I hate my job. I hate my sisters. And I hate these GOD DAMN MARRIAGE REQUEST! Just how many times do I have to tell the same mare 'I'm not interested, go die in a hole already' before they get the message. Maybe if I started using those exact words? No that would only attract the those weird bondage types. Last thing I need is my sadistic older sister finding out about that kind of stuff.
Since I'm a stallion that means I am considered 'valuable.' Since I'm royal, that means mares think I'll will treat them like a spoiled princess. And since I'm an alicorn, apparently, my offspring will be on par with GOD. I have been hearing everything these mares could come up with to just so they could get in bed with me. It's even worse when they plan it out right in front of me and think I can't hear them.
Of course my sisters were of no help. If anything they just made things worse. The number of 'meet my friends' from Luna and random ponies laying in my bed from Celestia has been getting on my nerves. After a certain point, I started hearing a little rumor about a pony named 'Molestia' running around the castle. Tia thinks I had something to do with it, but their is no way I would ever do something as mean, and nasty, and evil, and perfect as that... Forget that last one.
The number of 'request' my sisters have been getting, while not as much, have still been a pain in the flank. (Still hatting these pony puns.) It's gotten so bad that we have decide to enact a law to help us out with this problem. It goes something like this:
1. Nopony(hate it) can ask to marry a member of the royal family.
2. Only a member of the royal family my ask another to wed them.
3. The royal family member may ask any being they so chose.
4. If a member of the royal family wishes to be wed. They must gain a majority vote from the rest of the family for it to be approved. The member that is asking to be wed will be counted as a vote for the marriage.
5. Only a member of the royal family or the family of the one being wed into the royal family is aloud to cancel the wedding(Think of the "Speak now or forever hold your peace" moment for that one.) If this is to happen, a reason must be given and another vote will be held at the time.
6. If a Divorce is wanted by either party, at any time, then the possessions will be sent to the family that rightfully deserves them. (If a noble marries in,(not to me) then a divorce is to accrue, then anything the noble bought using money from the royal treasury will be kept by the royal family. I am not about to let them break my sisters hearts and walk out with more than the shirts on their backs.)
7. Those who join the royal family will have the royal title, but will not have the power to create new laws, they can advise and suggest new ones, but can not create their own.
There are a few others but I can't quit remember them. These laws still caused a lot of trouble. Mostly from my sisters.
"Why the hay do we even needs these ridicules laws? It's not like we would marry somepony that doesn't truly love us."
"I told you three already, this will help us prevent somepony from marring into the family that will only want to abuse the power that comes with it."I kept trying to explained to my naive family. It was about a month ago they decided to start speaking in the 'royal WE.' Annoying as all Tartarus if you ask me.
"We would never be so foolish as to marry one who would do such a thing. We would know they were not right for us instantly." Tia tried to counter.
"You me like you old crush you thought would marry and live happily ever after? What happened to him again? Oh yeah, he was sent to the dungeon for killing Puddinghead, sent by you no less." I could tell I struck a nerve with that. "Look, I'm just trying to make sure that who you three marry isn't out to just use you for your title. How many marriage offers do you three get a day?"
"63." Platinum said.
"89." Came Celestia's response.
"128." Luna whispered.
"Now how many of those were from ponies you actually met?" All of there answers were in the single digits. "And how many of those would you take?" The answer was 84,925,489 times zero. For those who do't know, how did you pass your fourth grade math class? "See, I'm trying to make sure that you are sure that they're the one you want to marry when you are ready." That got them to listen to me.
I was able to get those laws approved after a certain point, and every noble did everything they could to try and remove or change them to better fit the nobles wants. I would say needs, but do they really?
Of coarse even a law like that has it's down sides. Since the laws basically say that the prince/princess chose who they marry, many different ponies show up to show off how perfect they are for one of us. I feel like a judge for the miss America beauty pagent. The only real difference is that they don't walk in wearing bikinis. During court, they walk in and give the whole who they are, what they like, what they're measurements are. With the way they dress, they really don't have to give that last part.
The worst ones are the parents that try offering up there six year old. One of us distracts the kid while the other two give death glares towards the parents. I don't think they ever get the message.
Since there aren't that many stallions around Celestia and Luna need to take a small escort of guards with them when ever they leave the castle. Me, I can't even walk out of my room without my own guards flirting with me. That means just looking out the window is enough to start a riot of mares demanding I go out with them. I've even had to double the number of guards I have around me at all times.
Some mares have even tried tricking, bribing, and black mailing me. One even took the toilet paper from my bathroom. That one forgot I could just teleport a new role to myself. It got to the point where they started trying to chase me with giant butterfly nets.
My sister even turned it into a sport. I forget what they called it, but the prize was to date me for a month. I had no say in that what so ever. They started a gambling ring for the hole thing. Stuff like how long before I was caught, who would catch me, what trap i would fall for. Yes, trap, like the kind used for HUNTING WILDLIFE. Some other countries have even joined in, guess who invited them. I've said it before and I'll say it again. I HATE MY FAMILY!