Human in Equestria16,990 stories ·16,831 members
The Writers' Group56,452 stories ·9,300 members
The bearers of harmony, and a few colorful background characters, work together to raise a small, human child in Equestria. However, when they discover that more of its kind are on the way, can the child grow into the ambassador Equestria needs?
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Not sure why this story has no comments on it yet, so I'll be the first.
Very interesting, and I like how for the most part, you kept things a mystery with "Gibbers" (though I think you should've let that be his name, and not start calling him Michael).
T-T-T-Trackin'!
Ho... Shit...
Tracking for sure...
Pic Says All.
MOAR!!!!!
I wrealy like this story
Definitely different then the other human in Equestria fics I've been reading. Interested in seeing more! Why doesn't Michael have a gun?
Well 'Gibbers' if a soldier, the gear must includes some tipes of wepons, or if he lost the primary weapon , must have a secondary sholder wepon or even a knife, but its not important i simply love this story
H.O.L.Y. S.H.I.T. That is all i need to say about how awsome this story is.All my Stars!Take them!*throws stars at screen but they bounce off*Why isn't this working?!?!?!?!
153615>>153673
Because the plot (pun intended) says he doesn't
But seriously? It doesn't say how he got there or what happened. For all we know, he was just walking around his military base unarmed when he was thrown here. But how did that happen...
refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh, come on ,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,stupid browser,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh, come on WORK!!!! , refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh,refresh
I'm already anxious to see what happens
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^ i agree 100% with that statement/pic
I do hope you go into more detail about how the humans got to Equestria; it would be nice to see United Nations at the end of this story coming to help fix the mess or something, anyway great story keep up the great work
This is really turning out to be a good story so far. It has a more unique plot what is normally seen in a HiE fic. Its well thought out and continually draws me back in with the happier points from the darker points. The only thing that I was like to see is this story being updated more often, but I don't expect that to change too much.
Over all: good plot, Mostly original idea, and real good use of mixed emotions.
The major thing I like about this story is the immense distrust that the rest of the ponies, the mane six included (except Fluttershy), have against Gibbers/Michael. I'm not going to spend a lot of time on this comment (I'm sorry!
), but in too many HiE stories, the human is quickly trusted and loved, even in situations like this. In this story though, its a lot more believable.
Oh, and finally getting an update is a plus too
Poor Scoot and Rarity
media.photobucket.com/image/recent/vrkm2003/oh-my-god.jpg
I despise this fic.
Purge the unclean. That is all.
422807
I've noticed as well how easy the human is able to gain the trust of the ponies in other stories; even after admitting the fact that they know the ponies as cartoons in our world. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but the basic concept of these two grossly clashing cultures is just chock full with so much untapped potential. That's just my opinion though.
Also, sorry for the waaaay overdue update. It would have been much later if it weren't for my new iPad.
I spend all of my class breaks proof-reading and editing with it. 
Also, thank you so much, everyone, for the awesome support and encouragement!
OMFG
my-image-host.com/i/00000/9cl6so9cj6vi_t.jpg
WOW! that update was kick ass! this looks like it might be an amazing fic
really good, kickass
Review Time!!!
OH.SWEET.CELESTIA.
You're so lucky, the criticism will be short.
1) Now, I'm not an editor. In fact, I have very poor grammar myself sometimes. But I do notice a few moments in your story where the grammar seems uneven, like a comma should be there or something. If you've already had this looked over, then I apologize. But if you haven't? Look into it, mkay?
2) You got MUCH better at description in Chapter 2. Yet in Chapter 1, as Michael was introduced, things seemed to go too fast. There was just a few paragraphs where you went from one scene to another way too speedy. I know your Chapters are amazingly long, but that doesn't mean you can't add more detail to fix these transitions up. (Example: When he first arrives with Fluttershy, we transition from them getting to know each-other to a few semi-romantic nighttime scenes. I feel these, especially, aren't elaborated on too much) I know it's important to get certain things into a chapter, yes. But if you could find a halfway point, split what would be one chapter into two. This way you can get in more detail and leave cliffhangers for your readers.
I don't like being mean.
1) The idea of humans in Equestria is SUCH an over-used topic. But when you have something like this? Bravo! I've never heard of troops becoming corrupted, and pony-napping poor residents. It's so tragically ironic, that you really feel for whats going on in the plot. I think you also executed this new idea perfectly, because it isn't always easy to take something that has been elaborated on with a twist. It really just leaves you craving more, and I think you just did a superb job.
2) Even though your transitions are sloppy, your detail is pretty fluent. When you actually take pauses in the story to lay everything out in a clearer perspective, the reader really gets a good feel of whats going on. I like the way you described outfits, feelings, and implied personalities through actions. Showing, not telling! Most people get annoyed with it, but I like when multiple characters are introduced. I especially like it when these characters are introduced with a little description of their appearance. This also leaves the reader to think for themselves whether they like the character or not.
*drumroll* The final rating, (so far) is...
4/5 Scoots!
It's pretty rare to get 5/5 for a rating. I'm not picky-picky, but I am definitely opinionated on a story's elements. I gave you a solid four because of the richness your new concept/thinking portrays, and how at times you can clarify things through detail. To get the last Scoot, I would suggest working hard on smoothing out transitions, doing a once-over for grammar and spelling, and really think about making Chapters shorter for suspense and details.
GiddyOnUp
472488
Hooah! Now THAT's what I'm talking about. Straight up, honest criticism.
1) I don't doubt it. I've looked over these first two chapters countless times and I still find errors, redundancies, and etc. I'll look through again and find those elusive grammar errors.
2) You're absolutely right. My transition is bad, but I didn't fully realize it until you pointed it out. Looking back, I see that at times I've just said, "A few days later, blah blah blah" and that would be it. I definitely need to work on that. Regarding my description difference between the first two chapters, you're also right. Whenever I write a character's point of view, I try to get inside the head of that character. Thus, Fluttershy's Chapter 1 is more innocent and simple than Twilight's observant and wordy Chapter 2. Like how Twilight made a point to almost poetically describe the Princess while describing herself in just three sentences. I could be wrong and may have horribly misunderstood what you said, but that's my excuse for now.
1) HOOAH! It was the fact that HiE was so overused that drove me to write this. Sometimes in HiE, the only conflict would be that the humans ate too many sweets and got stomach aches.
It bothered me because these people being sent to Equestria are not only making an impression on themselves, but also the entire human race. 7 odd billion people, myself included. I would not wussy out because of some stupid tummy-ache! 
Sorry, but it really burns me up. 
As far as making the chapters shorter and cliffhangers, it's very tempting to make the chapters shorter so I can update more often, but more often than not the cliffhangers would be empty. And I HATE empty cliffhangers. There are few worse things than a chapter ending with a suspenseful scene, only to be resolved in a single paragraph with virtually no lasting consequences. Even worse would be, "And then they fell asleep, wondering what new adventures await them tomorrow," which is extremely weak, in my opinion (no offense to anyone
). I'm definitely considering it though.
If I'm going to leave a cliffhanger, at heaven's witness, there's going to a major plot advancement or character development.
I want the readers to genuinely want to know what will happen next.
2) I'm going to work hard to improve my writing and fix my mistakes, because honestly...
i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/4/21/a_OL71xHj0ulRXOGi9tpUg2.jpg
478976 Wooohooo!
BROHOOF man, BROHOOF. /)
Olay, I am so happy.
You are the first author to respond in full detail, and to really get their mind set on the last Scoot. I'm gonna read the next chapters when I find time, and when you need the next review just pm me. Hehe! And I know how grammatical errors can just slip past you. I'm very awful at it, and there's probably a bunch I'm making right now! But there's very few, so I'm sure you can manage that. 
I agree with you, HiM fics are so overdone! And no matter how much I'd like to visit Equestria, I agree. There must be seem type of conflict. 
Oh, and you WILL get the last Scoot! I have faith in ya! I just love how excited you are! Most authors aren't so nice to critics...
480480 *(\
HOOAH!
I'm honored to be the first, but that also means that the authors before me didn't like your criticism, which is a shame.
All too often I've seen critics be too nice with other authors to give good, honest criticism. 
As far as future chapters, I have to put this story on Hiatus for now. I wrote a blog about it and I've been planning to do this for a long time now. It's to take out the overwriting and put in more character development, make the chapters shorter, and to have weekly updates. It's going to be a major overhaul, but it'll be worth it in the end.
So much work...
its hard to get used to it. im still not used to it. but its well written, so im trying to get through it as best i can. good job.
Yay!
Can't wait to re-read this!
756737PPbtttttttttt Screw Green Beret, 101st airborn all the way boy.
756852 He wouldn't be neither Green Beret or 101st airborne since the green beret isnt actually a US company, its a headdress worn by decorated veterans of the US special forces. The 101st airborne hasn't been used in combat since 2008 in Afghanistan. He is probably from his from what looks like experience in planning and logistics, He is probably US special forces or USSOCOM for short.
757091....Basicly he maybe a SOCOM.....*has video game flashbacks*........I change my mind!
Looks like quite an awesome story, I'm only through the first two chapters so far but I can't wait to read more. Writingwise it's excellent, storywise it's excellent, atmosphereically it's excellent... Damn man, your making the rest of us look bad... And I'm just fine with that in this case
Neat story so far. Pretty well written, the storyline leaves some questions that keep the reader guessing, and it's
just good overall, as far as fanfics go, I suppose.
A few problems though. For one, the pacing is a bit off. I had to re-read the fire scene again to make sure I knew what was going on. You could just do with easing into scenes a bit more.
Another thing that really bugged me, though, was how the ponies were completely, well, powerless against the humans.
Yeah, I understand that they were heavily armed, but what about the Unicorns? Couldn't they have used their telekinesis to disarm? Also, I'm pretty sure there would be enough ponies to overrun any amount of humans that can be carried by only one helicopter. That area seems pretty iffy.
Overall, I like it though. Good luck in future.
767591
Hey, thanks for pointing out those potential mistakes. I hope you don't mind my counterargument.
I admit that I have a hard time with transitions. I'm trying to keep the story moving, while jumping over the mundane. It is more of an Action/Thriller story than a Slice of Life after all, but it is a hard balance.
The dream sequence was purposefully written to mislead the reader into thinking that everything he did up until then was a dream. I could have written a boring, old transition, but I thought I would challenge the reader a little and make things interesting. Whether or not it was a good idea is debatable.
Yes, the unicorns could have disarmed the humans, but how many unicorns live in Ponyville? How many would fight? How many of them would be able to figure out the technology used against them quick enough to disarm? How much dirtier would a violent poacher fight than a peace-loving pony? I could have written how each pony was bested and why, but that wasn't the focus of the scene.
It would be no fun if I explained everything anyways. After all, leaving some parts vague allows the reader to come to their own conclusions and theories. Of course, if the ponies bested the humans so easily, we wouldn't have much of a story, now would we?
768292
Fair enough.
I just want to see this fic be the best it can be.
Bloody PinkiePie
he broke his mind, and now pinkie pie eats everything.
fc09.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2010/343/2/c/batman_meme_by_brutalish-d34in63.jpg
interrogating like a boss
It's pretty faggy that he's letting Fluttershy call him Gibbers.
796286
796286
Agreed.
Holy shit Rarity.....
Damn this story just keeps getting better. Can't wait for more.
Amazing how this is going, though I will be upset if Scootaloo dies.
I am disappointed because I saw the thumbnail and thought this was some weird meta-fic where Tara Strong invades Equestria.
911251
Aw... Sorry to disappoint...
"'Ill save you m'lady"
oh jeez. Im glad this updated. 
>Welcome to my world
>Instantly think about the wanky shit demon
Ohgodwhy.jpg
But in all things related to this chapter, ya done good. Now I wait in the lurker's room for a fight scene...
“I thought it was made of a strong metal alloy and suspended above the ground by a technologically advanced means of propulsion...”
so much win on so many different levels