Dear Starswirl,
I want to know something, how in the hell could you not see past Flim and Flam? Come on, you are the greatest wizard in the history of Equestria but you honestly think those con-ponies would be running a legitimate university? For Celestia's sake, they simply took every other page out of my book to teach it to their students! Yes the classes were free but they charged for the worksheets! Now if that doesn't reek of a scam, I don't know what would!
Now I would appreciate it if you came to my school and study friendship with me and my friends. We are the poster ponies of friendship and you'll learn a lot more from us than you ever would those two!
The Only REAL Friendship Teacher,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
To Old Pony,
Yona is student at Purple Pony's school and wants old pony to know that purple pony and light pink pony screw on school grounds. Also, yellow pony screws the local vet constantly so maybe purple pony's school won't work for old pony. Yona thinks old pony should teach for big white pony in fancy city.
Purple Pony's Best Student,
Yona
Yona,
What, you mean to tell me that Twilight screws Starlight on school grounds and that Fluttershy screws the local vet? Well there goes my respect for Twilight and perhaps I will take your advice. I know Princess Celestia will be glad to have me teach at her school. Perhaps if I go there to teach, you could join me and be my best student ever.
Sincerely,
Starswirl the Bearded
Dear Twilight,
I am very disappointed in you. I always had a feeling from the moment that I met you that you and Starlight may have done things together but seriously, getting it on on school grounds? Luckily for me, your best student told me about your activities so I have decided that I will not come to your school. This wonderful, polite caring yak simply wants what is best for me so I'm headed to Canterlot. I know Celestia needs a teacher since Luna sleeps during the day and Celestia is too busy stuffing her face with cake to bother with anything else. Oh well, at least she only eats cake and not her guidance counselor.
Very Disappointed,
Starswirl the Bearded
Chancellor Neighsay,
Why the hell would you give full EEA accreditation to a fucking diploma mill? I would think that even the likes of you would be able to tell those con-ponies were just running a scam school so they could expand their resort. This is yet another reason Princess Celestia needs to abolish the EEA, throw you into Tartarus and put me in charge of everything! Just wait you speciesist asshole, one day you will learn that there are ponies out there you shouldn't trust and other creatures that you should.
Hating Your Guts,
Head Mare Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight,
I did it to spite you. I know those two have a rough past with your shitty little town and given that they were competitors of yours, I saw a chance to shut your sorry excuse for a school down. Just wait though, one day those creatures will rebel against you, overthrow you and take that school for themselves....especially that yak. She is stronger than any of you and would have no problems taking you out, all of you out.
Still Favoring Ponies,
Chancellor Neighsay
Dear Twilight,
Come now, we meant no harm with our university. We were only trying to make an honest living with our school yet you are so jealous that you have to snoop around and discover things that nopony should know about. You know, we were going to use that money to re-open the Wild Blue Yonder. We'll be sure to tell that blue pegasus friend of yours and we know for certain she will not be happy with you.
Sincerely,
Flim and Flam
Flim and Flam,
Oh please, I did Equestria a favor by exposing that diploma mill you were running. You were making money off of MY friendship lessons. To top that off, you two care nothing about friendship. All you two care about is conning ponies out of their money like you always have. If anything, you two need to come to my school and study friendship, not open your own cut rate copycat sham.
Sincerely,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
Can you believe it? Can you believe that Flim and Flam would have the audacity to open their own friendship school? What a bunch of assholes, trying to capitalize on something that I should have a monopoly over. What is worse is that Neighsay gave them full accreditation when he discovered that Starswirl had been conned into studying there! We need to do something! We need to banish those two to the moon!
Upset with Flim and Flam,
Princess Twilight Sparkle
Dear Twilight,
While I am upset with the scam those two were running, that is not the biggest issue I have. From what I understand, you and Starlight's squealing was heard by sweet, innocent Yona and I am not happy with the two of you. I know you get your urges but couldn't you at least wait to release that stress until you are in your own sleeping chambers? I just hope that Yona doesn't tell Prince Rutheford about this because that is the last thing we need, rumors regarding the head mare and guidance counselor bucking in the school.
Disappointed in You,
Princess Celestia
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Be sure and take them to somepony who will harm them in a way that they deserve. I would suggest Colgate because in other stories and later on in this one, she unleashes wrathful punishments that even Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight would never even think of.
Dear Yona
Blue pony asks if Yona can tell Prince Rutherford what purple head pony and light pink guidance pony are doing. In return blue pony will give Yona special cake recipe he took from orange farm pony and help Yona with fear of crawly spiders.
Blue Pony
SS
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Yona encourages blue pony to tell yak prince about activities of purple pony and light pink pony. Yak prince should know about activities of slutty head mare and slutty guidance counselor.
Yona
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Prince Rutherford
Blue Pony wants to say that purple pony and light pink pony are doing unimaginable activities in friendship school office while students including Yona can hear. Blue Pony believes action is causing Yona and students to lose innocence and suggests big white pony must be punished for allowing purple pony and light pink pony to do such. Blue pony suggests having big white pony admit to her country that she is fat and has lower smarts than yaks.
Blue Pony
SS
9244440
Yona
Here is cake recipe from orange farm pony. It uses special rainbow apples as secret ingredient. Blue Pony suggets use ghost pepper sauce instead and make cake for big white pony but say it's from purple head pony.
Blue Pony
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Blue pony insult yaks intelligence? Yaks are honorable species and smart species. Yak Prince will see to it Yona become head of school and regarding big white pony, big white pony not responsible for purple pony and light pony's urges. Big white pony must force her subordinates to admit to Equestria their dirty urges that steal Yona's innocence.
Prince Rutheford
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Yona like blue pony's idea. Blue pony wants purple pony, light pink pony and yellow pony gone. Yona understand sadistic yet moral blue unicorn lives in Canterlot, Yona thinks she should be head mare and white unicorn with pink mane should be guidance counselor.
Princess/Headmare Twilight,
Guidance Counselor Starlight,
& The Great and Powerful Trixie,
How was your trip,
Hoping it was better than teaching at the school of friendship,
Cloudy Arrow
Dear Colgate,
I have two slaves that I torture daily,
but I have an important task to attend to,
Could you take over for me while I attend to the task?
Requiring your help,
Cloudy Arrow
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Prince Rutherford
Blue Pony doesn't insult Yaks. Blue Pony's little sister Light Blue Pony is studying abroad in Yak land
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Yona
What about Blue Pony?
Blue Pony
9244493
Cloudy Arrow,
I will be down to pick them up. I am not picky when it comes to torturing other ponies, hell I would torture my own mother if she did something to piss me off. While Starlight's true love is Trixie, my true love is torture, preferably torture that involves spilling blood, breaking bones and if the victim is on bad terms with me, murder and cannibalism.
Colgate
Cloudy Arrow,
Of course our trip was better than having to put up with that lousy school. Sometimes all of us think that it would have been best had Twilight just let Neighsay run the show and forget all the things that keep us from having fun together.
Equestria's Three Hottest Mares
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Blue pony is fine, blue pony can take over if he wants. He is more honorable than purple pony.
Yona
Dear Headmare Twilight and Guidance Counselor Starlight,
If the two of you are going to bang in the offices, at least light one of those wonderful things called scented candles. I mean how awesome are they?! A burning object that makes a nice smell! Back on topic, when walked past your office...I mean how wonderful is walking?! Back on topic again, when I walked past you office, I noticed an awful smell. Growing up as a seapony, we have thirty words for the smell of fish and twenty words for the smell of low tide and I was at a loss for words of the smells coming out of the offices. I think you two need to see a doctor,
Hoping you two will see a gynecologist, Silverstream
10321694
Oh come on Silverstream, we don't smell that bad. Yeah we may have a slight smell of fish to us but not enough that the students notice.
Headmare Twilight & Guidance Counselor Starlight
Ah Yona still proving that why she's best character.