Scootaloo has done it, she might of lost her sister, all because she broke the last thing Dash's mother gave her, before she died.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 10th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen March 18th
Matt11
I'm a recently returned writer and plan to release alot of stories again.
Matt11
Joined 10th Jun, 2013 ·
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Not bad, but it's kind of rushed.
Your short description shouldn't look like this:
should look like this:
Now that's not great, but you get what I'm trying to say. Don't capitalize every word in the description. Only proper nouns and the first word that starts the sentence.
4755108 awhile back before I became a writer someone told me it was good to capitalize all of them heh guess he was wrong
4755093 I tried slowing it down alot but can't satisfy everypony
Some issues here and there, but overall good.
4755138 good I'll see if I can find someone to help with the issues
4755143 There are groups willing to edit if needed :)
4755185 I'm in a lot of editor groups but finding an extremely good editor is hard I don't even use pre readers any more they allways disappear
4755217 Sooner or later, they'll see that you need one and they'll answer the call.
Epic Ponyboy
4756402 glad ya like it
4756428 No problem I still wish you would make a story with a Oc
4756457 I will soon I got an OC now and I just need to make a good story for her
4756475 Her? Whats her name?
4756494 Sparkling but I call her Spark for short
4756526 Nice
4755093 So it was still good
4760693 Probably most of the story, it just feels incredibly fast paced. At least within the first act, it feels like more details could be added.
wow, i'm not so sure dash should be taking care of a kid if that's how she reacts to those kinds of situations.
4765270 I was the one who helped him write the chapter. We all can act horribly in times of rage, but as the feelings fade and logical thoughts return we try to make things better. Scootaloo did break the trophy that had her mothers ashes. Rainbow has every right to be pissed. If it wasn't something so sentimental she wouldn't have reacted so harshly.
4765544 Yeah. Though why she wouldn't think to maybe store the ashes in a more secure location kind of baffles me.
4765544 no no, the initial reaction i understand.it's when she goes and messes up scoots's room that i think she went to far. an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind, and all that good stuff.
Can there be more please?
4765831 Think of it this way: Rainbow Dash was in a full-blown rage. We have never seen Rainbow Dash in a full-blown rage, so we don't know what she would do. Let's look back at the characters we have seen in a full-blown rage: Fluttershy went near insane, and Twilight evolved into Rapidash. Think about it.
That's a very heartfelt speech from Fluttershy. Especially since she speaks from experience.
A very nice ending. It feels almost like it could be the epilogue of an episode of the show, to some extent.
I have Just one Question Can we Have a Squeal Please??
Self hating scoots is the sadest of all scoots. Not a bad story, it was a little rushed and there were some slightly ooc moments for dash and shy, but overall I enjoyed the read.
4812569 Hello. I'm the one wrote chapters 2,3, and 4. He said he needed help so I helped her fix up the first chapters errors and got some ideas of how to continue it.
I wasn't planning on making a sequel so it would have to be on the author to continue it, as I already have a long Scootaloo/Rainbow Dash story on my own page. Unlike this one it's done in a first person view which I think helps emphasize Scootaloo's personality.
Check it out if you liked my work on this story.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/169912/scootaloos-growth-from-baby-to-champion
4812885 glad you enjoyed it
D'awww
Delete the first "out" (marked).
There's a space too much after "she".
Shouldn't that be "teach you how to fly"?
I believe it should be "and then she would leave".
Repeating yourself.
There's a space too much after "taking"
.
Fluttershy isn't a thing. There's no reason to put "the" there.
I believe you're missing a word there.
4812885 I guess revenge-Dash was a little out of character, but why do you think Fluttershy was? She's very protective.
I was the one who wrote the last three chapters, and yeah it was a little rushed. He asked for help with the second chapter, and then I just wound up doing the rest. I didn't feel this showed my best writing. I guess I just didn't put a lot in because I already have a super-long Rainbow/Scootaoo fic on my page already, so I didn't want to go crazy on this one. I also had to work with the author's premise in the first chapter. Glad you enjoyed it anyway.
4814595 revenge dash was a little ooc in terms of "I am smashing your stuff because I want you to feel unloved". That's a bit heavy, i think even an angry dash would be more smashing her room out of anger as opposed to cruelty.
Fluttershy I thought was great right until she delivered the line "I will fight you right here". Even protective Fluttershy doesn't challenge people to fights and she certainly wouldn't do that to Rainbow Dash. The intent behind the line I was on board with, but I would have phrased it differently.
But like I said, overall I enjoyed it.
4812889
I have just finished Read that Fic and loved and just started the Squeal as well.
Yay! Happy endings!
4815272 Watch Magic Duel again. "If ANYTHING happens to them, Twilight, SO HELP ME...!" She threatened to beat up Twilight if anything happened to her animals from Twilight doing a performance with them, so there is show evidence to back it up.
4817795 4817795 I'm splitting hairs here. I'm not disagreeing that If Rainbow tried to force her way into the house Fluttershy would stand her ground. I do think there's a small but significant difference between the phrase "so help me" which is vauge-ish, ans explicitly saying "I will fight you". I thought Fluttershy's whole monolouge could have been effective if you just ended at I'm not letting you in.
I wish you would do more
4825895 you want more but I got no idea how I should continue besides Dash helping her fly meh I'll thank about it...
4826001
So the shit hit the fan more like the ashes dell to the ground
bad pun number 87
4814185 I noticed that too. It also says "we" at the end of the sentence.
So either "someone like me/I" or "ponies like us/we" would be suitable replacements.
Chapter 3:
I mean, I suppose "there's nothing" wrong with "randomly putting quotes" around parts of your sentence. Kind of weird though.
Chapter 4:
Add "right" after "things".
Lovely story.
4927314 Your pun is bad, and you should feel bad.
(Not really, but it's a nice Futurama refernece.)