- Member Since 23rd Sep, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 15th, 2018
Westphalian_Musketeer
I read and write in an attempt to figure out which questions and beliefs our little microcosm of a community holds. My verdict? I'm not saying.
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I can't hold it all in. This story was so sexy. The magnificent writing,t he beautiful subject, the whole plot twist, and of course:
google.com/url?source=imglanding&ct=img&q=http://i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/272/578/190.jpg&sa=X&ei=5jDRUKGzH8jdigLj-YDABg&ved=0CAkQ8wc&usg=AFQjCNGMjAvsrYGMu3l5PoZonD3dTx9tpA
I see the word gore is there... this makes me hesitant... nevertheless will read later.
@ Distrance: Changed, are you happy now?
i1087.photobucket.com/albums/j474/gifsfory0u/bored.gif
Now that I've read through the first chapter, this is boring... I mean REALLY boring.
You want Slice of Life? This is pure, 100%, unrated, every-day action.
Do we really need that much information on them cooking and eating a fucking meal? It's like reading an overly descriptive recipe book.
Edit: Scratch that, this is the most sensual food erotica I've ever read.
Few spelling errors.
Unintentionally funny.
Alt title.
50 Shades Of Hay.
I find that the descriptions and utter boringness are quite equivalent.
Especially the first chapter.
By the third chapter it's much more like George R.R Martin. Using too many alternate descriptions.
We aren't on a ship...
1823154 I had a feeling you hadn't gone through all of the first chapter when you made that comment. I wanted to increase anticipation in the reader, and show the dynamic of the couple before getting to the sex. This was how I decided to go about it. Better than starting with "Spike (now a winged adult) was humping his wife Sweetie Belle (Also an adult and married to him)." Nopony can say I told when I should have shown.
1823385 I get it, too much purple
for your tastes. Hopefully in the future I won't descend into that so far, though I hope some people enjoy it.
1823465
Ya. Too much purple prose. It really just disinterests the reader.
well written. haters gonna hate.
What is this, I don't even? Stop using so many 'big' words, it just makes the story look... bad. Also, continually padding? I was almost in tears after that.
That was great. I don't see the reason for so many downvotes.
Could be better, could be a LOT worse. Not sure why I read this, though... I'll always think of Spike and Sweety Belle as kids, so them having sex kinda squicked me out... Oh well, one of the risks of giving a fic you normally wouldn't read a chance is finding ones that just aren't your cup of tea. Not a bad bit of writing, otherwise.
1823829 A combination of perceived purple prose, pacing (I think that I maintained consistency) and the fact that the "Sex" and "Gore" tags were used together. Apparently honesty about story content warrants a downvote in this here community.
I guess next time I write a clop-fic I'll have to look at what people perceive as too "big" as they put it.
1823650 Thank you for the support.
1823654 What do you mean about "continually padding"? and what words confused you? By all means do tell. I would like to know how far I should push my vocabulary when writing.
This story was worth the quick read, good work.
cute, but the gore tag is not needed
1825569 You really think so? Well I suppose I can change it.
1826378 Yeah, I think so, thankfully ^^
gore would be if in the last attempt sweetie belle had gotten split in half or something nasty like that.
minor gashes are not gore.
1823905 If you'd like, I can do a full fledged review showing you where I observed a number of issues that helped you acquire those 20 downvotes.
1827698 If you don't mind, though for the first little while I had more dislikes than story views, so that tells me that maybe five of those downvotes were just anti-cloppers. By all means point to specifics I could have altered to improve the story.
this was an amazing, unusual story 10/10 also @Distrance stfu this was an amazing well written original story
1829716 Glad you enjoyed it.
This was a nice little read. Not something I would come back and read again, I hardly ever do that anyway, but good job.
dis fic is the shit.
Not half bad. A bit over descriptive in a few places (yes, that's possible), but a good read anyway.
Oh Rarity, you are missing out
1846333
gets rejected by 
, bangs her sister. Tis the ultimate revenge!
I don't mind being descriptive or having details in a story. In fact, that's one of the things I value in a story to give it life. But this is going too far. There's so much description about what Spike and Sweetie do, it makes me bored. Do we really need to see them make salad and have every step listed? Or what Spike needed to get from the store? Or every detail in the store? There's so much padding in this story. By the time we get to the problem, the first chapter is almost over. The premise is decent, but the execution is a flop. My suggestion is to cut down on the unneeded padding. It makes the story a boring.
The dragon warlock: Yes we do. It adds quality to the story and makes it feel more real. The reason you believe there is too much description is because you have accepted the common underuse of such things.
Writer: This was an excellently crafted story. You worked it up to the 'attempt' and didn't jump right into it. Granted, for some people yes it could have done without thescene where he was walking through the market and skipped straight to the alley, but i liked it the way it was.And anyone complaining about over descriptiveness is just wrong.When i write (and read) fanfics, my biggist problem is an underuse of description. You, hit that nail, perfectly. and to the end, every time when i wold almost forget sweetie was a dragon, something came up to remind me, just something subtle and it made the last scene.I have been up all night reviewing these clopfics and my last four were one chapters and it is now 5:30 A.M. I told myself i was going to read one more. I expected a single entry, a one-shot, but i got three chapters and i read it anyway. Im am extremely glad i did and you have one of my rare 'perfect story' ratings. That may not mean much to you, but it is only given to a select few and you are the first to receive one. This story made me feel like i was there. Kind of awkward, but like i was there, but invisible. It was written with all the professionalism of any published author. I would suggest writing a few short stories for a compilation and sending them to a publisher or something. If you want any help with editing, let me know. As i said before, perfect story. And i'm sorry for the long comment, but this story is worthy of the work. Congratulations on perfection!
1865829 I appreciate the praise. If you frequently do reviews, perhaps you would be interested in joining The Orient Express Explorers. It's a group dedicated to reviewing high-end stories and was founded by one of my personal favorite authors, Bad Horse.
1866665 Appreciate the link to a group but i am more of a freestyle loner. I don't really follow any set of rules. I just pass praise and judgement where it is due.
>purple prose
>disinterests the reader
Perhaps the reader should learn a vocabulary larger than the size of their own dick before they comment.
Actually Celestia is a mom as Twilight is a sister to him.
2184449 Meh, Twilight can be pretty much a combination of a mother or sister to Spike. It's one of those things that is up to the author to decide how far they lean in any given moment.
Did you enjoy the story at least?
Ya done goofed. Got the barbs right, but dragons really don't have foreskin. The whole thing just slides out from a slit (cloaca). You're fine with your own interpretations and such, but foreskin is a mammalian feature. Reptiles don't have them. Like, at all.
2674456 Poetic license, but noted for any future endeavors.
Dammit, dragons don't have hair either! Just keep them dragons, not some weird mix that makes absolutely no sense!
2674491 Tendrils, not hair, also, nitpick much? Besides, we haven't seen a female dragon in the show.
2674491 I'm starting to wonder if the author vaguely connected this story with Kitsune Youkai's comic series. In the first part of the comic series Twilight turns herself into a dragon, mostly. The spell is about a 98% transformation to dragon. Only her mane didn't transformation and she had pony tail hair going down her dragon tail.
3217546 Never heard of the fellow myself.
spike says he wants kids (before marriage) =
spike says he wants kids (after marriage) =
2674456 Granted not many species have a foreskin, but I would love to know how you can say that someone is wrong about a fictional creature's genitalia. For all we know they could be like sharks and have two penises. Barbs are more of a cat thing.
3651155 My reasoning in the design was that dragons, being traditionally incredibly aggressive in interacting with almost everything, would likely have equally painful/protected naughty bits.
Got to admit that was a interesting and well written story. I enjoyed hearing how you envisioned how dragons "put down" lol
. I haven't seen it often lol. Keep up the good work
I like this a lot! This site needs moar married clop!