Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

Testing Testing 1, 2, 3

To the Worst Monarch Ever,

Alright, I've come to the conclusion that Crash is an even bigger idiot than I thought, again. She has a test to take that could determine whether or not she could join the newly formed Wonderbolts' Reserves. Why the hell would they create a reservists' group. Are they running out of legitimately good flyers so they decided to form a group for the mediocre flyers and give them a tiny bit of hope that they may be worthy of being part of that narcissistic group someday?

Like I said, she had a test and I made the mistake of trying to help her study for it. I'm pretty sure you know how that turned out, it turned out to be a complete disaster. The dumb bitch doesn't get history lecture, she doesn't get flash cards and she failed her pop quiz miserably. I decided to just let her fail but then my miserable acquaintances just had to help her.

PETA Girl tried a play, Pinkie tried a rap number, Rarity tried fashion and Applejack tried apples. After all that we lost all hope and I decided to go on one last flight with her before she hopefully killed herself. Too bad she wouldn't have because then you would have had to either let me come home or replace her with one of my sexy friends from up there, although the first would have been better because I could have had five of them all at once.

Unfortunately, I made the mistake of learning she learns by observing shit as she flies so despite me being dead set against it, my acquaintances decided to con every idiot in this town to try and help her learn it as she flew over. Sadly, she learned it and ultimately got into the reserves. Maybe she will crash and die in some of her sub-par flying exercises and then I can get a friend to join me down here.

Feeling Stupid I helped Rainbow,

Princess Twilight Sparkle

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Dear Princess Celestia,

Ohmygosh, ohmygosh, ohmygosh! I got into the Wonderbolts' Reserves thanks to everypony down here. Believe it or not but even your bitchy little subordinate helped me. I never once imagined that she cared enough to want me to succeed. Now if I ever become a full fledged Wonderbolt, perhaps my hatred for her lessen a bit, not likely but maybe!

The Newest Wonderbolt Reserve,

Rainbow Dash

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To My Inferior Little Princess,

You helped Rainbow Crash? Why in the hell would you help the acquaintance you claim to hate the most? I am thinking that either you don't hate those acquaintances as much as you claim. Perhaps there is hope for you after all. Who knows, if you help those inferiors enough, I may actually consider letting you come home, key word though, maybe!

Now regarding Crash getting into the reserves and dying in some training exercise. If that does happen, I will not replace her with somepony you would want me to. I'd just go find Lightning Dust and send her down there instead solely so I could make ALL of your lives much more miserable.

Not Caring Crash Got in the Reserves,

Princess Celestia

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Dear Crash,

Tell somepony who gives a shit, alright? If you honestly think I care about you getting into the Wonderbolt Reserves you are sadly mistaken. Now I must cut this letter short because I have a fresh cake being delivered to me.

Not Caring About Your Life,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[zzzzzz]

I'd just go find Lightning Dust and send her down there instead solely so I could make ALL of your lives much more miserable.

[vortex123]

Why are they calling her a 'mediocre' flyer she is literally the fastest mortal flyer in who knows how long