Twilight Sparkle just gaped at her former foalsitter with a look of absolute horror. She looked at the food, then back at her sinisterly grinning stalker.
Who then burst out laughing.
“You should see the look on your face! You actually thought I...” she descended into a fit of uncontrollable laughter.
Twilight breathed a relieved sigh as she glared at Cadance. “Don’t do that!”
“Aw, come on, it’s just a joke! Besides, before long you’ll be wanting me in bed all on your own!” she said with a click of the tounge.
“Cadance, please,” Twilight nearly yelled, “don’t do this! I’m confused!”
“Hey, hey, take a deep breath okay?” the Alicorn noted, slipping into her old role as her foalsitter. “In, out, in, out...”
Twilight, despite the scares of the last few days, found herself soothed by her foalsitter’s voice. She took the the deep breaths.
“Feeling better?”
“...Yeah,” Twilight said.
“Alright, now tell me honestly, why aren’t you attracted to me?”
“Cadance... I told you, I’m not into mares.”
“Have you ever tried kissing a mare?”
“...Well, no, but... why would I?”
“Twiley, you need to try. Come on, you didn’t feel anything when I kissed you?”
“Shock, confusion, minor brain hemorrhaging...”
“Come on, let’s try a kiss.”
Twilight stammered. “Cadance, please, this is freaking me out.”
She sighed. “Alright... I can see how it coming from me might make you a little uncomfortable.” She looked past the object of her affection to Rainbow Dash. “How about you? You seem to be perfectly...”
“I’m not a lesbian!” she snapped. “I’m bi, really!”
“Fair enough, why don’t you...”
“Princess, I...” she sighed. “I’m sorry. Any other time I might have, but... well, nopony thinks I’m feminine. It just... it came as a shock to me."
"...It did?" Cadance said, genuinely surprised.
"Hey!"
"Alright, settle down. Look," Cadance said as she levitated a napkin from the table. Using a pen, she wrote an address and her signature down on the cloth before passing it to her. "This is the address of a high-end spa in Canterlot. Just go in and show them my signature and they should give you a free makeover."
Rainbow Dash took the napkin and looked at it for a moment before looking back at Cadance. "Are you sure it will work?"
Cadance shrugged. "Maybe. Do you really have anything to lose? Just try it out."
The pegasus sighed. "I guess not... thanks, Cadance. I owe you." With that, she flew up and away, eager to get to the spa.
"No problem. Now, why don't we find another of your friends, Twily? I'm sure they'd be willing to give you a kiss."
"C-Cadance! I..."
"Oh come on, Twiley, you're a scientist, surely you're up for some... experiments?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.
Twilight gulped. "I need an adult... for real this time."
"Oh, don't be like that," Cadance brushed her off. "How about one of those two?"
Twilight turned and saw that she meant Fluttershy and Pinkie, who she had forgotten were there. Apparently, they had forgotten they were there, too, because they were starting to get even more intimate.
"Uh, Fluttershy... Pinkie... the two of you are... oh... ugh! Whoa!"
"Hm," Cadance said, "I'll have to remember that one. Well, where are the other two?"
"Oh, Shi-ny!" Chrysalis sang as she wrapped on his bedroom door. "Come on out and talk to me!"
Shining was beginning to wonder if suicide would be the better option. He looked around his room, desperately searching for a way out.
"Shi-ny! Come on! Let your little lovebug in!"
"You're not my anything! Go away!"
"But Shiny..."
"That's Captain Armor to you!"
"Good, I love a stallion in uniform!"
"Just go away!"
"Why won't you give my love a chance!?"
Shining Armor was sweating bullets now. He had to think of a way out. Would deserting be a worthwhile option? It meant death if caught, but at least he wouldn't have to marry Chrysalis.
"Wait... why are you in there? Why are you avoiding me? Are you having an affair?"
"...How can I have an affair? We aren't together! Has everypony but me gone crazy?"
"You are having an affair!" she huffed. “How could you? Well, according to the magazines, you are anyway!”
“We are not in a relationship! Get away from me!”
There was silence for a moment. Cautiously, he peered out the door. She was gone.
He took a breath in relief. “That was close... maybe I’ve finally gotten rid of her...”
Twilight kept nervously glancing at Cadance, half-expecting her to suddenly jump on her and smother her with kisses. To her great relief, it seemed she had calmed down considerably. Turning the corner, she came to the door they were looking for.
“Now, are you sure this is where your friends are staying?”
Twilight nodded. “Yeah. Rarity was staying here, and I doubt they’d be staying in Applejack's room. Rarity keeps everything neat as a pin.”
Nodding, Cadance rapped on the door with her hoof. “Rarity? Applejack? Are you two in there?”
“Uh... yeah...” Applejack answered slowly.
“Oh yes! Do come in, Darling.”
“Ah, no, wait!” Applejack’s voice rang out, but to no avail, as Cadance opened the door.
And then her and Twilight gaped.
Rarity looked normal, but Applejack looked... grey. And rocky. Pieces of what looked like foam cut jaggedly were stuck to her fur, which was also colored grey. And she had a leash that ended in Rarity’s mouth.
“...She... um, she has... weird tastes,” Applejack muttered resignedly.
“Doesn’t she look marvelous, darlings,” Rarity cooed as she licked her lips hungrily. “Just like Tom!”
“Tom? ...Rarity, did you get checked out by those doctors okay?” Twilight said worriedly.
“Oh, that doctor was a load of ponyfeathers! She said I was obsessive-compulsive! Can you believe that?”
“Hmm... rockplay,” Cadance mused, looking at Twilight with a thoughtful expression. “I wonder how you’d look in grey.”
Twilight blushed. “C-Cadance!”
“Right, later. Anyway, I was hoping one of you could give Twilight some practice kissing!”
“Absolutely! Darling, we would be more than happy to help you!”
“I-I’m not sure about this,” Twilight said nervously.
“Oh, Darling, you’re not troubling anypony.”
“No, it’s not that, I’m just not sure if I’m comfortable with all...”
She was cut off as Rarity crashed her lips down on hers.
Spike ran through the halls, yelling at the top of his lungs at the thousands of germs crawling over everything. He ducked into a room.
He was just in time to see the tip of a bottle pointed at him.
“It landed on Spike!” Apple Bloom declared. “You know what that means!”
“Right. Pucker up!” Sweetie said, moving closer and making a kissing face, puckering her lips.
Her dirty, germ-covered lips.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”
And he was gone again.
Rainbow Dash sat in the high-end spa, not sure how to feel. She glanced around the expensive settings, featuring wall decorations worth more than she made in a year, and feeling very out of place. The stylist chair she sat in was extraordinarily comfortable, and nearby a whole workbench of perfumes and shampoos that she guessed were fancy based on how many of them she couldn't pronounce.
“Well, isn’t this a small world.”
The pegasus tensed up, then turned to see Chrysalis taking a seat next to her.
“What are you doing here?” she demanded.
“Getting a makeover. Shiny is having an affair, so I need to remind him that I am the only mare in his life.”
“...How can you have an affair? You’re not together!”
“Then, once I show up and he’s drooling over me, I’ll kick him in the crotch so he can’t have me for a week.”
“...”
“What? That’s what the magazines say to do.”
“...You’re a psychopath.”
“Why don’t you like me? You really have no reason to.”
“You humiliated my friend and tricked us into turning our back on her, kidnapped her, and then tried to kill us.”
“Oh, that was yesterday! You need to get over it.”
“Hello there... girls?” a spa pony said, a unicorn with a white coat and mane and a comb for a cutie mark. “I am... um... you are mares, right?”
“Yes,” both said through gritted teeth.
“I am Body Sculpter, and I’ll be your caretaker today.” He tilted his head. “You’re going to need the big guns.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Chrysalis said. “I’ll have you know I was voted the most beautiful changeling in my hive.”
“How many voted for you?”
“100 percent of the survivors,” Chrysalis answered.
“Um, yes, well... I think it would benefit you both to use the most potent material I have.” He rooted through his supple cabinet, producing a small bottle. “Behold, the Great Graceful Glamoring Perfume! It’s been specially treated by the top-tier unicorns to make you more feminine.”
Using his magic, he levitated the vial over to the pair and gave them each a puff.
The results were almost instantaneous. Rainbow Dash’s hair grew longer, and it became even, until it could have been mistaken for Rarity’s. Her form became more shapely, and she felt the oddest tingle in her throat.
Chrysalis’s hair also became even, and more silky, less like it was vines. Her fangs disappeared, as did the holes in her legs.
“There, now that’s an improvement,” Body Sculpter said, levitating mirrors to the pair.
“Hey this does look good! Wow, my voice isn't as scratchy anymore! This is awesome! Well... it’s going to make flying harder with long hair...”
“I can style it to better fit...”
“What have you done!?” Chrysalis shrieked. “I’m hideous!”
“You look great!”
“By pony standards! All of you are ugly!”
“Then... why do you want to marry Shining Armor so bad?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“I love him for more than his looks! Why does everyone assume I’m so shallow?”
“...You’re forcing him to marry you, and you don't seem to care whether he wants it or not,” the Pegasus pointed out.
“I demand you turn me back to normal!” she demanded, levitating the pony menacingly.
“Ah! Please don’t hurt me! It’ll wear off in a week!”
“But I’m getting married tomorrow!”
“Then why don’t you just change into your old form?” Rainbow Dash asked.
...
A burst of green flames, and Chrysalis was back to her old self. “I ought to have you beheaded for pointing out the Queen’s stupidity!”
Rolling her eyes, Rainbow Dash turned back to Body Sculpter, who Chrysalis had released and therefore was on the ground dazed. “Well, I like it! Give me some more of that!” she said, grabbing the vial. She pulled of the top and began pouring the liquid all over herself.
“What? No! Stop, you fool! That’s too much! No!”
It was too late. A big, bright flash filled the room.
As Applejack, now out of her rock outfit, pulled her lips away from Twilight, the purple unicorn licked her lips.
“Okay... from the both of you... I think I could like mares.”
“Good,” Cadance said, pushing Applejack aside, “then you’re ready for me.”
“Wait, Cadance, I...”
It was in vain. Cadance pushed Twilight down on the bed and draped her legs over her, pinning her. Then, she pressed her lips onto Twilight’s for a deep kiss.
And unlike the others, she used tongue.
Also unlike the others, the door picked that exact moment to open.
“Hey, have you guys seen...” Shining Armor trailed off.
“Shiny!” Twilight said, breaking apart from Cadance. “This... this isn’t...”
And then Shining Armor fainted. Again.
Oh god, Rainbow Dash, please do NOT turn into your g3 self...
And Applejack dressing as Tom the Rock for Rarity...
This whole story just...
I forgot how much I just love this whole thing. Not much of a comment, but oh my god I love this.
Oh Chrysalis, you remind me of this.
brawlinthefamily.keenspot.com/images/W017.jpg
YEEESSS MOAR PLEASE
upDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!
Most stories like this tend to fall apart at this stage, but this one is like a goddamn Nokia.
And the drama continues
2807809
SSHHHHH
don't give the author any ideas!
You know Shining Armor, I'm pretty sure that you COULD just tell Celestia that you quit, and threaten to drum up the political shitstorm of the millennia using the vast amount of blackmail and insider information you have access to as Captain of the Guard if they don't leave you the frak alone. Then you file restraining orders against all of them, move to some quiet town out in the middle of nowhere, use your experience as Captain of the Royal Guard to become the new sheriff or police chief or whatever, find a nice mare, marry her, have three and a half foals, and then die in your sleep sixty years from now.
Or you could just team up with your sister and overthrow the royal sisters. I mean at this point you two are clearly far, far, far more qualified for the jobs of "Supreme Deity Sibling Monarchs" then Celestia is. And presumably Luna is just as bad.
I'm waiting for a ShiningXTwilight ship to occur and solve all of their problums
Most stories like this tend to fall apart at this stage, but this one is like a goddamn Nokia.
The absurdity is strong with this chapter...
Um okay, I'll be honest I'm not really sure how to feel about this.
SNAFU!
Sorry, I sneezed.
But seriously, Discord must be rolling on his pedestal at all of this!
I have to get this off my chest or I'm going to explode into a ball of indecision and confusion. I don't like the story. It's well written; it's a good premise, but the humor just puts me off. It's like of those too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Like it's psychopathic humor, or at least what I think of it as, which is all good and dandy in small doses, but when it's the whole story it can get a little bland. I want to like this, it has everything I like, but I just can't seem to actually like it and I needed to tell someone because I'm not subjecting my friend to any more of my rants after that one story I made her read. Anyways sorry for taking up your time and all. I'm going to keep reading and all but yeah, I just needed to say something to someone somewhere. Again I say, for redundancy's sake, sorry for taking up your time.
Rainbow Dash "Darling! Darling darling darling darling? Darling darling darling darling. Darling darling? Squeeee... Darling!"
Shining Armor, you have no choice, Twilight is slowly accepting the lesbian side.
Thankfully, Rainbow Dash is bi and willing to be feminine and Shining still needs a mare to marry that's other than Chrysalis... But unfortunately, Chrysalis will likely just force marry Shining.
And that was what drove Shining Armor to throw himself from the top of the Tall Tower.
at first is was wondering how on earth is this a spike shipping is there's rarijack? perhaps spike x celestial body goddesses or all three cmc at the same damn time?
Random Equestrian popping into Throne Room: You know, none of this makes any sense. Btw, has anyone check to see if Discord's still a lawn ornament?
Shining, just do your self a favour and marry your sister. Then keep the relationship open. PROBLEM SOLVED!
"Queen Chrysalis."
"Yes Twilight Sparkle?"
"Turn into me."
"Why?"
"Turn into me or I rip you into two pieces with my magic."
"Okay fair enough! I'm changing! I'm changing."
"Good. Now shut up and sit there."
*WHISTLE*
"Why are you whistling?"
"You'll see."
Hang on, were there any colts in that room playing Spin The Bottle with the Cutie Mark Crusaders? Or were they, um, experimenting too?
And Discord just stays faaaaar away from this madness! There's chaos and then there's... this!
Seriously, Shining should just throw himself to the hydra. It'll gladly put him out of his misery. If he asks nicely, it won't even chew that much!
2807809, 2807979
Note what the perfume is called...
2807827
Expecting something funny? TOO BAD! WALUIGI TIME!
2808064, 2811001
Ew... no. And it has to be a royal wedding, and at this point, Twilight's not a princess...
2808417
To each his own...
2808887
I didn't know what you were talking about until I checked this story's groups... I have no idea either...
2811862
Experimenting...
2813938
Oh, god...
2813938 technically they are both part of the royal family due to the fact that they are more then likely high ranking nobles. i mean shining was going to marry the princess so he had to have a good rank and Twilight had a princes as a foal sitter before she was Celestia's apprentice. Also she is a national hero who was knighted and her brother is the captain of the royal guard. plus it would be a scandalous wedding making the nobles want to watch it even more... although I say you should shock everyone by saying she has a secret coltfriend and they are engaged and that she did not tell anyone because she did not want her brother to hurt him.
I am an adult
just, all of this story
You know, I think I like it when this story takes a bit of time to update. The absurdity/humor of this story is funnier in small doses like this, rather than getting overloaded.
Anyways, I liked this chapter, what with Cadance actually being a little bit considerate, and all. I wouldn't have expected that, and yet it added to the story, and even got her farther with Twilight... Uh oh Twilight, you should definitely stay on guard around that mare. Not that you need to be reminded.
Oh, and one last thing.
Even cabinets are getting makeovers these days. It takes pleasure in feeling nice and supple. It's the most flexible cabinet in Canterlot!
2813997
That's not actually how royalty works. High ranking nobles are frequently related to the royal family, because that's who they marry when they don't marry foreign royalty, but it's not necessary to be part of the royal family to have a noble title and usually most nobles in a nation aren't.
2811039
Huh. Well, that's an innovative solution to Twilight's problems. And Cadence's in a way. It doesn't do a lot of good for Chrysalis or Shining Armor after she goes back to normal, though. Unless Cadence really does dip into the magic mind control spells I suppose.
2820613 true but with the age of the princesses the chances of them being related are high. also the fact that the nobles could be dependents of the unicorn kings/queens.
2820631
Actually, Celestia's age could practically guarantee that no one save Luna is alive who is closely related enough to her to count as nobility.
lol, I say he love the changeling queen.
AND SINCE THEN, RAINBOW DASH ALWAYS DRESS IN STYLE!
2820738 Not true. As long as they are a direct decedent they would be noble. At least with a European set up, since nobility never ran out.
2825814 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
2888021
well if you look at it, that Rainbow...
...Will allways be Dashing in anyway
YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
bitch
Dammit, Shining, just marry Chryssie. She can change into literally anything!
7311987 Like Cadance...
*cough*
If only constantly being weird and rapey could actually get you women in real life...*sigh*
Somehow FIMfiction tells me I have read almost all of this story and I do not remember any of it. So good job, you've written something brainfucking enough that my mind decided to bleach itself. Now to venture onwards into the unknown known...