Due to good will, Applejack is devoided of her work. What will she do? She can't just sit and do nothing all day.
She starts to search for a hobby, but ends up in a hospital. However, she does discover something new. Something, she had never dreamed about.
A story with a bit of humour, adventure, romance and self-exploring. I hope it will be enjoyable to read, and I will update it in my free time.
My first fiction (and such long written work), so any productive comments are welcome.
Chapters (8)
Oh my god the grammar. You need to use commas and develop better sentence structuring, as it has potential but needs a proofreader really badly.
Hmmm, I do like the story so far but there are issues to address.
1. The grammar is rather inconsistent, particularly on speech. Example:
“Ah’ve got ya, sister.” He reassured her, as he picked her up and placed into the cart.
It should be:
“Ah’ve got ya, sister,” he reassured her, as he picked her up and placed into the cart.
2. Tenses. The majority is in past tense, however, every so often you slip into present tense like thus:
The first thing she did was visiting the bathroom and putting herself to proper shape.
It should be:
The first thing she did was visit the bathroom and put herself to proper shape.
3. There are numerous mistakes such as "felling" when you meant "feeling," and others such as "cheerful" when you meant "cheerfully" They're not major mistakes, but they detract from the momentum of the story and make it difficult to lose oneself in the story.
4. Finally the tags, I don't know what's coming up in the rest of the story, but right now the tags seem rather generous. As of now, the only main character has been Applejack.
Overall, it's a story that has potential, but the many errors bring it down a lot.
I hope this helps.
well the only thing bad about this story so far is the misspelling here and there fix it and it will be awsome thumb up and favorited keep writing
Thanks for the support! Sorry for minor mistakes, the autocorrect is to blame. I've noticed it when "turned" changed into "tuned". And I know I'm not unerring... I'll pay more attention from now on.
ooohhhh interesting. i hope something happens to her eye. some sense of permanent damage. i can't wait to see what happens later *favorited*
Applejack smash!
this is getting weird and interesting
cool
You have captured my interest... continue...
~Fin
Holy hayseed.
Please tell me she gains Applekinesis.
Calling it now. AJ has unicorn genes and has now unlocked them due to the accident. She's basically a hornless unicorn. Great story btw. Keep up the good work!