Living in Equestria

by Blazewing

Gathering Gift Ideas

When I awoke the next morning, my back was aching from sleeping slumped over, and there were ink stains on my face. It was only 7 in the morning, but the sun filtering in still hurt my eyes.

“Blech...I wish I’d gotten to bed before conking out. What was I doing?...Oh yeah!”

I looked down at my list. Now I remembered what I had been thinking about before I had fallen asleep, and Princess Luna’s intervention in my dream helped loads. Hurriedly dipping my quill into the ink, I wrote out:

Mayor Mare: ???
Princess Celestia: ???
Princess Luna: ???
Round Table Council: ???

Hey, even members of the royal court must celebrate the holidays, right? Besides, I had the princesses and the mayor to thank for even allowing me to stay in their country and city, respectively, in the first place. I was about to get up, when a sudden thought at the back of my head nagged me to sit back down. There was one more name to go down on this list.

Should I?

Did I really want to?

...Yes.

Quill in hand, I added, at the bottom,

Minister Ironmane: ???

As bad a start as we had had with each other, I couldn’t help but feel that, over time, he had become more...tolerable. He was no longer openly condescending towards me, and was at least treating me as an equal member of the council. Even if he didn’t answer my question when we last met, he still deserved some holiday cheer.

With that out of the way, I went to go wash up and get ready for work.

***

The trepidation I had felt about not being able to get my shopping completed on time was not quite gone, yet it was more tolerable thanks to Princess Luna. Now that I had time to reflect, she was right: two weeks seemed like a short time, but if I planned it out properly, it would be all the time I needed. I just had to be smart and secretive about it: smart in planning and budgeting my money, and secretive in not having anypony notice what I was up to. All that remained was figuring out what everypony else on my list wanted.

It seemed that Lady Luck had chosen to smile on me after my initial freak out, because as the week went on, gift ideas began to fill in the gaps I had left on the list. It started that day, with work progressing as usual, until the afternoon, after school hours, when the four Crusaders bounced in, bundled up and beaming.

“Welcome to Bon Bon’s Bonbons!” I said. “How may I satisfy your sweet tooth?”

The girls looked up at me, then broke into a chorus of giggles.

“What?” I asked.

“Nice apron, Dave!” snickered Scootaloo.

“You look just like Mom when she’s cooking!” giggled Sweetie Belle.

“Mah gosh, Ah never thought you were the apron type, Dave!” chuckled Apple Bloom.

Dinky was laughing too hard to voice her own witticism.

(Don’t get mad, Dave. They’re just being silly…)

“What can I do for you, fellow Crusaders?” I asked, keeping a straight face.

“We wanna try that new candy bar Diamond Tiara was bragging about!” said Sweetie Belle.

“New candy bar? ...Oh! You must mean the Caramallow Delight. Sure! How many?”

“Just two,” said Apple Bloom. “We’ve only got enough on us to split them between the four of us.”

They fished around in their saddlebags and, between the four of them, lay down just enough bits to afford two Caramallow Delights.

“Granny gave us some bits for helpin’ with shovelin’ the north field yesterday,” Apple Bloom went on. “Applejack and Big Macintosh were busy plowin’ the south field, and Granny couldn’t do it herself. She says the cold does havoc on her old bones.”

“Aw, that’s a shame.”

“Yeah, and her old hoof warmers are worn out, so she can’t take walks out in the snow so easily anymore.”

(Oh, is that so? Well, there’s something to think about…)

While I was ringing up the candy bars, Dinky scampered over to a shelf near the counter, staring up at something sitting there.

“Miss Heartstrings?” she asked Lyra, who was sitting by, tuning her lyre again.

“Yes, sweetie?”

“What’s that up there?”

“Hmm? Ooh, that! That’s the Fontaine de Cocoa, a do-it-yourself chocolate fountain. Perfect for parties and fondues, and fondue parties! Neverending chocolate!”

“Neverending chocolate…” murmured Dinky, who looked about ready to start drooling.

The girls had overheard what Dinky and Lyra had said, and they too gazed at the chocolate fountain with childish longing. Actually, that fountain reminded me of one I’d seen in that weird dream I had months ago, when I was in a land of sweets.

(Hmm...I wonder…)

Putting the bits into the register, I handed the little fillies two big bars of the new Lyra-approved treat.

“Thanks, Dave!” they chorused.

“Anytime, girls.”

“Come on, Dinky!” Scootaloo called, as Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle split one of the bars between them.

“Coming, sis!” said Dinky, hurrying back over to the group.

Munching on their candy, the four Crusaders left the shop, and as soon as I was sure they were out of earshot, I turned to Lyra.

“Lyra, how much does that chocolate fountain run for?” I asked.

“12 bits,” said Lyra. “A holiday bargain. Why, you want it?”

“Er, I’m thinking about it,” I said. “Can you put it on hold?”

“Ohhh,” said Lyra, looking very sly. “Is it for a very special somepony?”

“You’re putting words in my mouth, Lyra,” I said, flatly. “It’s for the Crusaders.”

“Ahh, gotcha,” said Lyra. “Sure, I’ll put it on hold for ya until you decide. We’ve still got a few in the back, anyway.”

“Great, thanks. I just hope their parents and older siblings don’t get mad that I’m planning to give them an infinite supply of chocolate.”

“Nahh. You know what I always say? If you really care about someone, give ‘em the gift of chocolate, just like how Bonnie gifts me with new chocolates every week!”

Bon Bon rolled her eyes, though she was smiling as she did it.

Monday, December 12
Granny Smith: Hoof warmers
Crusaders: Chocolate fountain for clubhouse

***

On Tuesday, we were treated to a visit by Berry Punch, who seemed extremely excited about something.

“I’ve done it!” she said. “I’ve finally done it!”

“Done what?” Lyra asked.

“I’ve perfected the perfect holiday drink!” Berry said, with a giddy squeak at the end. “It’ll become a household hit at Hearth’s Warming parties!”

“I’m sure it will,” said Bon Bon, with a sardonic hint in her voice. “What’s it called?”

“Berry’s Festive Fizz! Cranberry wine with a splash of peppermint!”

“Ooh!” said Lyra, intrigued.

“Sounds festive, all right,” I said, “but if it’s all the same to you, I’ll stick with eggnog.”

“Smart choice,” said Berry, “since everypony knows what a colossal lightweight you are.”

“Hey!”

“I’m just kidding!” said Berry, laughing. “Not everypony can hold the hard stuff, trust me. Octavia, though, she’s got nerves of steel. You’d never be able to tell unless she was really sauced.”

“Are you saying Octavia drinks?” I asked, surprised.

“Only when she’s in the mood for it. She sometimes orders a bottle of my Jura all the way from Canterlot, says it’s finer than a lot of the ritzier brands up there. She’s so sweet.”

(Now there’s a potential idea…)

“Well, I’d better skedat. I gotta start labelling these bottles for sale. Bye!”

With that, Berry headed out the door.

“Cranberry and peppermint does sound rather unique,” said Bon Bon.

“Yeah, but it’s a shame she hasn’t gotten her hooves on some Golden Griffin Grapes yet," said Lyra. "Can you imagine the juices she could make from those?”

“Golden what now?” I asked.

“Golden Griffin Grapes,” said Lyra. “It’s a fruit found only in the Griffin Kingdom. Equestria gets a very limited export since they’re so rare, and they can only grow in the soil of the Kingdom. Still, even when picked, they last a long while, and I’ve heard they taste great!”

“And Berry wants to make a new drink out of it?”

“It’s been one of her lifelong passions ever since she heard of the stuff, just like mine was meeting a human, which you helped satisfy!”

“Aw, thanks, Lyra.”

“That just leaves your other crazy passion,” said Bon Bon, dryly.

“Seapony culture is not a crazy passion!” snapped Lyra. “It’s an ancient civilization filled with tradition that demands respect! Besides, you never take me with you when you go shopping anymore!”

“That’s because if you had your way, you’d be ransacking every antique shop in Equestria for anything even resembling a seapony. I’m doing the country, and our purses, a favor.”

“You’re such a buzzkill, Bonnie…”

(Sheesh, these two really know how to needle each other. Still, maybe I can find something seapony related for Lyra, and get in touch with Apollo about these Griffin Grapes.)

Tuesday, December 13
Octavia: Bottle of Berry’s Jura Wine
Berry Punch: Golden Griffin Grapes
Lyra: Seapony something

***

By the next day, thanks to contact info that was among my older assignments, I had written a letter to the council, asking Apollo for an import of Golden Griffin Grapes for Berry to use. I wasn’t sure how long it would take for a reply, but hopefully it would arrive soon enough. Speaking of, I couldn’t help but feel that, with Ironmane’s next visit, he might have something else for me to work on, and so close to Hearth’s Warming too. I honestly hoped he wasn’t going to be a Scrooge about this.

Speaking of working during the holidays, Derpy, who I had given the letter to, seemed to be extra busy. I didn’t see her as often, since she was always going about this way and that to deliver mail, but the few times I did see her showed she was getting exhausted. I hoped earnestly that more pegasi were being called in to take turns with her route so that she wouldn’t work herself to the bone.

She deserved something special for being such a hard-worker, something that would really appeal to her. Well, she did have a fondness for muffins, but I wasn’t too skilled with baking. I wished I’d asked Pinkie to show me how to bake; all the time I’d spent at Sugarcube Corner and I never bothered. Then again, maybe I could compromise; maybe it didn’t have to be muffins themselves, but something with a muffin motif. Perhaps something for the winter weather with a muffin design would suit my mail mare friend’s fancy. There had to be something like that in Ponyville, unless it was something I should see Rarity about.

Speaking of Rarity...well, I didn’t want to just saddle her with constant projects, but thinking about her got me to thinking about something I could do for the bowling team. True bowling teams always wore matching jerseys to indicate the team they were on, so why shouldn’t we have our own set? Yeah! I could assemble Big Macintosh, Magnum, Caramel, Meadow Song, and maybe even the Doctor, under one group on my gift list, and I could see if Rarity could design jerseys for them. Hopefully getting her that vermillion silk would make up for all the work.

***

While I was working that day, Pinkie bounced in to buy yet another bag of candy.

“Pinkie, how can you stand to eat so much candy?” I asked.

“Cuz I brush my teeth really good, so I don’t get cavities!” she said, opening her mouth to show me an astonishing set of pearly whites.

“Not quite what I meant,” I said. “I mean, don’t you ever get stomachaches?”

“Of course, silly. Remember the huge tummy-ache I had after your welcome party?”

“Ah, yes, who could forget?”

“But I’ve got Moonlight to share with me, since the babies are too young to eat candy. They don’t need that much sugar anyway, with how hyper they can get. Mrs. Cake says they really need a bungee seat for them.”

(Bungee seat? Now there’s an idea…)

While I was ringing her purchase up, Pinkie, looking this way and that in a sly way, leaned over the counter to whisper conspiratorially in my ear.

“I think I’ve figured out what you can get Fluttershy!” she said.

“Really? What?”

“I never even knew this myself, but she loves classical music!”

“Huh. Well, she does seem the type who would like tamer music. So, should I buy her a record or something?”

“No, that’s not what she’d really want, although Vinyl’s been looking for a copy of ‘Hoof-Stomp Rock of the 80s’ for a while now.”

(Oh really?)

“She said, and I quote,” and here she put on a perfect imitation of Fluttershy’s sweet-voiced mumbling, complete with fiddling with her mane in an awkward way, “‘Um, I know it might sound kind of silly, and I’m not saying this to give you something you have to do, but I would really, really love to see Octavia’s New Year’s concert.’”

“She wants tickets to see Octavia’s ensemble?”

“Yep-a-roosky! She loves music; she conducts her own bird choir, you know. I think she just prefers to keep her bits on hoof for her animals. She hardly ever treats herself, except on her spa days with Rarity.”

“Well, the next time I head up to Canterlot, I’ll see what I can do.”

“Great! Ooh, if somepony could get her those tickets, I just know she’d be thrilled! Hey, did you remember to add the extra mini peanut-butter cups this time?”

She was indicating her full-to-bursting candy bag.

“Yes, of course, don’t worry,” I said. “By the way, if I may ask, what would you want for Hearth’s Warming?”

“Me?” asked Pinkie, looking a little surprised. “Gosh, Davie, I don’t really need anything. I’ve got everything I need: wonderful friends, an amazing job, and the best talent a pony could ask for! What else could I need?”

So saying, she laid out her bits, picked up her candy bag, bid me adieu, and hopped out the door.

(Ah, she’s one of those. Still, gotta give her props for being humble. On the other hand, is there something she really does want, and she’s not being completely honest with me? Where’s a Magatama when you need one?)

Wednesday, December 14
Derpy: Something decorative and muffin-related
Bowling Team: Jerseys
Mr. and Mrs. Cake: Bungee seat for the twins
Vinyl: “Hoof-Stomp Rock of the 80s” record
Fluttershy: Tickets to Octavia’s New Year’s concert

***

Thursday brought me into contact with Twilight. She ordered a box of assorted candy canes, and as I brought them out, she admired the rainbow-swirled variety.

“Ooh, Bon Bon, these look amazing!” she said.

“Thanks, Twilight,” said Bon Bon, “but those aren’t quite perfect yet.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, curious.

“I’ve always wanted to try adding a little liquid rainbow to my rainbow-colored treats, but that stuff isn’t easy to come by. It’s rarely imported, even though they make an abundance of it in Cloudsdale.”

“I guess they just don’t want ponies getting carried away with it,” said Twilight. “After all, rainbows are an ingredient in that Love Poison recipe the Crusaders sneaked from me.”

“W-Wait a minute,” I said, perplexed. “You can liquefy rainbows?!”

“Sure, why?” asked Twilight.

“Back home, rainbows are just an optical illusion caused by sunlight after a rainstorm. The term ‘chasing rainbows’ means going after something you’ll never reach, because no matter how far or fast you run towards it, it never gets closer.”

“Wow. Weird,” said Lyra, who had been listening.

“Fascinating!” said Twilight. “Sounds like something else I may need to tell Princess Celestia about where you come from.”

“Speaking of, Twi,” I put in, “just as a hypothetical, what would you get the princesses for Hearth’s Warming?”

Twilight looked quite surprised.

“M-Me? Getting gifts for Princess Celestia and Princess Luna?”

“Just as a hypothetical, mind you,” I said, casually.

“Well, goodness. I brought it up with Princess Celestia once, perhaps, but she never gave me a straight answer. In fact, I think she was joking. She said she’d love a kit for practical jokes, and Luna would appreciate a new pillow, but she couldn’t have been serious. The pillow I can understand, but a joke kit? Princesses don’t have time for practical jokes!”

“Didn’t stop her from tricking the Cakes when she visited that one time,” said Lyra.

Twilight shot her a swift glare. It seemed to me that she held too high of a regard for Their Majesties to think of them as enjoying many frivolities. Still, it was something to think about. Would it be in bad taste if I took the Princess up on her challenge and get her a joke kit, along with another Sweet Dreams pillow for Luna? It wasn’t like I’d be risking banishment for it, right?

I had to shake myself back to my senses so I could ring up Twilight’s candy canes. What my unicorn friend didn’t know couldn’t hurt her.

“One more thing, Twi,” I went on.

“Yes?” she asked, thankfully out of her bad mood.

“I was thinking about Trixie. She’s on the road, but I’d love to send her a sentiment as well. What would you recommend, since she could be anywhere in Equestria?”

“Hmm…” mused Twilight, tapping her chin. “Now that you mention it, I have just read about a Homing Teleportation Spell for small objects.”

“Come again?”

“A spell that can transport small objects to the intended recipient. All you need is a clear mental image of who you’re sending it to, and the proper focus required for a standard teleportation spell. You could send her a nice Hearth’s Warming card that way if you want.”

“Great! I’ll swing by the library closer to Hearth’s Warming and we can give that a shot.”

Twilight beamed, paid for her candy canes, and took them with her out the door.

Thursday, December 15
Bon Bon: Liquid rainbow
Princess Celestia: Practical joke kit
Princess Luna: Sweet Dreams Pillow

***

I could hardly believe that my list of potential gifts was already nearly complete. I just had a few ponies left to decide for, and after work on Saturday, I could start a mass shopping spree to find the stuff I had already decided on. Princess Luna had been right! Two weeks could be as long as I needed if I used my time wisely. Still, I couldn’t help but feel I was being handed these opportunities at just the right time. On the other hand, they were invaluably timely, given how much closer to Hearth’s Warming it was.

On Friday, the only visitor of note was Screwball, who came in to buy her favorite chocolate-covered licorice. The real reason she had been so noticeable was because she was wearing a festive holiday sweater, with blue trees and green snowflakes. She did look kind of cute in it in her own silly way, so I just let Lyra prepare her favorite treat for her. I couldn’t help but wonder what really went on inside Screwball’s head. She did possess awareness of the world around her, but the laws of physics seemed completely reversed whenever she did anything. Freud would have had a field day with her. Heck, she’d probably be able to see more in those weird ink blot pictures than anyone ever could.

In fact...I wondered if they sold those ink blot cards in stores. I didn’t know if it would be mean-spirited or just kind of a joke, but she might like them for the surreal imagery. I paused my pondering long enough to bid Screwball goodbye as she left the shop.

Friday, December 16
Screwball: Ink blot cards

***

I awoke the next day feeling like Christmas (or, in this case, Hearth’s Warming) had already come, but for different reasons. Saturday (and pay day) was here at last! I had done the best I could to save my part-time earnings so that I could have a sizeable amount to use after work, and there were only a few ponies left on my list who I still wasn’t sure who to get gifts for. Well, technically, a few ponies plus an entire group. If I knew Moonlight, though, she’d love anything Daring Do-related. It just had to be something special, like maybe a complete set of the books, or some other related memorabilia. Mayor Mare worked long hours keeping the city going with the rest of the council, so she might like a nice, fancy coffee mug for when she was burning the midnight oil.

Speaking of Mayor Mare, I hadn’t brought it up before, but as of late, she had begun conducting tours around Ponyville for ponies I had never seen around town before. They were probably tourists coming to take a look around the place. I wouldn’t have taken much mind in this except for the fact that she made a point of making my house out to be a sightseeing spot, loudly proclaiming that it was the first human settlement in Ponyville history. This wowed her crowd of visitors, and I did what I could to keep out of sight, lest she want to have me answer questions. Still, it was part of a mayor’s job to promote tourism for their town, so I couldn’t exactly fault her, though I didn’t fancy becoming a ‘national landmark’.

As for the Round Table council, I had been strapped for individual ideas, so I thought it would be a nice gesture to send them the biggest bag of assorted candy from Bon Bon’s that could be managed. My only hope was that all of them had at least some form of sweet tooth, otherwise I might leave some of them offended.

Then came Pinkie...What was I to do about my best pony pal? I could get her a nice big bag of candy, too, but that wouldn’t have been enough. This was the season of giving, and I wanted to give her something that showed her just how much she meant to me as a friend, something to demonstrate my boundless gratitude for her friendship. However, she’d told me she’d had everything she wanted...but was that true?

Now that I thought about it at length, there was one thing she could desire the most that wasn’t in Ponyville: her family! Now there was an idea! I could surprise Pinkie by having her family come down to visit her! I could let them stay in my house, though I’d have to make the proper accommodations. Liking this idea more and more, I immediately set to work writing out a letter, since I didn’t have to be to work until noon.

“Dear Pie Family,
How have you been? This is Dave, Pinkie’s human friend. I know we didn’t get much of a chance to meet since I had to leave right away, but I’m hoping you might be interested in this idea I have for you. I think the best gift I can get Pinkie for Hearth’s Warming is you, so how would you like to come celebrate the holiday with her in Ponyville? It’d be up to you, of course, but I think it would be a great idea. Of course, I’m willing to allow you to stay in my home during your visit, and I’ll even show you around, if you want.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Yours sincerely,
Dave”

Sealing this up and addressing its envelope, I placed it in my mailbox to be sent out before leaving for work, my gifts list tucked safely in my pocket, and still imagining the look on Pinkie’s face if this worked.

***

Though I was anxious for the day to end, I kept to my work as stolidly as I could. Still, I couldn’t help but continually glance at the clock as the day wore on. It was like I was back in school, constantly glancing at the clock for class to end. If there was one thing it taught me, it was that no matter how much you stared at the clock, the time only seemed to go by a lot slower than normal.

At last, though, the day ended, and Bon Bon handed me my week’s pay. It felt glorious to hold it in my hands.

“I see that big smile on your face,” said Bon Bon, grinning. “You itching to do some shopping?”

“Like you wouldn’t believe, Bon Bon.”

“Well, then, I’ll see you tomorrow, if you still plan on continuing your piano lessons.”

“Of course! I’ll see you both then!”

“See ya, big guy!” said Lyra.

As Bon Bon and Lyra made for him, I hurried off for Barnyard Bargains, but was in such a rush that I accidentally knocked into a pony coming the other way. Luckily, I had my hand gripped around the opening of the bag, or the bits would have went flying. Regaining my equilibrium, I saw that I had bumped into Rarity, outfitted in a silvery hooded parka, knocking her on her rump in the snow.

“Oh, gosh!” I said, rushing to help her up. I’m so sorry, Rarity!”

“Don’t worry about it, darling,” she said. “I wasn’t really paying attention. What’s got you in such a rush?”

“Let’s just say I have a ton of shopping to do in so little time.”

“Ahh, that explains the hefty bits bag,” Rarity said, with a smile.

“Actually, now that I think about it, it’s lucky that I ran into you, Rarity,” I said. “There’s something I wanted to ask of you.”

“Of course! Ask away!”

“I have a couple clothing projects I had in mind, one for one pony, and the other for a group.”

“Hmm, I see,” said Rarity. “Well, let’s hear it, then.”

“The first is something with a muffin motif for Derpy.”

“Ohh, how darling!” Rarity cooed. “I like the sound of that very much. I could make it into a scarf for the dear girl. And the other?”

“A set of bowling jerseys for Big Macintosh, your dad, Caramel, Meadow Song, and the Doctor.”

“The Doctor? I didn’t know he bowled.”

“He did at our last game.”

“Well, Father has told me he’d love for the team to have matching shirts, but I’ve never been able to follow through on it. This might be the perfect chance! I’ll see what I can whip up before Hearth’s Warming, and for you, I’ll do it-”

“Free of charge?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “I do appreciate it, Rarity, but you ought to at least get paid for your work.”

“I was actually going to say half-off,” said Rarity, going slightly pink at the cheeks.

“Oh! Ok, that sounds fair.”

“Wonderful. I’ll get right on it as soon as I get home. Ta, darling!”

And Rarity trotted purposefully off through the snow.

“Well, that’s another thing out of the way,” I said to myself. “And now, look out, Ponyville shopping district, cuz here I come!”

Saturday, December 17
Moonlight: Daring Do something
Mayor: Coffee mug
Round Table Council: Deluxe bag of candy
Pinkie: Visit from family

Comments

[ArcaneVisions]

Love it when things come together, those are some mighty thoughtful gifts.

[ZerOAimi]

DAT PHOENIX WRIGHT REFERENCEI loled

To the next chapter

[Danny Sparks]

On the other hand, is there something she really does want, and she’s not being completely honest with me? Where’s a Magatama when you need one?)

Another Ace Attorney reference you decided to use, very clever.

Though I'd imagine Pinkie would only have one with this color:
cdn.wikimg.net/strategywiki/images/f/fc/AJAA_Black_Psyche_Lock.png

[musicluvr1974]

3717921 Aha! I thought so...! I tried to look it up myself, but Google Chrome is being a little cranky with me at the moment...

[sorenxoras]

some of these things sound relativly expencive....

[Nyperold]

Quest details updated.