Hello, I'm Storiesatrandom, and, I, do stories..... At Random.
Rarity has been getting a series of nightmares involing becoming a new and dangerious foe: Greedmoon. will the Princesses stop it in time, or is it, something that's to be?
(note: sequil coming soon as soon as the Tale of Writing Glory is finished.)
Image by Sabretoothlioness.
based on another exsiting story of a simuler plot on Equestia daily that i didn't read, but learned of it from an image
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I'm curious as to how this one ends. You have my attention.
I'm really resisting the urge to shift into Grammar Nazi Overload. (CURSE YOU, NITPICKY TENDENCIES)
Also, could you divide the paragraphs a bit? Like when dialogue happens? It's a presentation thing; it'll keep the audience interested. People like me don't enjoy staring at giant walls of text.
Some of the dialogue also seems rushed and unnatural, particularly toward the end. Try speaking it out loud to make sure it doesn't sound awkward.
170860 i am doing a sequil soon. this is a one-shot beforehand origin.
don't worry, i do plan to have it adjusted soon by an editer, once Jomica finsihes Applebuck Retribution. trust me, that fic is in even worse condition, at least this has a more realistic ending.
My only problem with this story are the huge walls of text. You need to space it out a little more :(. Otherwise cool story.
170917 like i said to the other guy, it'll be fixed when i get to Jomica (just as soon as he/she finishes Applebuck Retribution.)
Well, first of all, as the others have said, the walls of text simply have got to go. Also, I'd suggest changing the format of the dialogue. It shouldn't use colons every single time. I'm not an english teacher, but it usually follows the format of '"Dialogue," said character.'
So, basically, work on it. I'd say more, but I'm kind of a bad critic.
Nice, except for the wall of text. But I saw your comments about that. Anyway, you have my attention in waiting for the next part.
171045 this is a one shot beforehand origin, i'm making the Sequil, the Reign of Greedmoon soon after i finish the tale of writing glory.
171052
Ah, I see.
wow cant believe your making a story that ties into writing glories. cool.
453578 well, alot of my stories are chained.