- Member Since 26th May, 2012
- offline last seen March 26th
Inferno demon Dash
Showing you the darker, more realistic side of MLP in my writing. Smoking, swearing and being a bastard, but that's nothing new with me. Got a cigarette?
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This looks really, really good. I love the concept!
I noticed a few places where "than" should've been used instead of "then," and there was a point where I saw "have been" where it needed to be "had been."
I skimmed over the clop, because it's not exactly my preference, so I can't really leave comments on that.
I'm excited to see where this is going!
funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/1474933/u/
Spike is dead? Well, he's dead then
this is awsome wright more
wow... wtf?!
Well damn...
OH SH*T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your right this is DARK!
Oh shit
Dark With Hope of redemption?
or
Dark Without Hope of redemption?
1960859 Don't think it's possible to redeem yourself after you take your own life so I'll take the second answer for 500 please
1961002
If the moron in Faust can get redeemed at the last minute by the lover he betrayed then surely Twilight would do the same for Spike.
Love conquers all .. etc etc etc
but i am saying that before seeing what he did in chapter 2 and chapter 3.
1961208 Hmmm...good point, I'll think on it
I should not be reading this
1962211 Why not?
No, no, no, no not pinkie
That was pretty intense actually.
1962580 True that.
Too much mature content
1962836 Very, very true. Of course, it's made that for a reason and I did warn everyone. To each their own though. If you do read however I sure hope you enjoy it
Oh man so what happened to Pinkie Pie?! I need to know so badly!!!
I knew the instant that I looked at this fic that I didn't really want to read it. But I couldn't NOT read it, you know. That feel: "shit, I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to... BUT I HAVE TO!".
I do hate, however, that your fic has so many dislikes. I honestly don't believe in using the dislike button just because you as a person don't enjoy the fic. All writing has artistic value, what may not be your cup of tea may be precisely what another thrives on. I only hit the dislike button if the writer was intentionally being a troll, or.... no that's pretty much it. I think i've hit the dislike button once in all the fics i've read. Anyway, I can't honestly say I like this fic, it pains me to see twilight in such agony, but I'll probably be hitting the like button anyway because it seems to be written well. Your fic brings just a little of the real world back into equestria, and I suppose it does have value to remind ourselves that this stuff does go on.
gah, alright, time for chapter two. I've tried to prepare my feels. (they're not ready) onwards!
1965441 Thank you my friend for your honest words, I never had been told such before and it honestly means a lot
I completely agree with you on the dislikes and your correct, but this is a very, very dark story so I can understand why so people would not want to see their favorite ponies having such a realistic view but I'm never the type of writer to have flowers and sunshine. I love to see fics have a reality view in their lives and if that means such a dark and tragic story like this then so be it, dark fics like this are not for everyone, you know? 
wow that chapter was.... this is....
Times like this I am reminded just how good I truly have it. This is where the confliction happens... I hate sad shit, but I dare say that I love this story... wierdly enough. I don't know if I hate this story or love it, but I'll certainly be reading future chapters to help me find out.
edit: I didn't see your reply until I clicked out of the chapter and back to the story's main page.
> I love to see fics have a reality view in their lives and if that means such a dark and tragic story like this then so be it, dark fics like this are not for everyone, you know?
yea, more realistic fics generally leave the reader feeling more fulfilled. Though, I would be one of those people who generally tries to avoid dark fics... but this one i think i'm liking. it really provides insight into how this sort of situation can develop, and makes it so we're more likely to recognize this sort of thing when it happens in real life. (assuming you bear witness to it)
It's really sad when this kind of thing happens. People think they're concrete, but we're not. We're quite volatile, ready to change at any given moment. Just as someone can do something drastic and unexpected (like kill themselves) people can also change for the better, can be saved. I'm not saying that everything was spike's fault, because honestly you do a good job of illustrating that sometimes people are just dealt a bad hand, but perhaps somepony could've helped him, if only they had seen this kind of thing before.
And I thought Lost Souls was dark!
This story given me the chills but I really wonder what will happen next!
Good luck Wolf!
PINKIE PIE!!! NOOOOOOOOO
Just.... My god this kind of scared me a bit and why so much torment and all they want is a happy life.
what type of dark are you asking for?
A dark story indeed but I still enjoyed it from start to finish! Thank You for posting!
Words cannot describe...
This story had lots of detail. This story was very realistic. This story was great about showing multiple perspectives. This story will certainly make the reader think afterwards. After reading something so dark, life is really looking quite bright for me right now. I suppose sometimes it takes some darkness to truly appreciate when something is bright. I also got some good mental imagery from the hell scene, i'm sure it won't be forgotten for a very long time. Its a shame I can't draw. I just know if I could take what I saw when reading, and put it on paper, it would be a highly viewed image. oh well. this was not a happy story, but it was an excellent one.
That was pretty great! This reminds me a bit of Dante's inferno.
They need a redemption I mean come on pinkie only did because she had no other way out. Being hated for almost unintentionally killing a princess, her friends and family hate her, or are drunk, and she only tries to make things happy but she can't. Like really you made me cry at this, I like the story but seriously............FUCK
Self immolation, what a way to go.
Sequel: When Twilight gets to hell she's so powerful she kills or disables death, causes alot of hell, recuses her friends and takes over and rules hell with Spike and Pinkie by her side.
1969170 Very true,but sometimes life does not bring happiness and sunshine, sometmes a creature's life takes a much darker turn, something I think I maY be good at bringing to life
1969223 The type that never brings a happy ending to the creature's involved, think I did ok if I do say so myself, hope you liked it
1969247 Never a problem, very glad you enjoyed it
1969508 I can completely agree with that, I'm trying to write a romance and humor story now and I agree, which part would you draw for if able?
1969578 Right
Thought the same thing when writing it
1969702 Redemption? Hmmm....don't think that's possible for the mortal creatures and the Gods don't care, sorry bro but I don't see that happening in such a dark story
Very glad you enjoyed it though.
1973798 True that
1973806 I love where you mindset is at, seriously I do but that kind og logic would cause SO many problems. First is the fact that she, mortal unicorn or not could in no way end Death's life, it would not only cause her own existence to vanish from all other creature's memories but also from the Gods as well and then right after that it would make all other living creatures vanish and fade, maybe even the Gods themselves.
Second bro is the fact that their are Gods in the Underworld would could EASILY overpower a mortal unicorn, Nightmare Moon is one example if not Discord once he saw his kingdom being ruined by an old enemy.
Third is the fact that she, Pinkie, Spike and Sweetie Belle are dead! Their physical bodies are destoryed so their souls would have no where to go or anyway to return to their orginal bodies so they would be bucked!
And the last reason is that Twilight is only a mortal unicorn, even being a shade she would do nothing but suffer her punishment for all of time as she tried to rule the Dark Kingdom, and more then likely other Gods would stand in her path so....ruling Hell itself? Don't think that's possible for her bro
And I like the way it ended, dark, tragic but with heart breaking passion of love, seemes fitting in my eyes
Though I may go back to it after it's polished by a proof-reader hopefully and add a bit more romance for Pinkie Pie/Applejack though of course it will not end happiy. so....yeah, very glad you enjoyed it my friend but for a story like this there will be no second one though if you have any questions be sure to ask
1975611 ah so you want the hopeless ending ok i'll see what I can scrounge up. and send it you're way within the next few days.
1975751 Lol, okay.
1975611 It was when spike was with pinkie in tartarus. As they were standing in front of the nightmare, I got a good visual in my head of what that would look like.
I had to give this a dislike. Not because of the content (not that I found that particularly interesting or appealing), but because of the writing. I just want to be clear: I'm okay with, even interested in, stories that deal with suicide. But, when I come across a sentence like this:
He had been impressive in what he had done to the mare before his eyes that Twilight even in her drunken mind state wondered if he had done such before but knowing that could not be the case for he had told her he loved her, and only her as his crush with Rarity had faded when he was fourteen, knowing the mare would never give her heart to the reptile as he had wished when he was twelve.
1977390 Eh, I'm a writer not an editor. I'll ask someone if they would be willing to re edited it just for the fans sake because I no clue how to look for grammar, spelling and the likes
Wut?
Scootaloo was starting at it as if she was expecting it to sing.
anybody watch South Park you should get this line... and I need to find that hid... fits perfectly with this. Haha
I honestly felt this was a good story...
very dark.. very true...
it details all the sins and veils that a person/pony hides in their life and some lose all hope... how funny one single event changes everything...
I did feel bad for Sweetie Belle and the others but that's life
DAmn this is exiting!
1984790>>1978432>>1976096>>1975751>>1973806>>1969702>>1968475>>1969578>>1969507>>1964673>>1962836>>1960859>>1957146>>1956935>>1956899>>1956862>>1956792 Added a fight scene with Spike and Death in chapter one if anyone wants to give it a look over and their thoughts, it ties in with the story, don't worry.
Next I'll add Pinkamena mocking Pinkie Pie as her sins in chapter three after playing a few hours of video games, I wanted to added them both, but forgot about it during the orginal writing, my bad
1994949 mind sending me a message once all changes are finalized? In my opinion this story isn't one you can just jump to random parts and must be read over from the start...
1994992
Sure bro, you just want the parts I forgot to add? And very good point.
1995018 I'd rather wait, gives me an excuse to read it again!
1995026 Alright then
Very glad you enjoy this story though, hope you like my other ones if you ever have time to read and review them
1994949
A crazy Pinkie is a scary one!