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8163204 I wouldn't say rip off. Inspired by certainly, it's quite a nice concept with only two stories involving it as far as I know. The mind control only affects a character who is under the spell, not everyone in the whole world instantly. The spell has to be cast through eye contact and a particularly strong willed pony has to have their resolve weakened. The end goal is Universal Acceptance, not the starting point.
neato
8163204
hell, i ripped off the idea from elsewhere anyway. went in my own direction with it, obviously
8163597 I liked your story, but most of my inspiration came from a CHYOA story called The Choice. Perhaps that was where you got your idea as well?
8163669
bingo
While this WAS certainly an interesting first chapter, Night should have kept RD as the dominant one and Flutters as the submissive.
Because Rainbow Dash ending up as the submissive one in any kind of BDSM-like relationship occurs WAY too much.
8164127 Really? I don't see it that often and it's one of my favorite things. I will have to check for more stories involving that. Anyways, I do want to write more Rainbow Dash as actual Rainbow Dash stuff so you can expect normal Dash in a later chapter.
This is quite interesting. I wonder if he plans on keeping them all to himself, or more widespread prolitical change?
Also, quick tip: You really should type out numbers under 100. It's incredibly distracting to have 2s or 5s pop up during regular text, and it's not much more work than simply writing them in word form; consequently, many readers consider not doing it a sign of laziness.
8164180 Thanks for the tip! I'll go back and fix that as soon as I can.
interesting concept so far. i wonder how you'll handle the rest along with any possible wrenches throung into the works like big mac and spike.
8164127
Because you'd expect someone with RDs personality to be a top, so in theory it's a reversal of the norm. It has been over saturated, though, and you don't always have to defy the trope.
Romantic DashDom is a favorite of mine
8163669
Ayyy, The Choice is an awesome story, you've got good taste.
I love this particular mind control "kink", so I'll definitely be following your story with interest.
K, I just read the three chapters, and I wanna state, this is a good shot, but I got some suggestions.
First, I suggest more details, in a story, no matter the type, description is paramount for action otherwise you leave the reader without vision or idea, course over detailing could ultimately. Even without action, telling us your vision of the character is a great idea, from clothing to the build of the character, and not just for the females, but males as well, I notice you do a bit better later in this regard, but I suggest a bit more.
Secondly, When doing sex scenes if your objective is to 'entice' the reader, then as wit the first one descriptions and depicting the actions, becomes even more needed, as, without it, we're just trying to grasp it ourselves, filler helps a lot in sexual scenes or even joke scenes, devil may be in details, but so are the muses.
Thirdly, This is more a nitpick, but using 1 2 3, instead of one two three, aggravates most readers, as it breaks immersion, for a story like this, that is important to keep intact. There are also some misspelling and such and the one thing that got me blinking and saying "what" was when you misplaced him/her she/he and mixed them up accidentally.
You clearly put effort into this ,and I hope you take this all ina good way, you are not bad at this, keep trying and correct and add to what you've done, it helps.
Gentle breeze guide your path, a warm smile welcome you home.
8163669
hrm, that intrigues me. Mind sending me a link to it? I can't find it.
8164410 Thanks for the advice! That one-two-thee instead of 1-2-3 thing is something that I'll be going back and fixing as soon as I can.
8164354 Don't know if you've heard of it, but there's an absolutely huge story called The Law about casual fetishism. It's not mind control however, the women just accept sex as an everyday thing. Link here.
8164419 Here you go!
8163218
That's basically the same exact thing but with slightly different mechanics.
To avoid conflict I'd suggest adding a "Inspired By" tag in your story's description.
Happy
lateMother's Day! Late on the East Coast at least. Here's a chapter about the 3rd sexiest pony: Button Mash's mom.8164599 Oops. There was one originally. It's been put back in.
Oh shit. Did this just get updated?
8164139 From what I've seen, most fics that have bondage or other BDSM like elements (including pet play) and involve Rainbow Dash have Dash as the sub. I've only come across maybe three fics where RD is the dom, and one of which is a sequel to another.
'
That, I am looking forward to.
8164311
Exactly.
That's why, out of all of the fics with BDSM elements in them that I've read, one of the few that I've actually faved is "Feathers and Leather". Because it's one of a very small number that I can think of where RD is the dom.
At the time of making this comment, I haven't read the next chapter in full yet, but I kind of hope that means we eventually get to see Scoots either dominating RD (maybe as part of a foursome) or dominating the other two members of the CMC.
8165190 You can certainly expect some fun between Scoots and Dashie!
I'm curious as to why the word "tap" was inserted into a few sentences here.
8165199 Nice.
...and this is one of those times where I have to reflect on something I've said, and realize, "Wow, I can't believe that at this point I was able to fully say that and mean it"...
I've been having those moments a lot, especially these past few months.
8165203 Because Scootaloo or Applebloom had to keep tapping the base of Sweetie's horn. I thought it was better than adding "_____ tapped Sweetie's horn" every couple sentences and reminded the reader why she wasn't just using magic to escape.
Quite thoroughly enjoying this. Even with the shaky plot and barely-explained OC that sometimes pop up in the mind control genre, you've made the smut fun enough that I don't mind those elements at all. Lookin' forward to more~!
8165219 ...yeah, it was
8165233 Thanks! It was very haphazardly thrown together at first, but I'm trying to flesh Night Sky and the rest of the world out some more moving forwards.
8165246 I'll definitely be looking forward to seeing where you take it, then! Best of luck~
Thank you all for the support thus far!
A few more chapter like this is always good. adds world vuilding. always for just some fun and practice for writting. and now Night has a scrificale lamb to give to the CMC.
I never shipped DiamondBloom, so i hope you manage to work Tender Taps into that to make it a threeway polyamorous relationship
8165203
It was when scootaloo was tapping sweaties horn
Would any of you like to read a gay one off chapter? I've been trying to come up with interesting uses for some of the stallions Night will inevitably have to enslave, like Shining Armor and Big Mac. This chapter would come much later down the line of course.
8166744 yes
How often does this get updated
8167104 So far, daily. But that's just because I've had a lot of spare time. Updates will slow down to every other day or every two days, eventually.
8167418 ok. If you every want ideas on chapters feel free to pm me i have a few ideas. But that's if you want. I am loving this story
New chapter! Yaaaay!
I slowed the sex down a bit in this one, or at least that's what it felt like to me. The next chapter is one that I'm already having a great time writing and will make up for the decreased smuttiness in this one.
Unfortunately that next chapter will be delayed by at least two days because I'm getting married. But I do hope you'll find it to be worth the wait.
For now, I hope you enjoy a chapter about 2nd best pony.
8169354 Also, if any artist are reading this and would like to contribute to the story, I'd really like a different piece of cover art for it. Luna's not even going to shower up for a while, sadly, and I'm already using this picture for my profile. If you'd like to help, pm me and we can talk details.
8169354 congrats on getting married
8169406 Thanks!
For some reason, the thing that bothers me the most about this chapter is that the canon fillies are in high school in this fic... I have no idea why.
I can't wait to see what you do with Big Mac in future chapters.
8166744 i wouldn't mind
https://i.imgur.com/c4jt321_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=high
8169530 Twelfth grade is when most human kids are 17-18. They're basically just on the cusp of graduating.
8169616 Wouldn't mind what?
8169935 About the gay one off chapter i guess.