It's Nightmare Night once again, and the mane six are preparing to celebrate it with their new monster hunting friends. But when something dark from Celestia's past comes back to haunt her, all of their lives will be put into very real danger.
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Hello readers and authors!
I must admit that both the beginning and end of this chapter felt both natural and were thus highly enjoyable. Although it was similar to what Sunspot and Fluttershy went through in the previous chapter, it was still distinct in its own way.
One thing I'm compelled to mention however is that the fight itself is too detailed. While the adage of 'show don't tell' applies to many aspects of writing, it does not apply to fighting unless it is required for story purposes. To properly understand, read the following paragraph.
He punched. She ducked. He kicked. She blocked. He grappled, she pulled away. He drew a sword, it’s blade gleaming with death. He stabbed. She jerked back, skin nicked. He swung once, twice, thrice. More nicks. She retreated, only to fall. He lunged, the blade descending viscously. She screamed.
While this particular fight is as bare as it gets, it only serves to highlight my point. Fights in general are very quick, usually lasting minutes a few minutes at most. This needs to be reflected in writing; notice how it isn't mentioned in the fight that the man uses his fists to punch, feet to kick, or how She ducks UNDER his attack because it's already implied. It doesn't say that He uses both hands to wield the sword, or where She is nicked, because that doesn't matter. There's no mention of why She falls, or what the environment is like, or their positions, it's superfluous to the fight.
There is no way of detailing a fight without dragging it on for far too long. Fortunately, there's a way to cheat. By removing all the excessive details, the reader is allowed free reign to fill in the blanks with their own imagination. After all, it's much easier to imagine a fight in one's head than it is to write it out.
That's all for now, see you in the next chapter.
P.S.
Personally, I think that you could delete the final fight scene from the previous chapter and replace it with this one.
As always, good to see you! I'm glad you're starting to enjoy these chapters more, a trend which I hope continues.
Unfortunately, as with many of the errors you've spotted thus far, there may be a few more fights like this one that drag on a bit. I think one of my problems with writing is being unable to get immersed at all in what I'm making, thus making it look like just mechanical text on a page rather than a flowing story. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have total control over what happens, and thus don't get as engaged as when I read other people's works?
Either way, it is a frustrating problem that makes it difficult to notice when I'm making style errors or writing a boring scene. I'm getting better at telling this stuff for myself, and am using second opinions more, but it is something I still struggle with. For instance, I'm currently working on a fight scene for another story of mine that could probably stand to use this advice to simplify it somewhat.
In any case, I appreciate the advice, and continue to look forward to seeing these dissections of this story, both the good and the bad (though hopefully there will be more good than bad from now on
)