Chaos
Celestia sat at her desk, filling out more paperwork. This was a nightmare. It felt like she had been stuck in this throne room for three years. There was so much to do, and it was made even harder by the fact that Twilight was clinging to her leg, sobbing like a newborn.
“Twilight, please, I know on this is hard on you, but remember what I told you: you need to face all challenges with grace and dignity.”
“I don’t wanna!” she wailed.
“Twilight, please, you need to...”
Suddenly the door burst open and Cadance and Rarity came running in.
“Auntie! We have a big emergency? A big emergency!”
Twilight jumped in absolute fear at the sight of her future wife and hid behind Celestia’s back. Celestia herself looked at her adopted niece with concern. “Cadance... who styled your hair? It looks awful.”
“Nevermind that! We have a problem!” Rarity said quickly. “Rainbow Dash has gone crazy!”
“Crazy like Twilight did, or...”
“She’s overdosed on Great Graceful Glamoring!”
Celestia’s eyes widened. “No... no that’s not good. How far has it spread?”
“Auntie!” Princess Blueblood said from the entranceway to the throne room. “I have super duper good news! We are showing ponies all over Canterlot the way of the...”
Suddenly a blast of golden energy struck Blueblood, sending her back.
“Good Auntie, you blasted the Glamorized Blueblood.”
“...He was Glamorized?” Celestia said. “Nevermind. Don’t worry, I had a plan in case this happened. Hurry, we need to get to the weapons vault!”
Spike entered the room where the Cutie Mark Crusaders were playing spin-the-bottle. He looked at the three with a nervous, careful expression. Eventually, the three fillies noticed him and looked back.
Apple Bloom spoke first. “Spike? What’s wrong?”
“I’m trying to decide which one of you is the prettiest,” he said.
There was a brief silence before all three started blushing and giggling.
“You’re such a charmer, Spike,” Sweetie said.
“Charmer?” Spike asked.
“Say something else sweet!” Apple Bloom demanded.
“Um... you have a really pretty coat?”
Apple Bloom swooned. “Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon always insult my coat! You’re so sweet!”
He turned to Sweetie. “...You’re even prettier than Rarity?”
Sweetie Belle practically melted into the floor.
He turned to Scootaloo last. “You’re... cool?”
Scootaloo squealed in delight.
Spike smiled. Blueblood was right, flirting was easy. Now what else did Blueblood say?
“Anyone here like roses?”
“Are you kidding? They’re delicious!” Scootaloo said. “I especially like the chocolate-covered roses Bon Bon sells.”
“Well then, why don’t I take you girls to Canterlot’s best candy shop and we’ll get some!”
All three fillies crowded around Spike. “Oh Spike!”
Spike grinned. This was easy.
Celestia had a hard time walking to the armory as Twilight insisted on being right beneath her, much like a foal hiding from the monsters of the world. While usually Celestia found Twilight’s clinginess adorable, today it was starting to grate.
Eventually they arrived. Standing in front of the vault that housed the Elements of Harmony.
“Alright, now what we need is actually in the vault next to the vault where we keep the Elements of Harmony.” She motioned to said vault.
“How did we keep missing this every time we’re in here?” Rarity asked.
“There’ll be plenty of time for explanations later,” Celestia assured, unlocking the vault. As it swung open, everypony gaped at what they saw. Inside was an absolute complete collection of weapons and armor, stretching nearly as far as the eye can see. It was clear this vault was bigger on the inside.
Celestia, however, ignored most of the other weapons in favor of a seemingly innocuous set of staffs. They looked like your basic weapons, except each had grey crystals on both ends.
Rarity cocked her head. “What is this?”
“Magic cancelling crystals,” Cadance said. “I’m guessing these are designed to counteract the effects?”
Celestia nodded. “These were specifically designed to counteract the Glamorizing process. Just touching any of its victims with this will negate the effects and Twilight will you let go of me, already? Cadance isn’t going to molest you when there are more important things going on.”
“Don’t underestimate me, Auntie,” Cadance grinned.
Twilight gave a squeak of fear and clung tighter to Celestia’s leg. Eventually the Alicorn pried her off and set her down.
Celestia sighed as she pulled out a rack of clothes. “You all need to slip into one of these. They’re outfits specifically treated for fighting Glamorized ponies. Pick one and get dressed.”
A few minutes later, Celestia was dressed in a brown shirt, green jacket, and black beret.
Rarity was dressed in a pink shirt and black pants.
Cadance was dressed in a Neighponese schoolgirl outfit with green trimming.
Twilight was dressed in a blue cheerleader outfit.
“...No offense, Your Highness, but these seem awfully impractical,” Rarity said.
“They all have been magically treated to ward off the Glamorizing, even on areas they don’t cover. And they’re extra-durable, so it will be hard for the Glamorized to rip up.”
“But why are these all random clothes instead of actual armor?”
“Look, the budget ran low, and we prepared whatever we could.”
“You ran out of a budget? The immortal sun goddess with a thousand years to prepare?”
“Don’t question it,” Celestia said.
“I kind of like it,” Twilight said. “For some reason, I feel like I’ve worn it before... like I belong in it.”
“I’ll say,” Cadance said, eyeing Twilight up and down.
“Now, getting the others won’t do us much good in the long one. All we have to do is get patient zero: Rainbow Dash. She shouldn’t be too hard to find.”
At that moment, the doors to the armory opened again. “~Darling!” Princess Blueblood called, a horde of the glamorized ponies following her in. “Striking me wasn’t very nice.”
And then they swarmed in.
Almost immediately it was chaos, as the four non Glamorized ponies fought their way through the crowd.
“Why isn’t Auntie Luna helping us?” Cadance said, turning a Canterlot Nobel back to normal.
“She simply must not be aware. At least I hope she hasn’t been Glamorized. That would be a disaster!”
Luna gave a sigh of relief. “There,” she said, taking the disc out of the console. “That’s Filly Fantasy IV down, and Pony Trigger for good measure. Now, on to Filly Fantasy V.”
As she put the new disc into the console, several hooves smashed against the door to her room. “~Darling,” the voices said.
“Not now, your Princess is busy catching up on one thousand years of culture,” Luna said. “It will help me serve you better.”
“And I do hope the rest of our friends are okay,” Rarity said. “I only hope they laid low long enough to avoid these horrible beasts.”
Applejack pressed a few buttons on the Game Colt, somehow holding it between her two hooves. “So... you gotta catch all these little critters? Seems kinda redundant.”
Luna shrugged. “I wouldn’t worry about that,” she said, the opening cutscene coming up. “I managed to get along just fine without it.”
Pinkie and Fluttershy made out on the couch.
Spike was grateful he had a nearly bottomless allowance, because those chocolate-covered roses were expensive. Still, the three fillies had liked them, and they were all listening to him, hanging off his every word.
“Spike, you never told us, how’d your egg end up at Princess Celestia’s school?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Well, one of the school’s professors found my egg all alone. They have no clue where it came from.”
“You mean you could have been abandoned?” Apple Bloom said. “That’s so sad!” She hugged Spike.
“Well, we don’t know for sure,” Spike said. “There are a lot of questions about my past that I don’t know.”
“You mean you have a dark and mysterious past? Oh, that’s so cool!” Scootaloo said, hugging him too.
“Well, I’m not giving up hope that I’ll find out where I came from.”
“That’s so sweet,” Sweetie Belle said, hugging him too.
As he looked at the three fillies hanging off of him, and he thought, Books had to be written about dating. Why?
The group of four battled their way through the crowd, turning Glamorized ponies back to normal. However, there was no victory, as every Glamorized pony was immediately re-Glamorized by another member of the horde.
In the midst of the constant assault, Cadance’s hair twitched. She hardly noticed, she was busy fighting the zombies... er, Glamorized.
As they moved through the streets of Canterlot, the buried parasprite in her mane began to burrow out. Suddenly, it burst out, only instead of the one that Rarity had put in, it was now three. Three parasprites who happened to be near Canterlot’s Restaurant Row.
The statue in the Canterlot Gardens cracked, as dark energy built. Then, suddenly, the statue broke apart, and Discord rose again.
“Ah... oh man, finally. I had the worst crick in my back,” he moaned, popping his spin by bending back ninety degrees. Then he tapped his fingers together. “There must have been a lot of chaos around here to free me so soon. But Equestria hasn’t learned what chaos... truly...”
He really looked around.
Changeling were marching through the streets, carrying anti-Celestia banners. “We must remove Celestia from office for not preventing the invasion we committed!”
Discord looked elsewhere.
“Have you eyed my Shiny?” Chrysalis demanded.
“Well, he is hot,” Photo Finish stated.
The pony with the strange accent ended up encased in goo.
Shining Armor followed with a defeated look, visible even though the paper bag he wore on his head.
Discord looked elsewhere.
“So I said, ‘Lookin’ good Spike, lookin’ real good.’”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders sighed as they all gather around the dragon as he walked.
He looked elsewhere.
“Darling!”
“Darling!”
“Darling!”
The four ponies left trails of stunned ponies in their wake, striking the Glamorized.
Discord looked elsewhere.
Parasprites were eating up Restaurant Row, sending chefs running and screaming.
Discord looked around at all the chaos.
He looked to the ground, kicking a small stone that had been part of his prison.
Then he kind of just floated away.
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I remember Rainbow Dash went all Gen 3 last chapter
So there's Luna... And there goes my theory that it was all Twilight's bad dream.
I still enjoy this fic
made me laugh a lot
7304576 Maybe it still is.
This... is pretty much what I imagined Discord doing when I last read this fic.
There's nothing left for him to ruin.
Discord obviously isn't needed here, Equestria can cause it's own chaos without him.
Man, it's been so damn long since this updated that I forgot all about it. Thought for a sec that it was a new chapter to Wedding Bell Bug Hunt.
I feel bad for Discord here. Breaks out and the first things he sees is all of that. Kind of feels like coming home to find out your girlfriend cheated on you. I also find the Spike parts hilarious, way to go little guy.
Quite the pleasant surprise to see this update again.
Ah meta humor.
Mildly out of character, but still classic.
Hah. I figured it was either that or just sit down and eat popcorn.
7304636
In Canterlot, anyway. I'm sure he can find another Equestrian city to terrorize.
Huh, I was just thinking about this one the other day.
6314166 It seems not, as it has updated
This was amazinnnnnn, Darling.
here
absolutely
Poor Discord. Turns out that he is not necessary for chaos. They took his jerb!!!
Good lord what did I just read?
Thanks for the laughs, though.
7304636 Clearly discord needs to fix this!! he is the only one allowed to spread chaos like this!
Wow, Discord was upstaged, badly.
Celestia's reaction to Blueblood was priceless.
good story,
I think discord need to pop over and help twilight and find out that the two of them love each other
7312722 Warning. There is a frothing rabid Cadence behind you.
7427779 oh my, shall i open one of the few bottle of wine i have,
here
Ah, if only getting bitches was as easy as correcting grammar...
But at least we finally have our fanservice episode.
all this chaos and discord never cause it, he most likey think, "why the buck am I ever good for now??"
You beautiful bastard, you had better not have given this up.
dude, this is tha shit, don't give up on such an epic piece of mastery.
7564007 yeah I'd be sad if I was a God of chaos who just broke free to then find out that the world is already filled to the neck in chaos.....and I wasn't responsible for a single go damn thing......
Discord looked around at all the chaos.
He looked to the ground, kicking a small stone that had been part of his prison.
Then he kind of just floated away.
Poor Discord everything is messy and he has no purpose.
Admit it. This entire story was just a setup to make Discord sad that chaos didn't need him anymore.
Welp there goes discord. With Equestria already full of chaos he's not needed anymore
I see what you did there.
Aw, poor Discord.
Discord learns that everyone in canterlot ha zero brain cells and might as well be the god of chaos themselves