• Member Since 7th Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen Last Friday

Mint


T
Source

Princess Luna arrives in Ponyville and begins to do wonderful things in the life of Twilight Sparkle. They become close friends...maybe even more, but when Twilight discovers that Luna may be after the throne the unicorn must choose whether to follow her head...or her heart.

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 364 )

I really enjoyed reading this before, I hope that inspite of the way you were treated by the fandom that you keep writing as you have a talent for it.

424345

Treated by the fandom? Why?

the description says "May be after the throne"
this implies that there is a chance this won't turn into a Luna vs Celestia...I want to read this because there aren't too many good TwiLuna fics out there...but I don't want to read it if it's Luna going after the throne...:applejackconfused::derpytongue2:

Some of the paragraphs are WAY too long. (Should be 8 lines at the absolute MAX) I'd also go read up on "when to make a new paragraph" (There literally is a guide titled this, go read it)

Pay attention to what words you use in your story, for example calling Twilight's horn magical. You just introduced the fact that her horn is magical, something the reader probably knows. (Not to mention calling a unicorn's horn magical is like calling a person's hand fleshy) Don't go out of your way to introduce adjectives, in general the less of adjectives you have in your fic, the better.

On a last note, your story summary says a lot about you as a writer. Make sure your sentences are capitalized.

Hope this helps, keep trying!

Anyway, I've read this story before, which I found to be engaging, and it's sad to see the author feel so rejected. I'm not sure if this user is the original author or just someone posting the story before it's deleted by them, but if you are the author, don't let rejection drag you down further, instead, try and push past them and prove to them that you're above them.

:ajsmug:

Maybe i missread the last chapter posted on Fanfiction but it seemed like he got rather harshly rejected by the EQD and intended to stop writing this.

Glad to see this up and running.

Ah, that's probibly the part I missed. I thought that he'd just decided to move sites rather than quite all together.

Execellent i'm glad you took my advice about not giving up and putting your story on fimfiction.:pinkiehappy:

"Yeah...don't forget again." Twilight Sparkle remarked. The entire bakery was now covered in confectionaries. It was just the usual mess that followed in Pinkie Pie's wake. "You better clean this place up, or the Bake's will be made at you."

only real errors I found, its the Cakes and it should be mad not made

good work though, can't wait for the next chapter :)

My prayers have been answered. Get Even continues.:twilightsmile::heart:

I kinda like this story so far, im curious to see were you will take it.

I haven't read the story yet, but that is a top 5 author's note.

I honsetly don't know why some people in the fandom gave this such a bashing. This is my favorite Luna fic. So at least know there are people who support you. Fav'd.

424408
Keep reading, there's a big twist.

424480
Actually, I submitted it before I posted it on Fanfiction and it had been rejected. That bothered me the whole time. Then some other stuff happened, I threw a hissy-fit and made an ultimatum. Someone then pointed out the fact that if i just stop when the action's hot someone is likely to pick it up and keep writing it. The very thought of that burned me up more than my previous anger, so i decided to keep going. Since I threw a fit I couldn't keep going there, so here I am. So...yeah.

424485
No, it's me...it's just...a long story.

Ah I see, well hopefully this will all settle down in time.

424455
Yeah...you're just going to have to get over that. That's the way I write. If you don't like long paragraphs or superfluous adjectives then this isn't for you.
As for my summary I cut and pasted it from Fanfiction which has a limit on how long your summary can be. I should probably fix it though.

429023 that's just the thing, I hate to be a bit picky but Tyrant Celestia/Luna/Luna vs Celestia fics are ones that I can't stand so PM me or comment if this is really that or if it's just in Twilight's head

429124 Well I was following this over on fanfiction, and if you'd ask me, I'd say its neither. Let me explain. If Luna truly seeks to usurp the throne, it isn't a matter of "Bwahahaha I'm going to be evil today", but actual character development from everyone involved, especially from Twilight and Luna. What I'm getting at is, that it isn't some cheesy one-shot evil Luna crap. It is an actual journey well worth the read. If you don't like it, oh well, but give at good read first. I'd add more to this, but I might accidentally spoil it. :twilightblush:

429219 I know it's most likely not that, butI really don't like when Luna and Celestia are fighting over the throne seriously...I don't know it's just a preference, all I want to know is if Luna is actually trying to take over the throne, and if so then a basic summary of why...I just want a PM telling me this so I won't be disappointed if I read this

Big Mac Daddy.

Shoulda known :eeyup:

:derpytongue2: Looking forward to seeing more. I can't wait to see this story finished. It's a real gem and a great read. We're all behind you and love your work!

The story is continuing! YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!! Tracking.

Loved it:heart: keep them coming please.

I am glad to see that the story is continuing. I enjoyed it very much while it was on Fanfiction.net and was sad when it went down there. I am happy to see that it is up again here. I am a big TwiLuna fan so the more I see of this, the happier I will be. Keep up the great work and please, don't be discouraged. You're doing a great job.:heart:

glad to see this on here man, i've been watching this over on fanfic under a different name and i wish you good luck of FIMfiction. Hopefully you update the rest of the story soon so people can get a real scope of how awesome this fic is shaping up to be.

good luck again man.

429060 I still have no idea what you meant by what you wrote me on fanfiction.. but it doesn't really matter, good to see that you decided to continue with this (as I thought it was quite decent) even if you felt rejected by the fandom.

PS. Where are the next 6 chapters? ;)

455950 wait there are a total of 8 chapters for this out? :pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

459845 yup, on fanficion (or was it 7 chapters? i forgot), but Mint took it down after his little... uhm... scene...
Shall I spoil? MUAHHAHAHA! :D

Not sure why he hasn't uploaded the rest... maybe he's editing it? Hey Mint! *pokes Mint in the eye* WTF u doing man?! XD

Luna's personality in this story is quite refreshing. It's a bit different than a lot of other stories, but I like it, and it fits nicely with the canon Luna.

Never, ever mess with Luna's friends. Good chapter, looking forward to more.

Glad your Final went well. I've got two papers and an exam left myself.

yay another update, it'll take awhile but can't wait till you get caught up man.

tis awsome i had to find this story through someone elses file hrung anyway it'l be nice to see where this goes:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

damn you updated while i was typing no fare:raritydespair: schnt:rainbowlaugh:
now to read.

Nice chapter. Luna is pissed. You don't mess with the princess, either one of them. I can only imagine what Celestia would do in this situation. Looking forward to more. Keep up the great work and I am glad that your final was good. What did you think of the season two finale?

again never mess with lunas friend.:twilightsmile: flutters your turn:fluttercry::flutterrage::fluttershysad:

495351
I said Finale, not final. I was referring to the last episodes of the second season. I haven't taken my finals yet.

495607
I said finale, I meant the show. Why does everyone think I was talking about finals?

This story is pure awesomeness in the form of written words. You, my friend, are an exelent writter. :pinkiehappy:

495860 Because that's what is on our mind, well that's what's on mine anyway.

Wow i didn't know that twilight was so easy to take down. :fluttercry:

Then again one should never forget their environment when one is fighting. Or maybe i just have an overpowered view of twilight. :yay:

Still loving it though. Especially luna/nightmare moon :yay::pinkiehappy:

495860 I know that you were talking about the finale. I am sorry that I made you angry or something. I did ask though, in the second part of my comment, what you thought of the season two finale. I thought that it was great. The only thing that annoyed me was how easily Celestia was defeated. What did you think about it?

497457
Well, ponies in general are pretty tough, but Twilight is still more the bookish nerd/squishy wizard type than anything else. And Bridleburg clearly has a lot of practice in the violence department. Personally, I wouldn't actually mind seeing him dead since I honestly don't think he'll ever change his ways no matter how scared he may be right at the moment...

...but I rather suspect that Luna would feel horrible about killing him (no matter how much he may deserve it) once she comes back to her senses, and I certainly wouldn't wish that on her. So, here's kind of hoping she gets stopped in time not for his sake, but simply for her own.

(We can always lock him up and throw away the key later.)

You better be scared to shits when you anger Luna.
Great story can't wait for more:rainbowkiss:

497960
I wasn't mad. I loved the finale. Celestia was beaten way to easy, but everything else was so good it didn't bother me too much.

501692 Good to know. I loved it too. I hope that season 3 starts soon.

Great chapter hey speaking of the season two final any chance of seeing changelings later on in the story just curious.

Login or register to comment