It's Nightmare Night once again, and the mane six are preparing to celebrate it with their new monster hunting friends. But when something dark from Celestia's past comes back to haunt her, all of their lives will be put into very real danger.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I'm back for chapter 3!
To begin, I'm not as irritated as I thought I would be that all the new characters died (though that may be because of how long it has been since my last review). That being said I am a little miffed that they all died, but oh well, what can you do?
Moving on, I can't help but praise how disturbing this chapter is, it almost feels like something out of a one shot horror story. While not the scariest story I have seen or read, it certainly is up there. I also can't help but appreciate how instead of killing off the characters in brutal or horrifying ways you instead chose terrifying and ruthless efficiency. The villain (I'm assuming) didn't monologue or spend large amounts of time finding creative ways to kill the adventurers, but straight up killed them without saying a single word (though it could be that he was currently incapable of speech).
Aside from my narcissistic brain demanding you write exactly how I want you to write (which means adding or removing a single word every so often), your grammar, spelling and wordplay continue to impress.
This chapter has incredible pacing. It started out slow, working to build up suspense for the reveal. The ponies spent an appropriate amount of time being in complete and utter shock before trying to run. The chase wasn't too short nor was it drawn out. Each death was quick and brutal and helped to drive home how terrifying this villain is. It's easy to feel the tension and suspense as the dwindling group attempt to escape, only to be met with failure at every turn until they are all picked off. It isn't until the very end when Scribble is caught can things slow down as the chapter's dilemma is finally resolved.
This villain is incredible. Despite not speaking he exudes an aura of terror and fear while also displaying his cunning and power. He doesn't waste time on killing the characters and potentially allowing others to escape until the last one, when he can finally relax knowing that no one else will be coming for him later on. I also theorize that after dispatching Pathfinder the villain flew up through the hole the group had made earlier in order to get ahead of them and lock the gate, which indicates a high level of strategical thinking.
Or maybe I'm thinking about this too much.
Either way I really like this villain, and I can't wait to see more of him in the future!
There isn't really anything negative to say about this chapter other than the fact that it's sole purpose is to kill five characters who were all just introduced last chapter as a way of introducing the villain.
At least this villain actually kills people, which is apparently something a lot of villains struggle with. so good job!
On to chapter 4!
10970402
Good to see you back!
Once again, I have to thank you for showing interest in this little pet project of mine. I was worried its flaws would outweigh any enjoyment you might get, but I'm glad to be proven wrong.
As for the pacing, I must admit that that is a happy accident. Fun fact: this chapter and the last chapter were originally one big chapter, but I decided to split them right before they found Snapshot for length. I do put some thought into pacing at times, but this was unfortunately not one of them. I tend to just sit down and write what feels appropriate to me. Sometimes it turns out good, other times not so much.
I'm glad to hear that my grammar and punctuation have gotten better since I started out. I don't think it was ever terrible, but if you had read my first few stories, you could see where I started to learn how to clean up my style a bit. Now, I just need to learn how to say more with less. It's a good thing that you enjoy my writing, because there will be a lot of it in this story. (Hey, on the bright side, I only went over my 10k word limit in a couple chapters. That's a big improvement over my last stories )
Looking forward to showing you where this little tale will take our heroes. (Speaking of which, feel free to let me know if any of the show characters feel ooc at any point. I do try to portray my characters with their own personalities, and while my interpretation of the canon characters may not be one to one with their show counterparts, I want to make them as close as possible.)
See you in the next chapter!