It's Nightmare Night once again, and the mane six are preparing to celebrate it with their new monster hunting friends. But when something dark from Celestia's past comes back to haunt her, all of their lives will be put into very real danger.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hello again!
I have to admit that the fighting in this chapter gave me whiplash, especially since it's been almost eight chapters since we've had an actual action scene. It doesn't help that over three fourths is nothing but fighting vampires, with only a little bit of drama and character moments thrown in. That isn't to say that the fights themselves are bad, but that the chapter isn't really surprising (except for the last fight). The audience already knows that the heroes will be fighting vampires, so there's no surprise there. Tom has already shown himself to be reckless, so seeing him fight is required, the confrontation with Luna makes sense when you think about it, and getting attacked by a monster in a haunted attraction is practically cliché. What I'm trying to say is that there's little to no suspense, nothing that makes a reader wonder what's going to happen next because they can see it coming a mile away.
The exception here is the last scene with the crusaders, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie and Sparkplug, but only because it makes little sense. Sparkplug knew she didn't have her weapons, knew she wasn't trained to fight a vampire, and on top of that also had three fillies to protect. With all this in mind the best option wouldn't have been to fight back but to run away and regroup, maybe arm themselves. They don't even think to do that until it's far too late. Personally I think a chase scene would fit well here, but that's just my opinion (especially since you're pretty decent at writing them). It also doesn't help that this fight is longer than both other fights combined, and takes over a fifth of the entire chapter, making the fight itself feel long, drawn out and way too slow.
In comparison I really liked the scene with Sparkplug and Fluttershy. Despite the cliché vampire attack, the fight felt a lot more natural and hard pressed than the others, and seeing Fluttershy step up to fight back was nice, if not a little out of character. Honestly I thought she would go into one of her rage rants about not hurting others, distracting the vampire enough for Sparkplug to kill it, but seeing her actively helping a friend is again, really nice.
Before I go allow me to leave you with a bit of advice. Not all conflict has to be a physical fight or wild chase scene. It can be a shouting match between lovers, a sports match with rival teams, foraging for food in the wilderness, or trying to survive a natural disaster. Conflict comes not just when two people throw fists, but when a person struggles to overcome obstacles to reach their own goal, whatever that may be. It may seem obvious, but it can be hard to keep in mind when trying to write a cool action scene.
That's all I have to say for now, so see you in the next chapter.