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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Rainbow Dash is starting to piss me off actually, though that might just be because of my personal experiences with a friend who turned mentally ill.
Anyway, great chapter. Loved to see how Pinkie's been taking this and I'm glad to see some Shining Armor and Cadance too.
Twilight Sparkle: Doing transformations before it was cool (you know, alicorn and all).
Despite Rainbow obviously being best pony, I think I'm gonna have to side with Pinkie. C'mon, her loyalty should go a longer way! I thought she would follow Twilight to Tartarus and back, figuratively speaking of course.
Hey, I noticed Rarity isn't getting a lot of screentime, just like in the show. I guess it's fine, never really dug the whole fashionista persona. Although it would've been nice to have her emotional input, given how Twi hasn't really done anything to endear herself to Rarity.
I like the little bit with Cadance and Shining, although the little time transition or flashback was a bit confusing at first. Perhaps a page break is in order every time the setting is changed. Or you could just abuse the Enter button, like when shortskirtsandexplosions did it on Background Pony.
About the mature rating. I think as there aren't any spectacles concerning being sliced in half, turned inside-out, being decapitated, or any kind of gruesome mutilations to the body, (all of which are in the first installment, I think) I think there should be no concern. But consider the rather... explicit details of Twilight's suffering and more importantly her little... scene with Rarity. Up to you whether you want to keep the Mature rating, but a Teen rating will most likely attract more readers, the ones who weren't initially put off by the Dark tag, anyway.
Anyhoo, let's see where this is going with Cadance and Shining, shall we? I mean, it's only inevitable until they learn the truth.
This story deserves the mature rating, that's for sure. Besides that, loving the story so far. Though I'm am surprised at the fact you didn't include some kind entity that would chase Twilight and try to send her back to Tartarus, since she was sent there and then brought back by Discord, by hey, Twilight has enough problems as it is.
2644016 I agreeing with you on the Rainbow Dash situation.
2644016 Hey, man, I'm sorry about that. One of the things I've been playing with is how the antithesis (or at least their perception of it) of their elements might have an adverse effect on the Mane six. i.e.- If someone tells Fluttershy a bold faced lie, and she finds out, then yeah, she'd probably be upset, but if the lie was told to Applejack, she'd take it much harder because her element is honesty. With Rainbow Dash, she's so loyal that if she feels betrayed, her stubbornness could get the better of her, because that's what she sees.
Also, I wanted to play up the diversity a little bit, which is why I threw in that line about perspectives. Not everyone is going to react the same way to something, and may even react differently than expected.
Anyway, glad you liked it! I had fun with the Shining Armor/Cadence part.
2644180 Rarity will get some more screen time, I can promise you that. This is going to be a pretty long story, so I wanted to give the characters, at least the main ones, a chance to get some depth. I think I've done a decent amount with her, but don't worry, there is more down the pike.
I see what you're saying about Princess Cadence's flashback, but I think it's ok. I don't want to mess with the structure that much.
I was curious about the "mature" rating just because I wasn't sure if I could reach a wider audience. I have this marked "mature" for a few reasons, most of which are obvious, I imagine. It's already really dark, it does give me a chance to push the envelope a bit. Also, I am a bit paranoid about someone who is too young getting a hold of this fic and then checking out "The Fly" thinking it's just a cheezy 80's movie, when it's in fact one of the goriest and darkest movies ever. I'm pretty sure I've already scared one reader away from this fic on fanfiction.net, and I'd feel horrible if I did that to anyone else. At least I covered my ass!
2644637 Thanks! I didn't plan on doing that much with Tartarus, to be honest. And your right, I'm putting poor Twilight through enough already as it is!
And yes, Rainbow Dash can sure be a stubborn one, huh?