It's another busy day at Sugar Cube Corner! The orders are piling in and Pinkie is having a blast. Busy day means lots of smiles! But when a special order arrives all the way from Canterlot, Pinkie finds herself at wit's end on how to get the cake just right.
Thankfully, there's one pony she knows who knows Canterlot and how the ponies there like their stuff more than anypony else!
My first one-shot in almost a year! Big thanks to my pre-readers Carapace and Noble Thought. Your guy's input helped me out a lot, thank you. Cover art created through gimp and edited to fit.
Chapters (1)
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/6/20/10955__safe_artist-colon-mixermike622_oc_oc-colon-fluffle+puff_oc+only_open+mouth_original+species_simple+background_smiling_solo_transparent+backgroun.png
8145223 img.memesuper.com/35ac7f856f77110538e408aa16712537_rarity-says-it-with-style-by-animebrony-meme-center-rarity-meme_640-732.jpeg
This was a good, fun read. There were a couple of grammar errors and spelling mistakes but not enough to distract from the story. I suggest either going back through it yourself or getting someone else to do it. Otherwise this could have been an unaired episode on the show for all I know.
8150995 Thanks a lot! Always good to get feedback like this. Glad you enjoyed it.
I'll see if I can grab a friend to double check for errors, thanks for letting me know about them. I looked it over often on my own, but it's easier for me to spot others errors than my own, so a different set of eyes could spot what I missed.
Cheers!
Well, that was adorable. Everyone was in-character. A nice slice-of-life piece.
This review is brought to you by the group, "A for Effort".
Name of Story: A Rare Cake Indeed
Total Score out of 10: 8/10
Pros:
-Warming premise
-Characters are all accurate
-Good descriptions of actions and the environment
-Diabeetus amount of sugar and too much fluff (not that this is a bad thing!)
-Great comeback story!
Cons:
-A few spelling errors
-Some grammatically incorrect wording
-A bit lengthy to the point of stretching it out (key phrase being "a bit", as I loved the detail)
-When Rarity is pondering Pinkie's sudden onset depression, the transition was a bit jarring and after that, I feel a change in the mood was prevalent (cough cough shipping cough cough)
-The fact that more people have not seen this
Additional Notes:
Overall, I loved this story. The characterizations were spot on in my opinion, and it was just fantastic! The interactions were definitley how I would see it happen, the but the odd placement of Pinkie's deflation really stood out to me. Not that I didn't see why it could happen, just that something as simple as, er, no spoilers, but a rejection would make her all like that. I know that in "Party of One", Pinkie had become Pinkamena, but that was only because she really couldn't figure out why her friends were doing that to her and let her thoughts get the better of her. Here, Rarity fully explained herself to Pinkie, so I see Pinkie just rolling with it, as she always does.
However, it was a fantastic read. My critical thinking up there is only to show you my thoughts on the matter. Don't take it personally, but the reaction could be better. "A For Effort" is all about getting better, yes? Well, here's some constructive criticism for you!
Keep on writing my friend!
Allons-y!
~Doctor Disco
8176159 Late reply is late!
Thank you so much for the review of my newest story. I'm proud of it's ranking and glad to know it scored so high with you. Appreciate what you guys do in 'A for effort'
As for the delay in responding, was out on vacation and didn't get a chance to respond to ya. :) Thanks again for the review! It means a lot.
Really great evening read, gave me many laughs as it progressed
I really like how 'slowly' you start with events that could be ordinary, slowly connecting them together for the more slice-of-life part and ending it with a pretty twist. All accentuated greatly by the very well-done descriptions and dynamic dialogues.
One commenter before me already said this could easily be made into an episode. I dare to disagree. This is better than an episode of the show, one reason why I find it so being the moral revealed not at the very end, giving you more space to play around with it. Thank you for this story!
8407117
Thanks for the wonderful comment! As a writer, comments like these give a wonderful feeling knowing one of my readers enjoyed it so much, Makes all the effort completely worth it.
And you make a great point, the show could make use of a slight change up in their formula when it comes to the moral of the story. Stating the moral half way and then showing it would make for excellent episodes.
Again, thank you for the comment, friend.
Cheers!
8407624
You're welcome, I'm glad I can make others and their work feel appreciated! Is there any other of your stories you'd recommend?
8408278
If you're interested in long reads, I suggest my series. Though, if one shots are more your thing. Mathacre, if you like pun-filled silliness, or Those Who Hunt for something similar to this story.
I'll be glad if you do, but get ya if they're not your cup of tea.
Cheers!
8409658
I think I'll try the series, though I'm not sure how long it may take
You can has review!