I, Talon Sharpbeak, am a griffon, banished from my clan. I try to start a new life in Equestria, but everything turns against me from the moment I enter the Equestrian borders.
How will I cope with all the injustice and the corrupt nobles of Equestria? Or will I strike back at them? Read and find out.
(First Person. Characters and themes will be added once they appear in the story.)
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PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE MAKE HIM SHIP WITH GILDA!
another griffin story? I'm intrigued. i shall let you know what i think after I'm done reading
A bit fast paced, but good none the less, i look forward to the next chapters
472860
I might, I might not. Depends where I'm going with this story. If there is a popular demand for it, I will most certainly consider it.
Thank you for reading
Please don't ship him with Gilda. Just give him a good life.
~Jack
This is too quick, it's about two chapters in one.
Perhaps not a relationship, but an encounter and 'mutual' friendship. He could be perfectly opposed to her attitude yet be drifting to her only because she is the only known griffon (atm) known around Ponyville.
Awesome another griffon story there aren't enough of them. I like how it is going so far and will track it and see where it goes.
472980
That is also a very good possibility. Talon is an honest and nice griffon, but that same nice behaviour is what got him into trouble.
So after all these experiences, he will be way less trusting of other ponies and especially griffons.
I do not fully know where I'm going with this, but a friendship does seem way more likely than an actual romance. However, events may happen that allow Talon to see things in another light.
Will he go to ponyville?
473229
I'm not sure, maybe once all the commotion is done and when he won't be executed on sight. But I think that's still a long time away.
A custom picture? It's rather suited.
Promising start, can't wait for more!
this will be favorited keep it up
this is good so far so i give you a moustache
This is a great story so far, however, I have only one complaint. There is only one chapter and I have to wait for the next one.
The pacing was waaay to fast. There's next to no transition between scenes, its all I was here then I was there. You should slow down and admire the scenery for a bit. You could have easily split that into two decently sized chapters, and you missed the perfect opportunity for a cliffhanger (quite literally, since he did jump of a cliff).
476902
Maybe you're right, I'll try and slow down a bit in the next couple of chapters. Thanks for reading and for the advice
Maybe I'll even reconsider rewriting the first chapter into two parts, but that won't happen till I have established a bit of the story
ooh getting good keep writing
498408
Thank you
BRAVO!
i love this story by
OVAR NINE TOHUSANDDDDD
The Court of Nobles would have to answer to the Princess, wouldn't they? According to wikipeadia:
Unless I am mistaken, Princess' Celestia and Luna represent the monarchy (making it a diarchy). If their rule is an absolute monarchy, they have absolute power, and can pardon Talon.
If it is a constitutional monarchy, where the monarch serves as a ceremonial figurehead symbol of national unity and state continuity, they typically would still have the power to grant pardons.
Sorry if I'm being annoying.
500757
All of that had crossed my mind, but I'm going to go over how the Court of Nobles was formed in a later chapter. But basically it's the idea of the Magna Carta, as the nobles want to limit the absolute power of the Princesses:
The nobles were unhappy with some of the decisions of the Princesses, which had favoured the lower classes. The nobles then form the Noble's Guard, swaying recruits and officers with promises of nobility. About a fifth of the Royal Equestrian Army joins the Noble's Guard.
Celestia doesn't want a civil war, so when the nobles ask for some authority, she cedes some of it to the Nobles who then form the Court of Nobles. She does have a veto, but she won't use it now because the situation as it is, is too unstable. As far as the Nobles know, Talon is a rapist and a murderer. They believe they would do the world a favour by executing him. Pardoning him without cause (apart from him being innocent, which the nobles wouldn't believe, because they're the apex of righteousness and they judged him guilty, yada yada) would be unwise.
However, the Noble's Guard has to enforce the decisions of the Court of Nobles, while the Royal Equestrian Army is under the Princess' direct control. As long as she doesn't proclaim Talon to be an outlaw, he has nothing to fear from the R.E.A, only from the Noble's Guard.
Thank you for being so interested in my story though, it pleases me to see that you are genuinely interested enough to point out possible flaws in my story.
502166
But that's the thing, she has cause to pardon him. He saved the life of a bearer of an element of harmony, the very one he has been accused of trying to kill. The other element bearers can support him in this case, so she could at least get the leverage to delay his execution until Fluttershy either dies or recovers enough to provide a statement.
502612
Hmm, I hadn't thought of it like that, but you are right. It wouldn't make any sense for Celestia not to pardon him.
Maybe I'll have to change my story outlines a bit. I know, I could do (that) and (that), and even Celestia wouldn't be able to pardon him without cause then. (Nothing serious, but no spoilers... xD)
Again, thanks for pointing out the obvious.
502634
If you wanted to take it a bit further, Celestia could use this as leverage to disolve the Court of Nobles because of corruption. They tried to execute an inoccent gryphon for saving the very soul they accuse him of trying to kill, without even giving him a fair trial.
And you'd think that something as big as an execution would have to go through the Princess' first, wouldn't you?
God, I'm turning into a troll.
502651
I don't think Celestia could risk dissolving the Court of Nobles, just because of the risk of a civil war breaking out. The Noble's Guard would have to end up fighting the Royal Equestrian Army and there would be victims.
There could be personal repercussions though, Prince Blueblood being removed as head of the Court because of those charges of corruption and for having an execution without consent from the Princesses.
And no, you're not a troll. You are in fact helping me a lot by having to think to finish up any loose ends. Thank you