Assassindog117
Joined 1st Dec, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Wolokai · 31k words · 107 8 · 4.7k views
- Israel Yabuki · 12k words · 328 23 · 18k views
- owocowy · 15k words · 28 2 · 1.9k views
- Boomstick Mick · 99k words · 1,003 45 · 10k views
- Captain Unstoppable · 13k words · 765 63 · 14k views
- ADRNEL · 24k words · 40 7 · 1.3k views
- DiabloGuapo · 83k words · 253 9 · 9.8k views
- Ironhoof · 27k words · 81 5 · 18k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.087 seconds
Total duration
916 users online
531,912 hits today, 2,205,040 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I forgot to add new chapters every saturday,sunday,or monday
Since you commented on my page, might as well return the favor by reviewing your story.
First thing's first, the title.
Don't capitalize all of the letters in the title. 'The Blitz of Love' is enough for a title. Now lets move on to the description.
Some spelling and punctuation errors. Change it to this.
Red means spelling and punctuation errors. Blue means new words added. Orange means capitalization errors. Green means words changed. Now time for the story.
A lot of grammar, spelling and punctuation issues. There is a part where it tells that Pinkie was just watching the baby cakes at the Sugar Cube Corners but then suddenly appeared on the streets. The story moves a bit too fast. I'm going to skip to the dialogues now.
Again with the issues. When there is a new speaker in the story, make sure you separate the paragraph by pressing the enter two times, I repeat, two times. I may not be a perfect writer nor a reviewer, but I'm sure that this will help you.
pica-pie thank you for the comment
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
1970116 What does quoting 'My Immortal' have to do with anything?
Looks like this story is going downhill. Try making another story again, start from another scratch. Make sure your spellings, grammars and punctuation are correct. Try reading stories with high rates, and also find out what is the difference between past and present, singular and plural. My first story went like this, and I have to start from a scratch again. This is only a tip, no need to follow everything in this comment.
Have a nice day.
Don't think I even have to point all that out but... yeah.
Well this my first fic so i don't really care because i am making beter one.
2015353
Try to accept constructive criticism.
I know good stop the critisism
1971424 The fact that this character is a glaring mary sue self-insert?
1970116 Fucking preps.
YAY I'M IN THE STORY!!!
THERE I AM AGAIN!!!
I am enjoying myself reading the story, I see the incomplete status so im eager to see the other chapters.
There's one major problem
Then it says this:
Lemme guess. Rainbow Dash had kids? With who? And what about Dust Storm and Fluttershy?
...huh.
followin'
Wants with the :facehoo
awww blitz and aj siting in a tree kissing first coms love then comes marrige then coms aj pushing a filly carrige
bretend its blitze
i cant belive he nos sorain
2014878 toooooooooooo cute
Yo paradox want to play some colt of duty black ops 2" omc thats so funny
slender rules yea
( whoove slam ) yea i <3 blits hes awsome like me and
2059854 ahhhh awsome
1970116
These careless mistakes make you seem like a 2nd grader. Please, fix this so that i can enjoy the story?
Huh, your grammar is a lot better, but you say "shaft" and "marehood" way too many times. Use words like cock' dick, stallionhood, pussy, cunt, slit, or maybe clit. Just try to be more creative with word.choice. like the fic otherwise
BACK TO THE SHITTY GRAMMAR AND SPELLING
PLEASE, i love the story, but it's marred by shitty grammar and spelling. You MUST fix.