Friends who play together, stay together. That was the philosophy Rarity had in mind when she suggested she and Pinkie play a game of chess every week. Unfortunately for Rarity, however, Pinkie has a habit of changing the rules.
Chapters (5)
Karrakaz
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5725507 Debatable. She is prone to fits of hysterics, and can be a bit vindictive. She didn't harm anypony, just her own wall.
5725534
Also, out of all of them, she seems the most likely to throw the first punch, considering that she kicked a manticore in the face.
5725507
Okay, I'm an idiot, and google's not helping. What episode had the ponies playing chess?
Also, this is a nice start. Watching this one for sure.
Commence read.
Now what might be distracting Pinkie?
Something amiss in the realm of confectionery treats?
Rarity still needing to work on her chess game.
Twilight not holding back in the slightest.
5725566 Cutie Pox. Apple Bloom beat the nonexistent pants off some old codger.
5725572 Ah. Well (after having flicked through the episode to find the scene), at least I can use the fact that it was only onscreen for less than 3 seconds to justify my ignorance.
Thanks for the reply--and for referring me to this fic with your blog post!
This is very enjoyable and I look forward to the next chapter.
5725507
I was expecting a one chapter, badly formed romance based on bad cliches.
To be fair, I can kinda see rarity doing that... Perhaps, though, I'm just wanting to see it.
5725507 Do you not remember the Grand Galloping Gala? She sure layed into Blueblood there. Been a while since I watched that episode but I seem to remember her breaking a couple things during that. I'm absolutely certain I remember her dumping a drink in his face though.
*Has OTP feels* Rarity, you love her. You just don't know it yet.
elrincondelohumano.files.wordpress.com/2012/05/meme-ms-bean.png
I do love it when writers remember Rarity's ability to notice fine details.
Is this set before Maud's visit?
5726726
It may well be.
Looks like Rarity took too long to sort out her feelings.
5726259 Huh, actually, none of that happens. She rants in his face and shakes her mane covered in cake frosting because of him. She doesn't touch him at all. The closest thing to what you describe is her breaking her glass slipper when Pinkie implies a Cinderella plot.
I like the story thus far, but I have to say this: BE CLEAR. Be verbose if you must, but first and foremost be CLEAR! Even if, hypothetically, you were trying to make certain aspects ambiguous (and I don't think this is the case in mate in five moves), when you want to give us imagery you need to give us something easily imaginable; a line like this (wherein the reader is told that pinkie reacted in the same way she reacted to something we've never seen her react to) is needless at best and confusing at worst.
Mate in five.
Five chapters.
Mate is a term for sex partners (or were you going for something more innocent?)
I just realized that the title was a pun.
5726936
I was actually going for the 'mate' in 'checkmate' A bit of a double entendre perhaps, but I think it works...
You really need to be a bit...
Well, I want to say less verbose, but I have a feeling that this isn't the root of the problem. A work can be verbose and amazing - it's just that in this particular case, I'm left awfully bored.
Also, Pinkie's a lot more subdued than I think she should be (she's hyperactive as all hell. While she might tone it down a little - or a lot - when she's near those she really cares about, her constant desire for activity is a fundamental part of her nature), though that might just be my headcanon.
And I can't really bring myself to sympathize with Rarity's plight. It might not be very surprising, since I've never been in love, but stories like No Recipe for Perfection HAVE succeeded at making me feel genuinely heartwarmed. This, though, just seems like a series of largely unconnected events - Rarity meeting up with Pinkie, Rarity playing chess, Rarity reciprocating Pinkie's crush, Pinkie introducing Stamp, etc. I know they ARE related, it's just that the line of causality is a bit blurry and kind of dull. A bit like reading a list of events, actually.
5725540
Keep in mind though, we have seen Rarity lose a ton to Pinkie in tic tak toe, so we know she can be a gracious loser who was still happy to play more with Pinkie.
5727041 Sorry to hear it didn't work for you. I'm not entirely sure what to make of the idea that a series of connected events don't make up a story, but the effort for feedback is appreciated at least.
5727076 True, true. But she does have a breaking point. Albeit with Pinkie its very high, since Pinkie is never smug about anything and she's so adorable,
5726841 OK, so she only broke one thing and she got frosting on him out of her mane instead of the classic, if cliche, drink in the face. Even so, all true with a small amount of error in the particulars. The "violent temper tantrum" as you call it was at most equal to the violence of the aforementioned GGG encounter with Blueblood. She broke a glass chess board instead of a glass slipper and skipped the "cover the offending party in foodstuffs". She also, presumably, didn't do quite as much ranting at/laying into Pinkie as she did that foalish stallion.
The pony version of chess must be pretty poor if it's possible for Twilight to force mate in seven off Rarity's first move.
Huh. I really enjoyed this story. There was one word choice that I found could be improved, but that was two chapters and three cuteness induced heart attacks ago, so I can't remember it at the moment.
5726914
That line is... perfectly clear. I think you're just missing the joke. He's lampshading a writing cliche[1] with a little snippet of worldbuilding. It's actually rather clever.
[1] "X looked at Y like he'd just grown a second head/claimed the sky was green/said that bears aren't Catholic/claimed there is no Papal restroom in the woods/said something else bafflingly, self-evidently untrue."
5727490 a Fool's Mate in chess can take as few as two moves.
5727490 Or Twilight is very good and playing a crap player. It's also possible with chess masters for a game to be over in 5 moves, not with a checkmate but because one player realizes they have just entered a no win situation. It's a complex game of tactics and strategy. You can loose before you even move your first piece.
5727076 Yes but we also know that Rarity thinks of Pinkie as more then a little uncooth and one can gain quite the scocial standing as a chess master. Her frustration at the inability to beat someone she sees as low society at a high society game would be a source of irritation.
(I'm not saying she looks down on Pinkie, just keep in mind that friendships are complected. I am good friends with people who do say and act in ways I hate.)
5728117 The opposite, actually. She flung the board into a vase.
Then we're in the Matrix.
...That's seriously the first thing that came to my mind.
5728216 The Maretrix, actually. Which makes Rarity the One, since she already knows kung-fu. Pinkie will make a great Trinity.
5727655
Well, to be fair to bobbannannaville, the writer could have gotten the same effect with, "looked at her like she'd claimed the planet revolved around the sun", and not only gotten the same effect, but get it faster and with less confusion.
And if Bob was "missing the joke" then his assertion that it was unclear is, in fact, accurate.
5728367 True enough. Though if most people did get it, it's not so much unclear as unclear to him. And usually, when a joke flies over someone's head, you don't blame the joke, that person just grins sheepishly.
good work, you
Not sure if a side note by a reliable narrator to keep the reader's mind on track, or a denial by an unrelaible narrator who is only as in touch with Rarity's feelings as Rarity herself. Perfectly done.
And Twilight gives Rarity both barrels.
Though to be fair, Rarity kind of cantered straight into it, practically demanding it. And the candor is going to be a lot more helpful than if Twilight pussyfooted around it.
5728122
I don't know about that, really the only time we see Rarity be outright annoyed with Pinkie is when Pinkie makes Fluttershy feel bad in FillyVanilli and she doesn't seem that angry really.
5728657 Yep, it's more "Stop that at once." Rarity is probably the least likely to get annoyed with Pinkie, and the most likely to get a little chuckle out of it.
5728674
Exactly, we don't see much of Pinkie and Rarity together, but when we do they seem to be quite close despite having very different personalities.
5728696 Close enough that Rarity was helping Pinkie run counter in Sugarcube Corner, and the two were happy to hang around together to give Fluttershy pointers on bargain hunting.
5728674 I had to consider that for a minute. But yeah, you're right. Now that I think about it she's shown the most patience and usually pretty unflappable in response to Pinkie's shenanigans.
Rarity is such a great character. She has such a diverse personality that makes her a lot of fun (I find) to write for.
Interesting....
Not sure where chapter two is headed, but I'm definately reading more.
Dawwwwww! That was adorable :D
5728721
And just getting to hang out with Rarity and watch her make a dress helped contribute to Pinkie deciding she needed a bunch of clones.
Commence read.
Know if only I could play chess that effectively.
Now it seems Rarity shall be over-thinking things. That, I at least, know a bit about.
5728753 Close, she realized she missed out on seeing Rarity make dresses, which ultimately made her decide she needed clones, since she hadn't yet been into the magic comic to get her hair powers and super speed. As Filli-second she could have just been everywhere at once.