• Published 14th Nov 2012
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Wedding Bell Blues - Darth Link 22

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How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bug

“So... let me get this straight,” Celestia said, rubbing her forehead with her hooves. “You want me to let you marry Shining Armor?”

Chrysalis stood proudly in her cell. If it weren't for the iron bars in front of her, the seal on her horn, and the chains around each leg, one might think she was still large and in charge. “Was I not clear earlier?” the Queen of the Changelings responded, no hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Celestia put a hoof to her forehead. “Well, it’s just... what makes you so sure he would want you?”

“We fell in love," Chrysalis sighed.

"No, you fell in love with him, he fell in love with who you pretended to be. For that matter, you didn't... 'get intimate' with him, did you? Because if you did, I'm going to have to add a rape charge."

"Of course not! I wanted our first time to be special! And just between us!"

"Well, congratulations, you aren't completely evil. But that still leaves the question: what makes you think Shining Armor is going to want to marry you?"

"Because this is the third act! Now that my big secret is out, he'll be mad for a while, then he'll forgive me and we'll get married!"

"...Okay, ignoring how foolish it is to follow romantic comedy logic, you invaded our country! There are ponies dead in the streets! How can you justify that?"

"We needed love!"

"Then why didn't you just come in and try an alliance with us?"

"...You would have been willing?"

"Of course! Why did you think we wouldn't?"

"I've had some...bad experiences with ponies...”

Pupa Chrysalis sat on the swing set, happily humming. Two more fillies, a dark-pink Earth Pony and a powder-blue Pegasus came up to her.

"Hi there!" she said happily. "I notice you're a different species than me. Want to be friends?"

The Pegasus pushed her off the swing, and the two ponies began kicking her.

Chrysalis cried. "I'm telling the teacher!."

"Ha!" the Earth Pony laughed. "The teacher's my mom, and she's over there!"

She pointed to an adult mare... who was making out with another adult mare in the sandbox.

“Wait, why were you even attending a pony school?”

“Exchange student.”

“...Right. Well, it doesn't matter. You think just because you had a bad life it gives you an excuse? I can’t imagine the psychological damage you’ve done to my niece! Who knows what tortured thoughts she's thinking right now?"


Cadance happily continued her list. “Let’s see,” she inked her quill. “Donkey Punch, the Cloudsdale Steamer, the Fillydelphia Twist... does Twilight’s hind leg reach up that high? Eh, it will when I’m done with her.”


“I don't know, but regardless, I think you're going to let me out and accept my terms,” she said firmly, as if she were an honest delegator and not a prisoner being interrogated.

"That you still want to marry Shining Armor, and now I'm guessing you want your subjects integrated into mine."

"Indeed."

Celestia rubbed her temples. You get cake after this, Celly, just stay calm. “What do you expect me to do? Do you think the ponies will accept you now?”

“Maybe... if I set up more idiot balls around the kingdom...”

“Wait, what?”

Chrysalis just sighed. Then her eyes went wide, and she let out a few short breaths. Finally, a green orb came out of her mouth. Using her magic, she levitated it up.

“This ball emits waves that cause a pony’s intelligence to lower while in proximity of it.”

“And... you’ve had them all over the castle?”

“You haven’t noticed?”

”I’m telling you, something is weird about Cadance."

"Aw, Twi, you're just seeing things," Applejack dismissed. "She's awfully nice."

"You there!" Chrysalis-as-Cadance yelled, entering the room with an apple tart in her hoof. "I asked for no cinnamon in these things!" She shoved the hot tart into Applejack's eye. "Can't you do anything right!" She magically grabbed Applejack's head and violently slammed it on the table several times. "Learn to do something right, you Celestia-damned dirt pony!"

Chrysalis stormed off. After a minute, Applejack lifted her head up, her right eye now red and watering, her left now black and swollen. Her muzzle was broken, and one of her teeth had been knocked out, letting blood run down her face.

"See? Perfectly nice."

Celestia blinked.

"Twilight managed to fend it off thanks to her natural magic field... for awhile, anyway. She still cracked when she tried to call me out."

"Then why didn't my magic field protect me... oh wait..."

"So you see, Aunt Celestia," Chrysalis as Cadance said, tapping her chart with the pointer. "In order to best optimize Canterlot's safety, you need to move the entire capital exactly one inch to the north, and it needs to be done now."

"Well... Using that much magic would leave me completely vulnerable to attack, but since Shining Armor's shield would be up, I see no reason not to do it.”

"...Wow, you're good."

"Thank you," Chrysalis said, sounding sincere.

Celestia couldn't believe it. This explained everything. Why they had all not noticed the obvious differences between Cadance and her impostor, why they had so coldly ignored Twilight. I mean, honestly, looking back on the last few days, it was like Twilight was the only sane pony in the kingdom.

"Seriously though, I can't just make my little ponies just accept you."

"...I'll tell you what. I'll turn this whole thing around if you let me marry Shining Armor."

"Well, he'll have to say yes, but if you honestly get every single pony on your side, I'll give the union my blessing."


Ordinarily most ponies in Canterlot would be in bed at midnight, but this night was different. Since the invasion, a mob of ponies had gathered in the courtyard, each crying out for Chrysalis's blood.

Celestia stepped onto the balcony, and the roar got louder. Cries for the noose, the chopping block, the Thingy (don't ask... Luna could get pretty creative with the sentencings, but she couldn't come up with names) all echoed throughout.

So it spoke a good deal of the respect Celestia commanded that she got the roars to die down just by clearing her throat.

"My little ponies, I am allowing Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings, to say a few words on her own behalf. Please allow her to speak."

When silence followed her declaration, she stepped back and allowed Chrysalis to step forward. Even with several guards keeping their weapons on her and a thousand death glares from the ponies below, she still managed to keep her composure.

She cleared her throat and began. "I would like to apologize for all my actions. I would also state... that this is not my true form."

This elicited a few murmurs from the crowd and a raised eyebrow from Celestia.

"You see, we changelings are nothing more than ponies who were transformed long ago by... (blast, what was his name?)... Discord! Yes, originally, I was an alicorn..."

Her green glowing energy surrounded her as she cast her transformation magic. "...and before Discord got a hold of me, I looked like this."

What Chrysalis transformed into cannot be described. The beauty of it was just far too great for any writer to put into print, regardless of how skilled. Needless to say, the ponies were mesmerized at the sight. Soon, a series of voices echoed out from the crowd.

"I forgive her!"

"She's just misunderstood!"

"It's Daddy's fault he didn't want to die!"

"You know what would look good with that? Leather pants."

Smiling smugly, Chrysalis reverted back to herself. "I'm hoping you'll forgive our desperate actions and welcome my subjects into your society!"

There was a massive cheer.

Chrysalis turned back to Celestia, who was just gaping. "Yes, everything is going to be fine," she said smugly.

The guard took her off. She would still have to stay in the dungeon a night before all the paperwork could be authorized for her release.

Celestia stood there in shock for several minutes before a servant came up to her with a bottle of wine and a glass. "A drink, your Highness?"

The Princess grabbed the bottle and downed it. It was going to be a long night.