I have no idea what I'm doing
Still have no idea what I'm doing so help me anyway you can (even the bad ones)(also tags added as needed, I guess)
Let's see, went to become displaced as my favorite character. End up in my most hated show of my childhood. My Little Pony Hate that thing with passion, or at least I used to. Long story and I'll explain later. I have to go before My worst nightmares find me.
"Ooooooooh Sweetie. Where Are You?"
...NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! SO MUCH NOPE!
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the story is a bit fast, a bit more in depth with it would help but other then that im looking foreword to what comes next in the story.
7118180 Sorry about that, But I didn't really know how to spread those ones out.I'll try to do so with the next one
Holy, people actual like this story... now I'm a little scared to post the next chapter
uhm... well i like the idea of the story, but i really think that the change between chapter 2 and 3 was too much.
if i have to choice A or B , B sound good. But , have you think about make this dunno "chapter 10"or something and just fill the gap? (something like option AB)
pd: im trully sorry about my english because is not my native language and because of that i have a serious struggle making my self understandable
Grammar errors, like:
tittle - title
head ache - headache
Puddinghoof - Puddinghead
Liked her since not matter - liked her, since no matter
Nobel - noble
And a couple more.
It is a good story so far though.
7124347 That seems Like a good idea, I be sure to keep that in mind when I work on the next chapter, whatever it is
Also thanks for the fav
7124373 Sorry about the grammar, it's either my mistake or my keyboard doesn't always work.
What flexibility.
7128719 thank you for pointing that out, I will now be leaving it in because of how stupid I am
7129152
From now on, I will only point out the ones I feel have some humor. You already know there are errors, I shouldn't point them all out and cause you ridicule.
7130056 point them out, it will help me to pay better attention to what I write.
7185068 kip?
keep
7185125 got it
Its a good pace in my opinion, but maybe you could handle the marriage thing by making some type of law
A ALICORN LAW!!!
I have more ideas if that helps....but omg time actually put the there....I'm so happy and surprised
7199387 No problem , it definitely got my head back on track. If you do put up more ideas, I'll be sure to give you credit on them.
Idea 1 a chapter simply about how the daily life goes
Idea 2 a date? Maybe with a good guard who's only trying to help (hopefully..)
Idea 3 maybe...and this is a huge maybe. Add either a new oc to liven up the day of...(add protagonist name here)
Last idea: I'll give you deeper ideas if you use kik
More Chapters Please
Needs a once over as there are a few spelling/grammar errors.
This needs editing, badly. Multiple times I had to stop and reread a sentence to figure out what you were saying, if I could figure it out at all. Find an editor, ASAP, and there are several groups that are specifically for that purpose. Join them and ask for help.
"payed" isn't a word, and "dept" is shorthand for department.
A "ladder" is what you climb to reach a high location.
There are so many basic errors here, that I've lost all enjoyment of the story and don't care to even try finishing it. Either get an editor, or go get a copy of Microsoft Word. Its spellchecker will fix almost every error you've had thus far (like all spellcheckers, double check its corrections, as it is not infallible).
7203746 Hey look. my first critic
I know there is a lot of mistakes. I try to fix them when I can, but in all reality this story was just practice for me. I never intended it to get this far. Heck, I never meant for it to get a third chapter in the first place.
As far as an editor goes maybe if this story goes far enough I might, but I'm not going to waste someones time on a story I don't even take seriously, and I'm the writer.
7203706 who the hell downvoted this comment? There are a few spelling and grammar issues in here that could be fixed, but it's nothing story-breaking in intensity. And certainly nothing worth downvoting the comment pointing that out.
Geez, some people these days....
The plot progression was great, just thought you could have added a bit more dialogue to match the content of the story. Seemed a bit rushed, but that's probably because you moved seems too quickly without much interaction between characters. Looking forward to a more lengthy chapter.
Is he going to turn back into a human sometimes or tell someone?
Thumbs up from me
7219565 Nebula made humans a into a myth, if he tried to admit to being one then ponies would he's joking or crazy.
As for turning human again, I'm still trying to figure out if that's a good idea or not.
7220570 Meh, probably not. You gave the ponies a vague description making humans appear as the boogeyman. Instead of a myth.
7225671 Don't worry, like all myths, they'll change with time. And since it's only the three immortal alicorns that know they are made up (mostly) then they can just wait a couple of generations and say the real myths are more like a leprechaun. They got more than a thousand years to fix that so it's no big deal
7203724 WHO DISLIKED THIS AS WELL?
I GET THE JOKE ITS BASED ON TRANSULVANIYA (or whatever the fuck the name is) 2!!!!!
Luna learned that Pegasi don't sit still, ever. FUCKING LAND SHARKS! Forget that last part. I said forget, not go back and re-read it. YES MAM... SIR... WHOEVER YOU ARE
MOAR!
7345277 I'll see what I can do, but no pinkie promises
7346958 :D
7346958 GIVE US ANOTHER CHAPTER OR I WILL RIP OFF YOUR PINKIES AND TELL TWLIGHT YOU HATE KNOWLEDGE, APPLEJACK YOU HATE APPLE'S, RAINBOWDASH THAT SHES THE WORST FLYER EVER AND SHES A COWARD,FLUTTERSHY YOU RIP ANIMALS IN HALF, PINKIE PIE THAT YOU BROKE 100 PINKIE PROMISES, RARITY THAT YOU BURN DOWN FASHON STORES, CELESTIA THAT YOU DESPISE ALL CAKE PRODUCTS AND YOU DESTROYED ALL HER CAKE, LUNA THAT YOU DESTROIED THE MOON, AND SPIKE THAT RARITY WILL NEVER LOVE HIMMMMMM
..............so get done as fast as you can for the next chapter
7468110 dude... calm... down.
7468628 ok.........but I will have Santa watching you sleep
7469346 okay big guy, the next one is up. You can call off the ponies now.
7474289 hi
I like the story, but You really need to go over here chapters better.
"Afterward" not "after word"
"Wrote" not "Wrought"
Just to name a few.
7474289 ok there called off i sent my guardians what they look like they have a cross between spartin armor from halo- a ironman arc reactor but circular and thats the only part if the armor it has from the ironman suit and these guardians are like motherfucking goku fron dragon ball z they keep getting stronger and they dont stay down long but really love burritos
You know what it will be interesting? The return of the merchant, yeah he could give a clue to the princess of the brother of Sunset about the where about of Nebula. And how they can find him if they follow a clue.
the idea is a bit longer so tell me if you want a PM if you want to hear the rest
Also, PAYBACK is a bitch right CELESTIA?! Ha, ha, ha, sorry sorry, I know its mean but…come one after how sadistic, evil and over all MONSTROUS (no sorry there is no other way to put it, she was a royal monster) she was with Nebula, she more than deserve all the misery, that came her way with Blueblood.
Men I hope 1000 or so years, had teach her about her brother emotions and be a 'cool big sister' you know still pranking but to a lower scale be more kind to him and over all be a cool big sister that Nebula more than deserve now.
Oh boy if turns out that Nebula holds the key to shut up or control Blueballs once a for all I guaranty Celestia will kiss him in thanks for it.
P.S: I think it will be adorable if Nebula confused Applejack with Apple Slice and hug her thinking she is his long lost student
7930821 I honestly forgot about A LOT of the stuff that happened, including the displaced stuff. (gotta reread my own story now)
If you have an idea feel free to PM me at any time, it actual helps me get more chapters out sooner, even if I don't use the ideas in one.
As far as Tia is concerned, well Luna is the jealous type and I didn't want any Molestia's showing up. (By the Gods I hope I spelled that right.)
That's all your getting out of me for now. I'll TRY to get the next chapter out before the end of the month.
"Pinkie promise?"
"WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE!"
7931125
hi Pinkie.
Also sure, I will send something, it will be a bit difficult with the new character you add but maybe you can think of something to adapt.
7469346 you in contact with the elf? you know the one
noice lets grab on dat cash