Hello. I have been a member of the Brony community for the last three years. Hoping to post some good stuff and looking for feedback. (:
During Princess Luna's night court a mysterious white Alicorn colt is suddenly born through strange magic and thrown into Equestria. Luna saves his life and must decide upon the colt fate and place within Equestria. Torn between her royal duties,her past mistakes and her new found feeling of love and protection towards the mysterious colt,Luna finds herself at a cross roads.
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You need a new editor. There are a lot of punctuation errors.
Examples:
Needs end quotes. Blueblood is quoting the words, so you need to have a lowercase 'h'.
asks
Celestia
Well
cannot or can not. It is usually one word.
replied
Sentences end with a period.
Hope that helps!
Thank yo for the Tip. I will amend. (:
Good story can't wait to read more
I dont understand why this has been downvoted the way it has, sure ther are some error in the grammar and spelling but plz that shouldent matter so much that u cant go 2-3 chapters before downvoting. Are ppl really that negative towords alicorn storys or are they fearing that it will bee birth of superman that has no flaws or weaknesses ?.
I think its a solid start and will follow to see hove this developes.
We will need more chapters before a proper judgment can bee given.
Hey whens the next chapter i really like this story and i want to know just getting a little impatient with anticipation
Thanks for all the comments. I apologies in advance for the amount of time that has passed with no updates. I am currently writing the next chapter as my writers block seems to have cleared. I will post an update as soon as i can.
This could be an interesting story, but you would need to to avoid the typical pitfall of a human turn alicorn and adopted by one of the royal sisters; one of the most typical is that the writer are normally reluctant to developed the human personalty, as in not to put any actual flaws and to put them in any form of danger or to put then in difficult situations. The main trouble that I see in the writing is that sentences tend to be too long and would need to be broken down into smaller one.
I can already tell that Prince Blue***** is going to be a pain in the a** later on.
Keep up the good work.
6965998
Thanks for the Advice and support :)
6976346
Thanks for the comment. :)
This is interesting... but you really need to have both chapters reviewed and edited properly. They're suffering from tense-change and bad spelling/grammar. These are easy to fix, but it does detract from the story, fortunately not to the point where it makes it hard to read or destroys the story's lovely premise. Otherwise, a very good beginning. Keep it up.
I hope that this is being continued?