Rainbow Dash always considered herself to be the coolest of the cool, the fastest pegasus in Equestria, and the bravest pony around. She had achieved her dream of becoming a Wonderbolt, had her own fan club, and even saved the world with her friends at least a dozen times now. But when a magical accident results in her waking up as a young filly one morning, Rainbow Dash suddenly finds her awesomeness to be a little strained.
With Twilight unable to break the spell for a while, the once proud mare must learn to get used to her new size and hopefully make the most of it. Unfortunately, her old fillyhood habits, insecurities, and immaturity that she had long since outgrown have made a comeback as well, making Rainbow's life that much more complicated. To make it even worse, those around her are finding it more and more difficult to take her seriously as an adult...
...And Rainbow Danger Dash does NOT need a babysitter!
Hm...nice.
Just a couple minor criticisms. One is I saw a couple of typos, but like I said, that's really minor. The other is the spacing between paragraphs. Most stories I've seen on this site usually have an extra space in between paragraphs, kind of like what I'm doing here. I've found it's easier to read when it's presented like that.
Other than those, I liked it. The characterizations were pretty spot-on, especially Rainbow Dash's reaction to being a filly again--it seemed pretty much exactly how she'd react in the show if this situation happened in it.
Good job for a first story; I will be tracking this.
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Well thank you very much! To be honest I totally forgot about paragraph spacing with Fimfiction. It's one of those things I've taken for granted. I'll go through and correct it. I'm really glad to know I've reached an audience with this and hope future chapters will be up to par with expectations. Thanks for the read!
7786187 You're welcome; this was pretty enjoyable!
I like where this is going! I hope to see some cute and funny (albeit probably pretty embarrassing) filly habits come out of Rainbow Dash. I would love to see more!
Rainbow Dash, where did a filly like you learn such a naughty word?
7786678 Probably from those shows that her mother told her not to watch.
Yes, I quite like this. Have a like and a fav.
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Well, thank you!
Interesting, I will be tracking this story.
I think you've got something really good going here. It's only two chapters in and I'm already starting to love this story. The writing style is good, everyone is in character, and the humor's pretty good, too. Like I said last chapter, it's quite good for a first attempt at a story!
Good chapter keep it up.
If I didn't know this was your first story going into it, I wouldn't have been able to tell. Good work, and I'm looking forward to more.
Hey, you gotta have some action to keep your readers invested. And I guess that should serve as motivation to all pegasi to make sure their young can swim much earlier than they currently can.
First story, and it got featured.
This chapter was quite entertaining. I can't wait for the next one. Poor Dashie.
I'm really loving this so far.
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I didn't get a chance to see it in the feature box before it was gone, but holy balls of fire I'm honored. I wasn't sure how well this story would be received, so I'm currently experiencing a bizarre mixture of pride and humility. I'm really happy to know people are enjoying it!
Hopefully I'll have a new chapter up by the weekend.
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I figured clouds are more likely to absorb water than they are to let it pool, so it wouldn't be uncommon for pegasi to not be familiar with swimming.
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Well thanks! It's made my day seeing that people like what I'm doing. Can't say it doesn't add a bit of pressure to keep it up, but it's a healthy pressure.
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That's a similar feeling that I've been getting with my latest story. It's both great and scary at the same time. But the important thing to remember is to enjoy writing.
Good start indeed, and I can't say I dislike the way this is going.
Might wanna check that text. If I'm not being too bold, I think you made an error.
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(thinks back to how he poured his heart out on his first story that wound up getting good ratings but never featured...)
*inhales*... Good to see talent being recognized. I had to constantly re-work my story before it was any good. By then it was too late to get into the featured box. Novel length stories really aren't what writers should start off with on sites like Fimfiction. /)
Like the premise. Looks like you are good at planning out details. It seems like it falls into the "youthenized" cliche but well handled. It isn't just "oh look, she's young again, now giggle" but actually exploring it(or at least it looks like it's heading that direction).
The conversations are a bit... "well that's where were heading" and "covering the obvious," but I suppose I can't expect a first attempt to be perfect. It may be a hard concept to wrap one's head around, but sometimes a character can say something indirectly through innuendo, posture, or other "reading between the lines" things left unspoken but still communicated, and the narrator can let the audience's imagination fill in the blanks as they put the scene together in their mind.
Hope my critique (...for lack of better word) helps.
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Thanks for pointing that out. Apparently GDocs tends to switch the html brackets when importing. I noticed it once before but fixed it almost immediately. Missed it this time. Got it fixed!
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Well thanks! I have an outline for the story that's admittedly still in progress but gives me a plan at least five chapters ahead. Many of the details come when writing when I think "Oh, yeah. That could work nicely" and I work it into the outline.
I thought about starting with a one-shot, but this story kinda pervaded my creative process more than anything else. So I thought I might as well do it. It's not my first time doing fiction, but it is my first time showcasing it to an audience. This is kinda a way for me to practice and improve.
The thing with writing a "youthenized" fic like you said is that a lot of the tropes are pretty much interchangeable between stories. The struggle is to use ones you've seen before and make them unique to your own story and learning when you just need to avoid something that would make it too similar to another. For instance, if you've ever read "My Little Alicorn", then you would remember the scene when the filly Celestia gags on what used to be her favorite foods. I almost did that with the soup in this chapter but couldn't figure out how to make it unique from InsertAuthorHere's work. So I scrapped it. I plan to put the picky eater trope in there in later chapters, but a bit more subtly.
Glad you're enjoying it! Thanks for the read.
Huh, my guess was Discord, but Starlight works too.
......... Damn it Starlight....
Well then...
I have a suggestion! Give the Alicorn Amulet back to Trixie and have her fix Rainbow! I'm a genius.
7796742 Nah, Discord would get stared down by Flutters too easily.
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I see absolutely no way that could go wrong.
7796964 Of course! It's perfect plan! The only way to make it better would be to involve sending Trixie with the amulet back in time to stop Starlight from casting any spells to begin with. Cause Time travel fixes everything... right? I mean Back to the Future did, Doctor Who (I think), Star Trek, it's perfect.
like the nachos in twilight time?
busted!!!!
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Discord would have put on a scene for this level of potential chaos, though. He does love an audience.
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To be honest, I'll probably avoid bringing discord in simply because I fear botching his character.
Ah, Starlight, somepony's in trouble.
Poor Dashie.
Double and
Here there is something missing.
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Amazing how I can re-read a chapter 3 times and still miss obvious typos. Thanks for pointing it out!
A few days!? You've gotta be kidding me!
badum tish
Anyone else looking forward to Scootaloo's reaction?
7816851 I'm stoked for Scootaloo's reaction.
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7816851 scootaloo should go to meet up with rd, and when she isnt there goes to twilights and finds little dashie.
7816713 LOL that was CHILDish of you.
7816851 It will be epic I'm sure. Big sister babysitter cutie mark!
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You two aren't foaling anyone.
7826946 Yes! The puns continue! We must continue the chain next chapter!
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englishatpachamama.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/eyyy.jpg
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Slowly working on it. Visiting family over the holidays tends to be a distraction. Promise I'll have it soon enough.
Thanks!
Haha i cant wait to see spitfires reaction when twi or starlight informs her of her star wonderbolts situation.
I was reading the description like, "Wait, is... Did Rainbow Dash get sent back in time to her filly body?"
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But then I finished and was like, "Oh, it's just another adult-turned-child fic..."
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It was a roller coaster.
Rainbow Dash shouldn't try to back out on Scootaloo, I think Scootaloo would love the chance to get to interact with her idol when she's closer to her age. And if Rainbow Dash really thinks Scootaloo's going to stop hanging out with her because she's been turned into a filly, she really doesn't know her number one fan as well as she thinks she does.
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One of the ideas I entertained before eventually writing this one was similar what you said. It was a young Twilight waking up in the modern time and freaking out about everything around her. Spike would have been a hatchling in her time, she wouldn't know any of her friends, she'd be freaking out about her family, and Celestia would be very confused. I marinated in the idea for a while until I decided that I couldn't get a good idea to progress the story that wasn't overly convoluted. Admittedly I only spent a small amount of time thinking about it before I decided to take this route instead.
I've read various "age-regression" stories and found that most were done more for the cute factor. I wanted to do something a little more serious I guess you could say. I wanted it to focus more on the social outlook of such an issue. I figured it would be a serious thing for everyone but pinkie pie and wanted to explore that with enough lightheartedness to balance it out. Hence why I didn't put a comedy tag on there (also because I suck at writing comedy).
I'd ask that you give it a chance, but I understand if you're not interested. I haven't read much of what you described, so maybe there's an open market there and you could write one yourself. Seems like a really interesting idea that I would like to see made.
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Pride does weird things to reason.
Don't worry, Scootaloo will show up soon enough.
You know, I'm pretty sure Twilight could smooth things over with the Wonderbolts, being a princess and all.