This wasn’t happening.
This couldn’t be happening!
It was like a nightmare!
The jar, and every last bit we had scrimped and saved for 2 weeks, was just gone!
Nearly 400 bits had vanished!
We were right back where we started, with less than 2 weeks left until the derby.
Now there wasn’t even going to be a derby for us.
No. No, that couldn’t be. What was I thinking? Maybe I’d just put the jar somewhere else. Laughing at myself for being such a drama queen, I set about searching for it. However, as time went on, my initial confidence at making a mistake was ebbing away, and I was beginning to get frustrated. The jar really was nowhere to be found! I was finding it harder and harder to hold back cursing as I overturned everything in my search.
“Where are you, you stupid-?!” I growled, before I stopped myself, straightened up, and took a deep breath. “Ok, Dave, get a hold of yourself. There’s a reasonable explanation for this. Maybe one of the girls took it with them. I don’t know how or when, but it’s a possibility!”
The door suddenly opened. I turned around to look, just to see the girls walking in.
(Please let it be with them. Please, please, please!)
“Dave?” called Apple Bloom.
“You left your front door open,” said Sweetie Belle.
“Mind if we come in?” asked Scootaloo.
“We might have found another job!” said Dinky.
Their hooves were empty. They didn’t have the jar on them. I was willing to chalk up the jar’s disappearance as the fault of a bad memory, but seeing this, my last resource, exhausted?
“Girls, I’m so…so very sorry…” I said, feeling myself sink to my knees.
The four looked puzzled and concerned.
“Dave? What’s wrong?” asked Sweetie Belle.
“Are you ok?” asked Apple Bloom.
Mutely, I lifted a numb arm toward the table. They looked at it, and they let out gasps of horror, staring dumbstruck at the empty spot where the jar used to be.
“It’s...gone,” Apple Bloom muttered.
“All of it, gone,” muttered Sweetie Belle.
“We were so close…” murmured Scootaloo.
Dinky just sniffled.
“Girls,” I croaked. “I’m so sorry...It’s my fault.”
The girls said nothing, their backs facing me. I shut my eyes and hung my head, a sore lump in my throat. They must have hated my guts right now. It was my careless actions that cost us the jar and the derby. Why did I have to leave that stupid window open?!
My eyes opened again when I felt something touch me. Looking down, I saw Dinky hugging my arm. Her adorable little eyes were full of tears.
“Don’t cry, Dave,” she said, in a choked voice. “I’m not mad at you.”
“Dinky…”
“Nor am I,” said Apple Bloom, coming over and putting her little forelegs around me.
“Me neither,” said Sweetie Belle, hugging me in turn.
Scootaloo said nothing, but her little hug said what her lack of words didn’t.
“Girls…” I managed to say. “You should be mad at me. I lost us our bits!”
“No, you didn’t, Dave,” said Apple Bloom. “We always kept it here, so you couldn’t have lost it. Somepony had to have taken it!”
“What would have happened if you’d been in here when the thief struck?” asked Sweetie Belle, her green eyes wide. “What if they attacked you for the bits?”
“We wouldn’t want to have lost you,” whimpered Dinky.
“Oh, girls…”
I enveloped the four fillies in my arms. God bless their innocent hearts…
“Besides,” Scootaloo finally said, “we can still get them back.”
“How?” I asked, letting them go.
“By tracking down the thief.”
I stared at her. Her tough little face was set with pugnacious determination, as if she were willing to buck the offender in the back of the head, however many buckets she’d have to stack to reach that high.
“But, Scoot, the thief could be anypony, and potentially dangerous!” I said.
“I think I know who that somepony is. Diamond Tiara!”
Her voice rang through the quiet house, filled with rage. All of us stared at her.
“Scootaloo, you can’t possibly-”
“I knew she was a bully, but I never expected her to be a thief!”
“Scootaloo, what evidence is there?”
“Plenty! Didn’t you say you were talking with her before you came to the meeting?”
“Well, yeah.”
“And where did you talk to her?”
“Outside the house, but-”
“When did you leave that window open?”
“What is this, the Inquisition? Yesterday. I wanted a breeze.”
Scootaloo went to the window and looked up at it. It was open about halfway.
“No full-grown pony could fit through that gap,” she said. “They’d have to be the size of a foal to do it. Besides, even if Diamond Tiara didn’t do it herself, she might have asked Silver Spoon to do it for her!”
“Scootaloo, you’re being ridiculous!” I said. “Sure, the evidence might point to her, but you’re missing one crucial component to crime-solving!”
“What’s that?”
“Motive! Why would she steal the jar? Why would she need it?”
“To spite us, of course!”
“That’s all you’ve got? I hate to say it, Scoot, but mere spite doesn’t give way to petty theft, especially when it’s from somepony already as wealthy as Diamond Tiara. She was having her cart built by professionals, after all. I think it’s safe to say she has plenty of bits on her.”
“She’s always making fun of us for being blank flanks, and she hates seeing anypony better than her at something! For all we know, she could have been eliminating the competition, so she’d win by default!”
“Scoot, you can’t just jump to conclusions like-”
“Or,” she suddenly added, “she could have used it to buy her racing suit!”
“What?!”
“Yeah!” Scootaloo went on. “Buy herself a fancy racing outfit and not put a dent in her wallet!”
“Scootaloo, really-”
“Come on, girls! Let’s get our bits back!”
She charged out the door before I could stop her. The others looked at me.
“We’d better stop her,” said Sweetie Belle.
“Yeah,” said Dinky. “Scoot’s scary when she’s mad.”
The three fillies shot after the reckless pegasus, while I sat rooted to the spot in mute astonishment. One minute we were bemoaning the loss of the jar, now Scootaloo was on a manhunt, er, fillyhunt for Diamond Tiara. Things were escalating out of control. Making sure I closed the window and the door this time, I raced after them.
“She couldn’t have done it,” I mused to myself as I ran. “Why would she? If only I could figure out what really happened...When was the last time I’d seen the jar?”
I wracked my brains, and whacked them, for good measure, but it did no good. The only thing I could think of was seeing Diamond Tiara outside my house, the meeting with the girls, and raking leaves for Fluttershy. Where was the proper window of time for the thief to have struck?
What I needed was a bolster, something to kick my brain cells into high gear to solve this conundrum. What I needed was…
“...Zecora!”
*Bump!*
Did she have some sense that told her when I needed her assistance? I literally ran into her, quite by accident, pulling myself into an abrupt halt. She turned around, surprised.
“Why, Dave, it is you! Whatever is the matter? Your shout sent my heart into a pitter-patter!”
“Zecora!” I panted. “That...brain enhancement…potion! Is it...did you...is it done?”
Zecora looked puzzled for an instant, then gave an exclamation of realization.
“Ah! Yes, of course! The secret recipe! It is quite ready. Look here, and you will see.”
She fished around in her saddlebag with one hoof and held out a red glass phial balanced in it. The liquid inside was dark, the glass making it look like blood.
“Does it...really work?” I panted.
“It does indeed, as I tried it for myself. It shall have a proper place on my potions shelf. The effects quite alarmed me when I first tried it, but there is some powerful, potent magic inside it.”
“Do you think...I could…” I wheezed, but Zecora seemed to already have an answer.
“My dear human friend, you need not request. This bottle is for you, so let your worries rest. You helped me make it, so why shouldn’t I share? You seem to need it, so here it is. We are fair and square.”
She handed the bottle over to me.
“Thanks, Zecora. You’re a wonder.”
Zecora smiled warmly.
“One swallow is all you need, but do not be frightened. The effects are just your mind’s acuteness being heightened.”
With that, she bid me farewell and headed off. I looked down at the little bottle. One swallow was all I needed, huh? There seemed to only be enough for one swallow. I uncorked the phial, and it gave off a strong, medicine-like smell, reminding me vividly of Robitussin. I hated that stuff.
“Well, bottoms up,” I said, and drained the phial.
The medicine smell carried right into the taste. It wasn’t pleasant at all. It came close to making me gag.
“Ugh...got a bit of an aftertaste,” I muttered.
Then, it happened.
A strong heat began to creep over my scalp. This was highly unusual, as it was such a cool day. I slapped a hand to my forehead, and felt its rapidly growing warmth. Was I developing a fever? I was starting to get nervous.
Then, the heat changed into something else: a kind of crackling, bubbling feeling inside my skull. It felt like bubbles popping inside it, mixed with electricity coursing around. Was my brain going to catch on fire? I gripped my head in anxiety, wondering why I’d ever agreed to this in the first place.
*WHAM!*
I was knocked stiff by an invisible blow. It was as if a hammer had been forcibly slammed against the base of my brain. Stars danced in front of my eyes, and my ears rang briefly before going quiet again. I coughed, and a cloud of smoke escaped.
“Whew…” I breathed. “That’s a spicy meat-a-ball.”
And then, it came to me in a flash. The events of yesterday were coming in clearer, as if there was a fog that someone was waving away with a fan. There was another window of opportunity for a thief to make their move, one I’d never even recognized!
I had to find the girls!
***
I had arrived just in time. In the center of town, Scootaloo was bearing down like a bulldog on Diamond Tiara, who was wearing a sleek blue and white jumpsuit and a crash helmet. Seemed she felt like showing it off after all. Silver Spoon was by her side, watching the confrontation in dumbfoundment, alongside Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Dinky. Diamond Tiara, however, was not backing down.
“What are you talking about?!”
“You heard me! We want it back!”
“Want what back?”
“Our bit jar! You stole it from us!”
“What?! Why would I want to steal it?”
“Hold it, hold it!” I yelled, stepping between them and pushing them apart.
“Lemme go, Dave!” Scootaloo yelled.
“That’s right, keep your little attack dog away from me!” Diamond Tiara snapped.
“Attack dog?!” Scootaloo snarled, squirming to get past my hand.
“Scootaloo, for the last time, I do not think Diamond Tiara stole our bit jar!” I shouted.
“See? He’s got more sense than you!” said Diamond Tiara. “At least he didn’t jump in boo-hooing about lost bits just because I have a new racing suit.”
“Which you bought with our stolen bits!”
“How dare you!”
“Scootaloo, that’s enough!” I roared.
Scootaloo stopped fighting and backed down, looking terrified at my tones. Several ponies stopped in the street to look at us.
“You’re being ridiculous,” I said, in a calmer tone. “I know you kids aren’t exactly friends, but is this any reason to go for her throat?”
“But-” Scootaloo began, but I silenced her by holding up my hand.
“I ran into Zecora,” I said. “She gave me something to help my memory, and I remembered all of what happened yesterday. I did talk to Diamond Tiara yesterday, and I did leave her by my house, but my window wasn’t open, then. I opened it at night. Even then, I doubt very much she’d have gone sneaking around that late, just to play cat burglar.”
The fillies stared at me.
“Diamond Tiara?” I asked, making her jump, as if she were scared she’d be yelled at too.
“Yeah?”
“When did you buy your suit?”
“About a week ago. Daddy said it matches my eyes. Do you like it?”
She gave her mane a prim toss.
“It looks very nice on you,” I said.
“Why, thank you!”
The Crusaders looked at each other, probably wondering if that stuff meant for my brain hadn’t somehow damaged my senses.
“Scootaloo, did you even think about when she might have bought the suit?”
“W-Well, no, but-”
“Yet you made the claim that she used the stolen bits to buy this suit? A suit that, by her own testimony, was already purchased before the jar was stolen?”
“Well, yeah, but-”
“Then what other motive does she have beyond your flimsy accusal of spite?”
“Spite?!” Diamond Tiara asked, aghast. “We’re not friends, but I wouldn’t stoop that low! I don’t have to take anything from babies like them!”
“Diamond Tiara’s no cheater and no thief!” piped up Silver Spoon.
“And I believe you,” I said.
The two bullying fillies looked from me to each other. They must have thought I was crazy to be sticking up for them, when I was with the fillies they typically tormented.
“But then who took the jar, if you don’t think it was her?” Scootaloo asked.
“I’m glad you asked,” I said. “Follow me, girls. Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, I hope you can forgive us for being so rash.”
The two were too confused to reply, so I took the Crusaders with me, Scootaloo still looking befuddled.
***
“As I suspected,” I said. “Ladies, our ‘thief’.”
There was the bit jar, sitting out in the open, on the table in Twilight’s library.
Only, it looked much different than before. For one thing, it was full to overflowing. For another, a sign had been put up beside it, reading ‘Donations! Help us reach 500!”
Twilight and Spike were standing by, beaming from ear to ear, as a stallion added his donation, a hoof-full of bits that slipped onto the table in a little heap.
“Whoops!” he said, in a light, cultured voice. “Looks like you’re full to bursting.”
“Even better,” said Twilight.
She cast an eye upon me and winked. The Crusaders looked dumbfounded. The stallion brushed past us.
“Scuse me,” he said. “Wish I could talk, but lots to do. Came by to borrow another comedy book. Cheers!”
We finally stepped inside, walking up to the library keepers.
“But he was browsing the history section,” Twilight said to Spike, sounding puzzled.
“You mean Spike stole our jar?” Scootaloo asked, bewildered.
“Stole?” Spike asked, nervously. “Was I not supposed to take it?”
“Hold up, everypony, let’s not get excited,” I said. “I can see where the error lies. Spike, yesterday I told you that there was something on the table to go the library, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“What did you think that something was?”
“I figured it was a book, but what my eyes fell on first was the jar. I figured you had some reason for wanting me to take it, so I took it and the book to the library with me, just to be safe”
The fillies stared.
“And what happened after?” I asked.
“I found out the mistake pretty quickly,” said Twilight, “when I saw the labelling on the jar. We were going to return it, but Lyra walked in. She saw it and asked if we were starting a donation drive. Before we could answer, she dropped 5 bits into it. That gave us an idea. For the rest of yesterday and for most of today, we’ve been accepting donations for your derby fund!”
“And it looks like we went way above the requirement!” said Spike, indicating the overflow.
The fillies’ bewilderment was giving way to excitement.
“Twilight?” Apple Bloom asked. “How many bits did we make?”
“Well, let me see…”
Twilight’s horn glowed with her purple aura, and the jar did the same. She gave a small gasp as the glow vanished.
“Oh my goodness! 550 bits!”
The girls gasped, and so did I. 550 bits?! That was way above the minimum we needed!
We made it!
“You’re not still mad about me taking the jar without permission, are you?” Spike asked.
“Mad? Mad?” I asked, laughing and noogying his head. “Spike, you saved us! We’re ahead of schedule! You’re a hero!”
I held up a hand, and he, grinning widely, high-fived it. After that, I felt myself tackled into a sitting position on the floor by the four little fillies.
“We did it!” Sweetie Belle crowed.
“We can make the cart now!” said Apple Bloom.
“Hooray!!” cheered Dinky.
Scootaloo was the only that hadn’t shouted. She was looking rather meek.
“Dave? I’m sorry I blew up like that. I shouldn’t have just blindly accused Diamond Tiara without any facts.”
“Ah, Scoot, I’m not mad about that,” I said, ruffling her mane. “You were just acting in the heat of the situation. I might have lost my head too, given the circumstances. What matters is that no one’s guilty, and we can go on as planned.”
Scootaloo beamed like the sun.
“Yer the best, Dave!” said Apple Bloom.
“This is all thanks to you!” said Sweetie Belle.
“Yay for Dave and Spike!” chirped Dinky.
“Aw, c’mere, you four,” I said.
Sitting up, I enveloped them in a big group hug, as Twilight and Spike watched on with big smiles on their faces. I’d said it before, and I’ll say it again: God bless their innocent hearts…
Monday, November 19: 550 bits.
Yep. Called it.
Would have been funnier if a parasprite ate the jar.
Well blow me away, I never saw that coming.
Thank you for not leaving us hanging for too long. And now they can get started on the cart!
Clever. Very clever.
good chapter
if I may, i have a suggestion for the cart
technabob.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/go-kart-batmobile.jpg
Sweet and short, bravo for brightening my evening
Oh, you clever dick! You really had me going! ...Well done!
Damn... I bet 30 bits it was Diamond tiara last chapter...
cdn.meme.li/i/ogbho.jpg
3146003
Ditto. And not th epokemon.
another great chapter!
All I can say is
Oh. *phew*
Spike, just a tip. Don't take a jar full of bits when a guy says he had something on the table to return.
That said, it turned out better then OK.
Well, that's a spicy-a-chapter! Thank God it wasn't DT, even though i hate her. I was actually hoping it would be SS, because she thought DT would want her to do that, but DT didn't, and it would be a touching friend story.
3147476
Diamond Tiara may be a little brat, but I don't think she'd resort to petty theft just to spite the CMC. As for Silver Spoon, I like seeing her as being nicer when she's not playing the role of DT's toady.
3147537 I actually prefer SS over DT, just because it seems like DT is her only friend. She would do anything for her, hence my comment. Also ILOVEUBAI
Why can I see this being in the show?
Oh right, because this is just something I'd expect from the show.
Inb4 S5 has Dave.
3148144
Why am I thinking Season 5 is going to be exactly like Half-Life 3?
3148301
DON'T JINX IT!
3148779 shhhh..hl3 is out there waiting to be forgotten and then appear while no one is looking. same goes for S5
3149863
You would indeed be correct.
Hokay. Took me forever - not in the least because you insist on updating so often, you evil, evil person - but I have finally caught up! So, my thoughts based on 75 chapters. 75 chapters, over 300,000 words, my God, where did I find the time to read all this?
Well, despite the... slow and sometimes awkward earlier chapters - which I think you're aware of already, so I won't whine about here - the more you wrote, the better you got, and the story really came into its own. Though really, I think you do your best work when you have an extended focus on a plot line - the shining example, of course, being the current derby plot. It's still good when you're just doing daily life with background plots, mind, but I really do think your best work is when you let one of the plots take the limelight and stay there for a time. Doesn't interfere with your slice of life style, I'd say actually enhances some of it, so I'm definitely hoping for a new Major Plotline not too long after this one wraps up.
Dave was initially pretty bland, a common nice guy without a lot of depth, but I feel he gets more and more interesting as time goes on. I suppose falling into a world of talking pastel horses forces character development, neh? While still keeping his nice-guy persona, he gets more complex with every situation he has to deal with, and I'm looking forward to what we learn about him next.
Now... while I understand that in a story like this, it can be hard to have certain characters regularly, there are some I wish we saw more of. ... Mostly Rarity, honestly. They did have a patch of heavier interaction in the early chapters, and I quite liked their chemistry as characters, so I was sad that she became less and less in focus. Obviously I don't want to tell you how to write your story, but I'd personally love it if she took another leading role some time. Though I'm also growing quite interested in his interactions with Diamond Tiara! They haven't had a whole lot of contact, but there's definitely some real potential for a good story there, if you continue with it (again, something I'm hoping for).
Also, you're an asshole for your teasing with the Trixie/Moonlight stuff.
Now, it... kind of feels like the whole thing about getting home has fallen off to the side. I know, Twilight's watching the skies for the right time, but the Missing Page barely ever gets mentioned any more, even though he had that whole bizarre dream about it (which also hasn't even had a hint as to what that was). I feel like Dave should be putting at least a token effort into learning more about... anything there. But it just doesn't happen. Well, I'm sure it can't stay off to the side forever, all in good time, I suppose.
Well, that's a brief look into my thoughts. Yes, brief, it was in response to 75 chapters! I could write a novel on my thoughts to match its length if I wanted to! But I don't, so I'll be leaving it at that. Definitely going to be looking forward to more, though. Keep up the good work, and try not to burn yourself out, crazy person.
3150338
I do very much appreciate your thoughts. It's not easy for me to look back on my earlier stuff and see how awkward my writing is/was; kind of embarrassing, actually. Still, I always love constructive feedback. It is tough to manage stuff with a huge cast of characters, but I wouldn't worry. This story's still got quite a ways to go, so there should be plenty more chances for the kind of stuff you mentioned. Also, the missing page and Dave's pending return home aren't forgotten; it's just a little difficult focusing on so much to always mention them. Still, as I said, I appreciate your critique, and can only say I'll do what I can.
When Zecora gave Dave that mind-lengthening potion-a-doohicky, I thought he was going to remember ALL about the stuff that he was doing before he came to Equestria.......
AND SHIT WAS GONNA GO DOWN
3152741
I meant no offense with the Spike thing. This was before my editor personally looked over my stuff. I'm still trying to iron out the little mistakes. I like Spike, and would never mean to offend him intentionally. Fixed it.
3152796 While that may not have been exact in the grammar department, it runs smoother. Awkward phrasing does not work in a story, with the exception of dialogue when trying to accentuate nervousness or trying to show a specific mindset of a character. Make your own decision, but the sentence worked despite the person-you-commented-on's obvious struggles with logic puzzles and the American version of English.
I knew it. Oh, and I'm just going to say one thing... OBJECTION!!!!!!!! (I don't know where to put it in the story)
3302895 Dave: "OBJECTION! According to Diamond Tiara's statement of buying the suit last week it is highly unlikely she would have used the bits to buy her suit today, and furthermore I had let Spike into my home where I told him to get something off the table. So in actuality it could have quite possibly been him, not knowing I meant the book and not the jar."
3150660
Who says he's not going to have troubled dreams tonight?
And every night from now on?
19 more chapters to go.
I still stand by my comment from last chapter.
I was not expecting Spike to be the culprit, now I feel shame for hating on DT.