**DISCONTINUED** Many ponies know the story. The story of Nightmare Moon. They don't know all about her dark past. Knowledge aged a thousand years is being unearthed. The one digging learns a life changing secret and a forgotten past threatens her new life.
Who is Twilight Sparkle?
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My apologies if this isn't the best it hasn't been edited yet. But it will be as soon as possible. Once again i am sorry if this isn't my best. I just wanted to try something. This is also a very short story for it only have a least 5 chapters that I have planned so far. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy it!
Nice idea. There are a few errors that I don't feel like pointing out, though.
1878423 I would really like to know the answers so I can fix them and make the story better for everyone...
Wait a minute. Didn't I read this same story like yesterday? The names have been changed but I know I already read this before. Explain yourself!
1878495 You probably read one similar. This is my first time writing a story like this one. I never thought about it until a week ago. I didn't copy anything. But I was inspired to do it but a guy named Field_Marshal_Luna... Maybe you read a story by him. I don't know. This is my first version of Nightmare Moon and Twilight Sparkle. My other alternate universe is a remake of the Canterlot Wedding but nothing else... Sorry I really didn't mean to copy anything. I got permission from the Field_Marshal_Luna to use a couple of his ideas but I reworded them. So yeah. There are a ton of stories like this though. maybe you are thinking of a different author.
Yeah, I looked up FML's name, and sure enough it was him. But your work is too similar if people can confuse the two. Differentiate it a little, make it less of a copy. You have a paragraph of weird foster kid Twilight that could be its own chapter if you let it.
1878576 Oh there are reasons why I made that one section, and section and not a chapter. Also, trust me on this, our ways to go about the story will be different. They will...
In the process of editing the first chapter, but here's a better description:
Also, Happy New Years and stuff. Wrote this with a three legged kitten on my lap.
1879768 Thank you!
1880768 Yes and thank you for some of the ideas. You see there won't be a lot of chapters in this but I have it all planned out and I think it will shock you. That is why I didn't make the one part of twilight growing up bigger. Because it isn't really much in the story. And remember in this story Twilight isn't the real Twilight we know from the show so... she might see the dreams as a fact as she does in the story. But anyway. Thank you so much for your ideas and comment. Thank you again!
Am revamping this on Google drive; I'm changing a lot.
1881201 wait mine version or your own?
If mine send it so I can fix it.
1881416 I copied and pasted yours
1881432 can you send me it so I can change my story to make it better?
This actually looks very, Very close to 'Child of the Night'.........why is that so?
1889984 well I got inspiration out of it so I asked the author if I could use some of his ideas some as the story goes on it will be a bit different. But it is not going to be very long. Sorry if that is a bit bad of me to use some of his ideas. I am not the best write in the world...
Obvious take off from the "Child of the Night" but the changes you made DO make it its own story. I like it so far, and I can't wait to see where you take it! (as long as it doesn't go the same way as "Child of the Night")
Keep up the good work!
looks good
A pretty nice fanfiction, though the writing is a tad awkward. It feels as though it is moving too fast, in my opinion. It just feels as though it snaps from one characters thoughts to another, I think it would be nice if there was some kind of break, something small happening such as describing how ponies are reacting to all that's going on. While your description of the crowd's reaction was adequate, I feel like they could have been participating a bit more throughout the story.
That's all I could think of right now. Hope some of this is usefull and that I don't come across as a know-it-all or something.
Have a pleasant day peoples.
Seems nice, I'm looking forward the next chapter
Uh, you put Shimmering Eclipse at the beginning of the fic, but you never use it again afterward. Did you forget about this or is this intentional?
1908033 my friend fixed it so I can't take everything. I was just the one with the storyline and the first draft.
1908406 NAmara my editor chnged it I will fix it.
1908033 I am sorry about that I didn't do anything like breaking between thoughts. I would of but I couldn't think of anything. Even if I did, my editor probably would of changed it like she changed a lot of things in this story. Sorry again that I didn't have breaks between thoughts. But thank you for your input.
"Dark Side Moon grinned."
wat
1910231 i will fix that.
You know, for a while I thought that she's going to die and reborn every so often... then you pulled this "long living" thingy... kind of lacks consequence here... repeat a life cycle(die-reborn-die-reborn-die-reborn-...) or never have one in the first place?
Ehh... and this again... how is this even possible to make this mistake... I dunno, I'm not from an English speaking country, so it's probably accents that mess up.
Strangely enough, you make this mistake in one sentence and in the one immediately before you have correct 'would have' version.
Yaaaaawn... goodness, 3AM already?
No wonder I sound so rude... sorry...
In all seriousness though, it's "would have". "would of" is wrong. Who even started this error is beyond me.
And yes, I know nobody cares... but I do!
Night, Y'all...
Edit:
Seriously? Can't scale the quote bar down so it stops after the quote? What the hay?
MIc and Glaze eh? Is a living tombstone going to appear aswell eh?
1881560 Still, it follows it almost to par but other than that I like the story
Twilight status; Killed off.
1916050uh...
HMMM! watching where this will go
1971058 nice to know!
....Good Idea, bad execution.
It bum rushes all the explanation of what happened during the time period between then and now.
It also reveals her name and new cutie mark, which is dumb. It should have been left a mystery untill she somehow discovered it DURING the story. not part of the rushed beginning.
I love the idea for this story, so I will check back. But this story currently needs a rewrite.
1995263 I know it does and all it was was a idea that i just decided to put down. It is nothing big like the story, This Day Has Been Just Perfect so I am just doing this for fun and not as much to do it for large value. sorry if i disappointed a lot of you.
Oh, it seems like much more than simple inspiration came from Field_Marshal_Luna. You basically took that person's fic and changed some of the details and backstory, fixed up all the dozens of grammar mistakes, then added a whole bunch of your own.
2059944 Well my friend edited it I just wrote stuff down, I even got Field_Marshall_Luna's permission to use some of his ideas first before I had written anything down. But, my friend edited this so I play no part.
2062200 except writing it
2059944 I DID give her permission mate
2133595 Thanks Field_Marshall_Luna!
hope you update this soon
3260330 Thanks but it may be a bit. While your waiting I gave permission for somebody else to continue this in their own way. Just search it and I think you may like her style better than mine but, you are always welcome to read mine over and over if you so choose.
Update soon Please
Very good, but what happened there at the end?
Whaaaaaat????????
What...?
Update please
Its great the way it is...
Nice chapter. That dark magic that escaped, is it the embodiment of Nightmare Moon? Meaning Nightmare Moon and Princess Luna separate and Shimmer Eclipse and Twilight Sparkle who has gained a life of her own (still an immortal alicorn however) separate, into separate beings. Then you could have the new forms try to retake control before being defeated.