Since you commented on my page, might as well return the favor by reviewing your story. First thing's first, the title.
THE BLITZ OF LOVE
Don't capitalize all of the letters in the title. 'The Blitz of Love' is enough for a title. Now lets move on to the description.
After the deaths of his familly Blitz moved to ponyville to start a new life in ponyville how will one farm mare change his life forever.
Some spelling and punctuation errors. Change it to this.
After the death of his family, Blitz moved to Ponyville to start of a new life in Ponyville. Howcan one farm mare change his life forever?
Red means spelling and punctuation errors. Blue means new words added. Orange means capitalization errors. Green means words changed. Now time for the story.
As the day whent on in ponyville everything was quiet and nothing was going on.At the weather station ther was going to be clear skys.At the library it was quiet and spike was sleeping.At Sugar Cube Corner Pinkie was helping the watch the cakes babys.And at Sweet Apple Acers Apple Jack is working on some apple bucking.As the train pulled in a blue stalion came out with nothing on his mind.the stalion.As the stallion walked throught the roads of ponyvile."Great a new town for a new life" he said with some spring in his step.As he made his way to town hall he got the papers for his new home.As he walked throught the streets he noticed a pink mare bouncing her way throught town and as she noticed him she gassped and started talking.
A lot of grammar, spelling and punctuation issues. There is a part where it tells that Pinkie was just watching the baby cakes at the Sugar Cube Corners but then suddenly appeared on the streets. The story moves a bit too fast. I'm going to skip to the dialogues now.
"Howdi there" she said with a southern tone. "Hi there"you say back with a small grin on you face. "Im Apple Jack" she says while shaking your hoff. "Ow I think you just dislocated my shoulder" you say with a grin as you lagh a little. "What do you do here on the farm"you ask with a questioning look on your face. "Here at Sweet Apple Acers we farm apples and it is almost apple season" she says with a big grin. "Hey can i try bucking a tree" you ask with a grin.
Again with the issues. When there is a new speaker in the story, make sure you separate the paragraph by pressing the enter two times, I repeat, two times. I may not be a perfect writer nor a reviewer, but I'm sure that this will help you.
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
Since you commented on my page, might as well return the favor by reviewing your story.
First thing's first, the title.
Don't capitalize all of the letters in the title. 'The Blitz of Love' is enough for a title. Now lets move on to the description.
Some spelling and punctuation errors. Change it to this.
Red means spelling and punctuation errors. Blue means new words added. Orange means capitalization errors. Green means words changed. Now time for the story.
A lot of grammar, spelling and punctuation issues. There is a part where it tells that Pinkie was just watching the baby cakes at the Sugar Cube Corners but then suddenly appeared on the streets. The story moves a bit too fast. I'm going to skip to the dialogues now.
Again with the issues. When there is a new speaker in the story, make sure you separate the paragraph by pressing the enter two times, I repeat, two times. I may not be a perfect writer nor a reviewer, but I'm sure that this will help you.
pica-pie thank you for the comment
Hi my name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way and I have long ebony black hair (that’s how I got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don’t know who she is get da hell out of here!). I’m not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he’s a major fucking hottie. I’m a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I’m also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where I’m in the seventh year (I’m seventeen). I’m a goth (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them.
These careless mistakes make you seem like a 2nd grader. Please, fix this so that i can enjoy the story?