Everypony, including her friends and family, were happy to see Twilight's new transformation and becoming a princess. But one thing isn't right. Twilight doesn't really look too happy. In fact, she looks really sad. I haven't even been here in Equestria for a year and I have never seen her so sad before.
But the question is: Why is she so sad?
First fan-fic I have ever written in a long time. So some strong criticism is needed so I'll learn from whatever mistakes I make in this story and make sure I'll never make the same mistake twice.
Also, sorry if the prologue is so long. I just had to get that out of the way.
Chapters (14)
I have to warn you:
The Pro-Twilicorn peoples aren't going to like this. Watch your back.
About the prologue: Not bad. However, it should be longer. I find this rather short for a prologue, which should at least be 1000 words long or more.
I don't see any grammar nipticks for the moment. With some practice, it could be quite interesting.
2241149
Yeah, the prologue could have been a little longer.
Thanks for the warning btw.
i have a hunch as to why twilight is sad and im trying to figure out wether i should fave this or not.
but... for now i'll fave it and remove it if the next chapter is'nt to my liking
2245809
You'll find out in the later chapters and it's completely up to you if you want to fave this or not.
2329404
I'm actually working on the third part right now.
Yes, I do need to update my story more often.
woo Dallas love.
This is getting pretty interesting....Carry on
Really dude I know this is your first story but make your character take his time picking between equestrian and earth BTW don't even try to turn this into a human turned pony story or a misanthrope one
2689186
>Daniel turning into a pony.
The idea in general is just stupid. So, no.
If I was to choose to either go to Equestria or stay on Earth, I would choose Equestria and leave everything behind in a heartbeat.
2688739
I will! Thank you.
their, should be They're* at the end.
Or is that just the australian grammar system?
I want more!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2691192
Thanks for the correction!
I'll fix that.
I'm not from Australia btw.
2241149 I'm one of the people you call 'Pro-Twilicorn'. I see no problem with this story at all. In fact, i can't wait to see more of this story.
3262077
I have a big headache right now, so I can't really think of anything nice to say to your comment. So the only thing I can say is: Thanks!
3262369 Hey, no prob. Have some moustaches:
Well... Unexpected... I, honestly, would have done MUCH worse to blueblood in that beating cuz I actually would half want to kill him, not just hurt him. By the by, good chapter, I enjoyed it, too long of a wait, though. I have two more days of holidays... And nothing else to read... Back to GTA 5!
I didn't enjoy it! (sniff) you made me cry... Damn good chapter. Damn good.
3306269
Thank you.
It was worth the wait, wasn't it?
3306272
Your damn Skippy is what that good.
Daily updates... Please yes... Good chapter, I've been waiting for this for a while. You don't disappoint!
let me guess... Flash Sentry is trying to move in on Dan's girl?
3323539
Let me tell you something right now and I mean this with all of my dignity:
I hate Flash Sentry with a passion of a thousand suns and I would rather dive in a group of people with the fucking AIDS virus than put that autistic faggot in my story.
3325620 i think we're going to get along just fine
3325827
That was really short. :0
But i guess the next chapter will be awesome!
3338309
...What do you mean by "shot"? Is there something I fucked up on?
3338528
Sorry, meant short. Compared to the other chapters it was a quick read.
3338614
Oh...
Well, don't worry about that. 4-2 will be longer.
I just noticed that I made an error to the main character's name. If any of you noticed that, then I apologize!
I can understand why Shining wants to talk to him. But he has to understand that Twilight started the whole mess. They were both at their breaking point so it was only a matter of time before something were to happen.
Although, Shining will probably ask about the incident with Blueblood. Is Twilight safe around you?
3670184
Yes, she's safe.
The goddess of love enteres themroom roll initiative and save vs fortitude.
Wow, Daniel is an egotist! So many excuses for his behaviour, so much telling the rest of the world to cater to his whims... Even if he does admit to some small guilt, everyone instantly assure him it's not his fault. Considering how violent, demanding, and plain unpleasant he is, I'm honestly surprised at that. I wonder if anypony will, at some point, turn around and say something like 'Yeah, you screwed up. Deal with it.'
Mistake right there.
I'd like to tell you this this story is wonderful.
5327536
Thank you for telling me! I'll edit that right now!
And thank you for the compliment. I appreciate it.
So her mother on the same day or nearly losses a duaghter, and is like "move on and help others?" Wtf? That's not human or normal.