Scootaloo has been getting into arguments with her mother ever since she got her cutie mark, its stressing Dizzy Twister out, when she can't handle it anymore she goes to Twilight who has an Idea as to how she can handle this. While Dizzy Twister is gone for the week Twilight will be making sure Scootaloo learns to be more respectful towards her mother.
Contains diapers, wetting, and anything baby related.
Editor: Autum Breeze
2nd Editor: SuperpinkBrony12
Proofreader: SuperPinkBrony12
Chapters (6)
This is cute
Hehe.......
can't wait to see how this goes considering it reminds me of another one just like this
Not a bad start, if one views getting a cutie mark as the Equestrian equivalent of hitting puberty, then Scootaloo's behavior could make some sense. We already saw that Diamond Tiara got pretty cranky for a time after getting her cutie mark, though that was more because of personal issues with her family, and the trouble with her cutie mark was merely the icing on the cake.
Granted, I don't think Scootaloo would be so quick as to stop doing chores and yell at her mother, but I could see her starting to become a bit more rebellious and prone to anger, especially if she still has trouble with her wings.
Good work buddy (except for some misspellings), keep on going!
PS: I hope that story get you on excitement, since this is your first diaper Scootaloo and DIzzy Twister fanfic
More please.
6973926 i see it as a puberty thing a filly had a job as a nurse in one episode so a mark is kinda their way of growing abit.
6976035 True, but even if that's the case I can't see Scootaloo becoming completely lazy and rebellious. At worst, I could see her becoming more easily angered, and quicker to lash out.
I would recommend that you change the cover art. The artist, Kurikia, is rather insistent that his work is not to be used without permission. Haven't read the story as of yet, but I'm mentioning the cover art before I forget.
6976167 Actually I'm going to ask him or her before I do anything.
6976049 Don't worry there is a better reason for Scootaloo's actions, which Scootaloo tells why she acts that way in a future chapter.
6976167 K she/he said I can use it
I really don't feel like doing the tear-down, so I'll give the short and bitter version by saying the formatting is inconsistent, punctuation is lacking, there's an almost complete lack of style, the plot is Sanic-speed rushed, it's chock-full of stilted dialogue and descriptions, and there's just a general lack of polish and finesse.
Grammar is acceptable, though.
i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/001/080/829/d59.gif
6977317 If you dont mind me asking but what's stilted dialogue even mean? I've never heard that word used not once.
6977707
It means unnatural or awkward. Uncanny valley is, in a sense, the companion word for physical appearance, if you're familiar with that term.
6977815 How odd I've heard from many peoplo you can be quite rude/be a dick with you're reviews, but you dont really seem to act the way I've heard, maybe those peoplo just can't handle opinions?
6979035
It can depend a lot on how inspired I'm feeling at the time and whether I feel like putting in the time investment to be truly creative with my critique. In that case I wasn't really feeling it, jaded from so many mediocre stories that I couldn't summon the will to give it my all.
That said, I do try to keep the insults regulated to the story and not to the author, unless it's painfully obvious the author utterly failed to perform any sort of precursory check for legibility. Most writers can't separate their ego from their work though, and so they take it personally. Simply put, most people don't like being held to such standards as "Basic grasp of the English language" and "Capability of a third-grader".
But I digress, your lack of utter disbelief that I would dare to criticize your story is a good mark in my books. While your writing nay be in dire need of improvement, your willingness to listen to blunt comments about the story's shortcomings is promising. It means you understand there's room to improve and possess a desire to do so.
I wish you the best in your writing endeavors, and hope you put self-improvement at the higher end of your priorities. Remember, a good writer is a better reader; might I recommend the late Terry Pratchett's work to learn from?
Oh, and please forgive any minor typos, I'm writing this from my phone and the autocorrect can be a little aggressive at times.
Another Matt 11 story ,another diaper sadistic punishment story, another dislike from me
6980279
What's so sadistic about it and do you have some form of huge hatred towards me?
6980334 you gotta admit alot of your stories involve punishment involving treating whomever is being punished like a foal/baby and yes I would consider that not only sadistic but also abuse
6980402 If you don't like it then just dont read it, its that easy, and its fanfiction, not like its real.
6980421 I am well aware this is not real thank God it isn't also the comment section goes two ways positive comments and negative comments I was using my right to comment the latter if you don't like negative feedback you should not write stories
6980437 I dont mind negative feedback but the way you were saying it made you sound like a dick. if you could be more polite I wouldn't mind, downright saying you're going to dislike it as a comment is rather rude.
6980450 well I wasn't trying to be a dick but I hate to tell you the world is full of them so once more if you cannot handle assholes on the internet you probably should not write fanfiction
6980437 Bro just chill if it bothers you so Much just stop responding or if you have ssuch a huge problem stop reading that's about all I can say
6976035 and as for you Matt Just don't let it bother you dude people love your stories keep writing
6981946 I apologize for last night I went overboard and said things I shouldn't have
6982100 thank you now lets all get along
6982100 I am sorry as well, I might of been in a bad mood at the time, I should of just not bother replying to you're first comment.
6983502 I hate to be that guy buuuuut... You're-> Your
Edit: I figured out how to quote ponies.
6983889 Your and You're always confuses me, I never learned how and when to use them correctly, Blame my schools for never teaching me that.
6983945
Oh, well. Buck the schools then!
Okay, having now read the chapter, and having already made my presence known, I figure I'll perform some criticism. Here we go.
Dizzy Twister's worry about Scootaloo seems to be quite accurate as to the worries of a mother, although not being a mother myself I cannot say this with certainty. Scootaloo's reasoning, though upsetting to her mother, is sympathetic, appearing more to be mental and emotional exhaustion than actual misbehavior. This is, of course, not necessarily a problem with the story, and the punishment may in fact be an opportunity for her to recover. Then we run into some problems. Twilight's character is obscured by the demands of the story's premise, though I expect that to resolve shortly, but Spike seems out of character. Rather, Spike is not so much out of character than that he appears as an accessory, with his lines being spoken with none of his "voice", so to speak.
While for syntax I largely operate under the principle of You Know What I Meant, a few errors are of particular notice. There are seemingly random capitalizations of words that are distinctly not proper nouns. While certain styles do capitalize words, this is done in such a fashion that the words are treated as proper nouns. Referring to an angry commentator as A Stranger On The Internet, for example, is a sarcastic remark where the phrase is used as a personal name or title. Likewise, certain important words, such as capitalizing Justice or Kindness, is to say that it refers properly to the abstract concept or metaphysical entity rather than the trait if a specific person or event.
All said, your work is definitely improving.
first think in came in my head why Scootaloo act like was teenage rebellion age but then i read this line.
who the hell have been hang with to that to her? maybe Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon it rubbing off her?
key words you will
6973926 Are your panties in a twist in the slightest that this is your concept of a story? I'm referring to Act a foal, become the foal. I am aware Mat11 made the headcannon of Scootaloo being Dizzie Twisters daughter, but the similarities are unmistakable.
6983945
When will you update?!
7132091 Soonish, I have had a busy month, but next chapter so far has 500 words so expect it soonish.
Glad to be onboard, just give me a shout when you need my help again.
I especially look forward to when Starlight gets to spend some time with Scootaloo, maybe Scootaloo could use that time to tell Starlight about her group of friends and the adventures they have.
6983945 you're means 'You Are' while your is used when possession of another.
ie
Your
Is that your car?
You're
You're going to the tournament, right?
7422284 I'm actually looking forward for the Starlight chapter, she won't be changing Scootaloo but she will still kinda treat her like a baby, but maybe she will learn why she treated her mother the way she did, maybe they have some things in common.
7423647 I'm truly looking forward to Scootaloo and Starlight spending time together, it'll be interesting to see what they talk about and what they do.
doing stuff to scootaloo will affect life in the long run badly
1. he could run away
2. medical scarred rest of life.
3. become anti social
4. could end up kill herself
5.or could end in diaper her hold forget potty train..
7425588 Which is why Twilight's not going to take her in public like that, and why she didn't punish Scootaloo for taking off her diaper.
6980465 so your just gonna downvote all of his stories cause he likes to write about punishing ponies and putting them in diapers? Dude just don't read his stories it is so simple
7425640 but in long run by treat like that will cause any out come.
7425844 I understand your concerns, and yes treating her like that too much could cause long term damage. But notice how she still retains some independence, Twilight was mad with Scootaloo not because she slipped out of her crib, but because she had no idea where Scootaloo was and though she might be hurt.
7426832 You should try to respond more politely where possible, instead of swearing at him (or her). It won't make you look good if you respond to criticism with comments like that. Trust me.