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Sunset has the perfect marefriend: she's smart, great with magic, and she happens to be a princess.
Sure, there's the long-distance hassle of living in two different worlds, but the relationship is strong. Nothing could possibly come between them.
Nothing except, perhaps, Sunset's own insecurities.
An entry in Famous Last Words' 'A Two-faced Charade' contest.
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Wow, this is kinda hard to read (for the subject, the writing is exemplary). Very good though, it's nice to read a story that didn't end well for anyone once and a while. Sad and heartfelt
Please tell me that there is a sequel and that Sunset and Princess Twilight get back!?
I love the Sunlight Ship and I can't see my ship go down this way!? It's too heartbreaking!
Wow, it feels like Pinkie took advantage of Sunset's insecurities and her emotional vulnerably state. Poor Twilight, have to find out that something is wrong in their relationship like this.
A very good story, I enjoyed it.
That last line. Holy crap.
8745304
Agreed. That last line was powerful. It's awesome to see fics on this site that aren't just good by fanfiction standards, but legitimately good.
Good work to the author!
8745354
I know. Its really good.
Oh, you son of a bitch.
8745366
You knew I was entering already.
8745380
I was kind of hoping you wouldn’t deliver a formidable story. Now I have to read it to see if I’ll lose.
Now Twilight can move on to the better choice, Starlight. 😈
Can I do a Dub of this story on YouTube? It's near perfect and needs recognition.
8745437
Knock yourself out.
Wow I didn't expect such an ending. I hope Princess Twilight and Sunset make up.
Hnnnng. Sorry, but I really didn't like this.
There are some number of areas in the prose that want improvement, many of which I showed you on Discord, but the real issue I see here is that these just... aren't the characters. None of this feels right. I think the problem is that there's nothing in the way the characters interact that sells me on this at all. The whole thing about cheating just comes out of nowhere, and it's even worse because the first half of a relatively short fic has pretty much nothing to do with the given premise.
Sunset and Twilight don't have any real chemistry, Sunset's whole issue with the relationship feels entirely forced, the fact that it's literally just her being clumsy that causes at all is just kind of silly, and why the heck did Pinkie do this? It just kinda makes her seem like a bad person.
I dunno, man. I think there was a lot of potential in the premise, but what actually happens just seems really unnatural and sloppy.
8745435
Oh no.... no no no! You two take that back fool!
I felt like this fic was good, but there was some unnameable “something” missing. I spent about ten minutes trying to figure out what it was before I remembered this image:
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Now, and I mean this in the best possible way, this fic sort of operates as a bait and switch. Maybe it was just my reading of it, but practically everything up until Sunset’s return screams that this is going to be a Starlight/Sunset fic. They’re getting very casual, talking about going on a beach vacation, and confiding in each other about being in Twilight’s shadow. All these things (at least, in fandom culture, but that’s another story) signal a potential ship. This serves to make the moment with Pinkie all the more jarring by playing on fandom perceptions.
Bait-and-switch can work, and the story is still good the way it is, but since it’s being written for a contest, I’d like to include a few recommendations to make it run smoother. One way you could go about it is by adding a little more dialogue in the beginning to either signal that A) Pinkie has some level of jealousy or non-platonic affection or B) Pinkie isn’t quite in her right mind (a few commenters have noted that Pinkie is OOC in this fic, and cliche as it might be, you could go for the “oh no, she has straight hair today” marker and go for the darker Pinkie). Or you could have Sunset express some hesitation near the beginning, or even have Pinkie and Sunset share a short bond over something else.
Whichever way you handle it should take some of the jarring feelings out and even create some suspense in the reader (since this cheating contest is well-known, the story could leave the reader speculating about whether Pinkie or Starlight will be the other mare). Anyway, hope all this helps!
I rather enjoyed this though I would love to see how Sunset deals with this as I think it would be interesting.
I thought it was interesting that one poster commented that Twilight and Sunset have no chemistry and I agree but I took that as the point. The lack of chemistry is one of the reasons why Sunset keeps thinking she is not worthy because she feels like Twilight is slumming to be with her. On the other hand she is much more relaxed with the other characters and therefor has better chemistry. Pinkie in particular shows really well that she understands Sunset and she listens to her which is something Sunset really needed and was unable to get from Twilight (though debatably this could be due to her being afraid to try with Twilight).
I do not think that Pinkie is out of character assuming of course you are willing to allow her character to actually have these more complex feelings that the show just will not do. Pinkie in here is flawed but to me it is very believable however I think due to the context you are doing we do not get the story of what happens after which I do think would validate her actions. Pinkie definitely made a mistake and not a good one but these things happen and it gets complicated.
Sunset is flawed as well and I think she unintentionally is sabotaging her relationship partly because she is not happy with how she feels in the relationship and part of that is feeling so inferior and she subconsciously feels like she does not deserve Twilight and so acts like she does not deserve her.
Twilight sadly is not doing anything wrong but in acting so perfectly she sows the seeds of her loss. Every time she just avoids getting upset she puts herself higher on the pillar that makes Sunset upset. Sunset should have said something but I really do wonder if Twilight would really understand or would she be like me and try to solve the problem without just listening and emphasize with Sunset.
I do think you could get even more out of this though clearly it would not work as well for the contest but I do think it would be interesting to say the least.
8746306 Nope. Especially since Shin is one of the uber Sunset writers.
How fucking dare you make me upvote a story that makes me sad!
Very well written! More authors could learn from your writing style, especially on this site. We already know the characters, skip the build up and start off with a problem and let the story be working through it. I really enjoyed the ending as well, a good Nobody-Wins ending tends to feel more natural heartfelt than a happily ever after. Something something If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop your story.
Anyway, well done!
Thanks for entering! I can't wait to read it.
I admit, i'm a huge supporter of twiset/sci-set, and this history is simply great. Sunset have insecurities about her and all she earned, and in this case in special, her relationship with princess Twilight. How do you feel if the person/pony who you most admire loves you, even afer all your mistakes? You'll feel dislocated, like you don't deserve she because you don't really forgive youself for your mistakes, and your marefriend being so compreensive only make it all worst.
Great story dude, I hope there's a sequel coming, with Sunset talking with her now former marefriend and saying how she feels, her insecurities and the fear to not being good enough for Twilight, and maybe they can hookup, or decide breakup and move on.
I get the point of this story and it is very well done, but I am really not a fan of that ending.
This story genuinely hurt my feelings
But despite that I still really enjoyed it. That ending was harsh but it kind of resonates with me.
Pinkie was a horrible individual in this. I don’t blame Sunset she was emotionally vulnerable state, so really Pinkie bares most to all the blame.
I loved this story! It was such worth reading. Great work c:
Also, I gotta say, you used my two favorite ships in one! SunLight and SunPie are life ! So I had mixed feelings about the ending. I was sad, but also kinda happy. I feel like that's so wrong of me , lol oh well.
Well, fuck.
8745435
I love Twilight x Starlight😇 but how come you think Starlight’s the better option for Twilight?
I’m sure Twilight will be fine. She has Starlight after all.