Based on the comic Equestria Girls Holiday Speical and will contain spoliers for it.
Warnings: Spoliers, dark thoughts, and attempted suicide. Read at your own risk!!!
For the first time since coming to this world, Sunset was to have a happy holiday spending time with her friends. That isn't to be though as a new blog by an, "Anon-A-Miss" turns the whole school against Sunset, including her friends. After the truth is revealed though, Sunset isn't really offered any apologies by anyone other than the real person, or people behind the blog; Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle. Leaving Sugarcube Corner while everyone is talking about what had happened. As memories of the past week plauges her mind, Sunset decides to just give up since all of her hard work trying to prove that she had changed was for nothing if everyone could so easily be turned against her. Will the girls save her and prove that they love her, or will it be too late?
Adorable. Just adorable.
Well, that was nice and fluffy. Though I'd expected the alternate ending to really earn that Dark tag. Thought that might've spiraled into Tragedy territory.
Amazing story. Detonate the feel grenade and have a fave
Truly brilliant. Thought of adding more chapters?
5396688
Maybe one with Sunset running into the Dazzlings? I can imagine a few ways it could go.
The Sirens could be all 'we outcast Equestrian villains have to stick together' and want to make friends and get along as their own little group.
The Dazzlings mock Sunset, saying how her trying to make amends was for nothing, and that even though she was the reason the Rainbooms won the Battle of the Bands, she was just a means to an end to them and making Sunset feel even worse.
They want Sunset to join them, not out of friendship, but as a way to get back at the Rainbooms and they all go back to their evil, scheming ways.
5398384 I was thinking more of a chapter where the rainbooms actually try and earn back at least some of the trust that was lost, and dealing with the guilt and shame of driving sunset (whom they were tasked with teaching friendship) to suicide.
Personally I'd love to see the 'friendship' report to twilight on this one, plus I'd love to see twilights reaction in general to this whole episode. I dare say she'd have 'words' with the rainbooms.
Plus it'd be nice to see how sunset eventually gets over this, after all suicidal tends cues don't just go away cause your mates said 'sorry' once. Gonna be a long way back for sunny after this, and the others have a lot of after care they need to provide
>sunshit shimmer in despair
Probably want to make that wasn't.
They adopted her without asking her if she wanted that beforehand? That feels too presumptious for me to get fluffy vibes off of it.
Alright, so a couple things:
- The first line is out of place as part of the narrative. It just doesn't belong. You should reword it and italicize it so it works as Sunset's thoughts, not part of the narrative.
- Your grammar is a bit of a mess. You should go and fix that.
With that out of the way, it's nice to see an extension to that final scene at Sugarcube Corner. The comic was, well, sorely lacking in a number of places, this scene being one of them. What you did was a much more satisfying resolution to that scene, especially when coupled with the actual ending of the comic.
Again, lots of grammar issues, but cute stuff nonetheless. If you could clean up the grammar on both chapters, I feel like this would be much more enjoyable.
For this chapter specifically, though, it felt a little short. I feel like it could have added in some more arguing between Mr. and Mrs. Shy and Sunset. That conversation felt a little too quick.
Beautifully written for such a short story. 10/10 and fave
It a damn, cold, night. Tryna figure out this life...
I'm going to cry in happiness.
Literally in the verge of tears Amazing story
I would LOVE to see you take the BONUS chapter and rewrite and expand it as a separate story. You could truly make something wonderful with such an interesting setup.
5402947 the ending to the comic was not very good I mean come on, three little girls ruin everything because sunset was hanging wth them, wtf!?!? Sunset saves your lives thats what she gets a BIG fuck u! its a good comic but thats really lame.
5402947 the ending to the comic was not very good I mean come on, three little girls ruin everything because sunset was hanging wth them, wtf!?!? Sunset saves your lives thats what she gets a BIG fuck u! its a good comic but thats really lame.
5402947 the ending to the comic was not very good I mean come on, three little girls ruin everything because sunset was hanging wth them, wtf!?!? Sunset saves your lives thats what she gets a BIG fuck u! its a good comic but thats really lame.
5414604
I agree that the ending scene at Sugarcube Corner was quite lacking. However, when I said 'actual ending,' I was referring to the last couple panels where it talked about family and such. That would have been a pretty great ending if the Sugarcube Corner scene had been handled properly. With this story in mind, that scene becomes pretty great.
There was an Equestria Girls holiday special?
Grammar is a bit rough, and the word 'cried' is used waaay to much, but other than that an enjoyable story.
5414776 I thought it was a bit rushed, but the principle concept of the ending was there. Remembering what someone would really do versus believing what they could have done was conveyed well enough, just could have been handled better.
This story on the other hand, while there is a logical progression of events, there are some problems in regards to... well execution. It's a bit too convenient the girls and Mr. Shy just show up, it takes away from the tension. Not to mention their's a bit too much focus on dialogue versus showing of emotions, so that it feels that every girl is taking a turn speaking. I mean yes they do need to speak, question is when and where. Eg. the scene could have been extended to the girls guiding sunset to their house and comforting her + revealing the homeless secret.
This story is fail.
1.) they DID give her the benefit of the doubt. It was only the second time (after photos that had been on sunsets phone got uploaded) that they suspected her. Before that they blew off applebloom when she tried to hint at sunset the first time.
2.) given that sunset persuaded them to believe her (they were willing to brainstorm with her) it's pretty clear she would have stuck around for a couple of minutes for them to apologize (and most likely they did).
3.) when you take her epiphany in question to account her feeling aangsty and upset is stupid. She's able to forgive what was an understandable lapse due to her development and the nature of twilies advice.
It's just stupid aangst for aangst.
5396417 Thankies! Awesome that you find it adorable!
5396448 Actually I diid think about a third alternate for a few moments, but I really don't like writing tragedy a whole lot. I don't mind reading a good story with tragedy, but I prefer having a nice happy ending when possible after some angst and struggles. Also love fluff, so its awesome you liked the fluff part.
5396499 lol thankies, and I am thinking about writing a story based off the first chapter and fleshing it out a lot more. My brother really wants me to which is kind of funny usually I'm the one wishinghe'd write more to some of his stuff lol.
5397575 Sunset thanks you!
5398384 Hmmm, maybe using the Dazzlings in a chapter or two like that could be awesome. I think I'd make Sonata good though perhaps by the time it's over with.
5398418 There would be a lot of the girls trying to earn back Sunset's trust.
5398815 Sunset will get over it, she's awesome! lol
5399652 Thankies, I'lI fix it
5400505 Sorries you feel that way
5402947 Thankies, I share the computer with family though so it makes it hard to get a good chance to go over everything. Awesome that someone agrees with me that the comic end needed more though!
5402989 Sorries, I didn't have a lot of time to work on it, but w3anted it out before Christmas.
5403147 Awesome! Thankies so much!
5403528 it is, it really is lol
5405419 Glad it's in happiness lol
5406673 Thankies so much!
5414510 Seriusly debating both chapters getting expanded on
5414604 The comic would havebeen 120% more awesome with a betterending
5416146 yes its a comic special
5416178 thankies, awesome you liked it, the grammar is mostly becuse I have to share the computer and often times get rushed off it, sorries
5424285
Heya, a tip for the future: You can reply to all the comments at once. Just space them out by hitting 'Enter'
5424273
Like so.
Editors are your friends
5416764 sorries, didnt have enough time to actually do some of the stuff I wanted to in it since we were packing to visit family over holidays. Also why I have to answer comments quickly today because I have a very short amount of time. I am planning on fleshing it out n another story though and might actually tie the two chapters together somewhat later on in it.
5419545 You know what, I was upset at first, but its Christmas and I refuse to let you get o me. In fact, I'm going to take a page from 2 of my favorites characters and not let you tear me down while showing a bit of kindness with 2 words: Merry Christmas
sorry for the quick replies today everyone, im away from home and borrowing my brotehrs tab to check comments and emails. we will be returning home around the 1st though, most likely the 2, so hope everyone is having a Merry Christmas and has a Happy New Year!
5424257
Goh!
Amazing
The bonus chapter made me cry a bit. So here, have a fave :D