Shining Armor paced outside the door of the hospital's maternity ward. Any moment now his wife would give birth to their brand-new foal. He couldn't wait!
"Calm down, Shiny," Twilight assured.
"Yeah, I'm sure your foal and your wife will be fine," Cadance assured.
"I know, but I'm just so excited and..."
He trailed off. Slowly, he turned to Cadance, looking at her with shock. "...What are you doing here?"
"...I'm waiting for your wife to give birth," she said slowly, as if the stallion had just asked him something incredibly obvious.
"...Aren't you my wife?"
"No, she's my wife!" Twilight said, a little offended.
"...What?"
"Yeah, remember?" Cadance said. Then she pressed her lips on Twilight and began making out with her with a level of passion most couples would reserve for the bedroom.
"Sweet Celestia!" Shining Armor shouted.
Then the two mares fell to the floor and began doing things that cannot be typed here.
"Oh my...I didn't think two mares could ever even get into that position! My eyes! Why did I have to see this when my sister was involved?"
Then the maternity ward doors burst open, and Chrysalis was wheeled out. "Shiny! Good news!"
"Hu-huh?" the stallion gasped in absolute horror at the sight of the creature that had brainwashed him for months.
"It's a boy!" she said happily, holding up a small white pony foal with changeling eyes. It had an open mouth of sharp teeth, and it was drooling green slime.
"Da-da! Da-da! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
With that, Shining Armor bolted upright. He looked around. He was in the honeymoon suite he had booked. Silk sheets, rich carpets, a beautiful view of the beach.
He sighed, flopping down on the bed. "I just had the weirdest dream."
Chrysalis draped a foreleg around him. "What was it about, Shiny?"
"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Shining Armor bolted upright for real this time. He was in his quarters, and there was a guard watching him.
"Private Exposition, what's going on?"
"Well sir, you fainted after you found out that the relationship you were in for the last nine months was a lie and you were pretty much left at the altar for your sister, which I have to say is the single most emasculating thing I have ever heard of."
"Really?" Shining Armor said, with a smile.
"...You sure seem to be taking this well, sir."
"Of course I am... because this is all a dream!"
"...No it isn't."
"Yes it is! There so much out of place here, it must be a dream!"
"Like what?"
Looking around, he pointed to his discarded regalia. "Look, my armor's purple. That's the wrong color."
"...No it's not."
"Yes it is!"
"...No, it's really not."
"And look," he said, motioning to his foreleg. "My coat is white! That's wrong... right? Right?"
"...Sir, denial is more than a river in the camel homelands."
After a pause, Shining Armor flopped back down on his bed. "...Kill me."
"I'm actually here to make sure you don't kill yourself, sir. By the way, don't bother reaching for your suicide pill."
The stallion moaned, cupping his head in his hooves. "Then give me a situation report. What's happened with the Changeling Queen and Twiley?"
"Well, your sister fainted after that kiss with Princess Cadance..."
"Which if I find any pictures of in the barracks, it's a month of KP," the captain threatened.
"Right. Anyway, she was brought back to her suite. Cadance was taken to the hospital wing, where she was released with a clean bill of health. You were taken there as well. They got all the toxins out of your brain, but doctor’s orders are to remain in bed for the night. Chrysalis, the Changeling Queen, was brought to the dungeons."
"Well, at least she can't get to me anymore..."
"So, wait," Celestia said slowly. "You're telling me that you know how to make things better politically if I let you go?"
"Yes."
"...Keep going."
Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes to see a soothing figure. Cadance hovered over her, stroking her mane.
"Good, you're up," Cadance said sweetly, levitating a glass of water to her lips. The unicorn unhesitantly took a gulp, her throat being dry. At that moment, it was almost like it was two decades earlier, and she was a little filly being cared for again.
The glass left her lips. She puckered the moisture for a few moments before speaking. "Oh, Cadance... I had the weirdest dream. After you saved Canterlot, it turned out you never dated my brother, and that the Changeling Queen was in love with him, and then you kissed me!"
"Oh, Twiley... it wasn't a dream." And then she kissed her again.
Twilight pulled away, alarmed. "Cadance... what?"
"I love you, Twilight. And not the same way I did back when I foalsat you. As you grew up, graduated, I saw you grow into a beautiful young mare. Smart, kind... I wanted you so bad. But you went off to Ponyville before I could confess. Then today, you rescued me. You're my hero! Oh Twiley!"
She attempted to kiss her again, but Twilight ducked out of the way, turning and scooting to the end of bed. This caused Cadance to grin. She followed, stalking like a jungle cat.
"Cadance, wait," Twilight said defensively, holding up a hoof. "How could you do this to my brother? He's heartbroken!"
Cadance actually stopped, putting on a serious look for a moment. "I didn't hurt Shiny, Chrysalis did. I'm sorry for that, but am I supposed to just be with somepony just so they won't be hurt?"
"Well... I guess not," Twilight admitted.
"Good, now where were we?" Cadance said seductively, inching toward her.
"Wait, wait!" Twilight said quickly. "I'm not a filly fooler! I-I mean, I don't think so, I never really thought about it," she admitted, twisting a hoof into the sheets.
Cadance stopped, tilting her head at an interested angle. "You mean you think you're bisexual?"
"No! I mean I like stallions... I think."
"...Just ...stallions?" the alicorn asked, like it was a scientific principle on a level she could never understand.
"Yes!"
"...Is that even allowed?" Cadance asked, sincerely confused.
"What?"
"Just liking stallions? You're weird, Twiley."
"Wh-what? You mean liking the same sex is normal?”
“Twiley... have you paid any attention to how mares act? Especially around you?”
Twilight thought...
”Thanks for the order, Bon Bon,” Twilight said, taking the box of chocolates.
The earth pony nodded. “It’s no problem, I had some good music to make it to.”
“She sure did,” Lyra nodded, kissing the candy maker on the cheek.
-----
Twilight relaxed at the spa, soaking in the hot tub.
“Twilight,” Aloe noted, coming over to her. “It iz my pleasure to give you a complimentary shoulder rub.” And with that, she started massaging the unicorn.
“Ooh, ohh, thanks.”
----
Twilight sat at the bar, having a drink at Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s insistence. She looked over and saw Berry Punch covering Holly Dash’s face in kisses. “Wow, those two sure are friendly.”
----
“Miss Cherilee? I have that book you wanted.”
“Oh, Twilight,” the pink earth pony said. Twilight saw her laying on her desk in a suggestive pose, the only light being a few candles. They seemed to be covered in some sort of sticky substance.
“I seem to have accidentally spilt honey all over myself.” Her tone dropped into a sultry tone. “Can you help me get it off?”
“...Sure!” she said, lighting off her horn. Suddenly all the honey disappeared. “There you go!”
“...Uh, thanks,” Cherilee said, disappointed.
----
"Excuse me, Vinyl?" Twilight asked, coming into the garden. "I need to look over the playlist for the reception."
Vinyl couldn't answer, because her mouth was full of Octavia's tongue as the two made out on top of the turntables.
----
“Hey Applejack!” Twilight greeted.
Applejack grabbed Twilight and pulled her into a passionate kiss.
"Oh my... No, wait... if that last one happened I think I'd remember it."
Cadance shrugged. "Well, at any rate, filly fooling is completely normal, and you're such a catch, with that whole hot librarian thing going on..."
Twilight's face turned red. "I... I..."
"Did you enjoy me kissing you?"
"...I don't know! It freaked me out! I... I need to think about this."
Cadance gave her a pat on the back. "Well, if you're not I can always change your preferences. It's one of my powers."
That freaked Twilight out. "What?! No, that's horrible! What gives you the right?"
"Oh, Twilight... I'm an Alicorn. Ponies will always think whatever an Alicorn does is right," she answered, seeming amused at Twilight's naïveté.
"That's a lie! If you or Celestia did something wrong, I'd call you out on it!"
"How would you feel if somepony used a love potion?"
"That would be wrong."
"How would you feel if somepony used you to ruin a night for everypony else?"
"That would be wrong."
"How would you feel if somepony used a pony who was very loyal to them to save a pony who was a deranged omnicidal maniac?"
"That would be..." Twilight's eyes widened, her irises shrinking. "...Oh sweet Celestia!"
"Exactly," Cadance smiled, nuzzling into her. "We can be together, no matter what!"
"...help," Twilight muttered.
"Alright, look, you're overwhelmed now," the Alicorn said, backing away from Twilight. "That's understandable, you've had a long day." She stepped back on the floor. "And truth be told, I really need some rest after the last few months. You just get some sleep, and I'll check back on you in the morning."
She trotted to the door, using her magic to open it. Before she left, she turned back to the unicorn and smiled. "I'll be seeing you around, beautiful." Clicking her tongue, she disappeared through the doorway.
Twilight gulped. She crawled back to the proper position and flopped back down on the bed, burying her head in her hooves.
Okay, calm down, it's just Cadance... who's in love with you... and knows how to cast love spells and change your sexuality... who will get away with doing just that if she decides to... I'm doomed.
She jumped at the door opening. She backed up to the headrest in fear.
She breathed a sigh of relief when it was only her friends, all looking at her with concern.
"Look, I'm tired, whatever it is, can we talk later?" the unicorn moaned, closing her eyes and rubbing her head with a hoof.
She got no answer. At least, until she felt something climb into her bed. She opened her eyes in time to see Spike throw his arms around her neck.
"Huh, wha... Spike..."
Applejack hugged her from the right, Fluttershy from the left. The other looked at her, waiting for a chance.
"Wh... what are you..."
"We're sorry."
Fluttershy's words rung in her ear. For the first time since waking up, Twilight smiled.
"Hey, it's like I said, she fooled..."
They just hugged her tighter. Twilight felt tears leave her.
"Look, can we talk in the morning? I'm exhausted."
She was pushed back onto the bed, her head on the pillow. Her friends lay around her. "Rest up, sugarcube," Applejack said gently.
Twilight obeyed and closed her eyes. She held Spike close as she drifted off...
"Ooh! Orgy!"
The ponies glared at Cadance, who was looking back in the room.
"...Sorry." And the Alicorn left.
"...What's an orgy?" Spike asked.
Twilight's head hit the pillow again. "Please don't ask."
And here's chapter 2.
Just a disclaimer: I don't condone the Trollestia meme, nor do I think Cadance's powers are as immoral as they're made out here. I'm just having some fun.
Haha. Twilight is screwed... well soon.
Continue having fun then, it's entertaining.
This is highly entertaining, and just what I need when my face periodically flares up in surprising amounts of pain and I have a midterm tomorrow. Thank you!
Well, drat. I liked the first chapter, but now this is getting into comedic sociopathy, and I really, really hate comedic sociopathy.
Oh man this is AWESOME!!! I love this fic!
Can't help but feel sorry for the Sparkle siblings. Wonder what their parents think of all this? Are the other changelings really dead or will we see them again later?
LOOOOOL. Oh god my sides. I think I busted a gut like three times laughing. The double Chrysalis dream: CLASSIC. And Cadance is being hilarious. Please good sir, do go on! I insist!!
Also, that "single most demasculating" comment: OH CELESTIA LOL.
1652319 "What's an orgy?" dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Pinkie_loool.png
Great chapter. The bit where Shining woke up about 3 times in a row was inspired. And also, the opening scene?
And the awkwardness continues. I can't wait to see what Chryssy has up her sleeve!
I am most entertained, and wish to see more!
heh loved the Chrysalis changeling bit and actually I loved all of it equally!
1653534
Agreed.
Shining Armor waking up 3 times in a row reminded me of this.
Dear god. Those last few lines killed me.
TROLLS.
In the dungeon. Thought you ought to know.
(Seriously, Chrysalis and Celestia look like they're about to spring a massive troll on everyone.)
Orgy!
go on
....
There are no words to describe this, only
While I was surprised to see this abandon any hopes of seriousness and go straight for the lols, I must admit it was one of the funniest fics I've read in some time. Now I'm both excited and a little scared to see where this all will go.
I like where this is going....
fc03.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/209/1/1/bane_let_the_games_begin_2012_olympics_by_lightvsright-d58z7ph.jpg
thats all I can say
wasn't that the CMC?
since when was that one Celestia's fault?
cant wait for more chapters!
and i cracked up when Shining said Private Exposition
I don't remember Celestia using a love potion... Though Cadence did make a couple fall in love during a flash back, so maybe she's recounting the sins of multiple alicorns. If so, it's unclear.
The Trollestia meme is over-exaggeration, as most memes are. The idea that Celestia is sometimes manipulative and occasionally plays pranks is fairly easy to reach however, with episodes like the Grand Galloping Gala or that Phoenix one. But Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie seem much more committed to doing that kind of thing.
So, does Private Exposition hang out with Sargent Wall Breaker the 4th and the wandering bard Plotdump the Narrator?
1655699
I think he is referring to Cadence doing her mind rape thing to make people remember they love each other.
Dreams that have layers...
Insert Inception reference here.
1656388
oh right
Buwhahahaha, I wasn't expecting this to be more of a comedy fic, but I like where it is going.
Wasn't the pony in the book where that love potion came from an Alicorn? Also, I laughed at Shining Armor. Poor guy.
Also, Cadance is creeping me out here. What right does she have to do such a thing to Twilight? I know, she hasn't done anything yet but to imply that she could... oh well, more chapters please!
This is just perfect man.
1653534, 1653956
Well, it's going to have a happy ending, so there's that. But don't worry, I'm not going to have Cadance actually use her powers in the way she descirbed. I actually rejected some gags for being too caustic. That said, Twilight and Shining Armor are going to be put through a lot.
If it's not your thing, oh well. Try About Last Night.
1653629
We'll see the changelings again.
1655293, 1658397
Well, I did put the random and comedy tags up there...
1656303
Thanks for that.
1656369
Yeah, I was referring to Cadance's powers there.
1656387
It was a tribute to that, yes.
1659141
That's pretty much the joke...
1663043
Fair, I should be more specific. This became more of a crackfic then I thought. It was always funny, I just thought it would be a little more serious, considering your other stories like Families. Though I like where it has gone.
I went looking, this may be The Only Twilight / Cadance (together as opposed to Twilight / everypony) ship fic out right now. I kinda like it
1663446
This is the closest thing I found to another.
1663541
Thank you . Its hard for me to find that kind of specific ship on fimfic. I still love the site but I think fanfic has a better labeling system for searches.
It Doesn't matter WHAT fics I read, I can Never get to a point where someone Suggests making twilight do something she doesn't want to do or be somepony she doesn;t want to be without seeing her Snap, Burst into fire and rip them in half, before going around and blugeoning all those who have done her and her freinds wrong into comas with the remains. Because that is how ponies mete out justice, of course
This amuses me greatly, keep it up.
Again, this is interesting and:
24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lj1bza6rHk1qi2gtlo1_500.jpg
This? This whole thing right here? This story? Its fucking glorious.
Me Gusta.
1653629
"Sweet, now both our kids are going to be marrying royalty! Score!"
Well, this is delightfully bonkers...!
1604599
TY!TY!TY!TY!TY!TY!TY!TY!TY!TY!TY!TY!
One would assume this is a popular ship but apparently it's not. The world needs more TWIDANCE!!!
i get the other two, but what about this one:
i have a few ideas, but none of them fit when i think about them.
on another note: this is hysterical. the only thing i don't like is how lightly cadence takes the whole situation wit her love towards twi; i can imagine desperate or willing use any means, but the way she acts feels a little off. yes, i get that it's an extremely non-serious comedy, but you know; staying in character is still strongly encouraged...
Liking only stallions: "Is that even allowed?"
So true on this site.
1701313
I'm referring to The Best Night Ever.
1702859
so you mean that when celestia said "i had hoped you and your friends would liven things up a bit" or something like that; she meant that she had EXACTLY what they did in mind?
Well... no one can claim this fic doesn't live up to its random tag
Brilliant work!!!
Looking forward to more!
1653513 In More ways than one...
"Wow, those two sure are friendly."