Unpleasant Correspondence

by StormLuna

The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000

Dear Princess Celestia,

I just don't get it, why do these idiots down here make a big deal out of every single little thing. This time the whole damn town decided to make an official holiday out of the start of cider season. Now why the hell would anypony get up before you raise the sun just to get in line for cider when they could just go and buy it at the store?

Apparently this shit is some sort of tradition not just for my apple picking acquaintance, but this whole town. Despite me not really giving a shit, I figured I would go and get in line just this once to see if that cider truly is worth inconveniencing myself over. As it turns out, it is good but I still feel like I wasted my time and lost precious sleep over this.

Of course, like with every other event, they waste their time on down here, there was drama when Applejack ran out of cider and my least favorite of my acquaintances wound up not getting any. Personally I think it served her right for letting PETA girl get ahead of her in line.

Now I am convinced you have decided to expand the list of ponies you like to troll. Just as soon as Applejack ran out of cider, these annoying stallion twins showed up with this cider making machine and made some claim that they could make enough cider for the whole town to drink and put the local apple farm out of business.

Just like everything else in this town, it turned into one giant fiasco over a cider making competition and given how shitty these stallions' cider was from their machine, despite winning, the locals ran those idiots out of town. Who woulda thunk it, these morons did something right for once.

One thing that will make you proud though, I did help my apple picking acquaintance in their attempt to produce more cider than those moron stallions so I think that should be more than enough evidence to prove that I have learned enough about friendship for you to allow me to come home.

Actually Caring For Once,

Twilight Sparkle

---

Dear Princess Celestia,

I am a might upset over the fact that you haven't done something with those con-ponies who tried putting my farm out of business. I do hope that you will make sure that they never do this to anypony ever again. If you don't, I will have to agree with Twilight, that you are indeed a bitch.

By the way, I didn't learn anything, I was right all along! When you put quality ahead of quantity and you work hard, you'll always come out on top.

Hoping You'll Punish Flim and Flam,

Applejack

---

To My Sub-Par Student,

I must say I am shocked. I was spying and when I saw you helping in that contest I was shocked. However, I am going to bring up that you were the laziest of Applejack's "honorary family." The rest of your acquaintances were working hard while all you did was count and stack barrels so you're nothing special. Also, if you think that doing that one measly little thing is going to cause me to allow you to come home, you're dumber than I thought.

Another thing I want to add, if you truly are as great as you claim you are, you could have just fired a bolt of energy at that cider making machine and sealed the deal for that pony I hoped you would have befriended by now. Keep on trying though, maybe someday you will prove yourself worthy of coming home!

Thinking You Could Have Done More,

Princess Celestia

---

Dear Applejack,

Don't push it, alright? Believe it or not but I actually like you, well sort of anyway, but if you agree with my bitchy little student about me, I'll deem you just as unworthy as she is of ever having anything nice. Regarding Flim and Flam, what they did was not illegal so I have no reason to punish them.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

Comments

[Speedy Silverstreak]

8941950
Oh I forgot to mention yesterday. I also turned Ponyville to ash

[StormLuna]

8943184

To be honest, Twilight wouldn't mind that one bit because then she could return home to Canterlot.

[Speedy Silverstreak]

8943286
She was in a coma for awhile. I may of dehorned her and dewinged both her and Fluttershy. Apperantly PETA girl sold her son to Twilight as a gelding servent and Twilight had his dick rhinestoned.

[StormLuna]

8943295

I take it that is part of your story with the geldings.

[Speedy Silverstreak]

8943329
Yes. If you read that along side its partner you'd understand easier.