• Published 14th Nov 2012
  • 23,222 Views, 735 Comments

Wedding Bell Blues - Darth Link 22

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As Awkward As It Gets

Shining Armor paced outside the door of the hospital's maternity ward. Any moment now his wife would give birth to their brand-new foal. He couldn't wait!

"Calm down, Shiny," Twilight assured.

"Yeah, I'm sure your foal and your wife will be fine," Cadance assured.

"I know, but I'm just so excited and..."

He trailed off. Slowly, he turned to Cadance, looking at her with shock. "...What are you doing here?"

"...I'm waiting for your wife to give birth," she said slowly, as if the stallion had just asked him something incredibly obvious.

"...Aren't you my wife?"

"No, she's my wife!" Twilight said, a little offended.

"...What?"

"Yeah, remember?" Cadance said. Then she pressed her lips on Twilight and began making out with her with a level of passion most couples would reserve for the bedroom.

"Sweet Celestia!" Shining Armor shouted.

Then the two mares fell to the floor and began doing things that cannot be typed here.

"Oh my...I didn't think two mares could ever even get into that position! My eyes! Why did I have to see this when my sister was involved?"

Then the maternity ward doors burst open, and Chrysalis was wheeled out. "Shiny! Good news!"

"Hu-huh?" the stallion gasped in absolute horror at the sight of the creature that had brainwashed him for months.

"It's a boy!" she said happily, holding up a small white pony foal with changeling eyes. It had an open mouth of sharp teeth, and it was drooling green slime.

"Da-da! Da-da! Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-"


"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

With that, Shining Armor bolted upright. He looked around. He was in the honeymoon suite he had booked. Silk sheets, rich carpets, a beautiful view of the beach.

He sighed, flopping down on the bed. "I just had the weirdest dream."

Chrysalis draped a foreleg around him. "What was it about, Shiny?"


"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Shining Armor bolted upright for real this time. He was in his quarters, and there was a guard watching him.

"Private Exposition, what's going on?"

"Well sir, you fainted after you found out that the relationship you were in for the last nine months was a lie and you were pretty much left at the altar for your sister, which I have to say is the single most emasculating thing I have ever heard of."

"Really?" Shining Armor said, with a smile.

"...You sure seem to be taking this well, sir."

"Of course I am... because this is all a dream!"

"...No it isn't."

"Yes it is! There so much out of place here, it must be a dream!"

"Like what?"

Looking around, he pointed to his discarded regalia. "Look, my armor's purple. That's the wrong color."

"...No it's not."

"Yes it is!"

"...No, it's really not."

"And look," he said, motioning to his foreleg. "My coat is white! That's wrong... right? Right?"

"...Sir, denial is more than a river in the camel homelands."

After a pause, Shining Armor flopped back down on his bed. "...Kill me."

"I'm actually here to make sure you don't kill yourself, sir. By the way, don't bother reaching for your suicide pill."

The stallion moaned, cupping his head in his hooves. "Then give me a situation report. What's happened with the Changeling Queen and Twiley?"

"Well, your sister fainted after that kiss with Princess Cadance..."

"Which if I find any pictures of in the barracks, it's a month of KP," the captain threatened.

"Right. Anyway, she was brought back to her suite. Cadance was taken to the hospital wing, where she was released with a clean bill of health. You were taken there as well. They got all the toxins out of your brain, but doctor’s orders are to remain in bed for the night. Chrysalis, the Changeling Queen, was brought to the dungeons."

"Well, at least she can't get to me anymore..."


"So, wait," Celestia said slowly. "You're telling me that you know how to make things better politically if I let you go?"

"Yes."

"...Keep going."


Twilight Sparkle opened her eyes to see a soothing figure. Cadance hovered over her, stroking her mane.

"Good, you're up," Cadance said sweetly, levitating a glass of water to her lips. The unicorn unhesitantly took a gulp, her throat being dry. At that moment, it was almost like it was two decades earlier, and she was a little filly being cared for again.

The glass left her lips. She puckered the moisture for a few moments before speaking. "Oh, Cadance... I had the weirdest dream. After you saved Canterlot, it turned out you never dated my brother, and that the Changeling Queen was in love with him, and then you kissed me!"

"Oh, Twiley... it wasn't a dream." And then she kissed her again.

Twilight pulled away, alarmed. "Cadance... what?"

"I love you, Twilight. And not the same way I did back when I foalsat you. As you grew up, graduated, I saw you grow into a beautiful young mare. Smart, kind... I wanted you so bad. But you went off to Ponyville before I could confess. Then today, you rescued me. You're my hero! Oh Twiley!"

She attempted to kiss her again, but Twilight ducked out of the way, turning and scooting to the end of bed. This caused Cadance to grin. She followed, stalking like a jungle cat.

"Cadance, wait," Twilight said defensively, holding up a hoof. "How could you do this to my brother? He's heartbroken!"

Cadance actually stopped, putting on a serious look for a moment. "I didn't hurt Shiny, Chrysalis did. I'm sorry for that, but am I supposed to just be with somepony just so they won't be hurt?"

"Well... I guess not," Twilight admitted.

"Good, now where were we?" Cadance said seductively, inching toward her.

"Wait, wait!" Twilight said quickly. "I'm not a filly fooler! I-I mean, I don't think so, I never really thought about it," she admitted, twisting a hoof into the sheets.

Cadance stopped, tilting her head at an interested angle. "You mean you think you're bisexual?"

"No! I mean I like stallions... I think."

"...Just ...stallions?" the alicorn asked, like it was a scientific principle on a level she could never understand.

"Yes!"

"...Is that even allowed?" Cadance asked, sincerely confused.

"What?"

"Just liking stallions? You're weird, Twiley."

"Wh-what? You mean liking the same sex is normal?”

“Twiley... have you paid any attention to how mares act? Especially around you?”

Twilight thought...

”Thanks for the order, Bon Bon,” Twilight said, taking the box of chocolates.

The earth pony nodded. “It’s no problem, I had some good music to make it to.”

“She sure did,” Lyra nodded, kissing the candy maker on the cheek.

-----

Twilight relaxed at the spa, soaking in the hot tub.

“Twilight,” Aloe noted, coming over to her. “It iz my pleasure to give you a complimentary shoulder rub.” And with that, she started massaging the unicorn.

“Ooh, ohh, thanks.”

----

Twilight sat at the bar, having a drink at Applejack and Rainbow Dash’s insistence. She looked over and saw Berry Punch covering Holly Dash’s face in kisses. “Wow, those two sure are friendly.”

----

“Miss Cherilee? I have that book you wanted.”

“Oh, Twilight,” the pink earth pony said. Twilight saw her laying on her desk in a suggestive pose, the only light being a few candles. They seemed to be covered in some sort of sticky substance.

“I seem to have accidentally spilt honey all over myself.” Her tone dropped into a sultry tone. “Can you help me get it off?”

“...Sure!” she said, lighting off her horn. Suddenly all the honey disappeared. “There you go!”

“...Uh, thanks,” Cherilee said, disappointed.

----

"Excuse me, Vinyl?" Twilight asked, coming into the garden. "I need to look over the playlist for the reception."

Vinyl couldn't answer, because her mouth was full of Octavia's tongue as the two made out on top of the turntables.

----

“Hey Applejack!” Twilight greeted.

Applejack grabbed Twilight and pulled her into a passionate kiss.

"Oh my... No, wait... if that last one happened I think I'd remember it."

Cadance shrugged. "Well, at any rate, filly fooling is completely normal, and you're such a catch, with that whole hot librarian thing going on..."

Twilight's face turned red. "I... I..."

"Did you enjoy me kissing you?"

"...I don't know! It freaked me out! I... I need to think about this."

Cadance gave her a pat on the back. "Well, if you're not I can always change your preferences. It's one of my powers."

That freaked Twilight out. "What?! No, that's horrible! What gives you the right?"

"Oh, Twilight... I'm an Alicorn. Ponies will always think whatever an Alicorn does is right," she answered, seeming amused at Twilight's naïveté.

"That's a lie! If you or Celestia did something wrong, I'd call you out on it!"

"How would you feel if somepony used a love potion?"

"That would be wrong."

"How would you feel if somepony used you to ruin a night for everypony else?"

"That would be wrong."

"How would you feel if somepony used a pony who was very loyal to them to save a pony who was a deranged omnicidal maniac?"

"That would be..." Twilight's eyes widened, her irises shrinking. "...Oh sweet Celestia!"

"Exactly," Cadance smiled, nuzzling into her. "We can be together, no matter what!"

"...help," Twilight muttered.

"Alright, look, you're overwhelmed now," the Alicorn said, backing away from Twilight. "That's understandable, you've had a long day." She stepped back on the floor. "And truth be told, I really need some rest after the last few months. You just get some sleep, and I'll check back on you in the morning."

She trotted to the door, using her magic to open it. Before she left, she turned back to the unicorn and smiled. "I'll be seeing you around, beautiful." Clicking her tongue, she disappeared through the doorway.

Twilight gulped. She crawled back to the proper position and flopped back down on the bed, burying her head in her hooves.

Okay, calm down, it's just Cadance... who's in love with you... and knows how to cast love spells and change your sexuality... who will get away with doing just that if she decides to... I'm doomed.

She jumped at the door opening. She backed up to the headrest in fear.

She breathed a sigh of relief when it was only her friends, all looking at her with concern.

"Look, I'm tired, whatever it is, can we talk later?" the unicorn moaned, closing her eyes and rubbing her head with a hoof.

She got no answer. At least, until she felt something climb into her bed. She opened her eyes in time to see Spike throw his arms around her neck.

"Huh, wha... Spike..."

Applejack hugged her from the right, Fluttershy from the left. The other looked at her, waiting for a chance.

"Wh... what are you..."

"We're sorry."

Fluttershy's words rung in her ear. For the first time since waking up, Twilight smiled.

"Hey, it's like I said, she fooled..."

They just hugged her tighter. Twilight felt tears leave her.

"Look, can we talk in the morning? I'm exhausted."

She was pushed back onto the bed, her head on the pillow. Her friends lay around her. "Rest up, sugarcube," Applejack said gently.

Twilight obeyed and closed her eyes. She held Spike close as she drifted off...

"Ooh! Orgy!"

The ponies glared at Cadance, who was looking back in the room.

"...Sorry." And the Alicorn left.

"...What's an orgy?" Spike asked.

Twilight's head hit the pillow again. "Please don't ask."