• Published 14th Nov 2012
  • 23,199 Views, 735 Comments

Wedding Bell Blues - Darth Link 22

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It Gets Much Worse

Chrysalis landed in an alleyway in the city, still clutching Shining Armor to her chest like an oversized rag doll. She looked out the alley, glancing around to see if she had been followed. Breathing a sigh of relief, she released her hold on him. "I... I think we're safe."

Shining Armor looked at her, all while trying to let his breath and his heart catch up with the rest of his body. "You... you saved my life..."

"Of course, my love," she said, leaning in for a kiss. However, Shining Armor pulled away.

"Wait, wait, I didn't..." he protested, then stopped, trying to think of what to say. "I just thanked you for saving my life. That doesn't mean I'm willing to... you can't expect me to..."

Chrysalis looked ready to cry. "Why won't you love me?"

Shining Armor opened his mouth to answer, but realized that trying to reason with her was an exercise in futility. "Look, you seem... tolerable," he said, "but you're not the mare for me. We're just... too different."

“True love...”

“I know, I know,” he said, praying to the Creator that he was sounding sincere. “But... I just don’t love you that way. Remember when Cadance... rejected me,” he tried to hold back his tears. “I accepted her decision, and you need to accept mine.”

“...I get it...”

“I’m glad you...”

“Who is she?”

“...What?”

“Who’s the two-bit hussie that thinks she can take my stallion away?”

“...What?!

Before he could respond, Chrysalis dashed out of the alleyway and cornered the first mare she could find. "Did you seduce my stallion?"

"Uh..." was all Fleetfoot had time to say before she was suddenly cocooned in green slime. Immediately Chrysalis moved on to the next mare in the street, which happened to be Upper Crust. "Are you making moves on my stallion?"

"Is he rich?"

Wrong answer, she was cocooned as well. As Chrysalis went up and down the street, cocooning mares, Shining Armor just stood there, mouth agape, wondering what the best way to sneak out of the city was.


Spike wandered through the halls of the castle, unsure of what to do. Despite the massive amount of germs on their lips, he had enjoyed kissing each of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. But they were so... filthy! He couldn't avoid the germs, he had to have another kiss. What was he going to do?

"Spike?" Prince Blueblood asked. "Why are you wandering around here. I thought you'd be helping Twilight get ready for the wedding."

Spike looked at the prince for a minute. He had been reasonably approachable back when he lived in the castle, and he had bedded a lot of mares, whatever that meant.

"How do I avoid getting STDs?"

Blueblood's eyes bulged out of his head. "What? Why do you need to know that?"

"Because Twilight said they're super cooties which means fillies have them and the germ spell shows me that but kissing fillies is nice so I don't know what to do!"

"...Ah, I see," Blueblood said, being quicker on the uptake than a lot of ponies gave him credit for. "First off, let's get rid of that spell, it's going to be more trouble than it's worth." He lit his horn, and Spike's vision cleared. "Now then, I'm going to teach you what every foal half your age knows already..."


Twilight awakened in a fit of panic. She was in Celestia's chambers now, the Princess of the Sun had been wise enough to send Cadance away until Twilight recovered. She had wrapped her in a blanket she had used back when she was a young filly, a bit of foalhood memory to ease the mentally scarring trauma.

"H-how..." Twilight stammered, clutching the blanket close.

"I'm sorry, Twilight, it has to be done."

"But..."

"There will be rebellion, anarchy if..."

"Princess Celestia," a messenger came in. "The changelings are demanding to know why there are none of them in your cabinet."

"Because they only became citizens a day ago, now please let me comfort my student," she said, sounding more than a little annoyed. After the messenger left, she turned back to her faithful student. "I know this is hard for you, but I'm afraid it's for the greater good."

"I've suffered a lot for the greater good," Twilight said, her voice cracking as she held back tears. "It hasn't even gotten me the benefit of the doubt."

Celestia felt a dagger going through her heart, but she put on a brave face. "I know, my faithful student, and I'm sorry for that, but..."

"Princess, the changelings demand to know why you haven't fixed the economy."

"It only broke a day ago, now please!" The messenger left. "You've given and suffered a great deal for Equestria, far more than should be placed on a single pony. If I could lift your burdens, I would. But..."

"The changelings are accusing you of racism. Why should one downtrodden group have a sole tax?"

"Be-cause-they're-the-ones-that-caused-the-ec-o-nom-ic-crisis!" Celestia said through gritted teeth. "Now don't bother me again!"

The messenger left.

"But I have lived a thousand years for others, giving up things I love... ponies I love..." she trailed off, looking into the distance for a moment. She shook her head. "I'm no stranger to sacrifice. I know you've done much, and it breaks my heart to ask it again of you, but it needs to be done."

Twilight started crying. "I'm so sick of everything. It's like I woke up and everything went crazy."

Celestia draped her wing over the pony she loved like a daughter, pulling her close. She kissed her cheek and nuzzled her. "I'll do everything in my power to prevent this. And if I fail, well, you'll be able to nullify the marriage in a year once this dies down."

"A year?" Twilight wailed. "Do you know what Cadance could do to me in that time?"

“Twilight, I know my niece is coming on strong, but do you honestly think..."

"Princess, the changelings are questioning if you’re handling the war in Saddle Arabia well enough."

"We are not at war with Saddle Arabia! We've never been at war with Saddle Arabia! Relations between the countries are good! Now don't bother me again!

The messenger jumped and sped out. Instantly Celestia was that warm motherly demeanor again. "This is a hurdle we can get through. Once the citizens are pacified and the changelings integrated, there will be nothing else to worry about, right?"


Spike's eyes had widened, his pupils shrunk to the size of quill points as Blueblood finished.

"And that's everything you needed to know but were afraid to ask."

"Um... wow... that sounds pretty disgusting..."

Blueblood just laughed. "Better you think that now. You feel differently when you're older."

"But I can't get an STD from kissing, right?"

"Of course not. Now you go back in there, plant a big one on the prettiest filly there, and claim her as your marefriend."

"Thanks!" he said, racing off.

"Ah, young love," he said, smiling. "If he keeps this up, he might just get the same mare twice." He turned and began walking in the opposite direction.

"Darling!"

Blueblood screamed in horror as Rainbow Dash touched him with her hoof, causing him to change. He thrashed and bucked wildly, his body changing.

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo...Golly!" Princess Blueblood stood. "Wow! I feel super-duper better!"

"I'm glad darling. Now, go on and play, and bring smiles and rainbows to the world."

"Neato! I think I'll pull out the stuff in my stuffy-stuff drawer!"


Cadance stood in front of the mirror, wearing the dress that a day ago had been on Chrysalis. She looked it up and down. "Rarity... I'm speechless."

"I thought you might like it, darling," she mused. "Certainly a lot better than that doppelganger did.”

"Oh, but is a dress like this going to look good on Twilight? It'll have to match."

"You just leave Twilight's dress to me," she assured, "I've made more dresses for her than anypony else."

"That's not really much of an accomplishment," she pointed out. It was true, even as a little filly she wasn't real big on fashion.

"Yes, well, even if that weren't the case I'd still make the best. You can count on me. And of course, my bridesmaid dress will look just as good. It'll have to be, if I expect to pull in commissions..."

"What are you talking about?"

Rarity blinked. "I am still one of your bridesmaids, aren't I?"

"No... Lyra, Minuette, and Colgate are my bridesmaids. I don't know what Chrysalis told you, but that wasn't what I wanted."

Rarity's eye twitched as she fantasized a million bits worth of commissions flying out of her reach. "I see," she said through gritted teeth. "Well then... maybe we can do something about your manestyle..."

She began pulling her hair up. The pink Alicorn jumped at the action. "Hey, what..."

"Oh believe me, I can style hair as well," she said sinisterly. "It needs to be up... with crystals in the mane."

"What? That sounds horribly gaudy..."

"Oh trust me, dear, it's traditional," she said as she started working the mane. "We just build it up, and up," she began dipping into her nearby gem supply and stuffing them into her hair.

"I don't know..."

"Twilight will love it," Rarity assured.

"...You think so?"

"Darling, she loves obscure history," she nodded, still styling the main poorly. "Now then, it still needs something... I've got it! Wait here!"

Rarity rarely teleported, and in fact often couldn't, but right now her desire for revenge was too great. In a flash of light she was gone, and three seconds later, with another flash of light, she was back. With a sleeping parasprite.

She stuffed it in her mane and sealed it up.

“There now," she sang, handing Cadance a mirror. "Doesn't that look nice?"

"...It looks... interesting," she said slowly. "You think Twilight will like this?"

"Positive," Rarity said, grinning sinisterly. "This will make for a most interesting reception."

"Well, thanks. And I'm sorry you lost your bridesmaid position... but I guess you didn't. I'm sure Twilight will make you one of hers."

Instantly Rarity's sadistic demeanor evaporated. "What?"

"Yeah. I mean, you are one of her best friends, right? She's bound to make you a bridesmaid."

"...I suppose." Rarity was trying to remain calm and composed, but the weight of what she had done was sinking in on her. What had she been thinking? Even if she was losing those bits she would have been no worse off than before. How could she lose her head like that?

She took a deep breath. There was nothing for it but to come clean. "Princess, I..."

"Rainbow Dash!” Cadance screamed suddenly. "We forgot all about her!"

Rarity's eyes widened. "Good heavens... we better do something!”

And so they ran out, forgetting all about Rarity’s attempt at a prank.


Out in the Canterlot Gardens, cracks began to form in a familiar statue, and an evil laugh was heard.