• Member Since 9th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen March 4th

storiesatrandom


Hello, I'm Storiesatrandom, and, I, do stories..... At Random.

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Princess Celestia, the princess (or Technical Queen) of all Equestia, is a seemingly happy and calm benevolent ruler of Equestia, and happily respects the opinions of her subjects. She's not even bothered by the crude rumors of her being a tyrant, a molester, or even the unfortunate nickname of "Trollestia." However, she does have a great deal of personal pain that even Twilight Sparkle has thought to be long dealt with. Celestia is still sad that she banished her sister to the moon when she was Nightmare Moon, intending on turning her back to normal. Though that is long since dealted with by her redeemer, Twilight, Celestia is still saddened by it, which makes her vulnerable to a treacherous spirit of Nightmare Moon, now a shadowy nightmare demon ghost, who tricks Celestia into believing that Nightmare plans to create the Elements of Disharmony with five ponies (and a griffin) in contrast to her student and her friends. Celestia, falling for it, goes on an innocent, but blind hunt for those who are contrasts of the Elements of harmony, not aware of the Nightmare spirit's true intentions. (Spoilers for following chapters not intended.)

note: i am not a very perect speller, so don't exsect this to be a million dollar perfetion.
it is compination of tragedy, saddness, dark, with little bits of comedy everynow and again (sorry for that, i am mostly a comedian.)
Credit for Image belongs to johnjoseco.

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 61 )

You might want to get a prereader before you post any new chapters. Just in your description of the story, there are soooooo many spelling errors. (Which you mentioned would exist) Here's what it should look like, if you want to edit it:

Princess Celestia, the princess (or Technical Queen) of all Equestia, is a seemingly happy and calm benevolent ruler of Equestia, and happily respects the opinions of her subjects. She's not even bothered by the crude rumors of her being a tyrant, a molester, or even the unfortunate nickname of "Trollestia." However, she does have of great deal of personal pain that even Twilight Sparkle has thought to be long dealt with. Celestia is still sad that she banished her sister to the moon when she was Nightmare Moon, intending on turning her back to normal. Though that is long since dealted with by her redeemer, Twilight, Celestia is still saddened by it, which makes her vulnerable to a treacherous spirit of Nightmare Moon, now a shadowy nightmare demon ghost, who tricks Celestia into believing that Nightmare plans to create the Elements of Disharmony with five ponies (and a griffin) in contrast to her student and her friends. Celestia, falling for it, goes on an innocent, but blind hunt for those who are contrasts of the Elements of harmony, not aware of the Nightmare spirit's true intentions. (Spoilers for following chapters not intended.)

58804 thanks for the advice, though, i ask were i can find a pre-reader, i am kinda new to this site, heck, sorta of a novice to writing, when it comes to some words. I sometimes spell words by what they sound like, not how it has been protrayed. sometimes, i'm just a crude speller period when it comes to the more larger words, sometimes i miss-spell even the simplest of words and failed to notice if i don't check a second time.
my other worry, unrelated of what we're talking about, is that i don't know Celestia asending to maddness is origenal or not. What do you think?

58822 consider the mistake corrected.javascript:smilie(':pinkiehappy:');

There are so many errors that make it painful to read, I recommend rewriting anything at least three times , It might help gl.

58898 sorry, i'm just not a very good speller. Also, i kinda don't have a pre-reader. i just hate myself that i stink at spelling.(':facehoof:');

58904 Don't hate yourself. I'm just a spelling Nazi. Just ask around for pre-readers. I wouldn't go for ponychan because they're real dicks sometimes. (Trust me, I've been there) But just ask a friend or something. Try typing you doc up in google docs or microsoft word, then using spell check. That's about the easiest way to go about it.

I think the concept is great but you need a prereader very badly.javascript:smilie(':ajbemused:');

62001 i know, i been told.(':facehoof:');
if only i know where to find one, i'm sorta new to this site.

dont feel bad im new too here maybe this will help look for the spellcheck abiword there should be sites you can download it off of its like a free slightly crapper version of microsoft word it helped me a bit.

66109 thanks. unrelated to what we're talking about, if you read the bottom, what's your opinion on what they ask?(':twilightsmile:');

the way you write is like Pokemon, example:
Spinda used stagger!
Spinda is now confused!
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

68929 is that supposed to be a comlameant, or an insult? (':rainbowhuh:');

Gonna track this... the story sounds interesting

71084 thanks, glad you don't mind the miss spelling, and the intense action and moments of insany. (':pinkiehappy:');

about prereaders? im not sure where to find one myself also i would have replied alot sooner but my computer got some malware on it yeah fun.
As for grammer and spelling errors well i mentioned abiword because it would help as a spellcheck if you didnt have one and cant find a prereader.

71196 i'll be sure to consider your advice.
so, what do you think of the story so far, aside from the minor inconvineces? (':pinkiehappy:');:twilightsmile:

ive only had the chance to skim the first chapter befor the malware hit but form that i thought it was good well written and a solid idea the two bases for a great story.

You have a great story going here :pinkiehappy: My spelling is rather horrid actually. My girlfriend does all my editing. Maybe just find someone close to help you with pre-reading? Take a look at some of my work if you have time. I can tell you right now, most of that you probably wouldn't understand if it wasn't for her :P But don't mistake bad grammar as bad writing. You're a great writer and I will continue this series you have going here so please continue! ...Well, continue when I catch up. I'm also a slow reader :P

This is a pretty good story. Needs some serious editing though, spelling errors and layout wise, the wall of text needs to be broken up as well but otherwise this is a great story.

Sorry, but....erm...Is English your first language? I normally would write them off as Typos, but the errors that I saw were, well... Recurring.:unsuresweetie: Sorry if I just sound like a total Mule, but....yeah. No offense, really.

105179 alcourse i am amarican. i am just really bad at spelling. in fact, i am sort of austistic, not enough i can't use a computer, but, enough to make learning a slow prosess for me, it's a mild case.
god, i almost didn't want to admit it. (':pinkiesad2:');

106175 Wait...You're autistic too?

106193 only a mild case, not enough that i can't be left alone longer then 5 seconds.

106195 I'm not completely sure you understood my question, so I'm going to try and rephrase it a bit. What I mean was, I'm Autistic too. Nice to meet another Aspie on the net.

Hmmm.....Man, makes you wonder how many Fic writers are Autistic....don't it?

106232 i got your question, i only said i had a mild case, so you won't get the wrong idea. (':trixieshiftleft:');

Can SOMEPONY actually help our sun princess here! I actually thought she would get help from someone she could trust!

108064 don't worry, our heroes are getting there!

ok, on second thought, i'll have to worry about chapter name myself, cause no-one else is gonna pass ideas.
aw, walnuts. :facehoof:

This story was close to being one of my favourites. :facehoof: Where it falls short though is the fact it doesn't seem to follow the basic guidelines of writing a fanfic. What I am trying to say, is that it is a good story... but it needs some serious editing. Normally I wouldn't do this but if you need an editor, I would be willing to go through and edit the whole story. Send me a message if you're interested storiesatrandom.

DAMNIT! i was expecting more

127850 i am gonna have that addressed, i already got Sir Duke, he's currently working on Chapter 1. i'll keep you posted when the chapters have been aprooved.

Thanks Storiesatrandom, I'm glad to hear it. This Story goes into a lot of backstory for Celestia, but the layout sort've ruined the experience and I found myself skipping parts of the story (holds head in shame :ajsleepy:). But now I know you've got an editor, this story is bound to improve. I'll continue to track it and wait for the updates.:twilightsmile:

128761 believe me, even i wish how this was exicuted was more cleanly done.
well, at least know i am actselly doing something about it and not being an anti-critic jerkwad and delete insulting comments in sight.
don't think i would get popular that way.:twilightsheepish::rainbowlaugh::trixieshiftright:

128761 Chapter 1 has been improoved.:pinkiehappy:

Finally getting around to reading this. So far so good :twilightsmile:

i believe you need to focus more on character development, i have only read the first chapter but in the parts where celestia had to lose luna i just didnt feel any emotion, your based more around plot, and dont get me wrong thats great. I just feel as though you need to show a little emotion from those who are supposed to be feeling it, i havent been into fanfics that long, but what i have seen that are great have a mixture of both. Just thought i would generate some constructive criticizm [insert spitfire happy face emote here]

1076239 i thought it's emotional enough as it is, thank you very much.

again i only read the first chapter, i wasnt being agressive just i suppose that after reading some verry emotional stories by stephen king and other great authors i could offer a little of my personal knoledge, i have been reading good, tradgic books for a very long time and i suppose thats just what i have come to expect, i dont mean to be agressive or brash all im saying is this story could be amazing and triumph above all others and even give background pony a run for its money i understand that some people take constructive critisizm as insult and others take it as advice, and i am sorry if i had offended anyone i will not go back on what i said about the first chapter, however i said nothing about the whole story because i have not read it.

1082363 oh, ok.
now, for something random.

Discord dance!

sorry, i wanted to do my first video comment.

EDIT: there was a comment mistake. CORRECTED!

i love the plot, but the little things like "Alicorn Fu" and "Celestias white ninja attire" really threw me off and confuzed me and in hindsight i saw it was an understatement to say they could spruce up the emotion a bit it needs serious TLC. i also revoke the statement on it being possible to rival or even come near the quality of background pony. I think the author just needs to slow down when he writes stories and make it more serious and more descriptive. The last thing i would llike to mention is that things like (pinkie pie pulls out partie cannon) and things of that nature sre to only be used in scripts. If i remember, when i hook my computer up to the internet and when i dont have to read stories on my phone i might make a remake of this that will take the plot, make it more descriptive and then release it as a improved version. the plot, story, and charachters will all be credited twoards the author however

1082550 it also has the comedy tag, it's bound to have a few funny moments to balence out the seriousness, otherwise it'll be abit of a sob fest. about the Alicorn Fu thing and the Ninja thing, that's to make it more actiony instead "Magic Magic, MAGIC EVERYWHERE!" I didn't want it to feel like a wizard quest. also, both of my editors are caught up in my more recent stories, and i don't have a 3rd for this or the other older projects.

okay, i thought there was a comedy tag on this, i suppose i just felt as though the plot was really something and if i dont will you make a serious version of this? I love storied that bring great emotion to me i understand balanceing it out, but for me in order to make something truely great you need to make the reader feel emotion so strong it ties apart of him to the book. Look at Cujo, here you have a sympithetic veiw of a dog who got rabies, and the dog goes on a killing rampage and kills like 7 people. but at the end of the book the boy was still sad because his best friend in the whole world was ripped away from him. It was a tragic moment, but thats wahts seperates it from being the run of the mill book. Humor is a great thing to have in a serious book i just dont believe you should put it in such serious parts. I may not be back on this thread for a while, i wish you luck and please consider my advice.

1082874 maybe, but with only a limited shorse of editors, it might not be a quick chance change.

i couldnt go to sleep as quickly as i had thought, storiesatrandom who is your avatar? its kinda buggin me that i dont know is it an oc?

1082988 It's the Laurn Fast Alicorn Oc.

i thought it looked familiar, now i just feel like an idiot. Still say the best oc ive ever seen is incidnea in antipodes

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