Ponies Tell the Best Tales
“…Gonna be all right?”
“I don’t know. He had this terrified look on his face.”
“Hey, wait! Look! He’s waking up!”
“Oh, thank goodness!”
With a groan, I opened my eyes. I was lying on the floor, and Twilight, Spike, Owlowiscious, and Peewee were all looking down at me anxiously.
“Whuh? What happened?” I muttered.
“Who.”
“Not who, what,” corrected Spike.
“Good, you’re all right,” said Twilight, gratefully.
“Twilight? Spike? What happened?”
“You passed out,” said Spike. “Just for a couple minutes, though.”
“I did? Well, lucky it was only that long, I guess.”
I got back to my feet. Twilight’s grateful expression melted into a contrite one, lowered ears and everything.
“Dave, I’m sorry. It was me suggesting all of that speech stuff that made you pass out, wasn’t it?”
“Well…”
I hated seeing the hurt look on her face, but it wouldn’t do dancing around the truth.
“I won’t lie, Twilight, it did throw me for a loop. See, I’ve never been good in front of a crowd, and being bombarded with talking before a school, not to mention the Princess, kinda spooked me."
“But you were doing so well reading.”
“That’s different," I said. "If it’s with someone I trust, like a good friend, then I’m comfortable.”
She briefly brightened at that, meaning I considered her trustworthy. I knelt down to get closer to her eye level.
“Listen, I’m not saying your idea’s a bad one," I said. "It’d be a very good way to clear up doubts that ponies may have about humans. I think it was just springing it on me out of nowhere like that that startled me.”
“Sorry,” Twilight apologized, sounding much more like Fluttershy.
“Don’t be. If anything, your enthusiasm’s admirable.”
She looked up at me, and at last she smiled again.
“Thanks, Dave. If you want, we can just forget about it.”
“Forget about it? Well, let's not go that far.”
She looked at me in surprise.
“I mean, we could make it work," I said, reasonably. "We'd have to take it one step at a time, though. This Q&A, for example. Maybe you could turn it into something to send to Princess Celestia afterwards, like an extra credit project. Of course, I'm just spit-balling, but from there, who knows? It might springboard into stuff like you said: a lecture at the schoolhouse or in front of a crowd. It'd be nice to get ponies in the know about humans.”
Twilight’s eyes began to sparkle again with enthusiasm. The irises, too, had expanded, until they were almost completely filling her eyes, so intense was her glee. I honestly couldn’t believe myself. I was really going along with this? Was it because it was of my own volition, or because I didn’t want to disappoint Twilight? It was possibly a combination of the two.
Whatever the case, by the look on Twilight’s face, she thought that was a good plan.
“Wow, Dave. I had no idea you had a head for these things.”
“I wouldn’t get used to it, Twi," I said, frankly. "This was a spur-of-the-moment thing.”
“Either way, it’s great! I think it really could work if we do it that way! And, did you really mean what you said about extra credit?”
“Well, sure," I said. "What’s a better project topic than validating something that's become murky in the details department?”
“That’s true," said Twilight. "Even Starswirl the Bearded's recorded notes on them were more speculation than anything. Oh, Dave, this could be the biggest historical impact Equestria’s ever experienced! I just…I just don’t even know what to say, but…thank you!”
With that, she threw her forelegs around me in a tight hug, nuzzling her cheek against mine. Gratified at her happiness, I returned the embrace, though awkwardly. As I said, she wasn’t as plump as Pinkie was, but there was still a warm, huggable softness to her. I could hear Spike making a gag of disgust at the display, but I didn’t care.
“I hate to break up the hug fest,” he said, in a tone that suggested otherwise, “but I got lunch ready before you passed out, Dave.”
“Oh, did you? Thanks, Spike.”
Twilight and I broke apart, her face still aglow with gratitude.
“Shall we?” she asked.
“We shall," I said.
With that, the three of us went into the kitchen, while Owlowiscious and Peewee stayed in the main library area, the baby phoenix hopping and flapping his tiny wings rapidly as the owl watched patiently, like an instructor.
***
Lunch was a simple affair, by pony standards: daisy sandwiches. I was skeptical, as I’d never eaten real, raw flowers before, and I couldn’t honestly think of anyone in the human world who would do that in their right mind. Still, I was in Twilight’s home, and felt it would be rude to just deny her hospitality like this, so I decided to give it a chance. She actually seemed surprised when I picked one up, about to bite into it.
“Dave?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you sure you want that? I mean, I know humans can’t eat everything ponies can.”
“It's ok, Twi. I’m just going to try one, see if I like it or not. If I don’t, it’s no fault of yours.”
“If you say so,” said Twilight, uncertainly.
I took a bite into the sandwich, half-expecting to spit it right back out. I didn't, but it wasn't exactly the tastiest thing I'd ever eaten. The flowers were thin, crisp, and lettuce-like, leaving a bland taste in my mouth. It was like chewing on a wad of paper. It was an effort to swallow, but I managed. I looked up, and noticed Twilight and Spike watching me, the latter trying not to laugh. I wiped at my mouth and saw that a couple daisy petals had stuck themselves to my lip, explaining that.
“Heh, sorry,” I said, sheepishly.
“It's all right," said Twilight, pushing a separate plate of sandwiches towards me "I had a feeling flowers wouldn't be part of a human's diet. Do you like cheese?"
"You bet I do," I said, gratefully, and took one.
"You're more used to eating meat, right?” Twilight asked.
“Well, yeah," I said, taking a bite from the sandwich. "But sometimes, it’s a matter of choice. Some people prefer meat, others adopt a more vegetarian diet, and there’s some that even go vegan.”
“Vegan?”
“Yeah, They don’t eat anything that comes from an animal. No meat, no dairy products.”
“Wow. That’s so fascinating!”
She levitated her own sandwich in front of her and bit into it.
“You know what I find fascinating?" I asked. "How you do magic.”
“Oh?”
“We don't have anything like that back in my world. It’s all performance theatrics, smoke and mirrors, sleight of hand.”
“Kind of like Trixie?” asked Spike.
It seemed as if Twilight didn't like the sound of the name, as she gave the baby dragon a sharp look that quieted him instantly.
“Trixie?” I asked, puzzled.
Twilight sighed to herself, as if resigned to explaining.
“She was a unicorn stage magician that came to Ponyville," she said. "She specialized in the kind of magic you're talking about. All she really did was brag about all of her achievements that she obviously never did, and challenged us to prove we were better than her.”
“Yikes," I muttered. "Sounds like a real piece of work.”
“Well, I didn’t make things any better," said Twilight. "Two young colts lured an Ursa Minor into Ponyville-"
"A what?" I asked, puzzled.
"Giant star-bear," said Spike.
"Oh," I said, kind of wishing I hadn't asked.
"I sent it back with my magic when Trixie couldn't," said Twilight. "She disappeared after being showed up like that, and we haven’t heard from her since.” She sighed. “I really hope she’s learned her lesson since then.”
A small silence followed, which was thankfully broken by Spike, clearing his throat.
“So, Dave, you were talking about unicorn magic?”
“Huh? Oh! Right. I’d seen it before, when Rarity was fixing my hair, and I remember you talking about it yesterday. Is it something all unicorns are born with?”
“Yes,” said Twilight, a little bit cheered up from her momentary melancholy. “I think there may be a few cases where unicorns aren’t as skilled with it, but it’s very rare. Baby unicorns get unexpected, uncontrollable bursts of magic, so they take a lot of care in raising, but they learn to control it once they get older. Levitation’s an innate must-have when it comes to unicorns. Beyond that, magic is generally connected to whatever their special talent is.”
"And since your talent is magic, you can do spells a lot of other ponies can't? I remember you talking about that yesterday."
"Yes," said Twilight, modestly.
“I’d love to see some of your better spells,” I said. “You said levitation’s a must-have, but what else can you do?”
“Well, I do know teleportation, as well," said Twilight.
“Teleportation,” I said, wistfully. “Man, that’d be one of my top choices for a superpower. Just being able to get where I wanted to in the blink of an eye…”
“Trust me when I say it’s not that fun if you’re a passenger,” said Spike, grimly, earning himself another filthy look from Twilight.
“So, you said you needed to see Rarity later today?” she asked.
Spike perked up.
“Rarity? You’re seeing Rarity? Could I come with?”
The eager way he was asking, with bright hopeful eyes, was both humorous and mildly disturbing at the same time. It was almost as if he was infatuated with her, and it was a poorly disguised infatuation at that. Then again, she was an attractive pony, and it wasn’t uncommon for little boys to grow crushes on older women, as weird as that sounds. I personally don’t recall having such an affliction.
“I doubt you’d have much fun, Spike," I said. "Rarity’s going to be taking my measurements so she can make me some new clothes.”
“I don’t mind!” Spike pressed on, in a tone bordering on desperation. “I could help! I could-”
But a hoof to his mouth silenced what he would have done. Twilight looked at him intently.
“Spike, this is something Dave needs to do privately. All right?”
Spike nodded sadly, and Twilight removed her hoof.
“Don’t worry," she said. "I promise the next time I go to the Boutique, I’ll take you with me.”
The little dragon’s fallen face lifted back up again at this.
“That reminds me, Twilight,” I said, “what day do you want us to conduct the Q&A?”
“Oh! Great thinking! Let me just check my schedule.”
She closed one eye as the other gazed intently at the ceiling, her horn glowing all the while. The glow intensified, her teeth gritted slightly from concentration, and the next moment, a heavy binder floated into the kitchen through the door. I gazed at it in stupefaction.
“Did that come from upstairs?”
“Yep!" she said, proudly.
“That’s incredible! How did you call it like that? I thought you were testing that spell when it gave you that headache.”
“This is a much tamer version of that spell," Twilight explained. "If the object I’m calling is close, and I can see where it is in my mind’s eye, then I can summon it no problem. Now let me see. Today’s Wednesday…”
She flipped the book open, leafing through numerous filled pages. She muttered to herself as she read.
“Hmm…Tea with Fluttershy, helping Applejack harvest…Ah! Saturday’s free! Why not then, at, say, 2?”
“That sounds perfect!” I said.
“Great! I’ll pencil you in!”
She raised a quill with her levitation.
“I think you mean ‘quill’ me in,” I said.
Twilight looked at me, then the quill, then rolled her eyes with a smile, as Spike snickered.
***
Lunch passed in a pleasant fashion, our conversations continuing back at the sofa in the main room. My throat being tired from reading out loud, I let Twilight talk. She had a treasure trove's worth of stories to tell, so she bade me make sure I was comfortable before proceeding.
Twilight told me about some of the adventures she and her friends had gotten into ever since she moved to Ponyville, such as being chased by a hydra in a swamp, confusing the effects of a plant called poison joke with a curse (Spike snorted with laughter at that particular remembrance), confronting a mass invasion of parasprites, the name of which I recognized from talking with Pinkie, and rescuing Rarity from gem-hoarding troll-creatures called Diamond Dogs, among other things. From the sound of it, they’d done everything that humans would have thought only ever possible in storybooks, and even then, the storybooks I’d seen never had pranking plants, adorable locusts, or trollish canines.
What really struck me dumb, however, was to hear her mention that she and her friends were bearers of what were known as the Elements of Harmony, effectively making them Chosen Ones, as it were. Visualizing Pinkie as a savior of the country was not only a weird thought, but a pretty funny one as well. These Elements, it seemed, were artifacts embodying the strongest qualities of friendship: Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, and Loyalty. The sixth, Magic, was born from a spark generated by the other five.
It so happened that Twilight and her friends were chosen by fate to wield them, just as Celestia and her younger sister, Princess Luna, had before, and had proved instrumental in defeating Nightmare Moon, whom Twilight told me had actually been Luna, corrupted by jealousy and hatred, and Discord, the spirit of chaos and disharmony. Twilight had inherited Magic, Applejack Honesty, Fluttershy Kindness, Pinkie Laughter, Rarity Generosity, and Rainbow Dash Loyalty.
Well, since I bring this up, I might as well go into the adventures involving them, the retelling of which blew my mind on so many levels.
Twilight told me how she had moved to Ponyville from Canterlot on the eve of the Summer Sun Celebration, a day dedicated to Celestia’s raising the sun every day for centuries. She had intended to warn her mentor about the impending return of Nightmare Moon, but that seemed to have been ignored in favor of her overseeing preparations, much to her annoyance. In this way, she was introduced to Applejack, who was handling catering, Rainbow Dash, who was in charge of weather, Rarity, who was taking care of decorations, Fluttershy, who was providing the music, and Pinkie, who was…being Pinkie.
It turned out her premonitions were correct: Nightmare Moon returned and Celestia vanished, with Equestria doomed to suffer eternal night. Twilight and her five companions had ventured forth to retrieve the Elements, braving several obstacles that, if anything, only further cemented their bonds. They engaged Nightmare Moon in battle, with the Elements activating from a spark of sorts, one Twilight felt when she realized the five were her friends. With them, they returned Nightmare Moon to her old self, she and Celestia were reunited, and Twilight was given the task of living in Ponyville to study the magic and power of friendship.
The story of Discord was a lot more chilling, and it was clear it pained her to even talk about it. I told her she didn’t have to, but she said I deserved to know. Discord had reigned over an Equestria twisted by chaos and disorder, until Celestia and Luna sealed him in stone with the Elements. He had remained a statue in the Canterlot castle gardens until he unexpectedly broke loose, bringing about another storm of chaos: cotton candy clouds that rained chocolate milk, ballet-dancing buffalo, stilt-legged rabbits, and corn that turned to real popcorn only being a few of the changes. Celestia summoned the six mares to her castle, only to find that Discord had swiped the Elements and led them to believe they were hidden in the castle labyrinth.
Upon entering, they were separated, and all but Twilight were systematically brainwashed by the manipulative trickster into becoming their total opposites: Applejack a compulsive liar, Pinkie a sour grump (something I found incredibly hard to believe and not very pleasant to visualize), Rarity a greedy hoarder, Fluttershy a mean-spirited bully, and Rainbow Dash a disloyal deserter. Though they did find the Elements, they were powerless due to being ‘Discorded’, as it were, and they broke up, Twilight’s hopes and heart shattering.
Before she could leave Ponyville, however, Celestia sent back every friendship report she had ever received, reminding Twilight not to lose hope in her friendship and fight for what she’d lost. Her spirit renewed, and realizing that this is what Discord had meant to do all along, she rounded up and restored her friends and sealed Discord away again while he was stewing in his own hubris. I couldn’t help letting out a triumphant “YES!” at the end, which drew an odd look from Twilight, but one that gave way to amusement. It was unbelievable to hear the lengths she had gone to save Equestria and her friends, who meant the world to her, after having been friendless and antisocial for so long.
“Boy, Twilight,” I said, when she’d concluded, “it sounds like you’ve been to the ends of the Earth and back in such a short time.”
“I know," said Twilight. "Feels like an eternity, but a really wonderful eternity,” she added, warmly.
“You really are a remarkable pony, Twilight Sparkle," I said, sincerely. "I can’t think of anyone who wouldn’t be lucky to have you as a friend.”
“Aw, Dave,” said Twilight.
She leaned up and nuzzled my cheek. Thankfully, Spike had gone back upstairs with Peewee, so he wasn’t around to be disgusted at this sentimental moment. I looked up at the clock, and felt a jolt in my stomach when I saw how much time had flown. The hours seemed to have slipped easily away, and it was getting on 2. I hated to break this up, but I was on a schedule.
“This has been really pleasant, Twi,” I said, “but I really shouldn’t keep Rarity waiting. I’ll definitely see you Saturday, though.”
“All right," said Twilight. "I’m so glad we could have some time together, especially after yesterday."
Both of us got up and headed for the door.
“You’re welcome here anytime. Our door, and our bookshelves, are always open.”
“I’ll gladly keep that in mind,” I said. “See ya, Spike!” I called up the stairs.
There was a scrabbling of claws, and the little dragon appeared at the top of the stairs.
“Bye, Dave! See you next time!” he called back, waving.
I ducked under the door, and Twilight stopped there. As I walked on, I turned to see her still standing in the doorway. When I caught her eye, she smiled and waved a foreleg, a gesture I returned in like kind.
There was no point in denying it: these colorful equines had definitely grown on me. They were so engaging, so friendly, so full of intrigue and mystery. They spoke of fantastical events and creatures as if they were discussing the weather. It was weird, but at the same time, enjoyable. I could stand waiting a bit for a solution to go home, as long as I was in the midst of such pleasant company. For now, though, I directed my steps towards the Carousel Boutique, quickening my pace, as it would never do to keep a lady waiting.
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AN UPDATE!! YEAH!!!!!!!
How did you come to the decision that he could eat daisies?
I'm aware that clover flowers can be sucked on but physically eating daisies is another matter.
1763104
eating flowers petals isn't all that strange, believe me i am Mexican.
1763104
Rather late to answering your question (even if you didn't ask me) but i found a rather humorous yahoo answers take on your question that should answer it (for a proper answer look at the other answers, as the "best answer" is just funny, not factual) http://uk.answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100704160244AABu8Mu
2371698
Darn, if you'd said you were Italian I'd have made a mario joke involving Fire Flowers. Oh well.
2741655
Now I wish there was an Italian among us. That joke would've made me bust a gut :3
did you just call spike an "it"?
That implies that either Pinkie being a sour grump is incredibly hard to believe and incredibly hard to pleasant to visualize (which makes no sense), that it's incredibly hard to believe and incredibly pleasant to visualize (which I find unlikely), or that it's incredibly hard to believe, and pleasant to visualize. I would've written ...Pinkie a sour grump (that I found incredibly hard to believe and very unpleasant to visualize). I understood what you meant though.
Great story BTW
Every time i read the part abut dave eating the sandwitch I see rotating jaws end a chainsaw sound effect as he eats it and when he is done the world goe's .MOV for a bit
I can't help but wonder what a daisy tastes like, nor can i help but remember that I have a friend of the same name.... Ewww, I just wondered what Daisy tastes like....
Another thing I like about this story is that it doesn't do many cliches. I mean, he hasn't fought a manticore/timberwolf yet, nor have the ponies freaked out about him eating meat (though I may have missed that part, my mistake). Even if it does do some cliches, like how it's about to do cliche #12 - Rarity making a dress for him - it's actually pretty good about that.
5304373 Dress???
Sorry Lol
~Melly~
Vegans of the world unite!
I loved it that you haven't made Twilight force him somehow into this, but for once it felt like he made the final decision for
himself.
I kind of hope he either learns how to defend himself or that Villains aren't a thing in this story.
I can't say exactly why, but I hate it if s Human is hiding behind every Pony since they are usually always able to defend themself much better.
you got the whole squad laughing