Fluttershy and the evil phoenix. The fireballs pathetically extinguish when they hit the strong obelisks. The bird couldn't get away in time, and smashed into the strong pillars.
"You...won't...hurt...her..." You say, weakly. Your disembodied voice is heard by both the fleeing mare and the evil phoenix.
"NO! YOU WON"T DENY ME ANY LONGER!"
The voice is weaker from the collision, and Fluttershy takes this chance to run towards her destination, and she is almost there before... The birds eyes started to flash from red to white...no.
"ENOUGH!!!!!!!! SHKKRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
The bird ascends into the air, and bursts into flames. The body of the bird only seems to be a bird shaped fire with red eyes.
"I WILL FEED ON YOUAAAAAAASKRAAAAAAAAA!"
With great speed, the beast blasts towards Fluttershy, it is so fast... It brakes the sound barrier.
A flaming red hurricane of energy and fire surround the phoenix and it's speed is doubled.
Fluttershy is so close to her destination... the bird is so close to his as well...
Obelisks start to sprout from the ground, and try to slow down the great beast. They all crumble, but succeed in their task. This gives Fluttershy to look behind her... she realizes that if she keeps going straight that she wouldn't make it, and decides to turn to the right.
The bird notices this... but it's attention is diverted from the obelisks that were trying to stop it. An obelisk slams into its form, and it is rocked. But its so close...
...
...
...
The bird loses control of it's body and crashes into the ground, it's body is sent into the obelisks on the other side of the clearing. An explosion of energy and fire is a result.
"BOOOOOOOM!"
Scene end.
"Damn it..."
The shock wave of the explosion sends Fluttershy reeling, and she tumbles... but she is caught by...something.
The thing that caught her gently set her down to the ground.
"Are...you...alright?" A voice says... it is familiar to Fluttershy...
It's the voice of the human she saved...and it was still raspy, and weak.
She turned around to look at her savior...and was shocked to see that he was only made of blue energy...and he was fading away... his presence is warm...
"A-a-are...you the one pon- err...one who saved me from the fire...?" Fluttershy timidly asked. Sad that he was nearing transparency. The man of energy nodded.
"Yes...I...did... but... you still... have to... do something..." He said, his voice getting even softer. He pointed to the shining light in the center of the room.
"I'll...clear...a path..." The human moved his arm, and the rubble that was created from the explosion was removed from the path that Fluttershy had to take.
"Go Fluttershy...and...thank you...for helping...me...sorry..." He weakly says before falling onto a knee.
"Looks like I...used a lot of energy...helping you..." Fluttershy helps him up.
They walk towards the shining light, and they're almost there. This ordeal is almost over.
"Tell...your friends...thank you...for th-"
"NO! YOU WILL NOT LEAVE! YOU'RE MINE MEAT! SCAAAAAAA!"
The bird is gone... all that that is left is a human shape...it's on fire, dark red evil seeped from it's veins. It lunges towards them she will not escape A SECOND TIME.
The human grabs Fluttershy and throws her into the light...and with the last of his energy... forms a barrier to protect her from the evil that wants to corrupt and destroy her...
"DAMN IT!"
The room was blasted with a shining light, the rubble that wasn't moved on the floor of the room started to float.
The rubble started to return into the pillars that they once were, and the once bleak yellow veins were surging with life and Fluttershy started to float from the ground.
"...bye..."
Her body started to form into energy, and she was floating up into the air, her body becoming a beam of energy.
Fluttershy's body was ejected from the humans mind, having done her purpose...
...
...
...
"They will not succeed..." your clone says.
Your body was still bound in the prison, but something was different.
The yellow restraint have some sort of beam going into it. The copy couldn't touch, or go near it.
"It doesn't matter, one way or another, I will not perish. This is just the beginning..."
...
...
...
...
exterius
The group was nervous because of the fact that their friend has been gone for a long time. Due to the fact that they were in the crystal room they couldn't tell the time from looking out a window.
"Princess? Wh-" Twilight starts to say, but is interrupted by the crystal shining.
The crystal once again detaches from its post. Yellow energy starts to escape from its prison.
The shape of a pony starts to be formed on the floor under the crystal, the radiance of the crystal blinds the mare for a second. When the light settles they notice...
Fluttershy on the floor, she stands up and looks at the group. She smiles, but under that smile is worry, pain. Because she was once again saved by the same being they are trying to free... and he was still so weak, but he was strong enough to once again protect her from the evil trying to hurt her.
The group went up to her and surrounded her with a group hug. This made her feel a little better. Being surrounded by her friends...
But there was one missing...
She looked at the human once more.
The crystal she just came out of was shining with a new found vigor. The circle surrounded the human was a little brighter, but he was still in the same shape he was last time...
'We will help you get out of this...I know we can' Fluttershy thought... but her thoughts were derailed by Rarity.
"DARLING! What happened to your beautiful tail!?" She screamed. Everypony noticed it now, it was about half as long as it was before, and it was a clean slice.
"Oh...my" Fluttershy said.
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2335964 watched them all, love them
Wait, correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought timber wolves was two words
This will be short.
Congrats my friend you have successfully done a well job in description, performance and general development of the scenes with MLP FIM taste to it.
But there's an obvious issue, WHAT'S WITH THE TRANSITIONS?
I thought I showed you how to do those already, the transitions in the fighting scene are messed up, every time the wall of dots appeared I thought we left the scene to start another but it seemed to be at random, with no continuity of its actions whatsoever.
And this...
What is this?
It looks like something you would do to organize your story in the writing point to make it easier.
And that's all I'm going to say for now. Need to sleep.
2337631 The "Ready" is actually a tip to the hat to the megaman X series. Oh and how was the chase scene?
2336040 timberwolves is actually the name of the species of wolf. So no space is needed.
2339279
As I said in the comment the only obvious issue I found was with the transitions.
Everything else was fine; well described and placed scenes, you didn't jump any important detail, and you made their positions clear in every step of the chase.
You seem to excel more in action sequences that you do in any other kind of moment, at least you know where you need to work on, good luck.
2339578 Thanks bro. Quick qeustion, have you ever played megaman?
2339589
Yup, played them all.
Even the GBA verions...
I'm weird like that.
2339962 check all that apply. And which is your fav
Original megaman.
Megaman X 1- command mission
Megaman Zero 1-4
Megaman Battle network 1-6
Megaman starforce 1-3
Megaman ZX
Megaman zx Advent.
Megaman Zero 1-4
But because is the first ones that I was able to buy and actually love, all the others I played at a friends place.
2340009 My fav is megaman battlenetwork 6... as you can see from my latest chapter. But Gregar was my fav, I used Falzar because...well it was red
Update this!!
3680468 One of these days.
3680481
but I wan't it now!!
3680484 Then call J.G Wentworth.
3680525
Who da fuq is that?
3680528 877 Cash Now
3680533 YOU FUCKER, Don't use that on the ignorant!
Really though MAKE MORE!
5038341 The magic part is easily explained. Rapid evolution. I know how evolution really works but in this story it seems like the author thought evolution was a adaptation in an individuals body. It could be the in the air is causing rapid cellular mutation.
Why 4 u stahp this?