Diagnosis
"Were getting close to the source of the anomaly, it shouldn't take long" Twilight says as the group moves though the everfree forest. The trek hadn't been very gruesome, having a platoon of royal guards and the princess of the day herself kind of made that possible.
"Oh thank goodness! I cannot stand this forest, oh why didn't I bring my boots!" Rarity exclaims dramatically. Said mare is currently bobbing and weaving to avoid mud puddles, roots, and the occasional falling leaf.
"Rarity, it's just plain old mud. Yall put it on ya face with none such trouble at tha spa, why is ya tail in such a knot now?" Applejack says, both somewhat annoyed and amused at rarity's constant and erratic movements.
"Seriously Rare's its just mud, if you don't want any on your hooves's follow what Pinkie is doing" Rainbow says lazily flying next to Pinkie. Pinkie was bouncing up and down, rambling on about some topic to the unicorn guard next to her, said guard who occasionally nod his head and say "I understand." This guy was a pro. He had a light green coat with a slick black mane, his eyes were light brown. His cutie mark was a microphone stand surrounded by yellow streaks flowing around it.
"...and then we had a cupcake juggling contest, while standing in a vat of oatmeal! It was absolutely posilutly freal-a-leeking fun! ..." Pinkie was off in her own world, remembering the song she sang at the party she had yesterday. The guard just nodded, not really paying attention to her, but paying enough attention to create the illusion of being very interested in the giant wad of bubblegum's random tangents.
"I do say, who is that stallion?" Rarity said, impressed by how easily the stallion was handling the constant verbal bombardment that broke every pony before him. Celestia answered her.
"His name is Wise Words, he is my best negotiator and can defuse many a situation with couple of sentences. His magic gives him the power to talk to any being and understand them in a verbal sense, I asked him to join us encase this anomaly is a living being." Celestia says
"Well grease ma wheels that stallion sure does live up tha his name." Applejack says.
"We're almost there! Just a little bi-" Twilight was announcing but was cut off by a roar. What concerned her was that now she recognized this roar as the one that motivated her and her friends to go into the everfree in the first place, and... it sounded like it was in pain.
"RAAAAAAAAAAH..." The roar sounded. All the guards either charged up magic or spread their wings, and formed a tight circle around the princess, and the five mares.
"Oh neato! The forest wants to do a screaming contest! Okay! RARAGH-" Pinkie's "roar" was interrupted by an orange hoof to the mouth.
"Shh! Hush up Pinkie! Yall don't want any of the nasty critters in this here forest ta hear ya right!?" Applejack whispered as, Pinkie violently shook her head, SOMEHOW, making a *toka* *toka* *toka* sound while she did.
"Everypony keep your guard up, that was a roar of pain, and a hurt beast is a dangerous one." Celestia orders
"Yes, princess!" All the guards say at once while also making the already tight circle tighter.
"That is the same roar we heard at the library! Whatever it is, it must be fighting something else!" Twilight says
"Your right Twilight, I sense a foreboding presence in that direction, proceed with caution." The guards where locked and loaded, ready to react to even the slightest movement.
...
It was eerily silent. As the group slowly and careful trekked to the source of the roar. They heard something coming towards them, the guards got into position, but they were surprised when what came before them was an injured, scared-
"Fluttershy!" Twilight screamed and ran towards the scared mare. Fluttershy took one look at her and, in a very out of character fashion, tackled her and got her in a bone crushing hug. She was crying profusely into purple smarts chest. The mare's finally together join in a group hug. They break apart but Fluttershy won't let go of twilight.
"Oh my dear Fluttershy! What in equestria's name happened to you!?" Rarity said, her voice laced with concern. Her voice's, for once, dramatic flair was completely appropriate for this situation. Fluttershy reluctantly let go to twilight and tried to speak, but the only thing that came out was more tears and gibberish.
"Princess, can I have a word with this disgruntled mare? Maybe I can calm her down" Wise words said.
"Very well Wise" Celestia said. She addressed the mane six. "Girls, let Wise words though"
The girls made space for the stallion and let him though. He looked at Fluttershys crying form and his horn glowed a smoothing green.
"Calm down, you're with friends now. Nopony is going to hurt you" He began in calming voice. "Please rest your crying eyes." He said a very comforting voice. Fluttershy slowly stopped crying and looked up. Wise words face was of compassion and understanding.
"I know you're scared right now, but if you tell us why your so scared it will help us understand and comfort you."
"O-o...okay." Fluttershy whispered. Normally it would be too hard to hear, but Wise words magic gave him perfect understanding of all verbal communication no matter how faint.
"What is your name?" Wise words asked.
"I-I'm... Fluttershy..." She said a little louder this time, but not by much.
"Well Fluttershy, my name is Wise words, and was hoping if you could tell us why you're in the everfree forest and why your hurt." Wise motioned another unicorn guard to come, when he got close, Fluttershy backed away a little.
"This nice guard is a medic, please let him heal you, we don't want the wound to get infected" Wise words said. Fluttershy calmed down enough to let the guard work his magic (see what I did there?). After two minutes the wound was cleaned, healed and bandaged.
"Please refrain from flying for at least a week dear." The guard said his voice filled with compassion and worry. Fluttershy sneakingly nodded. The guard gave Fluttershy a piece of candy from his bag, Fluttershy accepted it.
"Okay now Fluttershy, first, can you tell us why you were in the forest?"
"Umm, I was helping some birds make a nest, and when I was done I heard something running...and panting...it sounded scared." Fluttershy said barely in the audible zone for anyone not enhanced by magic at the moment.
"Can you tell us what you saw, Fluttershy?" Wise words asked kindly.
"Well... it was something that ran on two legs, it had a weird white thing on its top and blue things on the legs ... and it was running from a really big manticore..." Fluttershy said, getting somewhat louder.
"Hmm... It wears clothes?" Rarity says. Twilight eyes were growing large, but she didn't add in.
"What happened to it?" Wise words said, his compassionate soothing voice now had a hint of curiosity in it.
"It... couldn't run anymore, the manticore chased him into a clearing... I thought it was over...but it..."
"What...It wasn't over" Wise words asked. Thinking that being hunted down by a manticore spelled certain doom for anypony.
"It's...voice" Fluttershy said, her voice finally back to "normal". Shaking at the memory of the creature's voice.
"What... about it's voice?" Wise asked.
"I heard it yell before it was chased into the clearing...but when it was trapped...It's voice...changed into something so...hateful..." She was shaking.
"please Fluttershy, calm down." Wise words asked.
"...It jumped and took a rock out of the thing it had on its legs.. and it... said something about a rocky sundae, in that...voice...before it... smashed the rock into the manticore's face..." She concluded.
"Woah, woah, woah hold up! Your saying this... thing buck smacked a manticore in the face with a rock!? A bucking rock!?" Rainbow exclaimed, voice laced in disbelief.
"And it is capable of speech!?" Twilight said. Stars in her eyes at the discovery of a new sentient species.
"And it knows what a sundae is!?" Pinkie exclaimed, her smile actually starting to leave her face because of how big it was.
The timid mare flinched at the volume of her friends words, but then nodded her head. "Yes I am... and after the manticore limped away it fainted and dropped on the floor."
"So... What yall do then?" Applejack asked. Wise words left the group of friends unnoticed and returned to his post, his work done.
"Good job Wise words" Celestia said. Wise words horn was back to normal.
"No problem your highness." Wise said.
"Please Wise, just Celestia." Celestia then gave him a kind smile. He then smiled back. But under Celestia's smile, was a worried ruler.
"If Fluttershy's description is true..." Celestia thought. She decided to let the conversation move on before jumping to conclusions.
"Um... well I couldn't just leave it there injured and bleeding, so I helped as much as I could and started to drag it back to my cottage... it's left foreleg had pieces of rock stuck in the weird 5 tubed thing where the hoof should have been."
Celestia's body grew cold. Her suspicions were confirmed. She quickly marched towards the group. Her voice commanding, but gentle at the same time.
"Fluttershy, can you tell me if thing being is the one that injured your wing?" Celestia ordered in the form of a question.
"...N-n-no, we were ambushed b-b-by hungry, rabid timberwolves and then..." Tears threatened to spill from her eyes.
" Before we were attacked, it talked a little bit, during the entire conversation it's voice... was so weak, I didn't think it was going to survive...so I tried to be as friendly as possible to..." She started crying again. Wise words walked forward, but Celestia gave him a "i got this" nod of her head.
"Shhh... calm down my little pony" Celestia said in a comforting and motherly tone. She sat down next to her and draped a wing over her, Fluttershy calmed down after a bit. "Now, can you tell us what happened?"
"When the timberwolves attacked, it told me to fly away... but a wolf sneaked by and bit my wing while I tried to fly to safety... when the wolf was going to...finish me...the being I saved kicked to wolf away... b-b-but after that... the wolves poured in and....and..." Fluttershy started to remember what happened, and froze in fear. Celestia nuzzled her to calm her down, it worked, but barely.
"It... went crazy. Things started growing out of it's body..." Fluttershy said, shaking.
"Fluttershy? Yall alright? Yur shakin' like ah leaf in ah cattle stamped." Applejack said.
"I-it...was horrible and cruel one moment... then the complete opposite the next... l-like it had... umm" Fluttershy couldn't explain what it was like. But Pinkie solved that problem.
"Oh-oh I know! Like it had two pieces of candy in a wrapper meant for one!?" Pinkie randomly. Everypony turned their heads to look at her. "...What? Do I have something on my nose?" She went cross eyed to try to find the thing they were looking at. Everypony shared a laugh at her antics, even some guards.
"Um...yes, like that Pinkie... Then when there was one wolf left, it howled and the big king wolf showed up again..."
" tha vermit's roar is tha reason why we ah here in tha first place!" Applejack exclaimed.
"If whatever the thing your talking about didn't go super duper coco loco on those meany wolves then we would have never ever bever found you the first place!" Pinkie said.
"What happened that made you run from this... being?" Twilight said, when she said this Fluttershy paled.
"When it was done...it looked at me, the color of his eyes escapes me at the moment...but then he lunged at me and grabbed me... his eyes changed to blood red...and his pupils..." Celestia kept a calm face during the entire revealing of this information. But what was said next said... shook her to the core of her being.
Old feelings, nightmares, and memories that were locked away for almost one thousand years sprang forth, she was almost overwhelmed.
"They were...narrow... It said it was going to...e-eat me. I tried to get out of it's grip... but it was to strong. " Celestia's demeanor made a complete 180. From a warm and loving, to cold and calculating.
"How were you able to escape?" Celestia questioned. Inside she was panicking, angry, and confused but countless years of ruling a country gave her perfect control of her emotions.
"It was about to...end me... but right before it was able to, it's eyes changed back. It... let me go and told me to run before it lost it's self-control. I ran as fast as I could." Fluttershy finished her tale.
"Where is this being?" Celestia asked, her voice calm, but inside she was becoming extremely paranoid "Not again...please not again..."
"I sense the disturbance close by, it's not moving, but it might be the being Fluttershy is talking about. It's actions can explain the spike in magic. If we go to the disturbance, we might find it." Twilight explained. Celestia stood up
"Guards, form a perimeter, we don't know for sure if this...thing... is with us, or against us." The guards complied, and the group walk toward the direction of the disturbance. It took some coaxing from wise words to get Fluttershy to come back. What they found... was both amazing...and terrifying. The reactions were mixed.
Applejack tipped her hat down.
Rainbow Dash had her mouth open and a green tint on her face.
Rarity fainted.
Fluttershy hid behind Twilight.
Pinkie pie looked on in wonder, saying something about how its tail was the best weapon in the series, her comment was ignored.
Twilight looked on in shock. But her curious nature got the best of her, she slowly walk towards the prone monstrosity, only to be stopped by Celestia herself.
"Applejack, take out your lasso." Celestia ordered. Applejack who still was recovering wondered how did Celestia knew she had a lasso, but other than that she didn't lose a step, and got some rope from there saddlebag.
"Guards bind this creature, now." She said. The guards complied and manually tied the creature, with some help from Applejack.
"There, the feller is tied up real nice." Applejack said proudly, years of farmers work made her knots nearly inescapable. The tail was a hassle, but it was secured. Applejack then vomited.
"What's wrong now, are you okay?" A medicinal guard came up to Applejack and gave her a look of worry, the same medic that tended to Fluttershy's wounds. He had a pure white coat with a light brown mane, his eyes where a caring light blue. His cutie mark was a light with a circle surrounding in, inside the circle were words that said "Sana Protege Amor" going around the circle. Applejack shaking pointed to the bare chest of the creature. The guard looked at it with pity.
"Oh...no." The unnamed guard said. It's exposed chest had red lines going though it, signs of extreme and unhealthy amounts of increased muscle mass over a short period of time. "This...this is not natural."Celestia came up to the guard.
"What is wrong Diligendo sanatore?" Celestia asked, and gasped when she took a good look at the creature.
Sanatore answered "it's body has an extreme buildup of magic, it's muscles have gone thought extreme growth in a short amount of time... The worse part... is this..." He pointed at it's tail.
Rainbow Dash, finally out of her shock, flew to the being. Her actions caused a chain reaction and led the rest of the mane six to go up to the strange, bound, creature. They came just in time to hear Sanatore's diagnosis. Pinkie, without anyone noticing, licked the creature.
"Hmm..." Pinkie was judging the taste.
"It's made of bone. The body of a pony, when growing up, receives growing pains because of the bones, and everything else changing... judging from the growth lines on this creatures chest, I can concluded that this tail was not a natural part of this creatures body, and it spontaneously grew... the pain it received from this growth... must have been indescribable." Sanatore said, his caring nature overriding his sense of caution, he ran a hoof to the beings short mane.
"You poor thing...i'll do my best to take your pain away..." He then put its head in a loving hug. Celestia looked to him, he was truly the best medic in her guard. So compassionate, so much empathy. She smiled, momentarily forgetting her worries at the show of a true healer's heart. Sanatore started to open it's eyelids.
"... Princess..." Twilight said. Celestia turned her attention to her faithful student.
"Yes, twilight?" Celestia said. She pointed her hoof at the creatures eyes... They were flashing from blood red and narrow. To (insert your desired eye color here) and rounded, continuously. Celestia immediately sprang into action.
"Guards! Carry this creature and follow me! NOW!" Celestia said. They guards sprang into action. Sanatore was carrying the creature on its back with the utmost care. The girls were surprised in the sudden change in demeanor.
"Princess, what happened?" Rainbow said. Flying next to Celestia, the mane 6 following her into the forest.
"No time to explain, we must go to your friend Zecora's hut, she has the herbs and knowledge necessary for Sanatore to work to his fullest" Celestia said, the mane 6 wondered how she knew where Zecora lived. Said stallion was magically picking herbs from the ground while galloping, with the creature on its back in perfect balance. A determined look on his face as he followed Celestia. After ten minutes of galloping, the hut finally came into sight. Celestia knocked on the door and after a minute, Zecora came.
"Oh princess" she bowed "my respects have been shown, now please tell me, what brings you to my home?" Zecora said.
"We need your knowledge of herbs to heal this creature... and confirm a suspicion of mine." Celestia says. Sanatore brought in the creature. Zecora's eyes widened.
"No... it can't be. Surely you jest me?" Zecora said.
"Can somepony tell me what is this thing already!?" Rainbow dash exclaimed. Celestia sighed.
"I think it's about time I told all of you... gather around my little ponies." They all sat down in a circle. The guards are standing in the direction of the creature, and Sanatore and Zecora were applying cream and soaking bandages to put it on the creature. Sanatore's face was of pure compassion and determination. While Zecora's face was of shock and disbelief.
"What that creature is... is something that i haven't seen or heard of in over a thousand years. A species that is capable of great good, and great evil... It is...a human." A six mares gasped.
"I've...heard of human's from myth but... that's all that I thought they were..." Twilight said.
"Wowee! A human, I knew it tasted weird!" Pinkie said. Everypony looked at her in horror. "What? I like tasting new things." Pinkie said innocently.
"...okay..." Twilight said.
"Pinkie, I know your random... but sometimes you scare me" Rainbow said.
"Can we please...move on" Rarity said. Celestia coughed.
"Moving on" Celestia sighed. " I've known about humans for a long time... There world is like ours was before the founding of equestria, divided and hateful. But they are many shining examples of human love and friendship. Back to the matter at hoof-" Pinkie raised her hoof. "Yes Pinkie?"
"Don't you mean at hand? The humans have hands, right?"
Celestia chuckled sightly. "Okay, the matter at hand. Humans do not have any magic, and there worlds weather cannot be controlled. They only relied on there intuition, instincts and ingenuity to survive. This lead to there survival instincts to become extremely powerful, as the humans became so advanced that there survival instincts were not needed as much. They can adapt to any environment...which is what is happening now."
"So you're saying that the human's body is adapting to the magic in equestria, by absorbing it into its body!?" Twilight said her eyes had stars in them. Sanator spoke up.
"Yes... but that should have been a slow process, like growing up again. Somehow, the human skipped that and...this happened... " Sanatore looked down at the human, and ran a hoof though its mane. Tears threatened to spill from his face.
"And also this sudden build-up of magic caused a horrible side effect in his body. Something that only happened once" Celestia said. Zecora then spoke.
"I know what this human's affection, it is a phenomenon known as..." Celestia then finished the sentence
"Magical reflection." Celestia said with a sad look in her eyes. Twilight gasped.
"But that only can happen when extreme amounts of magic are in play. Alicorn level magic! Your saying that..." Celestia sighed.
"Yes, Twilight Sparkle, What is happening to this human is the same thing that happened to my sister... the same thing that made my sister into Nightmare moon." The room was silent Celestia broke it. "But two good things came out of this. The reason Nightmare moon took control is because she had time to corrupt Luna's mind. This "reflection" didn't have enough time to take full control... which is why Fluttershy is here with us."
The group looked at the human who was being cared for by Santore. "Also the love and care from Sanatore plays a part also. Where he hails from, is Latania, a city famous for its healers, his healing is suppressing the evil from spreading." Sanatore was using his magic to heal the stretch scars on the humans chest and arm. He was going to check it's "hindlegs."
"Princess... It's a he..." Sanatore said and quickly pulled its coverings up. He pulled up the leg coverings this time, and sure enough, there were bloody stretch marks on his legs. He went to work on them. The mares in the room blushed slightly.
"So why don't we just zap him with the elements and get this over with?" Rainbow said.
"Ah agree with dash here, can we do that princess?' Applejack said. Celestia shook her head.
"It is true that the elements would work in purifying him of this...but his body would absorb the elements magic, and adapt to it..."
"Meaning?..." Twilight said.
"If we were to hit him with the elements of harmony... It would make the human immortal..." The room was silent.
"But what other way is there princess?" Twilight said. Celestia nodded, stood up and walked towards the prone being.
"If I were to go into the human's mind, I could make a plan to try to help him... but it's a very dangerous play." Celestia said. Twilight voiced her concern.
"Princess... please be careful there are two forces trying to take control of that mind, you might be walking into a war zone..." Twilgiht said.
Celestia smiled. "Thank you Twilight. Guards be ready if anything happens, i'm going in" Celestia put her horn on the humans forehead and proceeded...
...
...
...
."What do we have here now?..." Celestia was shocked to see what was around and in front of her. The minds walls are falling, lightning and pieces of wall are falling everywhere. The same human she saw on the bed was standing in front of her but with some differences. His bone tail was a dark red, and his eyes matched Fluttershy's description perfectly.
"So you are the thing that plagues this human's mind" Celestia said. The copy gave Celestia a cold look.
"I am not just some parasite, I am my own being now. I am what all living things have inside them..."
"You are the will to survive, a beast with no compassion or empathy that's only goal in life is to survive, and look out for itself" Celestia finished his sentence. The reflection started to clap.
"Well done, well done. I see you're not just a good meal." Celestia wasn't moved by his "complement". "But alas, I cannot dine on you, this guy won't let me. Count yourself lucky, meat." He pointed towards...you.
Your head was down, and you where strapped to a gold circle. Each arm and leg were bound with a different color restraint. On your left arm, there is a yellow restraint. On your right arm there is a dark purple restraint. On your neck, there is a red restraint. On your left leg, there is a green restraint. On your right leg there is a baby blue restraint. And the biggest one of all, binding your chest to the gold circle, is a light purple restraint. It forms an X.
"Even though he is bound... his brain is still hardwired for his consciousness, that is the reason he has power over me, that is why I cannot use his body...but his prison is the reason he cannot use it as well. Once I rewire his brain I will be able to control his body... and survive."
Celestia knew what the prison was." It was the same way Luna's mind was locked away, and the only way to free him was with the elements...but that would-" Celestias thoughts are interrupted
"Cause his immortality" The copy said."But that is what I want... when I am done "fixing" this mind... I will devour your precious elements and there vessels... giving me eternal life as the only human in equestria...surviving forever! Remember this name MEAT! My name is...Superstes!"
Celestia immediately escaped the humans mind. Supersets laughed thinking that she fled, but in reality... she didn't want him to find out her master plan.
...
...
...
Celestia opened her eyes and looked around. Everypony was looking at her with worry, and night has fallen.
"Girls...I have a plan" Celestia said.
"What is it princess?" Twilight asked.
"The elements of harmony all at the same time, would give the human immortality, but..." Everypony in the room moved closer to her. Pinkie moved her center of gravity too much and fell to the floor.
"There is another way to brake this prison, the reflection itself is what is causing his imprisonment. We were able to free my sister with the elements because she is equestrian from birth... this human body right here is not of equestria... but the spawn inside him... " Twilight continued.
"IS! He was born though the magic of equestria!...but that would mean we would have to separate the evil from him, and then use the elements on the reflection..."
Celestia sighed "Yes... that is where the plan gets dangerous. If we were to separate him from his other half, now named Superstets, and use the elements on the spawn...we would purify and defeat this evil, but it is extremely dangerous. We must bring him to Canterlot and secure him as much as possible, I do not want any of my ponies getting hurt after we separate him." Celestia turned to Zecora "Thank you for your hospitality."
"It was nothing your highness, anything for a friend... If your plan doesn't work... it will spell equestria's end." Zecora said.
"...Yes, I know..." She turned towards the guards. "We will bring him to canterlot. Since time is of the essence we will teleport there. Twilight, you and your friends are to get a train to canterlot tomorrow. I will send a letter to the train station so you and your friends can get priority... have a good rest... you are going to need it... Sanatore! Wise Words!"
"Yes princess?" Both of them asked standing at attention.
"Since we don't know what would happen to the human if any other magic than healing or the separation magic is done to him. You must stay here with the girls and him. Wise words, stay here to, your skills will be needed"
Sanatore nodded his head and looked at the human with pity, and compassion. "I will do my best to help him..." Sanatore said. Wise words nodded.
Celestia than teleported her guards and herself to the castle. Zecora led the group back to ponyvillie, said her goodbyes and returned.
"...How are we going to lug this guy in ponyvillie without anypony noticing?" Rainbow said.
"Well it's nighttime so we can just... sneak to the hospital" Sanatore said.
"Alright girls! Operation:get the human to the hospital without anypony noticing an alien from a different dimension and then explaining to the ponies in the hospital that human's actually exist, is a go!" Pinkie said loudly.
"Shhhhh!" Everypony said, but it was to late. One pony noticed them, a certain mint green pony...it was Lyra. She ran towards the group when she saw the human on Sanatore's back. A big smile on her face that grew to Pinkie pie standards to closer she got.
"Here we go..." Twilight thought.
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2271777 chapter 4 done
this story is awesome
2289356 Thank you
Read it, saw a lot that needs to be commented, but I will be back to tell you what I thought of this tomorrow, today is not a good day.
2291064 I hope you feel better bro
2292768
I'm back, sorry for not keeping my promise about commenting the day after. The day was bad, really bad, seriously bad.
Let us begin...(Why don't my emoticons appear?
)
Plot holes and characterization.
real smooth.(SARCASM)
First I have to say, real smooth in the insertion of that OC,
It's not so much of Rarity fainting but Rainbow green and Applejack vomiting, Rainbow is more plausible vomiting candidate, not Applejack, Applejack is tough, Rainbow is fast.
Forth wall breaking Pinkie Pie.... Great.
(SARCASM)
Again real smooth in the insertion of that OC,
real smooth.(SARCASM)
Empathy towards an completely alien creature that might as well be a demon from all they know...
believable.(SARCASM)
This is taking it too far, and dude with this kind of characterization I believe him to have a fetish or a mental disorder, or be a mary sue.
But he’s still creepy as fuck.
Wut?
Did you take my idea of madness because of power to heart?
So you're saying with this is that instead of using the elements of harmony that are the only artifacts known to be able to eliminate the 'reflection' they're going to show him what the elements are representing so he doesn’t become immortal.
You know where the lack of logic is, right?
Using the power of the elements is what separated the 'reflection', not knowing what they represent!
Oh and just in case you think like, 'giving the power one by one' is not going to make him immortal, you're wrong! As you stated before he absorbs magic, letting time pass only gave him time to adapt it, having any kind of power given separated instead of united wouldn't do much, achieving a level of magic does.
You were thinking like giving me a slice of ham today, and after a week, two slices of bread and don't expect me to taste a sandwich, but if I absorbed the ham, after the week I would still have the ham within me and when the bread comes I'll make a sandwich.
Because if it is from the elements that he becomes immortal in means that he achieves after absolving the elements the immortality, not by different burst intervals.
Which means that they're not trying to avoid making 'me' immortal, they're trying to avoid making the reflection immortal, but the elements are the only thing that separates 'me' from the reflection, which means Celestia's logic is stupid as hell.
What this is, is a lame excuse for ‘me’ the main character to meet individually each and every one of the main six separately so they have some kind of connection individually.
Errors of simple magnitude, and way's writing better your story.
Again with the main six, is the narrator the main character that's not in the scene at the moment?
Because now it's a third person narration your narrator is not part of the story so (he/she/it) speaks indifferently, but of course this isn't an issue if its Twilights mind we're interacting with.
For a second I thought this was dialogue.
Didn't you mean at the same time? If so...
I expected better from you Twilight
You know it's impossible to, 'lock and load', without a gun, right?
If it's a continuous speech you can't pause with periods without leaving the idea floating.
There was no anticipation build up whatsoever; this could only be a buildup if your character goes around the information a couple of times before saying it at least three steps.
Example:
This made me laugh.
Wise is a name now.
Nope, thoughts are with simple 'quotes'
Also 'quotes'
You could of used this moment better, by dividing it with different reactions of Fluttershy or Celestia in different moments in her description. But oh, well.
You tried to organize here, but failed quite noticeably.
You know what, this is obvious misconception of use so I'll stop correcting them, and you know where these ones are at.
Don't compress so much information in one piece of paragraph, separate them.
Well that was fast as hell; didn't I tell you before, slow for slow, fast for fast? This moment is slow.
There is a lot more in the next part, but most are equal if not the same as above.
2307082 thanks for the tips. I'll try to go back and solve these.
2307082 You just gave me the biggest brain blast of all time, thank you.
2307423
You mean the immortality thing right?
2307436 The human would gain immortality...because his body would absorb the magic. Riddle me this, how was the reflection made?
2307610
Alright this ones a toughy...
The reflection is made when extreme amounts of magic are in play, this one was created by 'my' will to survive....
Human would gain immortality, because his body absorbs magic....
Because of the magic in Equestria 'my' body is adapting to it....
The other blood red orb started to form the moment 'we' used the key's, giving 'my' will to survive his own mind 'he' is his own being now....
So to conclude, the reflection was made by magic, and magic makes 'me' immortal....
So... Magic makes me the reflection, who is immortal?
I'm seriously lost...
2307735 The reflection was given conciseness, ergo 'birth', from equestria's magic. The human was not. Can you see where I am going with this?
What, that the reflection is the only one that can be immortal?
2307856 Compile the facts, okay
1. The reflection was 'born' in equestria, though the magic of equestria what does that make it?
2. What would happen if they separated the reflection from the human, and used the elements of harmony on the reflection?
think about it...
3. The only way to separate the reflection is with the elements...BUT don't you think that Celestia, in all her wisdom, would have a back up plan in case the elements were rendered unable to be used?...
2312772
I would leave the answer to the story then, wouldn't want that much info getting out beforehand would you?
2313100 Eeeyup. I'm working on the chapter now.
2313100 The idea you helped me get was amazing. If you were in front of me, i would give you a man hug.
2313130
I'm here to read, help and learn.
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